Happily Married But Sexless-- Anyone Else

[Mtnmike]

I get it...or don't, rather. He was never big into sex. I didn't think it mattered, but it does. I'm too young (38) to give up on that part of my life.

It is a rarity that a man is not into sex, sorry for your predicament. She stopped having sex over 11 years ago & has no desire to seek help . If you'd ever like to vent about it, I'm a good listener.

 

[basic_desires]

It is a rarity that a man is not into sex, sorry for your predicament. She stopped having sex over 11 years ago & has no desire to seek help . If you'd ever like to vent about it, I'm a good listener.

Interesting responses as they all ring true. My wife completely went off sex at least 10 years ago. We put it down to her thyroid medication because she lost interest around the same time she started that. Before that it was a long slow decline from when our last child was born, but there was at least some interest. But after 33 years together we have other bonds that keep us...

 

[Bossman1991]

The drought continues

Has anyone else had long sexless times after having a baby? My wife didn't want to be intimate during her pregnancy and now that our baby is nearing 8 mo she still has no desire. It's been over a year without any sex and I don't see any change in sight... I have heard that there can be body image issues and stress after having a baby but wouldn't having your husband be attracted to you help overcome that?

 

[NotYourKnight]

Happily Sexless?

Not really happy that we don't have sex. Happy with my wife in most other ways. I've found a lot of enjoyment with other women online.

 

[mijbob79]

sexless

As we have grown older the sex has died down. When we first met in our forties had lots of sex. But now as we both are reaching 60 she has no interest in sex. Me I am horny most of the time. So jack off a few times per week. And every once in a while get some on the side. She could never know. Have had thoughts of trying bi sex the last coupe of years.

 

[99Freedom]

I get it...or don't, rather. He was never big into sex. I didn't think it mattered, but it does. I'm too young (38) to give up on that part of my life.

I think that’s where we struggle. The idea of giving up that part of our lives. It’s especially difficult if was a big part at one time.

 

[basic_desires]

... but wouldn't having your husband be attracted to you help overcome that?

Unfortunately not necessarily, see my reply above yours. Once our children were born it got less and less. It can go either way it seems, I have heard of women who were insatiable after the birth of a child, and for others their sole focus becomes the baby.

 

[afriendg]

I get it...or don't, rather. He was never big into sex. I didn't think it mattered, but it does. I'm too young (38) to give up on that part of my life.

It matters...sometimes you don’t even realize it until many years have gone by, and you have other reasons to honor your commitment. But I can tell you from experience, if he’s not much into it now, it’s not going to get any better

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Each relationship is different, each person's attitude and interest in sex is different, that it is impossible to really come up with any generalized "reasons why" - even if the outcome is the same, a sexless marriage, often with one partner extremely frustrated.

It's been well over ten years for me since I've had sex with my wife. Too much water under the bridge now to even imagine rekindling that, despite having a fairly strong marriage otherwise. The lack of sex used to creep into our relationship and caused tensions, then I looked elsewhere and now life just goes on. In some ways, the affairs allowed me the release/intimacy I needed making the marriage bearable and thus surviving as it has. If it weren't for the affairs, we probably would have divorced - not sure which would have been a better path, it is what it is...

 

[Tampafel]

I’ve found my people!

It’s not just the sex I miss, I miss flirting. I miss teasing. I miss whispering in her ear while we’re in public to make her squirm. I miss the connection that the sexual part of our relationship gave us. It’s been really difficult.

 

[Chillygirl]

I’ve found my people!

It’s not just the sex I miss, I miss flirting. I miss teasing. I miss whispering in her ear while we’re in public to make her squirm. I miss the connection that the sexual part of our relationship gave us. It’s been really difficult.

^^this!

 

[southerngirl5577]

And I thought I was having it rough with 2 yrs and 10 months

 

[NEOhio1972]

And I thought I was having it rough with 2 yrs and 10 months

Ouch.....got me beat. You have my sympathies....

 

[Liger0257]

I truly wish you all the best of luck and strength with your struggle.

I wish I had the strength some of you do. I divorced my wife of 10years. We had no sex or love for almost 6years. We slept in separate beds, hugs were lifeless, and kisses were bland without passion. I still love her this day, but I couldn't survive without the passion, as you have said the feel of heat from another body pressed against you. I grew weak and decisions made.

To those who are still fighting, I cheer you to find your ways to fill those voids and keep the love you still enjoy. The alternative is not always better, and the pain could last longer than you ever know.

New friends, I wish you the best in your journey

 

[Tampafel]

^^this!

Glad to know I’m not alone.

 

[mab2017]

reply

I’ve found my people!

