Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[numeniusa]

I'm not massively comfortable with my tummy either, it's not that huge but I don't like how it 'mounds up' when I'm sitting. I like a slip/camisole very much, I quite often wear one for sexy times, at least to start with. By the time his face is buried in my pussy I'm past caring, of course

As Angelica said, it can easily be pulled off over your head if you feel ready, or you can just keep it on. If it's low cut, your breasts can be eased out of it. Lots of options.

It looks like Lovehoney have a presence in your neck of the woods - they have quite a range of this sort of stuff, not too pricey, reasonable quality.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm not massively comfortable with my tummy either, it's not that huge but I don't like how it 'mounds up' when I'm sitting. I like a slip/camisole very much, I quite often wear one for sexy times, at least to start with. By the time his face is buried in my pussy I'm past caring, of course

As Angelica said, it can easily be pulled off over your head if you feel ready, or you can just keep it on. If it's low cut, your breasts can be eased out of it. Lots of options.

It looks like Lovehoney have a presence in your neck of the woods - they have quite a range of this sort of stuff, not too pricey, reasonable quality.

Thanks for the recommendation - they have come up in my random googling before, so it's good to know the stuff is ok.
And LOL - yes, it's the getting to the 'past caring' bit that I need a bit of help with. Similarly, my tummy isn't 'huge', just bigger than it was ... and do they just get weirdly softer with age, so they sort of spill over everywhere. WTF is that about? I started doing yoga this week, so hopefully that'll help get some tone back. (I hate that I even care so much - I should just love my body however it is ... but if my self consciousness is preventing me from getting naked, and that's preventing from having sex, then something has to be done! And I don't have the time or the money for the intensive therapy it would take to get over my self-loathing.)

 

[SinfulThrills]

before you buy just take a look at these guys

If you're shopping for Plus Size 18+ Lingerie and considering Lovehoney then please do consider checking sinfulthrills.co.uk once you've selected your item. They ship internationally and stock a very similar range to Lovehoney but with prices that are very much cheaper in the majority of cases. I've found them to be extremely helpful when I had a query and they dispatch same day, with Tracked 5-7 day worldwide delivery.

Just give them a look before you click buy

 

[KimGordon67]

If you're shopping for Plus Size 18+ Lingerie and considering Lovehoney then please do consider checking sinfulthrills.co.uk once you've selected your item. They ship internationally and stock a very similar range to Lovehoney but with prices that are very much cheaper in the majority of cases. I've found them to be extremely helpful when I had a query and they dispatch same day, with Tracked 5-7 day worldwide delivery.

Just give them a look before you click buy

I love that this is your first post - in the weird little corner that is Lit, it's great that girls are still giving other girls shopping advice.

 

[numeniusa]

Thanks for the recommendation - they have come up in my random googling before, so it's good to know the stuff is ok.
And LOL - yes, it's the getting to the 'past caring' bit that I need a bit of help with. Similarly, my tummy isn't 'huge', just bigger than it was ... and do they just get weirdly softer with age, so they sort of spill over everywhere. WTF is that about? I started doing yoga this week, so hopefully that'll help get some tone back. (I hate that I even care so much - I should just love my body however it is ... but if my self consciousness is preventing me from getting naked, and that's preventing from having sex, then something has to be done! And I don't have the time or the money for the intensive therapy it would take to get over my self-loathing.)

That sinfulthrills site looks to have some nice items. It's not just plus-size, by the look of it, I'm not sure why that was called out One very weird thing, though - all the nipples have been airbrushed out Which looks waaaay worse than asking the model to cover them with her hand/hair/whatever.

It is worrying when young people particularly are holding themselves up to unattainable, implausible and dishonest images, and feeling they don't measure up. But also when they are not tackling health time-bombs because of the 'be happy with what you are' school of thought, actually. I know it's all way more complicated than for many people, for financial, medical, societal reasons.

I think it's fine to say "I don't like [whatever it is] about my body" and take lifestyle steps to change it, provided you're doing it for you. And wanting to feel more comfortable with your own body so you enjoy your sexual encounters more, well, seems utterly legit to me. I can identify hugely with all that.

