Happily Married But Sexless-- Anyone Else

[freakyandthensome]

Been married a long time, we’ve done the the professional help, we’ve talked about this issue and her unfulfilled promises to change. I’ve given up. At this stage of my life...it’s “cheaper to keep her”. Unless that big lottery win comes along, I’ll suffer and look for that partner on the side.

not alone on that one brudda; it could be a lyrics to a hit country song

 

[Jackba57]

I'm in a very similar situation. It hurts and I'm never sure what to do. She, however, would not accept me finding contact elsewhere. I feel like a shell of who I really am.

Very familiar. I don’t even get a touch or a hug. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me that way anymore. I mean she’s happy. Talks to me. We go places. I try to touch her just as old married people do and she avoids it. I wonder, she’s been negative towards any real show of affection for me since she had an affair. Like 36 years ago!

 

[Polranny]

Very familiar. I don’t even get a touch or a hug. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me that way anymore. I mean she’s happy. Talks to me. We go places. I try to touch her just as old married people do and she avoids it. I wonder, she’s been negative towards any real show of affection for me since she had an affair. Like 36 years ago!

That is so similar to my situation except it's 47 years ago!

 

[talkeasy5813]

I have wondered if that would help some people. It seems it does.

It’s been very helpful for me. My husband has less guilt and I have a lot more confidence.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Sexless - totally for more than a year, possibly 18mths!

Married - yes

Happily - mostly

 

[Yerkiddin]

We've been together just over 15 years. We had a sexlife going into the relationship, but when she started taking Depo-Provera, she had troubles with that med, until 10 months later she quit taking it. When she quit, she lost most of her interest in sex. We kiss, we cuddle, we touch, but we don't tend to have much by way of intercourse. I've been given permission to get BJs outside of our marriage, but I honestly wouldn't know how to ask for that. I have told her that if I never get to have sex again, I would still keep her, but that it would be nicer to have her and sex too.

 

[BooksNBrawn]

18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself.

 

[Forest_Fun]

18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself.

I can’t even imagine how that situation must be for you, considering your history.....

 

[skirt_chaser]

Sexless - totally for more than a year, possibly 18mths!

Married - yes

Happily - mostly

Same here....but sexless for so much longer.

 

[Feistygirl13]

18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself.

Just want to send you and your wife understanding and empathy for a most difficult situation. I hope that you both will be able to provide some comfort to each other in the meantime, in whatever way feels safe.

 

[BooksNBrawn]

Just want to send you and your wife understanding and empathy for a most difficult situation. I hope that you both will be able to provide some comfort to each other in the meantime, in whatever way feels safe.

Thanks very much.

 

[julybaby04]

18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself.

I know ...exactly...how you feel.

I think I am, perhaps, the female version of you.

I will offer this...you are in a difficult season. You are doing the right thing by staying by her side. No doubt she is fearful. She obviously finds comfort in the familiar and that is you.

I can promise, that when her life is in those last days...neither you nor she will care about the struggles, the arguments, the lack of sex, etc. All that will matter is that she ends her life with the man she fell in love with and is sitting beside her...and all that will matter to you is the love you both shared.

This is a season of hurt and heartbreak...but you are exactly where you should be. May God bless you both (and you will come out of this much stronger..I promise!)

 

[Snowbunnie12]

Been together for 15 years... the spark hasn’t faided but raising a family defiantly has an impact on my wanting to be intimate. I understand it’s a two way street, it’s not always about sex but keeping his head high when he is down or cuddling on the couch watching trash TV letting him keep his hand on my ass (in my shorts) keeps that drive alive. It’s not always about sex, if we gave it up all the time what worth does it have? Half the fun is being pursued for me. He has to “wooo” me in some way. Ps he still gets it 3-4 times a week

 

[BooksNBrawn]

Very wise words, I appreciate everything you said, and you're right.

 

[julybaby04]

Very wise words, I appreciate everything you said, and you're right.

...been there...

 

[Snowbunnie12]

Not sure if any one else does this but he absolutely loves using my butt as a pillow... still don’t get it but I go with the flow if it appeases him on nights I’m “not in the mood”

 

[Spiritedlady]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

Oh my goodness! My heart goes out to you. I don’t know what else I can say to offer encouragement or support.

