How did you get started?

[cookiecat]

Just curious how you got started in BDSM? Are you an online kinkster only? Have you made the leap to real life?

 

[Blue]

I just naturally gravitated toward it over a few years.
Not much of an origin story.

 

[SpunThings]

Just curious how you got started in BDSM? Are you an online kinkster only? Have you made the leap to real life?

My first boyfriend happened to be the perfect fit for me. Getting to know each other we learned over time through discussion of fantasies we were into the same stuff. We explored together over time.

 

[clistenovena]

My first college boyfriend tied me up once and said things and did things.................

Sorry, got lost in thought there for a moment.

And that's how it started for me.

 

[cookiecat]

I just naturally gravitated toward it over a few years.
Not much of an origin story.

Did you gravitate toward it because of stuff you read? Because of a person in your life? What you saw online?

 

[cookiecat]

My first college boyfriend tied me up once and said things and did things.................

Sorry, got lost in thought there for a moment.

And that's how it started for me.

Glad it brought up a good memory!

I think I need to add another part to the question.... which is: how did you decide this is something you wanted in future relationships?

I had a similar experience in college -- but after him, I didn't think a lot about it. I knew I liked rough sex, being tied up. But I didn't think of myself as submissive until many years later.

I'm not sure how you identify (sub, bottom, switch, etc) -- but how did the letters in bdsm "stick"??

 

[cookiecat]

My first boyfriend happened to be the perfect fit for me. Getting to know each other we learned over time through discussion of fantasies we were into the same stuff. We explored together over time.

Did this experience give you that "aha" moment where you decided you wanted this stuff in future relationships?? Or did you - as Consilience mentioned - just gravitate to it after this?

 

[Ananya2017]

Lost virginity to a older guy when I was 19. He was 43, tall and had good strength. He started with nipples biting and pulling. Biting my clits. And hard fucking, made me squirt. I became his slave from that time. Now he is my husband. We are gonna enjoy forever.

 

[SpunThings]

Did this experience give you that "aha" moment where you decided you wanted this stuff in future relationships?? Or did you - as Consilience mentioned - just gravitate to it after this?

I don't remember an aha moment. I don't think I had too many expectations for how intimacy would work for me. It was more of a gradual exploration. I was in the first generation of teens to have the internet, so I knew about BDSM very early. I think it was a gradual realization that what I was into was BDSM. My first fantasies involved restraint and non-consent, and were not PIV sex centered initially for a long time. It's all I've known.

 

[SpunThings]

Oh, and my first boyfriend is my only partner, now husband. I have no clue how I would have handled looking for a new partner if we hadn't lasted. Eventually I knew I couldn't be with someone who wasn't into the stuff I'm into, but I'm not sure when that knowledge materialized in my head.

 

[clistenovena]

Glad it brought up a good memory!

It did. Quite so. Thanks for that.

how did you decide this is something you wanted in future relationships?
I'm not sure how you identify (sub, bottom, switch, etc) -- but how did the letters in bdsm "stick"??

BDSM
Those two bold letters mean Dominance and submission to me. That "stuck." Beyond the ropes and crops and even bruises, the Dominant/submissive dynamic resonated deeply. While I've had to figure out (and struggle with) how that works (and doesn't work ) within my relationship, I know it's the key to a very special door I'll always seek to unlock.

Bruises are just a bonus.

 

[yellowrocket]

I think I need to add another part to the question.... which is: how did you decide this is something you wanted in future relationships?
I'm not sure how you identify (sub, bottom, switch, etc) -- but how did the letters in bdsm "stick"??

To the first, I didn't know I wanted it as a big part till I found a truly submissive woman. There was something intoxicating about her discription how a hand in her hair behind her head made her melt. The way she leaned in to my hand and sighed as she spoke. The way she was and is so eager to please me sexually. The drive and enthusiasm she puts in to it.

