How to handle being ugly

[hook848]

As to those of you who want to find a woman with a soul. For Christ's sake, would you dig yourself out of your self-pity for just a FEW seconds, and realize that there are a LOT of women out there who are looking for a man with a soul, too, but their own self-confidence is what impedes them? There are a lot of women out there who would like to date you, but they've been raised in such a way that they have to wait for the man to ask. (I was raised this way).

Nothing in this life is going to happen FOR you. You have to make happen what you WANT to have happen in this life.

So get off your ass and go!

Best of luck to you all.

Citadel,

This was the best piece of advice given. And a lot of other women posted honestly and with sensitivity for your sake. I would think twice about throwing it back in their face if you want any respect here on Lit.

This is a great thread and it may help people more than we know. Its helped me. I hope you feel the same and will respect everyone's opinion.

Hook

 

[BirdsWife]

The women are not the ones with the issues.....you are. With an attitude like that, no wonder women aren't attracted to you.

It sounds like you are too lazy to put an effort into making yourself "likeable". The fact that you hate yourself has nothing to do with the "bitches" you encounter daily.

Stop blaming the world for your problems.

Thank you. You put this much more nicely than I would have.

If all, or even most, women were as money hungry as this guys seems to think we are, then the American middle class wouldn't exist to the extent that it does.

 

[zhukov1943]

>>>There are a lot of women out there who would like to date you, but they've been raised in such a way that they have to wait for the man to ask.

I know, it's true. But if you only knew how hard it is to keep sticking yourself out there, again and again, only to get "kicked in the balls"...

Do y'all have ANY idea how hard it is for a normal man, who doesn't think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, to ask, "pretty-please, am I worthy enough to take up an hour or two of your time"? No wonder the sociopath "playas" do so well - they really don't have any feelings to hurt...

If y'all had to do the asking, the human race would die out. No shit.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

>>>There are a lot of women out there who would like to date you, but they've been raised in such a way that they have to wait for the man to ask.

I know, it's true. But if you only knew how hard it is to keep sticking yourself out there, again and again, only to get "kicked in the balls"...

Do y'all have ANY idea how hard it is for a normal man, who doesn't think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, to ask, "pretty-please, am I worthy enough to take up an hour or two of your time"? No wonder the sociopath "playas" do so well - they really don't have any feelings to hurt...

If y'all had to do the asking, the human race would die out. No shit.

Like I said. I've DONE the asking. I just choose to focus on more important things. I'm sure if I saw some guy (and was single) who I was interested in, I'd put myself in his path, make myself known, and if I was still interested after getting to know him, I'd ask him for coffee or something.. but women do the 'making themselves known' thing. That's half the battle. If we didn't make ourselves known, you people wouldn't ever notice we're there.

So are we done generalizing?

 

[Bigg_Capone]

Like I said. I've DONE the asking. I just choose to focus on more important things. I'm sure if I saw some guy (and was single) who I was interested in, I'd put myself in his path, make myself known, and if I was still interested after getting to know him, I'd ask him for coffee or something.. but women do the 'making themselves known' thing. That's half the battle. If we didn't make ourselves known, you people wouldn't ever notice we're there.

So are we done generalizing?

Ummmmmmm, fuck no, we're not. lol I love ALL women and I tend to take notice to all women, even if from afar. I'm not psychotic about it, though. I just appreciate women and the magnificent beauty this is inherent in all women. I tend to honestly look past looks, but it goes without saying that every individual has a certain "type" that most attracts them, doesn't it?

Ohh, and if that's you in your AV, you're gorgeous.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Ummmmmmm, fuck no, we're not. lol I love ALL women and I tend to take notice to all women, even if from afar. I'm not psychotic about it, though. I just appreciate women and the magnificent beauty this is inherent in all women. I tend to honestly look past looks, but it goes without saying that every individual has a certain "type" that most attracts them, doesn't it?

Ohh, and if that's you in your AV, I'd looooooooooove to be your bitch. heeheehee Muahahahahahaha!!

*grin* That's me, alright. There are more pics if you're interested, in the "goddess of cushiony tush" line in my sigline.

 

[Bigg_Capone]

*grin* That's me, alright. There are more pics if you're interested, in the "goddess of cushiony tush" line in my sigline.

After reviewing your "Goddess of cushiony tush" thread, I've come to the realization that I wuuuvvvvvvv you. Heeheehee...

You're a doll.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

>>>There are a lot of women out there who would like to date you, but they've been raised in such a way that they have to wait for the man to ask.

I know, it's true. But if you only knew how hard it is to keep sticking yourself out there, again and again, only to get "kicked in the balls"...

Do y'all have ANY idea how hard it is for a normal man, who doesn't think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, to ask, "pretty-please, am I worthy enough to take up an hour or two of your time"? No wonder the sociopath "playas" do so well - they really don't have any feelings to hurt...

If y'all had to do the asking, the human race would die out. No shit.

