Is Romance Important to You or Is it All About the sex?

[fma20fma]

less romance and more variety sex is my choice.

 

[AmberLGreen]

I have learnt that anybody can romance me but it takes a special someone to make me feel really confident sexually to allow me to be totally me

 

[AmberLGreen]

Can we discuss what is romance? Is it intimacy, seduction, or something else? What is romance for you?

 

[Nzerxx]

I'm a hopeless romantic from waaay back, it gets me every time
I do need a connection and intimacy
Just recently though I have learned with the right guy Wham Bam has its place... not every time though

 

[Nzerxx]

Romance, intimacy, connection. All of them.

With a Daddy Dom. Which usually indeed includes 2-3 of those above. Not sure if all babygirls get the romance.

YES This one gets all 3 very lucky

 

[Nzerxx]

Can we discuss what is romance? Is it intimacy, seduction, or something else? What is romance for you?

All of the above and more! Surprizes both given & received. nights away small things big things understanding

 

[PlayfulLilDarlin]

Romance is more important than sex to me honestly. I can get myself off thank you, and more often than not better than anyone else. And I do give instruction and tell when things feel good or bad or what can help make me feel good so it's not lack of direction or faking.
No, romance is what happens the rest of the time. Small things like helping with dishes, maybe sweep me into a slow dance while we doing dishes or cooking. Or flirt with me while doing laundry. Hold my hand and kiss it while we drive somewhere. Make eye contact over the top of the menu and do an eyebrow raise. Remember things I like and dislike if I have made a point to mention them. Touch me, not grab my boob or crotch or ass, but the small of my back, my elbow, when we're watching a movie or tv together be in contact. Send texts just because.
I do these things as well, because I think it's only fair to romance a partner as you would like to be romanced. But I've also been a Cyrano for male friends before, so maybe I just have it dialed in more than some? I don't know.

 

[NastyNyx]

I'm not sure what romance really means to me @AmberLGreen. I've said in the past that romance is important. But if that means roses and chocolates and dinners etc...then not really. I adore thoughtfulness....someone who is listening to what I'm saying...paying attention to what I love....and then they just show up with something I never even knew I wanted....take me some place I never knew I'd love going to. I don't know if that makes sense. I adore the small touches...the sweet kisses......random texts that let me know I'm on his mind. I adore someone who I can just be silent with....and still feel so comfortable...maybe even more comfortable. I don't need big gestures if that's what romance is. I think I'm off track lol....because I'm still not sure what romance is....but that's where my mind went.

 

[AmberLGreen]

I'm not sure what romance really means to me @AmberLGreen. I've said in the past that romance is important. But if that means roses and chocolates and dinners etc...then not really. I adore thoughtfulness....someone who is listening to what I'm saying...paying attention to what I love....and then they just show up with something I never even knew I wanted....take me some place I never knew I'd love going to. I don't know if that makes sense. I adore the small touches...the sweet kisses......random texts that let me know I'm on his mind. I adore someone who I can just be silent with....and still feel so comfortable...maybe even more comfortable. I don't need big gestures if that's what romance is. I think I'm off track lol....because I'm still not sure what romance is....but that's where my mind went.

I think you have explained it perfectly Nyx. Anybody can buy me chocolates and flowers (and they do). Somebody understanding me as a person and noticing those small details is something unique. I want somebody that understands me. Listens to those little things about me. Doesn’t make me fit into their mould. Romance me by making me feel special by being me and not what they want me to be

 

[NastyNyx]

I think you have explained it perfectly Nyx. Anybody can buy me chocolates and flowers (and they do). Somebody understanding me as a person and noticing those small details is something unique. I want somebody that understands me. Listens to those little things about me. Doesn’t make me fit into their mould. Romance me by making me feel special by being me and not what they want me to be

Yes well said

 

[Dribble]

Romance.

Fuck it was a hard day at work. I get home...just wanna kick back and relax. But you aren't home yet...you too are still working. So I look at the board to see what's on tonight's menu...and start prepping the veggies...marinating the meat...setting the table.

You walk in. See what I have done. See me still in my work clothes...and take me to the bedroom...we can eat later. That is romance. It is being a team

 

[spankableBelle]

My partner doesn't care for romance or sex. So here we all are. I'm just gonna popcorn this one.

So, are you still sharing the popcorn for this one?