It’s not just the sex I miss, I miss flirting. I miss teasing. I miss whispering in her ear while we’re in public to make her squirm. I miss the connection that the sexual part of our relationship gave us. It’s been really difficult.

I think that for women who aren't interested in sex anymore there's a real struggle. They don't want to participate in the flirting, hand holding, touching, light kissing, because they don't want to get the man's hopes up. If their bodies just aren't responding sexually anymore, it's really hard to engage in the part-way behavior because they don't want to let you down when they aren't able to go all the way. I think the frustration and difficulty is on both sides.

 

[MaleMid50sUK]

Not been on Lit in a while but it does help a little to read other peoples stories.

Its very sad but knowing you are not alone does helps a little. I have lost track of how long its been but must be getting towards 5 years now. Initially a menopausal problem then other health issues.
We love each other and are happy in all other aspects of our lives.

But I chat online, watch or read porn as & when I can and please myself. Would I go with another woman? I honestly don't think I would be able to stop myself if the chance came up.

Due to the global pandemic, its not likely anytime soon though so if any ladies are looking for an online relationship to ease the tension, please drop me a message.

Thanks to all for sharing and take care

 

[Lone9653]

Sexless marriage caused adultery

When I was with my extramarital partner I found there was a lot more that I missed being with a “partner” than the proverbial round peg in round hole interaction.
It was insane when a waitress or someone would comment how cute a couple we made and since we were both mature in our ages, they only assumed we had been together for a long time. Being kissed back. Feeling a hand on my lower back. Hearing phrases like “I can’t wait until we get back to our room.” Feeling appreciated and wanted. Desired and lusted for. I missed all of that just as much as the physical actions of intercourse.

 

[Mtnmike]

And I thought I was having it rough with 2 yrs and 10 months

I feel your pain. Over 11 years & counting for myself, tried everything, nothing worked so bout 2 years ago I just gave up all hope. Pm if you ever need someone that understands your situation, no judgment just a friendly ear.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

When I was with my extramarital partner I found there was a lot more that I missed being with a “partner” than the proverbial round peg in round hole interaction.
It was insane when a waitress or someone would comment how cute a couple we made and since we were both mature in our ages, they only assumed we had been together for a long time. Being kissed back. Feeling a hand on my lower back. Hearing phrases like “I can’t wait until we get back to our room.” Feeling appreciated and wanted. Desired and lusted for. I missed all of that just as much as the physical actions of intercourse.

Yes to this and the others who point out that more than, or at least as much as the actual sex, I miss the flirting, the playing around, the eyes sparkling with lust, the panting of desire, the simple touch, the anticipation...

 

[fullservice65]

It truly is about more than sex.
Maybe we simply were never compatible and the sex shielded that.
Now that the sex isn't there, the idea that we're living separately together certainly applies - no touch, no embrace, no flirting even. I am certainly not my younger self, but I have many years left to give to someone who cares.

 

[LemonLimeBitters]

I understand how you feel

Most times I feel fine but every now and then, a trigger here and a trigger there and I'd start to cry.
Like many posts before mine, it's the loss of intimacy that I mourn. I can't remember the last time we kissed on the lips, or me being held in his arms, embraced from behind or even held hands. Nothing. Almost no physical contact unless I beg for it. Then it becomes a chore, a burden, and thats just for a single kiss. And when he wipes his lips after kissing me, my heart aches and bitterness fills me.
I sometimes wonder how this came to be. Losing interest in sex is one thing, but why all the other physical interactions?
I know I will find no answer here. This is just to say, I know how you feel. I understand.

 

[IASFPWTF]

Yes, while I understand that for some people a dramatic decrease in sex or physical contact might be enough to ruin their overall satisfaction with the relationship-- those aren't the folks I was appealing to in this thread, Vman.

Marriages are fairly unique to the individuals and very complicated. I do love my partner very much and we are a terrific team in most things, however, in this one important aspect of our lives we have diverged. It's an important one but so are many other elements of a marriage and any of them can change, ebb and flo so no I don't consider myself unhappily married-- just very frustrated over a specific need.

This pretty well describes my situation too.

 

[ronbb33]

Curious to know what people think has been the root causes(s) of their sexless marriages.

 

[IASFPWTF]

Thanks Feistygirl13 for sharing. It is difficult to explain to someone not going through the same how it makes you feel. I have talked many times to my wife about it but nothing changes and im made to feel like I am asking for the world in reality Im being asked to switch my emotions desires off just because someone else doesn't want the same thing. I no longer talk about it to her but deep down I long for some affection.

Exactly! Same here