To the second question I learned bondage dominance slave and master originally. That turned me off to it. Over the years as I learned more I've grown to understand some of the psychological aspects of it, and it appeals a great deal to me. My 2 relationships are different. One is with a sub that feeling of someone giving is what lead me to really start digging in to it. My other os with a woman who is usually dominant, but our first time together I took the lead, she's often let me have my way, and is eager to please me. There are times I give up control to her, and it's an amazing feeling to let her be in charge because she is skilled at being dominant.

Did you gravitate toward it because of stuff you read? Because of a person in your life? What you saw online?

I gravitated to it as a way to keep things fresh in the bedroom in the last year. Now, it's more about a type of bedroom behavior. Neither relationship is exclusively bdsm, but there are parts on both. And as I wrote above, they've lead me to explore it on another level.

 

[MeekMe]

Looking back, I had several opportunities to figure this stuff out, but was really too shy (repressed maybe?) to actually do anything. Long before sex was apart of my thinking, I had interesting fantasies in my mind.

I think what kept me away the most was the first set of people to even mention BDSM around me. They were total creeps about it. There was a woman that happened to be a masochist in the group of friends I ran with and she projected the personality of a domme onto me, eventually I guess she talked about it enough that one of my friends mentioned it to me. He said she really wanted me to do sadistic things to her (MeekMe had an angry destructive past). It felt creepy and I was a bit mortified that I was being talked about like this in my group of friends. Needless to say, she wanted me to be her ideal so she assumed I'd be a d-type, she was REALLY REALLY WRONG.

So yeah, BDSM people = fucking creeps in my mind and I didn't want to be a fucking creep. So I didn't do anything about my leanings. Beyond asking my boyfriend (now husband) to tie me up, which was really unsuccessful. Most of the things I think were fairly unsuccessful and I was willing to let things go. :shrugs:

Fast forward, married, kind of interested in "weirder" porn (this is a slow progression of like 10+ years of me not wanting to be a creep). More and more I'm interested but fuck all if I'd ever say anything about it or actually look into it. I meet a guy through work. He's a client, and he has a lot of the same interests as me and is looking for a gaming group. Neat, my group needs more people, we meet at a bar. He meets me there and we have a beer before the group shows up, he's a chill dude. I ask if his girlfriend is interested in joining. He corrects me, "she's my girl, not my girlfriend." I'm fucking lost and it's all over my face. So he tells me that he's open about it for several reasons (made sense to me) and gives a short, non-wankfoddery description and comes off as not being a fucking creep. Mind blown.

You mean people do this and they aren't total asses about it?!

I came here and did a lot of my own exploring before asking my husband if he'd like to try some stuff. I'll point out that, being here is probably what helped the most. When I got here the forum was fairly serious, things were in their appropriate places and people talked about real life and it didn't feel like the other porn boards/sites that gravitated towards wankfodder. It felt like real people with full lives that just happened to include kink. I needed that view point.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

I really didn't like to be tied up or held down. But first my husband then his friends talked me into light bondage where I could get free if I wanted. After they did things over time I realized being held down or tied was my excuse for letting them do things I'd rather not do.
Now I love it but only with people I can trust. Evan tickle games are fun. Just don't tickle my feet.

I forgot to say I was reading things on another adult site and got turned on with the bondage pictrures. I believe that was when I let things happen.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

I've always been a deviant, but I was fortunate enough to meet a person ( and subsequently many people ) while I was still young that showed me that, at least this part of me, wasn't so strange at all...

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MastersDelight]

You know our story Cookie but I'll post again for lurkers.

My Master and I have known each other since middle school. We started dating after high school, we've been together 7 years and married for 4.

We never had "normal" sex. It was always kinda rough, animalistic, complete with hair pulling, spanking, light bondage, and biting. He was always naturally dominant in bed, and me submissive. I liked to play fight with him, scratch and bite him to kind of urge him to be more forceful, my fighting always turned him on.

