How to handle being ugly

[Phoenix Stone]

>>>Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to

I should have known from the signature...

Hey, I take exception to this comment!! My sig line said 'you call me Bitch like you think it's a Bad thing,' for a long time, until I felt ready to let go of it for a while.

By the way- you don't know me, and your "advice" was way the fuck off. But I'll say it again - being the "aproacher" is one helluva lot harder than being the "approachee".

I don't know either of you either but... gonna stick my nose into something that's none of my business again.
I got the impression that Lynnzertorte meant your comment toward the whole line of guys complaining, rather than toward you particularily. Could be wrong. Being the approacher is hard, but not being approached is hard too, no? And I got the impression from what she said that she Is an approacher -- someone who does something about what bothers her, she said, or something like it.

I'll put your utter nastiness down to a bad day, or PMS or something - but if that's the way you react to people on a regular basis, you need some serious fucking help.

Don't know if I'd agree that it was 'Utter' nastiness. For that I can recommended you to a few posters on some other threads... oh never mind. 'You need some serious fucking help' doesn't exactly smack of the milk of human kindness, either, now does it? Every previous post I've seen from her, struck me as well-considered, eventempered, etc.

Am guessing this is pushing a lot of buttons?

'Can we all just get along?'

 

[Guest]

 

[zhukov1943]

>>>Maybe more "approachees" need to work on showing how flattered they are, while the "approachers" need to work on not taking a rejection so personally because it really could stem from anywhere.

That sure would make things a lot more pleasant - unfortunately, there are lots of closet fans of "schadenfreude" ("shameful joy") out there - people who get a visceral kick out of the suffering of others. In other words, some people just really enjoy being nasty, and there's absolutely no way to tell just by looking. I've really pretty much given up on the nightclub "pick-up" - for every nice, interesting girl you meet, you find four or five who'd rather milk you for free drinks or impress their friends with how "cool" they are by giving you the disdainful brush-off. I guess my skin isn't "thick" enough to not take such things "personally" - how DO you not take a nasty public rejection like that "personally", by the way?

And yah, Phoenix, I did have my "buttons" pushed. Amazing how some faceless user can piss you off on a message board...

 

[Ms_Lilith]

how DO you not take a nasty public rejection like that "personally", by the way?

I went to class one day, rather dressed up. I did it because I felt like being pretty that day, rather than my usual jeans/sweats/pyjama pants routine. Makeup, cleavage, the works. I actually got someone's attention, and we got to flirting and chatting (this person was in like, 6 of my classes, and we'd talked many times before, but this time it had a different feel to it), and right in the middle of our conversation, this other guy turns around, looks at me and says:

"You are fat and ugly. No amount of makeup or tit-showing clothes is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university? You seem pretty fucking worthless to me."

I am dead fucking serious. That is what this guy said to me. The other guy I was talking to was stunned. I could have taken it really seriously, and got all hurt and tearful.. if I'd been on a hormonal day, I might have. But I simply shrugged it off, told him he was entitled to his opinion of me, but then I was entitled to my opinion that he must have the tiniest dick in the world, to have to treat people like that to make himself feel better, and then I wished him a good day.

*shrug*

You just have to decide that if people are going to choose to be mean to you for no reason, they must be somehow stupid, or dealing with their own shit.

I don't get asked out often, because I'm very public about being taken.. the rock I wear on my finger (not an engagement ring, but still, a big rock... and coincidentally fake.. lol.. I bought it for myself) tends to keep people away, as far as dating goes.. but I get a lot of propositions.. people who are REALLY interested in fucking me. For some reason. And the way that I handle that is by telling them that, while I am flattered, (as I really dig non-committal sex sometimes... but haven't had it for years.. due to my man), I am taken, and respect my partner's wishes to be monogamous. Then I usually wish them good luck in finding what they're looking for.

 

[frustratedpoodle]

I went to class one day, rather dressed up. I did it because I felt like being pretty that day, rather than my usual jeans/sweats/pyjama pants routine. Makeup, cleavage, the works. I actually got someone's attention, and we got to flirting and chatting (this person was in like, 6 of my classes, and we'd talked many times before, but this time it had a different feel to it), and right in the middle of our conversation, this other guy turns around, looks at me and says:

"You are fat and ugly. No amount of makeup or tit-showing clothes is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university? You seem pretty fucking worthless to me."

