Georgia directory?
- Thread starter heterotic
- Start date
- Status
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
I start saturday morning at 6am.
this is my all time favoite I have had it over two years and I still laugh everytime i read it.hope ya'll love it as much as I do 
> > > > > Subject: Hampster Trauma
> >> > >
> >> > > If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone
> >> > > > through the pet syndrome
> >> > > > including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish,
> >> > > > the story below will have
> >> > > > you laughing out LOUD!!!
> >> > > > Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.
> >> > > > Here's what happened:
> >> > > > Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell
> >> > > > me there was "something
> >> > > > wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds
> >> > > > prisoner in his room. He's just
> >> > > > lying there looking sick," he told me. I'm serious,
> >> > > > Dad. Can you help?"
> >> > > > I put my best hamster-healer face on and followed
> >> > > > him into his bedroom. One
> >> > > > of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,
> >> > > > looking stressed. I
> >> > > > immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called,
> >> > > > "come look at the hamster!"
> >> > > > "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute.
> >> > > > "She's having babies."
> >> > > > "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert
> >> > > > and Ernie,Mom!"
> >> > > > I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I
> >> > > > thought we said we didn't
> >> > > > want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
> >> > > > "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in
> >> > > > their cage,?" she inquired.
> >> > > > (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
> >> > > > "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I
> >> > > > reminded her, (in my most
> >> > > > loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
> >> > > > together).
> >> > > > "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
> >> > > > "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys,
> >> > > > ya know," she informed
> >> > > > me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
> >> > > > By now the rest of the family had gathered to see
> >> > > > what was going on. I
> >> > > > shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids,
> >> > > > this is going to be a
> >> > > > wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to
> >> > > > witness the miracle of
> >> > > > birth."
> >> > > > "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
> >> > > > "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to
> >> > > > do with a litter of tiny
> >> > > > little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
> >> > > > really do think she was
> >> > > > being snotty here, too. Don't you?) We peered at
> >> > > > the patient. After much
> >> > > > struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would
> >> > > > appear briefly, vanishing a
> >> > > > scant second later. "We don't appear to be making
> >> > > > much progress," I noted.
> >> > > > "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
> >> > > > "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
> >> > > > "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed
> >> > > > the foot when it next
> >> > > > appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared.
> >> > > > I tried several more
> >> > > > times with the same results.
> >> > > > "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to
> >> > > > know. "Maybe they could
> >> > > > talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here
> >> > > > with the females in my
> >> > > > house?)
> >> > > > "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
> >> > > > We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in
> >> > > > his lap.
> >> > > > "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
> >> > > > "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted
> >> > > > to him. (Women can be
> >> > > > so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to
> >> > > > me is one thing, but
> >> > > > this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
> >> > > > The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
> >> > > > peered at the little
> >> > > > animal through a magnifying glass.
> >> > > > "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested
> >> > > > scientifically.
> >> > > > "Oh, very interesting," he murmured.
> >> > > > "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately
> >> > > > for a moment?"
> >> > > > I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
> >> > > > "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
> >> > > > "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster
> >> > > > is not in labor.
> > > > > > In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is
> >> > > > a boy."
> >> > > > "What!?"
> >> > > > "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally,
> >> > > > as they come into
> >> > > > maturity, like most male species, they um.... er....
> >> > > > masturbate. just the
> >> > > > way he did, lying on his back."
> >> > > > He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know
> >> > > > what I'm saying, Mr.
> >> > > > Cameron."
> >> > > > We were silent, absorbing this.
> >> > > > "So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife
> >> > > > offered.
> >> > > > "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we
> >> > > > understood. More silence. Then
> >> > > > my vicious cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
> >> > > > And then even laugh
> >> > > > loudly.
> >> > > > "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not
> >> > > > believing that the woman I
> >> > > > married would commit the upcoming affront to my
> >> > > > flawless manliness. Tears
> >> > > > were now running down her face.
> >> > > > "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on
> >> > > > its... its... teeny
> >> > > > little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in
> >> > > > laughter once more.