 

[KimGordon67]

That sinfulthrills site looks to have some nice items. It's not just plus-size, by the look of it, I'm not sure why that was called out One very weird thing, though - all the nipples have been airbrushed out Which looks waaaay worse than asking the model to cover them with her hand/hair/whatever.

It is worrying when young people particularly are holding themselves up to unattainable, implausible and dishonest images, and feeling they don't measure up. But also when they are not tackling health time-bombs because of the 'be happy with what you are' school of thought, actually. I know it's all way more complicated than for many people, for financial, medical, societal reasons.

I think it's fine to say "I don't like [whatever it is] about my body" and take lifestyle steps to change it, provided you're doing it for you. And wanting to feel more comfortable with your own body so you enjoy your sexual encounters more, well, seems utterly legit to me. I can identify hugely with all that.

OMG - I see what you mean about the nipples. How weird.

The other problem I have with the 'lifestyle changes' is my inherent laziness. Like, this morning I woke up half an hour before my alarm went off, and thought 'now, I SHOULD get up and go for a walk ... oh look, a cat who needs cuddling' ... and that was the end of that. I better with changing my food intake, because I actually enjoy cooking, and I've managed to limit my chocolate cravings to a spoonful of ice cream direct from the container - the great thing about living alone is that slightly questionable things like that are fine.

 

[SinfulThrills]

That sinfulthrills site looks to have some nice items. It's not just plus-size, by the look of it, I'm not sure why that was called out

That's my fault for skimming the posts above yours I guess not a good look for my first post - sorry

One very weird thing, though - all the nipples have been airbrushed out

This seems to be common practice for websites that use PayPal as their payment processor I think. Is there perhaps something in the Ts&Cs that prohibits their display?

Sinful Thrills is an adult store, so yes, they offer way more than just the plus-size lingerie I linked originally. Their sex toy section is frankly enormous - they stock everything from vibrators, dildos, cock-rings and anal toys to sex dolls, [URL="https://www.sinfulthrills.co.uk/sex-toys/male-mens/penis-extensions-enlargers-pumps-sleeves"]prostate massagers[/URL] and penis enlargers.

They have quite a large Bondage and BDSM catalogue too. if you're into fetish toys, clothing and furniture.

To round it out they have a massive range of personal lubricants too.

I swear by them. I have used Lovehoney but I find I can get anything Lovehoney stock at sinfulthrills.co.uk for less. so for the last 5 years this is where I shop.

 

[AnnieLit]

That's my fault for skimming the posts above yours I guess not a good look for my first post - sorry
[...].
so for the last 5 years this is where I shop.

Hm... are you working for them?

 

[KimGordon67]

Success! An actual date (well, a couple of drinks after work which was more of an 'establish if we're really interested in each other' kind of thing) with an adult human who I didn't find completely irritating.
Not really sure where he stands on the kinky fuckery, but he's definitely fine with the casual, not being monogamous situation.
Fingers crossed.

 

[AnnieLit]

Success! An actual date (well, a couple of drinks after work which was more of an 'establish if we're really interested in each other' kind of thing) with an adult human who I didn't find completely irritating.
Not really sure where he stands on the kinky fuckery, but he's definitely fine with the casual, not being monogamous situation.
Fingers crossed.

Congratulations!
https://img1.picmix.com/output/stamp/normal/0/9/1/3/1413190_a19b6.gif

 

[KimGordon67]

Success! An actual date (well, a couple of drinks after work which was more of an 'establish if we're really interested in each other' kind of thing) with an adult human who I didn't find completely irritating.
Not really sure where he stands on the kinky fuckery, but he's definitely fine with the casual, not being monogamous situation.
Fingers crossed.

... and that was a fail. Honestly, I give up. I don't know what the fuck guys are looking for, but it clearly ain't me.

 

[numeniusa]

... and that was a fail. Honestly, I give up. I don't know what the fuck guys are looking for, but it clearly ain't me.

That's a shame. What happened? No spark? No conversation? Not what he'd seemed?