I read 50 shades when it came out and there was all the hype going on. I found Mr. Grey to be a bit misogynistic, over confident, and not someone I would personally put my trust into. Anna was... Stupid. But remove their relationship and looking JUST at what they did in his "red room" and I was intrigued. I wanted to try those things, the thought of pain made me tingly. The idea of total loss of control was very appealing to me. I honestly thought the D/s lifestyle depicted in the book was made up. I never realized it was something people actually did. So I didn't pursue it. I tried to get my Husband to read the books, he had zero interest. When the movie came out I managed to drag him to it. His light bulb switched on. He wanted to try the things we saw, so we started exploring. I discovered I LOVE pain, and he realized his Sadism. I asked him about fantasies and he divulged his desire for consensual non consent or "rape play". It was something he hid away for YEARS, afraid of why he wanted something like that, and afraid of what I would think. I like to be informed, and know the "right way" to do things so I looked into his fantasy. I found Lit and a plethora of knowledge and I quickly scrambled out of my vanilla box, realizing the rules, the hard and soft limits, D/s, was not made up for that stupid book but was something people lived by. And we haven't looked back.

 

[SalvDali]

Easy for me to remember because it started so recently.. I have been married to my wife for 14 years. My wife had been reading all kinds of irrotic literature. For a while I think she was embarrassed to tell me it interested her. Then when 50 shades of grey (The Movie) hit DVD she immediately got it at Redbox and asked me to watch it with her.

Seeing how I reacted to that made it more comfortable to start the conversation. I was pretty timid about it at first and she would have to tell me what she wanted me to do to her. It didn't take much of seeing how a little bit of pain and being forceful with her in bed changed the dynamics between us in the bedroom and I was sucked in.

She specifically expressed interest in nipple clamps so I went to the local "toy" store and came home with a set and our first restraints (these were so cheap they broke with one use) and here we are now. I am still a bit "conservative" with what I am ready to do to her but the open communication is there now and neither of us has and reservations about bringing up anything. We have even (based on something I read on a thread here) started a journal where we write to each other about what we want from each other and to do to each other.

I have to say it is amazing to discover BDSM with someone you are madly in Love with already. I really have no clue how deep we will fall into the rabbit hole but I look forward to every step further into it we go..

Thank you to all of you for sharing your experiences and opinions on these forums. This has been a hell of a education for me so far and I don't think I even scratched the surface of the knowledge and experience here. I am grateful to have such a place to come to look for information and ask questions and not feel judged.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[SalvDali]

I am working on getting her in here. I have been sharing so much with her that I have learned here. She also knows that this place has made it easier for me to make this transition. I have just mentioned and have not really asked her to jump in here yet but I am going to work on that. Definitely a good group of people in here.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MastersDelight]

Maybe just reading with you at first.

Initially I liked to use the picture threads to help advise G as to how I would feel aroused. I described it like a menu...
' this, with a side of this, this and this, may this to finish if still hungry? '

Hahahahahaha! That's hilarious, I love it. A BDSM menu.

 

[staciliv]

Just curious how you got started in BDSM? Are you an online kinkster only? Have you made the leap to real life?

I worked in a dungeon, as a Domme. It wasfun, and made me think about it. I realized Id dreamed of being a mans property, his slave, for years. So here I am.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Like Elle, my husband and I share this user name and everything else.
I never was interested in his computer and sure can't type. We were not interested in porn sites. For some reason he got bored and joined a few then ended up here on Literotica.
Since we do everything together I got interested in bondage pictures and other games. I was mostly a one man woman except for some touchy games. Realizing there were girls more than 50 years younger doing those things I decided I'd like to try a few while I still can. Also reading about so many doing things we only dreamed about made me realize it must be normal.
Thanks to Lit and the members my life has changed.

 

[Primalex]

Just curious how you got started in BDSM?

I got a hard-on as minor when I watched Silvana Gallardo being raped in Death Wish 2.


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