 

[skirt_chaser]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

Good luck in finding that resolve and some satisfaction.

 

[Jade1Tiger7]

Lack of Communication

In a nutshell, our sex life was dwindling after only 3 years of marriage. And then I was diagnosed with cancer. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind of surgery (complete hysterectomy), recovery, and chemotherapy. The physical pain was terrible but the lack of physical touch and emotional support from my husband drove me batshit crazy.

The day after my surgery, I was horny as fuck! I thought once the doctor gave me the green light he and I would hit the sheets. Especially after 8 weeks of him barely patting me on the shoulder when he would come home from work. (And occasionally groping my breasts in front of my mother who stayed with me during the first 3 weeks post surgery. That shit doesn’t count by the way. Don’t do that. It only pisses me off.)

Anyway, it’s was so bad I asked him “do you even want to be married?” Then I read (horror) stories and comments written by other women in sexless marriages. (Ten years and no sex?! Fuck that.) So I have been steadily, patiently, talking with my husband. He is a great listener but terrible at changing. I keep plugging away though. I’ve used a mixture of emotional and logical arguments. I let the tears flow when they hit me otherwise I get choked up keeping them at bay. Slowly the physical intimacy is coming back. The most progress was made over this past weekend. I made it clear that I missed his smell. I asked him when would sex be back on the menu. He said may 2-3 months. I replied I am not waiting for you. I am not wasting anymore time. Afterward, He actually slept in the bed with me, cuddled close, and then groped my breasts sans audience the next day.

But now he is on a business trip for work. He will be gone for almost a month, traveling to various countries in Africa. I, meanwhile, am determined to do what’s best for me. I have actually been ramping up for two weeks in an attitude of “fuck him, I’mma do me.” (i.e., listening to happy break-up songs, getting back to reading stories on Lit, spending more time with family and friends, pampering myself.) Basically ignoring him in the most respectful and loving way I know how. (Cuz I really just want to cuss him the fuck out, but more flies with honey, right?) He has responded by apologizing with flowers when he makes mistakes and buying me small gifts. It feels good, but we’re not quite there yet.

Now I want to spend the next month making new friendships with women and men, going to new places, and trying new things. I am done waiting and I meant it. I am going back to my previous M.O. I told him when we were dating, if he wanted me, he would have to catch me because I wasn’t slowing down my life for him. (What the hell happened, right?!)

I am hopeful things are turning in the right direction. But I am also planning for the worst.

 

[Polranny]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

It's been longer than that for me. Lit resolves some of the angst

 

[HampshireBoy]

18 months sexless here, before that it was maybe once per year for a few years, before that 6 months...etc... She was divorced when we married, my first wife passed away (breast cancer). She finally admitted that he thinks sex is disgusting. After talking about this over and over and over and over...I'm sure others can relate, I decided to leave and had a plan for be ready to move out this past March. Well February comes and we find out she has late stage colon cancer, they did a biopsy and that showed that it's not affected by current chemo treatments, at least not enough to make it work the misery. Only the oldest would work at all, and that one won't do much. Also the largest tumor is at the intersection of three nerve bundles and three arteries, making it non-operable.

So now I'm staying, at least for the time being.

Doesn't make the relationship better, but I have to be able to live with myself.

My heart goes out to you both, an awful situation for you both and most people will understand. At times like these caring people will step up to support someone they care for. It shows what a good man you are and your wife will surely appreciate it too.

 

[trojank]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

8 years....fckn ell really, with a body like yours ?

 

[Parmajack]

That Isn't Something to Tolerate

Sounds to like something strange going on with your hubby and your relationship. Have you considered asking your medical doctors for recommendation regarding psychological counseling.
If he wont consider it you owe it to your self to get some help to deal with trauma you both have experienced.

 

[MaleMid50sUK]

Being on Lit is actually a double edged sword for me. I enjoy the attention I get and I have Lit friends I play online with but hearing about other people’s sex life is absolutely torturous ( I can barely stand it) I know we’re all different and for some people twice a month counts as sexless but for me it’s eight years and I don’t actually know how I’m going to resolve it.

Only been 3 years for me so can't imagine what 8 years is like but we all find coping methods. Hope you find yours and if I could help I would x