> >> > > > "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the
> >> > > > Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled
> >> > > > the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was
> >> > > > glad everything was going
> >> > > > to be okay.
> >> > > > "I know Ernie's really thankful for wha you've
> >> > > > done, Dad," he told me.
> >> > > > "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing
> >> > > > into laughter.
> > > > > Subject: Hampster Trauma
> >> > >
> >> > > If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone
> >> > > > through the pet syndrome
> >> > > > including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish,
> >> > > > the story below will have
> >> > > > you laughing out LOUD!!!
> >> > > > Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.
> >> > > > Here's what happened:
> >> > > > Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell
> >> > > > me there was "something
> >> > > > wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds
> >> > > > prisoner in his room. He's just
> >> > > > lying there looking sick," he told me. I'm serious,
> >> > > > Dad. Can you help?"
> >> > > > I put my best hamster-healer face on and followed
> >> > > > him into his bedroom. One
> >> > > > of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,
> >> > > > looking stressed. I
> >> > > > immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called,
> >> > > > "come look at the hamster!"
> >> > > > "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute.
> >> > > > "She's having babies."
> >> > > > "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert
> >> > > > and Ernie,Mom!"
> >> > > > I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I
> >> > > > thought we said we didn't
> >> > > > want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
> >> > > > "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in
> >> > > > their cage,?" she inquired.
> >> > > > (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
> >> > > > "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I
> >> > > > reminded her, (in my most
> >> > > > loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
> >> > > > together).
> >> > > > "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
> >> > > > "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys,
> >> > > > ya know," she informed
> >> > > > me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
> >> > > > By now the rest of the family had gathered to see
> >> > > > what was going on. I
> >> > > > shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids,
> >> > > > this is going to be a
> >> > > > wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to
> >> > > > witness the miracle of
> >> > > > birth."
> >> > > > "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
> >> > > > "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to
> >> > > > do with a litter of tiny
> >> > > > little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
> >> > > > really do think she was
> >> > > > being snotty here, too. Don't you?) We peered at
> >> > > > the patient. After much
> >> > > > struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would
> >> > > > appear briefly, vanishing a
> >> > > > scant second later. "We don't appear to be making
> >> > > > much progress," I noted.
> >> > > > "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
> >> > > > "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
> >> > > > "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed
> >> > > > the foot when it next
> >> > > > appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared.
> >> > > > I tried several more
> >> > > > times with the same results.
> >> > > > "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to
> >> > > > know. "Maybe they could
> >> > > > talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here
> >> > > > with the females in my
> >> > > > house?)
> >> > > > "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
> >> > > > We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in
> >> > > > his lap.
> >> > > > "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
> >> > > > "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted
> >> > > > to him. (Women can be
> >> > > > so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to
> >> > > > me is one thing, but
> >> > > > this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
> >> > > > The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
> >> > > > peered at the little
> >> > > > animal through a magnifying glass.
> >> > > > "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested
> >> > > > scientifically.
> >> > > > "Oh, very interesting," he murmured.
> >> > > > "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately
> >> > > > for a moment?"
> >> > > > I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
> >> > > > "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
> >> > > > "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster
> >> > > > is not in labor.
> > > > > > In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is
> >> > > > a boy."
> >> > > > "What!?"
> >> > > > "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally,
> >> > > > as they come into
> >> > > > maturity, like most male species, they um.... er....
> >> > > > masturbate. just the
> >> > > > way he did, lying on his back."
> >> > > > He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know
> >> > > > what I'm saying, Mr.
> >> > > > Cameron."
> >> > > > We were silent, absorbing this.
> >> > > > "So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife
> >> > > > offered.
> >> > > > "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we
> >> > > > understood. More silence. Then
> >> > > > my vicious cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
> >> > > > And then even laugh
> >> > > > loudly.
> >> > > > "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not
> >> > > > believing that the woman I
> >> > > > married would commit the upcoming affront to my
> >> > > > flawless manliness. Tears
> >> > > > were now running down her face.
> >> > > > "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on
> >> > > > its... its... teeny
> >> > > > little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in
> >> > > > laughter once more.