Don't give up...

 

[KimGordon67]

That's a shame. What happened? No spark? No conversation? Not what he'd seemed?

Don't give up...

Buggered if I know - I thought we got on great. But apparently he wasn't feeling it. Which is fair enough.
I just need a break. There's only so many knock-backs a girl can take in a row.

 

[SophieUK]

Buggered if I know - I thought we got on great. But apparently he wasn't feeling it. Which is fair enough.
I just need a break. There's only so many knock-backs a girl can take in a row.

Sending you a hug: those repeated knock-backs take their toll...
just remember it isn’t you x

 

[AnnieLit]

... and that was a fail. Honestly, I give up. I don't know what the fuck guys are looking for, but it clearly ain't me.

Their loss!
I know the feeling, when you think that all is well and then find out that you are the only one that thought that. It adds up, the first few times you laugh it off, but then start doubting yourself. Don't! You will find him!

I think some guys have a picture in their heads of what they want and they can't get past that. On one level they know that it's unrealistic and this is why they even try to go out with us, but they can't completely get rid of it yet. With those it will never work. But there are some that either never had that or managed to get past what all the porn sites throw at them. Eventually you will meet one. Or two

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm just going to copy and paste this chunk out of a PM I just wrote ... "I think that not only do we only see one sort of ideal in broader culture (with the exceptions, like Lizzo, because lauded precisely and almost only because they ARE exceptions), but we only ever see men WANTING that particular body type. I mean, obviously there's the narrative of the 'guy finally falling for the 'plain' girl because she's a better person', but that's always in SPITE of how she looks."
Do we actually need more narratives of men be attracted to (not just 'loving', but actually being attracted to) all sorts of women?

... and how are MEN affected by all this stuff?

 

[numeniusa]

There are very rarely portrayals of people of even average weight/build in films and TV series, let alone a character who is larger unless their size is a key feature of their role. In the UK, we are told that the average female dress size is 16 (which is a US size 12), in the US it was always said to be 14 (UK size 18), but you don't generally see this reflected on screen in output from either country, in my experience.

I don't know what the figures are for men, but I'd guess their portrayal is similarly unrealistic. While we only see skinny people falling for other skinny people on-screen, not much is likely to change.

I wonder if men seem less affected by it all because they talk less? Is this stuff discussed at all in 'Men's Health', GQ etc?

 

[MrRetro]

... and that was a fail. Honestly, I give up. I don't know what the fuck guys are looking for, but it clearly ain't me.

Don’t give up, it’s a big world out there Kim, and there are plenty of us guys out there that are only attracted to older, well rounded, experienced ladies.. I know you’re in a dry spell right now, but things will change..

 

[MrRetro]

I'm just going to copy and paste this chunk out of a PM I just wrote ... "I think that not only do we only see one sort of ideal in broader culture (with the exceptions, like Lizzo, because lauded precisely and almost only because they ARE exceptions), but we only ever see men WANTING that particular body type. I mean, obviously there's the narrative of the 'guy finally falling for the 'plain' girl because she's a better person', but that's always in SPITE of how she looks."
Do we actually need more narratives of men be attracted to (not just 'loving', but actually being attracted to) all sorts of women?

... and how are MEN affected by all this stuff?

I feel we are changing culturally, albeit slowly.. There are plenty examples of women in film, pornographic or otherwise, of older curvy women.. I personally seek out these examples..

Maybe there’s a disconnect between fantasy and reality.. I think this happens on both sides of the gender equation.

 

[cookiecat]

I'm just going to copy and paste this chunk out of a PM I just wrote ... "I think that not only do we only see one sort of ideal in broader culture (with the exceptions, like Lizzo, because lauded precisely and almost only because they ARE exceptions), but we only ever see men WANTING that particular body type. I mean, obviously there's the narrative of the 'guy finally falling for the 'plain' girl because she's a better person', but that's always in SPITE of how she looks."
Do we actually need more narratives of men be attracted to (not just 'loving', but actually being attracted to) all sorts of women?

... and how are MEN affected by all this stuff?