Do you know how hard it is for normal women out there? Give me a break.....don't blame women for your problems.....

If women aren't attracted to you then do something about it.....whether it's taking showers more regularly, brushing your teeth daily, wearing clean clothes, learning to talk like a human being, smile more, increase your odds by leaving your house, become interesting.....read a book, comb your hair, get rid of your uni-brow, pluck your nose hairs, be proud of who you are.....all of this will lead to confidence....confidence (not money) is what women look for....

Or just continue to feel sorry for yourself...whatever works for ya.

Yeah its rough having to put yourself out there......it's also rough being the person that never gets asked out.....there's two sides to every story......

 

[Ms_Lilith]

After reviewing your "Goddess of cushiony tush" thread, I've come to the realization that I wuuuvvvvvvv you. Heeheehee...

You're a doll.

Awww, thanks, sugar!

 

[HornyHenry]

Re: Re: Similar problem

I'm not trying to pick on you, but for some reason this statement bothers me. The wording sounds like you feel that since you can't atttract a Pam Anderson type that you will have to "settle" for a woman with a nice personality.

Nope, not me. I was refering to the common male stereotype of wanting that type woman. No, I want someone REAL, not a caricture of a cartoon. I DO admire her for what she's done, but she's really not my type. That's all I meant.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

>>>There are a lot of women out there who would like to date you, but they've been raised in such a way that they have to wait for the man to ask.

I know, it's true. But if you only knew how hard it is to keep sticking yourself out there, again and again, only to get "kicked in the balls"...

Do y'all have ANY idea how hard it is for a normal man, who doesn't think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, to ask, "pretty-please, am I worthy enough to take up an hour or two of your time"? No wonder the sociopath "playas" do so well - they really don't have any feelings to hurt...

If y'all had to do the asking, the human race would die out. No shit.

Hi Zhukov, hi Lynnzertorte. This one seems to have hit a lot of sensitive buttons. Lynnzertorte, I've loved all your posts -- except the one in response to this from zhukov, which seemed a little unduly harsh. Maybe because the other posts I've read from Zhukov have been kind and not self-pitying ... and I like the guy from what I've seen here.

It IS hard, to be on either end of this, I'm sure. And a good point about sociopaths doing better than sensitive folk -- male and female.

I keep coming back to this thread because I've been at both ends of the spectrum. Considered a major babe and being Not considered -- invisible and plain. As a teen, the only difference between the two was a few months, about 30 pounds (initially from being on cortisone, which is why gained so fast), and a bad haircut. Gave me quite a perspective. And some considerable sensitivity to others when my hair grew out and I dropped the weight. Ya really get treated better when you are skinny and pretty. But attitude -- and nice clothes that suit you -- make a big difference, too.

Anyway, sweetnpetite has some great advice (as usual), so I'm going to repeat some of it:

When your out there doing things like feeding the hungry, or attending folk music festivals, or encouraging people to vote, or whatever, you'll probably meet someone with similer interests that you'd like to get to know better.

So whether you are beautiful or ugly- express your soul, let your soul sing and someone who's soul is in harmony with yours will find there way to you.



Hugs to you all. Lynnzertorte, meet Zhukov. You have some pain in common. Can I buy you both a coffee, while you see what else you share?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Hugs to you all. Lynnzertorte, meet Zhukov. You have some pain in common. Can I buy you both a coffee, while you see what else you share?

Although I appreciate your comments I don't think that Zhukov and I have any pain in common.

I'm a person that believes you are treated the way you ask to be treated and I firmly believe that if life isn't going your way then it's up to you to make a change.

This thread got to me because it sounded like a bunch of men feeling sorry for themselves and expecting life to adapt to them.....

Dating is tough for EVERYONE....some may have it easier than others but that's life....

 

[Citadel]

I apologise for my last posting. It was an error, based on factors outside of this place, but no less foolish for that.

I am grateful that my venom was not returned in kind, far more than I could have hoped for, and thank you.

It's not just a matter of respect on here, it's just common off-line manners.... I violated both with that last posting.

Ty for the grace in which you all received it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yesterday, as I was strolling along the boulevard, making the rounds, collecting debts from bookmakers, kissing old ladies on the cheek, hearing petitions for favors from the honest working folk of the neighborhood, lending an ear to the troubles of all and sundry, etc; I chanced to pass a squat, dumpy Korean girl as she emerged from a manicurists' and stood on the edge of the pavement talking into a cellphone.

She was short and built, overall, like a fire-hydrant. Flat chest, short waist, short legs, flat ass, a bit of a bandy-legged outward bow to the knees. In fin, nothing to catch the eye. Her face was also flat, and pie-shaped. She had squinty, beady little eyes and a lipless slash of mouth, which, combined with a nose featuring a prominent bump on the bridge, made her look like a bad-tempered snapping-turtle. Age about 25.