> >> > > > "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the
> >> > > > Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled
> >> > > > the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was
> >> > > > glad everything was going
> >> > > > to be okay.
> >> > > > "I know Ernie's really thankful for wha you've
> >> > > > done, Dad," he told me.
> >> > > > "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing
> >> > > > into laughter.
atlgator
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2003
- Posts
- 338
Well Hello Everyone.. from that murky swamp I call home.. LOL
GG.. I saw lots of people in orange jackets. So I kissed them all.. well at least all of the women.. and only the women that had full sets of teeth... and only women between 19 - 50.. LOL
Bama.. kewl jokes... very funny... and sorry about the immature guy.. we are not all immature..
Silver.. how are you doing girl?? Hope your wrist is doing better. I am ready for that massage now. You will need both hands full strength for my massage... LOL
Vette.. good to see you back.. how is it going? You seem awful quiet.. is everything OK ?? Write me sometime..
Midga.. kissing the wrong girl .. wasn't the first time.. won't be the last time.. LMAO
Jay.. What's up man??? You really stuck in that bucket aren't ya.. LOL
SGA.... hey & welcome back... always glad to see ya back here.
Naughty... congrats on the job. I hope you enjoy what you will do. And I am still waiting on some attachments you promised me...
Dan
GG.. I saw lots of people in orange jackets. So I kissed them all.. well at least all of the women.. and only the women that had full sets of teeth... and only women between 19 - 50.. LOL
Bama.. kewl jokes... very funny... and sorry about the immature guy.. we are not all immature..
Silver.. how are you doing girl?? Hope your wrist is doing better. I am ready for that massage now. You will need both hands full strength for my massage... LOL
Vette.. good to see you back.. how is it going? You seem awful quiet.. is everything OK ?? Write me sometime..
Midga.. kissing the wrong girl .. wasn't the first time.. won't be the last time.. LMAO
Jay.. What's up man??? You really stuck in that bucket aren't ya.. LOL
SGA.... hey & welcome back... always glad to see ya back here.
Naughty... congrats on the job. I hope you enjoy what you will do. And I am still waiting on some attachments you promised me...
Dan
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Gator... Welcome back sweetie. Sorry I haven't sent you any attachments. Been kinda busy but I will send them soon.
Georgia Girl
Steel Magnolia
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 15,685
Good evening everybody
Guess what?
I'm typing with both hands and its not too bad.
I know not to overdo it but I'm tickled.
I hope everyone has had a great day.
Naughty ..... congratulations on the new job, I hope it goes fantastic.
Gator....sis in law said "Damn he's good"
Bama .... the jokes are great, keep them coming
to everyone, I'm a happy girl
Guess what?
I'm typing with both hands and its not too bad.
I know not to overdo it but I'm tickled.
I hope everyone has had a great day.
Naughty ..... congratulations on the new job, I hope it goes fantastic.
Gator....sis in law said "Damn he's good"
Bama .... the jokes are great, keep them coming
to everyone, I'm a happy girl
Georgia Girl
Steel Magnolia
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 15,685
The Mailman...
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Bob the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night." The Mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies," Actually we had it Saturday night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. " We had a about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for the Christmas Cheer and got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."
The Mailman thinks a moment and says, " How do you play that?" Bob continues between hung over gasps," Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The Mailman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds," your name was guessed four or five times."
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is cut short by Bob the homeowner coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night." The Mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies," Actually we had it Saturday night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. " We had a about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for the Christmas Cheer and got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."
The Mailman thinks a moment and says, " How do you play that?" Bob continues between hung over gasps," Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The Mailman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds," your name was guessed four or five times."
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Hope everyone has a good night. Sweet dreams!
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list.
Before long, the entire class was smiling.
"Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again.
She never knew if they discussed them after class with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.
The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends.
One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.
The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.
"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her purse and showed her frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times, " Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important.
Tell them, before it is too late...
I want you all to know you are important to me. I look forward to reading what each of you have to say each time I sign on.
love ya'll
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list.
Before long, the entire class was smiling.
"Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again.
She never knew if they discussed them after class with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.
The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends.
One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.
The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.
