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Laughter is Contagious

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From copperbutterfly ...

This is more of a flashback entertainment clip but it ought to bring smiles to some faces, at least.

The year: 1940.

The movie: "Broadway Melody of 1940".

1. The dancers are Fred Astaire and Eleanor Powell.

2. The voice is Frank Sinatra's.

3. The music is "Begin The Beguin" by Artie Shaw.

4. It was filmed in one shot (without cuts) and in one take.

5. Turn on your sound and...

ENJOY!!!

 
PRE-SCHOOL TEST

Pre-school children were asked the following question:

"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"



http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/P-T/SchoolBus01.jpg

Look carefully at the picture.

Do you know the answer?

The only possible answers are "left" or "right."



Think about it




Still don't know?





Okay, I'll tell you.







The pre-schoolers all answered "left."

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the left direction?"

they answered:

"Because you can't see the door."



Feel pretty dumb now, don't you?

I know, me too.


http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/P-T/SchoolBus02.gif​
 
Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's
his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the
salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers," Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95

Shopping Barbie for $19.95

Beach Barbie for $19.95

Disco Barbie for $19.95

Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the
others only $19.95?"

The salesperson answers: "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,

Ken's House,

Ken's Boat,

Ken's Furniture,

Ken's Computer and...

One of Ken's Friends."
 
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against
marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
pig just to get a little sausage.


1. Men are like ... Laxatives ... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually
head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the
rest are handicapped.
 
 
Here, once again, are the annual Darwin Awards. Among the favorites:

Honorable Mention:

12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrat e the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car while driving around at 2 AM. The bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."

Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

1) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective, Erik Dern.

With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung for at least an hour before a watchman came a long, and during that time he suffocated.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves sh*t happens.
 
techsan said:
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against
marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
pig just to get a little sausage.


1. Men are like ... Laxatives ... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually
head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the
rest are handicapped.
Click to expand...



Thank you {{{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}}} :kiss: Those are great. :D
 
 
techsan said:
Here, once again, are the annual Darwin Awards. Among the favorites:

Honorable Mention:

12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrat e the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car while driving around at 2 AM. The bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."

Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

1) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.

"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective, Erik Dern.

With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung for at least an hour before a watchman came a long, and during that time he suffocated.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves sh*t happens.
Click to expand...


Thank you {{{{{{techie}}}}}}}} This is definitely being forward to my Dad. He loves this stuff. Of course I won't tell him what site this came from.... ;)
 
Another reason to carry extra cash

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her....

"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop.

"How did you get all that money?"

"Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
 
"Can no longer do" list

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the e-mail warning about rat
crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

In fact, I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I can't enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks anymore because they WOULD
NOT
send any coffee to that poor Army Sergeant who requested it.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now cough
myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
can
live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I found in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician, who is a
lawyer.

That about covers it. Have a wonderful day!!
 
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician, who is a
lawyer.

That about covers it. Have a wonderful day!!

ROFLMAO
 
From limiwa ...

Why ARE Men Happier?


Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have a strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your big belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how bad your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier
 
From limiwa ...

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS
(and men who may appreciate good humor)
 
From limiwa ...

TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS THEN OPEN THE LINK AT THE BOTTOM. IT IS
SPECIAL!


The elderly parking lot attendant wasn't in a good mood! Neither was Sam Bierstock. It was around 1 a.m., and Bierstock, a Delray Beach, Fla. Eye doctor, business consultant, corporate speaker and musician, was bone tired after appearing at an event. He pulled up in his car, and the parking attendant began to speak.

"I took two bullets for this country and look what I'm doing," he said bitterly. At first, Bierstock didn't know what to say to the World War II veteran. But he rolled down his window and told the man, "Really, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you." Then the old soldier began to cry. "That really got to me," Bierstock says.

Cut to today. Bierstock, 58, and John Melnick, 54, of Pompano Beach - a member of Bierstock's band, Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Band - have written a song inspired by that old soldier in the airport parking lot.

The mournful "Before You Go" does more than salute those who fought in WWII. It encourages people to go out of their way to thank the aging warriors before they die. "If we had lost that particular war, our whole way of life would have been shot," says Bierstock, who plays harmonica. "The WW II soldiers are now dying at the rate of about 2,000 every day. I thought we needed to thank them." The song is striking a chord. Within four days of Bierstock placing it on the Web, the song and accompanying photo essay have bounced around nine countries, producing tears and heartfelt thanks from veterans, their sons and daughters and grandchildren.

"It made me cry," wrote one veteran's son.

Another sent an e-mail saying that only after his father consumed several glasses of wine would he discuss "the unspeakable horrors" he and other soldiers had witnessed in places such as Anzio, Iwo Jima, Bataan and Omaha Beach.

"I can never thank them enough," the son wrote. "Thank you for thinking about them."

Bierstock and Melnick thought about shipping it off to a professional singer, maybe a Lee Greenwood type, but because time was running out for so many veterans, they decided it was best to release it quickly, for free, on the Web. They've sent the song to Sen. John McCain and others in Washington. Already they have been invited to perform it in Houston for a Veterans Day tribute - this after just a few days on the Web. They hope every veteran in America gets a chance to hear it. GOD BLESSES every veteran...and THANK you to those of you
veterans who may receive this!



CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO HEAR THE SONG AND SEE THE PI CTURES

http://www.managedmusic.com/beforeyougo.html
 
techsan said:
From limiwa ...

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS
(and men who may appreciate good humor)
Click to expand...
Thanks!
 
Sam returns home from the war...

Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a purple heart on!"

His mother replied, "I don't give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Joneses' for a couple hours."
 
pleaz_me said:
The overweight Blonde :rolleyes:

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
Click to expand...


LMAO....Gotta try that diet!
 
Lots of funny stuff as usual! Thank you all for the giggles and the laughs!



The new Texas preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty, the country music singer.

One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.

He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"

"No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I came to have prayer with you." So she said come right on in.

He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.

Then he came to a young widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"

And the preacher said...........

"Hello Darlin"
 
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