I am dead fucking serious. That is what this guy said to me. The other guy I was talking to was stunned. I could have taken it really seriously, and got all hurt and tearful.. if I'd been on a hormonal day, I might have. But I simply shrugged it off, told him he was entitled to his opinion of me, but then I was entitled to my opinion that he must have the tiniest dick in the world, to have to treat people like that to make himself feel better, and then I wished him a good day.

*shrug*

You just have to decide that if people are going to choose to be mean to you for no reason, they must be somehow stupid, or dealing with their own shit.

I don't get asked out often, because I'm very public about being taken.. the rock I wear on my finger (not an engagement ring, but still, a big rock... and coincidentally fake.. lol.. I bought it for myself) tends to keep people away, as far as dating goes.. but I get a lot of propositions.. people who are REALLY interested in fucking me. For some reason. And the way that I handle that is by telling them that, while I am flattered, (as I really dig non-committal sex sometimes... but haven't had it for years.. due to my man), I am taken, and respect my partner's wishes to be monogamous. Then I usually wish them good luck in finding what they're looking for.

That someone could say what that guy said to you to anyone is seriously just... unfathomable. You did handle it well. Had it been me I would have slugged him.

And btw, you are very pretty.

The Poodle

 

[Ms_Lilith]

That someone could say what that guy said to you to anyone is seriously just... unfathomable. You did handle it well. Had it been me I would have slugged him.

And btw, you are very pretty.

The Poodle

Why thank you, Poodle.. *smile* People here are.. mean... I get a lot of comments on my weight.. I think because it makes them uncomfortable.. that someone as large as I am can be confident. Society boasts that fat people have low self-confidence, and that we are just hiding troubles with food... and while sometimes, I feel that is true with me, for the most part, I love who I am, and what I look like... *shrug*

And I wouldn't have wanted to dirty my fist by slugging that particular person. I generally believe violence is a waste of time and energy, and my response was much more effective.

 

[zhukov1943]

Jesus, what a jack-ass. I wonder what was up his butt?

You handled that really well.

Unfortunately, I think I would have taken something like that a little more "personally" than you did...

 

[frustratedpoodle]

Why thank you, Poodle.. *smile* People here are.. mean... I get a lot of comments on my weight.. I think because it makes them uncomfortable.. that someone as large as I am can be confident. Society boasts that fat people have low self-confidence, and that we are just hiding troubles with food... and while sometimes, I feel that is true with me, for the most part, I love who I am, and what I look like... *shrug*

And I wouldn't have wanted to dirty my fist by slugging that particular person. I generally believe violence is a waste of time and energy, and my response was much more effective.

Well, it's true.

I call 'em like I see them, and I am a firm believer that fat does not equal ugly or otherwise unattractive.

I am not a violent person, and generally discourage that sort of thing, but I am a victim of genetics (let's see the outcry at that comment). My heritage is Spanish/Cuban, the fiery kind, and we have temper problems. Someone comes out with something like that, I forget graciousness. Whether it is said to me or someone around me, I don't know that I would have the self control.

The Poodle

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Unfortunately, I think I would have taken something like that a little more "personally" than you did...

My point is that it is YOUR decision how to handle that. You don't HAVE to react to it. You choose to. People are mean, and you have to let it roll off you like water off a duck's back.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

but I am a victim of genetics (let's see the outcry at that comment). My heritage is Spanish/Cuban, the fiery kind, and we have temper problems. Someone comes out with something like that, I forget graciousness. Whether it is said to me or someone around me, I don't know that I would have the self control.

The Poodle

I'm dutch/english/irish.

Which means I'm stubborn, and when I get to the end of my very long fuse, I have a hell of a temper.


But the fuse is really really



really


long.

 

[zhukov1943]

My point is that it is YOUR decision how to handle that. You don't HAVE to react to it. You choose to. People are mean, and you have to let it roll off you like water off a duck's back.

Mmmm - wish I could. Really. But I can't.