Yet something about her emanated a force which caused me to pause for a moment beneath the awning of a newsagent and peruse her. She was speaking angrily into the phone and it was clear from her tone that she was used to getting exactly what she wanted. "A ugly princess", thought I to myself..."intriguing". My eye travelled along her form as I attempted to suss out the secret of her allure. SHe was extremely well dressed, in white summer slacks and shoes, fashioned from the hide of some reptile, that might cost an average fellow a fortnight's pay. Tasteful gold jewelry adorned her limbs, and there was a large diamond on that finger dedicated to the engagement ring. Her skin had that pampered, buffed glow which bepeaks a long familiarity with the insides of spas, salons, and other establishments of that ilk. Her long, gleaming hair was glorious, her best feature, and she made the most of it.

"Here we have a perfect example of a homely person, bereft of nature's gifts, who has taken excellent care of themselves", I meditated. "Furthermore, she projects with every detail of her bearing the message that I am a princess, I am beautiful, I am desireable, do as I say, give me what I want. And she IS beautiful and desireable, although she seems a bit much to handle."

 

[Phoenix Stone]

RR, you are a card (and a good writer). But while you may have been spoofing, it works for a lot of people. Now picture her as a man with same basics. Does that guy have a girlfriend? You betcha. Self-image is (almost) all. Think the world owes you a living, the world is likely to think it back.

Course it does make the point that the nice (and meek and humble) are less likely to inherit the earth, at least in this lifetime, but there it is. Hey then there's fake it til you make it. It's a cold world sometimes. Depends on where you go. On what you're trying to get. And what you're trying to give.

Give a look to the 'what feeds your soul' thread for a different perspective.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I am not spoofing. It happened just yesterday on 2nd Ave in Manhattan.

 

[Guest]

 

[Phoenix Stone]

...there's absolutley something intangible about his demeanor that has flooded my panties on more than one occasion!

Sex appeal definitely has nothing to do with physical looks...

Now if THAT doesn't get a few guys throwing their shoulders back and standing a little straighter....

 

[SweetErika]

Brains, Personality, Confidence

Intelligence, personality, and confidence. Find what you like about yourself and build on that. Do what you can to look good (haircut, workout, contacts, good grooming, clothes), and you'll feel better. There's a lot of hope!

 

[cj2000]

I just wanted to throw in my (late) two cents.

I've been told, like everybody else on the board, that self-confidence is the key. I think that's true. Unfortunately, I just don't have a whole lot of that. I was the kid in school that didn't socialize at school (hey, I'm no George Clooney, I know that, I accept it, but I'm not a bad guy). I had no friends, just acquantinces (sp?). I spent the recess hour just wandering the playground. I got better as I got older though. I got friendly with some of those kids, hung out with them sometimes. I'm 22 and in college. I still don't have a lot of self- confidence. Still haven't had a girlfriend or anything, still shy around girls, but I'm slowly getting better. Just gotta take it one step at a time.

So, bottom line, don't expect anything overnight. It takes time.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

G-d, that's so great, CJ2000! It is hard to do. One of the things that helps is getting in new situations, and starting to realize that sometimes it's just a bad fit between you and your environment. That in one school, job, whatever, you are seen one way, and in another you are viewed, and treated, quite differently. Also, a new environment is a chance to try out new behaviors with people who won't expect you to act your old way. They don't know you're shy unless you tell them or show them. That's when you fake it, or rather try it out and see how you like it.

I've lived in quite a few different places and it's given me perspective. Especially on things like attractiveness. Trying doing junior year abroad if you get a chance, or living in another country by some other means. If you then go back to your old place, you will see people differently and feel different yourself.

 

[hook848]

Self-affirmation can help build self-confidence. Compliment yourself out loud during the day and at least three times early in the morning. If you tell yourself something often enough you'll start to believe it.

Thanks to raventale, I have a new one that really puts a smile on my face.

"There's absolutley something intangible about my demeanor that has flooded her panties on more than one occasion!"

Try it and see how you feel.

Hook

 

[Guest]

 

[sweetnpetite]

Thank you PS, I wondered if anybody was listening

Anyway, sweetnpetite has some great advice (as usual), so I'm going to repeat some of it:

When your out there doing things like feeding the hungry, or attending folk music festivals, or encouraging people to vote, or whatever, you'll probably meet someone with similer interests that you'd like to get to know better.

So whether you are beautiful or ugly- express your soul, let your soul sing and someone who's soul is in harmony with yours will find there way to you.



Hugs to you all. Lynnzertorte, meet Zhukov. You have some pain in common. Can I buy you both a coffee, while you see what else you share?

 

[zhukov1943]

>>>Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to

I should have known from the signature...

God forbid I ever, ever say anything else that you want to "jump in my shit" about.

By the way- you don't know me, and your "advice" was way the fuck off. But I'll say it again - being the "aproacher" is one helluva lot harder than being the "approachee".

I'll put your utter nastiness down to a bad day, or PMS or something - but if that's the way you react to people on a regular basis, you need some serious fucking help.