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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Laughter is Contagious

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The Wolf

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad
wolf crouched down be-hind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."

The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.

"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"
 
The Priest

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest
beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not Lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to Declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you Have to declare from your waistto the floor?"

"I have a marvellous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!
 
The Rope

Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a
helicopter, 10 men and one woman. The rope was not
strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that
one had to drop off, otherwise they all were going to
fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the
woman made a very touching speech. She said that she
would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a
woman she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids and for men in general without ever
getting anything in return. As soon as she finished
her speech, all the men applauded.
 
Gypsybyrd said:
The Rope

Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a
helicopter, 10 men and one woman. The rope was not
strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that
one had to drop off, otherwise they all were going to
fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the
woman made a very touching speech. She said that she
would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a
woman she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids and for men in general without ever
getting anything in return. As soon as she finished
her speech, all the men applauded.
Click to expand...
ROFL ... always knew woment were smarter!
 
CHINESE PROVERBS


Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car gets exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Man with one chopstick goes hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day gets no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
 
Are you missing a 710?

Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked,
"Uhhhh... What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied,
"You know... the little piece in the middle of the engine.
I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there!"

The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a
pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote '710'.

He took her over to another car which had the hood
up and asked her, "Okay... is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said,
"Of course there is! It's right there."
.
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.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.​

 
3 evangelists

Did you hear the one about the day Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell and Robert Schuler were driving to a big "tent meeting" together? Unfortunately, they were involved in a terrible accident and all three were killed. As you might expect they all ascended into heaven and came to standing in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted them and welcomed them to heaven. Then he started to hem and haw around and finally explained that they hadn't any advance notice of this situation and so weren't quite prepared for three so illustrious and holy men. He explained how all three of them qualified for the very finest accommodations heaven had to offer including very large and splendid mansions, but they weren't quite ready so would they mind waiting a few days?

They replied that they wouldn't mind waiting, but were they just going to have to stand there for several days? St. Peter said no, he believed he could arrange temporary quarters for them in Hell. Sometimes Satan was willing to help out in emergencies, whereupon he placed a call to Brother Satan and made the arrangements. They descended into Hell.

Noon on the fourth day after their descent St. Peter gets a frantic phone call from the Devil demanding that he remove these three guys from hell immediately. St. Peter couldn't believe his ears and asked what could possibly be wrong with these three upstanding people.

The Devil replied, "They are ruining my place down here. In less than four days Jerry Falwell has saved everybody, Oral Roberts has healed everybody, and Robert Schuler has raised enough money to air condition the whole damn place!!"
 
hehehe

omg i can't tell you how much good it did for me tonight to find this thread! some of the most hilarious jokes i've ever read!
 
wally2450 said:
Did you hear the one about the day Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell and Robert Schuler were driving to a big "tent meeting" together? Unfortunately, they were involved in a terrible accident and all three were killed. As you might expect they all ascended into heaven and came to standing in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted them and welcomed them to heaven. Then he started to hem and haw around and finally explained that they hadn't any advance notice of this situation and so weren't quite prepared for three so illustrious and holy men. He explained how all three of them qualified for the very finest accommodations heaven had to offer including very large and splendid mansions, but they weren't quite ready so would they mind waiting a few days?

They replied that they wouldn't mind waiting, but were they just going to have to stand there for several days? St. Peter said no, he believed he could arrange temporary quarters for them in Hell. Sometimes Satan was willing to help out in emergencies, whereupon he placed a call to Brother Satan and made the arrangements. They descended into Hell.

Noon on the fourth day after their descent St. Peter gets a frantic phone call from the Devil demanding that he remove these three guys from hell immediately. St. Peter couldn't believe his ears and asked what could possibly be wrong with these three upstanding people.

The Devil replied, "They are ruining my place down here. In less than four days Jerry Falwell has saved everybody, Oral Roberts has healed everybody, and Robert Schuler has raised enough money to air condition the whole damn place!!"
Click to expand...


Wally ~ That is fantastic. Thank you so much! :D
 
Golden years

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

" To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?


...........Keep Reading ..........


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"


............Keep Reading .............

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


............Keep Reading ............


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."


............Keep Reading ...........


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"



............Keep Reading ............


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

................. Stop Reading
 
techsan said:
Golden years

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

" To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?


...........Keep Reading ..........


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"


............Keep Reading .............

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


............Keep Reading ............


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."


............Keep Reading ...........


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"



............Keep Reading ............


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

................. Stop Reading
Click to expand...


Thank you {{{{{{{{{{Techsan}}}}}}}}}}}} :kiss:

Happy 4th of July sweetie!
 
techsan said:
Are you missing a 710?

Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked,
"Uhhhh... What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied,
"You know... the little piece in the middle of the engine.
I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there!"

The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a
pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote '710'.

He took her over to another car which had the hood
up and asked her, "Okay... is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said,
"Of course there is! It's right there."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.​

Click to expand...
LMAO! Poor blondes!
 
Modern times

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date wearing a
See-through blouse and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit,
Telling her not to dare go out like that.
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she flounces.
The next evening the teenager comes downstairs, and her grandmother
Is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
"Grandma I have friends coming over and that's just NOT appropriate".
"Loosen up, sweetie" says Grandma "These are modern times, and if
You can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging
baskets."
 
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