 

[frustratedpoodle]

I'm dutch/english/irish.

Which means I'm stubborn, and when I get to the end of my very long fuse, I have a hell of a temper.


But the fuse is really really



really


long.

Hee hee. That's probably a better thing. I can take so much, and depending on the situation, I can actually hold it back sometimes. But there are other times when my reaction is so lightning fast that I don't even realize what I've done til it's done. It's that fast, blind rage temper.

The Poodle

 

[Lying Eyes]

vixenshe,
What that scumbag said to you makes me so angry. Whoever says something like that is ugly to the core. If this so called man finds a woman I feel very sorry for her. He probably masks his cruel heart for those he is intrested in.

From that picture I see a very attractive woman. I would love to see a woman like that smile at me. And from your comments on this board I see that your even more beautiful inside.

 

[hook848]

By the way... Hook... I'm so glad I put a smile on your face!! I have no doubt that there is something about you that can flood anyone's panties!!

Thanks raventale,

You really floored me with that "flooded" post. Almost killed the thread for me.

I'm taking a lot of this thread to heart and its making a difference. I've been to a few baseball games and felt much more confident about talking to women. Some have said "hello" first and its all about me being confident. I AM using that self-affirmation by the way.

vixenshe,

Your post are great too. Beautiful inside and out.

Hook

 

[Ms_Lilith]

vixenshe,
What that scumbag said to you makes me so angry. Whoever says something like that is ugly to the core. If this so called man finds a woman I feel very sorry for her. He probably masks his cruel heart for those he is intrested in.

From that picture I see a very attractive woman. I would love to see a woman like that smile at me. And from your comments on this board I see that your even more beautiful inside.

*smile* Thank you.. In all honesty, I've got things about me that I'd like to change, and there are days that I feel ugly.. but for the most part, I just try to make myself look nice to me.. other people might not agree... but I dress well (most of the time.. some days, you just HAVE to wear sweats), I wear good hair colours, I know how to do makeup and nails (used to do makeup, hair, and nails in high school for all my friends), and I have a funky taste in jewelry... all that adds up to someone who, despite being heavy, looks like she takes care of, and pride in herself.


And thank you, hook!

Glad you are self-affirming... your.. self.. *grin* That just sounded funny.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Hey, I'm english, irish and dutch too!

And I'm the same way- but I never knew that was *why*! Oh it takes a lot to get me to loose my temper- but once I do...


I think you know!

I'm dutch/english/irish.

Which means I'm stubborn, and when I get to the end of my very long fuse, I have a hell of a temper.


But the fuse is really really



really


long.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I'm sick of seeing and hearing people puting off their lives and hapiness until they loose weight or are 'perfect.'

YOu are a great example to *everyone* fat skinny or otherwise inclined. And your response was *classic*! I wish I could have been there for that!

Why thank you, Poodle.. *smile* People here are.. mean... I get a lot of comments on my weight.. I think because it makes them uncomfortable.. that someone as large as I am can be confident. Society boasts that fat people have low self-confidence, and that we are just hiding troubles with food... and while sometimes, I feel that is true with me, for the most part, I love who I am, and what I look like... *shrug*

And I wouldn't have wanted to dirty my fist by slugging that particular person. I generally believe violence is a waste of time and energy, and my response was much more effective.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I'm sick of seeing and hearing people puting off their lives and hapiness until they loose weight or are 'perfect.'

YOu are a great example to *everyone* fat skinny or otherwise inclined. And your response was *classic*! I wish I could have been there for that!

Why thank you, Ms. Petite *grin*

That was very kind of you....

 

[Lynnezertorte]

>>>Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to

I should have known from the signature...

God forbid I ever, ever say anything else that you want to "jump in my shit" about.

By the way- you don't know me, and your "advice" was way the fuck off. But I'll say it again - being the "aproacher" is one helluva lot harder than being the "approachee".

I'll put your utter nastiness down to a bad day, or PMS or something - but if that's the way you react to people on a regular basis, you need some serious fucking help.

Way harsh.....at least I didn't personally attack you.....but in any event.......bygones....

My advice was figurative......if you are experiencing difficulties in your life.....any part of your life.....figure out what "your" issues are, because that's the only control you have.....and do what you can to better your life.......................is all I'm saying.