"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her purse and showed her frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times, " Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important.
Tell them, before it is too late...
I want you all to know you are important to me. I look forward to reading what each of you have to say each time I sign on.
love ya'll
Jayzan
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2003
- Posts
- 711
Good Morning
Bama, Even me? That is so sweet. I dont think anyone has ever said that to me before. I know I say some stupid stuff sometimes, but I'm glad someone likes to hear it. You know I look forward to reading what everyone says as well.
Yall know, I hear a lot of people comment on how many pages we have here. I'm new to the lit world by most standards, so I'm not sure how many pages are normal. I do know that when you find the kind of friends that we have here, There's no reason to spread yourself thin. I like the idea that my friends are always here, even if they take a small break. I wolud also like to thank all of you for making my life on this earth a little easier to deal with. Friends that stick together are hard to find, and I think we have some of the best people on the planet right here!!
Jay
Bama, Even me? That is so sweet. I dont think anyone has ever said that to me before. I know I say some stupid stuff sometimes, but I'm glad someone likes to hear it. You know I look forward to reading what everyone says as well.
Yall know, I hear a lot of people comment on how many pages we have here. I'm new to the lit world by most standards, so I'm not sure how many pages are normal. I do know that when you find the kind of friends that we have here, There's no reason to spread yourself thin. I like the idea that my friends are always here, even if they take a small break. I wolud also like to thank all of you for making my life on this earth a little easier to deal with. Friends that stick together are hard to find, and I think we have some of the best people on the planet right here!!
Jay
Georgia Girl
Steel Magnolia
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2001
- Posts
- 15,685
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto!
The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move ; and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the Duct Tape.
9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (so true)
11. Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.
12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
13. And Finally..! . Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto!
The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move ; and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the Duct Tape.
9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (so true)
11. Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.
12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
13. And Finally..! . Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!
crowdsurfer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2001
- Posts
- 1,232
Hi everybody
I've been here at lit for a while, but this is the first time I've found the GA thread, so I figured I'd introduce myself.
My name's Steve
I'm 23 years old
I'm a film Student
I live in Savannah, GA
5'10" 185lbs, long black and white hair, deep blue green grey eyes
Mr. happy yo ucan see in my avatar, on a down period
Have been trying to hook up with women and couples in GA to exchange mail, phone calls or maybe even meet up, no luck yet
But have enjoyed meeting peple from all over the place and talking to them. Would like to make some more lit friends on here!?
I've been here at lit for a while, but this is the first time I've found the GA thread, so I figured I'd introduce myself.
My name's Steve
I'm 23 years old
I'm a film Student
I live in Savannah, GA
5'10" 185lbs, long black and white hair, deep blue green grey eyes
Mr. happy yo ucan see in my avatar, on a down period
Have been trying to hook up with women and couples in GA to exchange mail, phone calls or maybe even meet up, no luck yet
But have enjoyed meeting peple from all over the place and talking to them. Would like to make some more lit friends on here!?
Two men are driving through Texas when they get
pulled over by a Texas Ranger. The cop walks up and taps on the window
with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the
cop smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Texas son. When we
pull you over, you better have your license ready when
we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and
he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the
passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK,
the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the
road you're gonna say to your buddy, 'I wish that
asshole would've tried that shit with me!'"
pulled over by a Texas Ranger. The cop walks up and taps on the window
with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the
cop smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Texas son. When we
pull you over, you better have your license ready when
we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and
he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the
passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK,
the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the
road you're gonna say to your buddy, 'I wish that
asshole would've tried that shit with me!'"
crowdsurfer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2001
- Posts
- 1,232
sure bama,
how are you ?
how are you ?
crowdsurfer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2001
- Posts
- 1,232
I'm ok I guess.......a little bored and loneyly........and looking around lit for the past hour has gotten me all worked up now too...........
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Good afternoon everyone! I hope everyone's day has been going well. I am just being a lazy bum today. Nice to do that every once in a while.
Crowdsurfer...Welcome darlin
Crowdsurfer...Welcome darlin
Dirty_Angel26
On my knees
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2003
- Posts
- 4,999
Jay .. Is that one better?
- Status
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