 

[Paul_Chance]

I don't think there is a clean line of separation between the two. Romance can be very sexual. Sex can be very romantic.

What I mean by romance is loving the whole person and finding that core of sensuality and nurturing it with a thousand small things - objects, gestures, touches, actions.

You can have some wild, great, impressive sex happen between two people who fundamentally view the other as an object of sexual desire - but nothing more. Because desire and love are tightly tangled together I think that, for most people, sex involves an element of romance and romance involves an element of sexual chemistry.

Think of it this way - if sex is the flame, than romance is everything you do to fan the flame. Without it, sex is still fire, but with it, it's a raging inferno.

 

[hopeful_wife]

Think of it this way - if sex is the flame, than romance is everything you do to fan the flame. Without it, sex is still fire, but with it, it's a raging inferno.

Such a lovely metaphor. And speaking for those who have sexless marriages (at least those who don't mind me being so presumptuous), it also explains why, when the sex dies out, the romance and intimacy are often not far behind. Without a flame, we're just waving a fan at a log-- it's never gonna catch and we end up feeling exhausted as we're frustrated at oursves for trying.

I don't know if my marriage ever had true romance. The things @PlayfulLilDarlin and @NastyNyx write about above? They're things I've given and not ever received back consistently. Part of my journey here is figuring out what I need and want. I think I'm rediscovering romance as well as sex. It's scary and new... And maybe also fits into my life like an old friend.

 

[Dribble]

I like the flame analogy

 

[Cyber_Bella]

I think desire and lust are important during sex. The romance comes before and after.

 

[Beholders_Eye]

An old thought of mine: A romantic relationship is more than sex. But not less...

 

[Sweet_b19]

Think of it this way - if sex is the flame, than romance is everything you do to fan the flame. Without it, sex is still fire, but with it, it's a raging inferno.

I need a raging inferno.

 

[Azuldrgon]

for me they are intrinsically linked and I cannot have sex without a helping of the auld romance.

Yup, I am a big softie

If I didn't say before, I'm with her.
I have a difficult time trying to have sex with someone I don't have feelings for.
Even e-boning if you want to get technical.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I like the flame analogy

Will a burning analogy work?

Sometimes, it can burn when you pee if you “romance” the wrong one.

 

[Grant55]

Mmmmm. Yes.

 

[Mei5ter]

Romance is more important than sex to me honestly. I can get myself off thank you, and more often than not better than anyone else. And I do give instruction and tell when things feel good or bad or what can help make me feel good so it's not lack of direction or faking.
No, romance is what happens the rest of the time. Small things like helping with dishes, maybe sweep me into a slow dance while we doing dishes or cooking. Or flirt with me while doing laundry. Hold my hand and kiss it while we drive somewhere. Make eye contact over the top of the menu and do an eyebrow raise. Remember things I like and dislike if I have made a point to mention them. Touch me, not grab my boob or crotch or ass, but the small of my back, my elbow, when we're watching a movie or tv together be in contact. Send texts just because.
I do these things as well, because I think it's only fair to romance a partner as you would like to be romanced. But I've also been a Cyrano for male friends before, so maybe I just have it dialed in more than some? I don't know.

Excellent post, and I take your point. But isn't it more about romancing a partner as they would like to be romanced?

 

[PlayfulLilDarlin]

Excellent post, and I take your point. But isn't it more about romancing a partner as they would like to be romanced?

That would have been better wording, yes.

 

[Paul_Chance]

If your romantic styles don't match up though, be careful, or you can find yourself in the position of having to do something you don't like doing, which is the secret ingredient of resentment.

When you hear tales of couples where "the romance dies" it usually tracks back to the romantic thing being unsustainable by the other person because they didn't like it in the first place, so once the relationship has advanced a few months or years they find an excuse to stop doing it.

An example I can give is I had a friend whose partner loved to dance. He could dance, but it wasn't his go to. Consequently, a few years into the relationship the dancing tapered off and stopped as he always had an excuse. They hung on for a while longer, then had a messy and painful breakup. The lesson - don't pretend to love something just because you think it'll further a relationship. Either fess up right away and find some other mutual romantic thing, or learn to love it.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Romance ....I generally bulk buy valentine's cards and when a bulb goes out in the kitchen, I'll not replace and claim subdued lighting.