It's tough being the approacher (unfortunately, the majority of men can't handle a woman taking charge and doing the asking or dating wouldn't be set up this way, now would it)....it's also tough being the one that never gets approached (and no Phoenix, that's not an issue of mine). There are plenty of women sitting at home on a Saturday night waiting for a guy to call......while the guy they want to call is sitting at home because the women he is interested in always say no......and those women are sitting at home because the guy they want to ask them out is asking out someone else who always says no.....etc., etc.

Women shoulding blame the men and men shouldn't blame the women if their dating life isn't where they want it to be. Just do the best you can for YOU and the rest will take care of itself......eventually. (Wait until you get in your 40's......dating problems???? you have no idea!!!)

 

[asenath]

I went to class one day, rather dressed up. I did it because I felt like being pretty that day, rather than my usual jeans/sweats/pyjama pants routine. Makeup, cleavage, the works. I actually got someone's attention, and we got to flirting and chatting (this person was in like, 6 of my classes, and we'd talked many times before, but this time it had a different feel to it), and right in the middle of our conversation, this other guy turns around, looks at me and says:

"You are fat and ugly. No amount of makeup or tit-showing clothes is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university? You seem pretty fucking worthless to me."

I am dead fucking serious. That is what this guy said to me. The other guy I was talking to was stunned. I could have taken it really seriously, and got all hurt and tearful.. if I'd been on a hormonal day, I might have. But I simply shrugged it off, told him he was entitled to his opinion of me, but then I was entitled to my opinion that he must have the tiniest dick in the world, to have to treat people like that to make himself feel better, and then I wished him a good day.

Oh my god.. That's beyond rude.

 

[Guest]

 

[Mary Hall]

"You are fat and ugly. No amount of makeup or tit-showing clothes is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university? You seem pretty fucking worthless to me."

I would said that back to him, see how he liked it

 

[Ms_Lilith]

*smile* He's just a stupid person who felt the need to lash out, for his stupidity.

*shrug*


Not a big deal.. I get comments like that kind of thing about once a week. Maybe not that bad, but still, pretty mean.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

...it's also tough being the one that never gets approached (and no Phoenix, that's not an issue of mine).

Did you think I said it was an issue of yours? Here is what I said: Being the approacher is hard, but not being approached is hard too, no? And I got the impression from what she said that she Is an approacher -- someone who does something about what bothers her, she said, or something like it.

This, to me, means quite the opposite. Misunderstanding? Btw, this was a good visual of all those people alone on Saturday night -- kind of a domino effect. What you said in the last post was what I thought you meant in the early post though it came off easier on sensitive ears this time -- not that anyone made me the post police or anything.

There are plenty of women sitting at home on a Saturday night waiting for a guy to call......while the guy they want to call is sitting at home because the women he is interested in always say no......and those women are sitting at home because the guy they want to ask them out is asking out someone else who always says no.....etc., etc.

Women shoulding blame the men and men shouldn't blame the women if their dating life isn't where they want it to be. Just do the best you can for YOU and the rest will take care of itself......eventually.....

And Vixenshe -- Sheesh!! Makes me think that there are a lot of people whom it truly pisses off to see others who are happier and more confident than they are, and they're only looking for what they think is a safe target.
I've been heavy for various periods and also thin. Thin you get treated a lot better. I've heard of fat being referred to as the last safe prejudice to have. Can you imagine someone saying that to you because you were African-American or old, or something?

It takes strength and good energy and moxy to get out there and be proud. Good for you! I don't want the jerks narrowing my world either, by chasing everyone into hiding who doesn't fit their narrow, boring definition of who's ok.

 

[sweetnpetite]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You are fat and ugly. No amount of makeup or tit-showing clothes is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university? You seem pretty fucking worthless to me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

reply:

You are an asshole jerk and an idiot. No amount of postering or puting other people down is ever going to change that. Why do you even try? And why are you even in university. You seem pretty fucking worthless to me.


My cousin made me really proud one day when she stood up in the cafeteria and told some preppy jerk who was picking on one of the special education kids that he should really stop picking on people who were better than he was!