Oddly, I just started a thread here titled "Bad sub - fantasy v reality" about this very subject. Somehow, I wasn't getting my point across. It didn't seem to be received in the way I was intending. Somehow I needed to broaden my horizons, look past societal ideals, communicate better.

Anyways. Dating is a bitch. Yeah, yeah, I'm an amazing woman and so is Kim. But jeez louise, kissing the frogs waiting for the guy who digs our kind of amazing sucks. It really shouldn't be this hard.

 

[Dreamliner]

Hang in there Kim, another sunrise tomorrow, coffee on the deck, all will be well.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think I just need to recalibrate a bit ... I realised partly I'm feeling my age. For some reason, I suddenly feel like there's just not much time left ... I suspect that's related to a weird combination of recent events. Time to just refocus a little bit, appreciate the stuff I do have that's great, and let whatever happens come to me, instead of chasing it. I was talking to my ex yesterday about how sometimes being really proactive isn't always the best way to go at things. Sometimes good things happen if you just let them happen, rather than trying to MAKE them happen.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think I just need to recalibrate a bit ... I realised partly I'm feeling my age. For some reason, I suddenly feel like there's just not much time left ... I suspect that's related to a weird combination of recent events. Time to just refocus a little bit, appreciate the stuff I do have that's great, and let whatever happens come to me, instead of chasing it. I was talking to my ex yesterday about how sometimes being really proactive isn't always the best way to go at things. Sometimes good things happen if you just let them happen, rather than trying to MAKE them happen.

So I deleted my profiles on Tinder and on the other site I was using, and that's been a good thing for now - I have a terrible habit of letting that sort of stuff distract me from 'real life', and real life needs a bit more attention right now.
LOL - of course, that's aided by the fact that while the apps are gone, there's still a couple of conversations going on with a guy I met through Tinder, and one I met through the other site. They're both a couple of hours away from where I live, but both in cities I go to pretty regularly. In some ideal universe, it all works out perfectly - one guy seems great for going out to gigs, having a laugh, etc, and the other is very definitely into the kinky fuckery, and also seems like someone who isn't a dick. And they've both been quite sweet about my self confidence slump (which is pretty bloody unsexy, but I suppose some people actually just appreciate honesty). But obviously we don't live in ideal universes, so we'll just see how things go ... at the very least, I'll have a nice lunch next Friday, and a fun date the following weekend.

It's nice to have a rest from feeling like I need to 'sell myself' ... I was reading random websites about how to make the 'best' Tinder profile earlier today, and it really is just marketing. I'm watching 'Love is Blind' on Netflix at the moment - terrible reality TV at its worst, given that obviously the people on it are all definitely conventionally attractive, but the premise is kind of interesting.

 

[KimGordon67]

I was at my third ever yoga class today ... I don't seem to have lost 15 kgs, even after THREE classes, so that's disappointing. But this was a slow class - lots of holding poses for 3 or so minutes, really feeling into the stretch. And I was thinking how good it felt to really *feel* my body ... and then I realised that I was thinking 'again' ... and I started thinking about the bruisey sex, and how of the great things about the pain, and focusing on the pain to see how far you can go, is that you're really IN your body in that moment.
The last lesson I did, I had a moment where I cried ... I think it's somehow the same sort of release as I got/get from the pain. Something ... I don't know. Quite visceral.

 

[Tallcajun]

I was at my third ever yoga class today ... I don't seem to have lost 15 kgs, even after THREE classes, so that's disappointing. But this was a slow class - lots of holding poses for 3 or so minutes, really feeling into the stretch. And I was thinking how good it felt to really *feel* my body ... and then I realised that I was thinking 'again' ... and I started thinking about the bruisey sex, and how of the great things about the pain, and focusing on the pain to see how far you can go, is that you're really IN your body in that moment.
The last lesson I did, I had a moment where I cried ... I think it's somehow the same sort of release as I got/get from the pain. Something ... I don't know. Quite visceral.

I’ve never done yoga nor have ever heard that description of pain/release while doing yoga, but whatvyou describes makes perfect sense.