kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
1. Sign over a Gynecologist's office: 'Dr. Jones at your cervix!'
2. In a Podiatrist's office: 'Time wounds all heels.'
3. On a septic tank truck: 'Yesterday's Meals On Wheels'.
4. On a plumber's truck: 'We repair what your husband fixed.'
5. On another plumber's truck: 'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'
6. At a tire store: 'Invite us to your next blowout.'
7. On an electrician's truck: 'Let us remove your shorts.'
8. On a Maternity Room door: 'Push. Push. Push.'
9. On a fence: 'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
10. At a radiator shop: 'Best place in town to take a leak.'
2. In a Podiatrist's office: 'Time wounds all heels.'
3. On a septic tank truck: 'Yesterday's Meals On Wheels'.
4. On a plumber's truck: 'We repair what your husband fixed.'
5. On another plumber's truck: 'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'
6. At a tire store: 'Invite us to your next blowout.'
7. On an electrician's truck: 'Let us remove your shorts.'
8. On a Maternity Room door: 'Push. Push. Push.'
9. On a fence: 'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
10. At a radiator shop: 'Best place in town to take a leak.'
G
Guest
Guest
Three dead bodies turn up at the Woodstock morgue, all with very big smiles on their faces. Along with them comes a Inspector Andries to find out how they died.
'First body: David from Bishop's Court, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,'
says the Coroner.
'Second body: Andrew from Hanover Park , 25, won a million rand in the lottery, spent it all on cheap wine. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'What of the third body?'
Ah,' says the coroner, 'This is the most unusual one. Smiley, a bergie from Gugulethu , 30, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
'Thought he was having his picture taken!'
'First body: David from Bishop's Court, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,'
says the Coroner.
'Second body: Andrew from Hanover Park , 25, won a million rand in the lottery, spent it all on cheap wine. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'What of the third body?'
Ah,' says the coroner, 'This is the most unusual one. Smiley, a bergie from Gugulethu , 30, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
'Thought he was having his picture taken!'
G
Guest
Guest
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood & began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to p!ss off & let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"OK, follow me", he said & flew out of the cave with hundreds of excited bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river & into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down & all the other bats excitedly milled
around him, tongues hanging out for blood. "Do you see that
large oak tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good for you!" said the bat, "Because I f*cking didn't"
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood & began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to p!ss off & let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"OK, follow me", he said & flew out of the cave with hundreds of excited bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river & into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down & all the other bats excitedly milled
around him, tongues hanging out for blood. "Do you see that
large oak tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good for you!" said the bat, "Because I f*cking didn't"
G
Guest
Guest
They live among us...
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where???"
***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
****
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had a 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kg.
***
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car - it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the boot.
***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain ripout every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no
matter which way the head is turned.
***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
******
What's really scary is...
not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where???"
***
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
****
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
***
I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had a 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kg.
***
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car - it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the boot.
***
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain ripout every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no
matter which way the head is turned.
***
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
***
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
******
What's really scary is...
not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 21, 2006
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Very nice! Thanks for posting that one!
- curl
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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Thoughts
1 - If you are too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2 - Don't worry about what other people think; they don't do it often.
3 - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4 - It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5 - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6 - My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7 - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8 - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9 - Foe every action, there ia an equal and opposite government program.
10 - If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11 - Bills travel trough the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
13 - Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14 - Men are from earth, Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15 - No man has ever been shot doing the dishes.
16 - A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17 - Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18 - Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19 - Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20 - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21 - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22 - By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.
23 - Thou shalt not weight more than the refrigerator.
24 - Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25 - If you must choose two evils, chose the one you've never tried before.
1 - If you are too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2 - Don't worry about what other people think; they don't do it often.
3 - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4 - It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5 - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6 - My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7 - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8 - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9 - Foe every action, there ia an equal and opposite government program.
10 - If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11 - Bills travel trough the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
13 - Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14 - Men are from earth, Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15 - No man has ever been shot doing the dishes.
16 - A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17 - Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18 - Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19 - Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20 - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21 - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22 - By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.
23 - Thou shalt not weight more than the refrigerator.
24 - Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25 - If you must choose two evils, chose the one you've never tried before.
Last edited:
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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How true! Thanks for the laughs, smoothdevil!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
4. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
5. A backward poet writes inverse.
6. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
2. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
4. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
5. A backward poet writes inverse.
6. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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Very cute! Thanks, kayte!
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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I just love a good behind.
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
availableslave2u
naturally moist
- Joined
- May 25, 2007
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- 58,013
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!'
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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- Oct 21, 2004
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the problem is that these people breed .... mmmmmmmmmmmmm
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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Just For Men
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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- Posts
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Head of Household
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, 'I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter.'
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household!
'You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
'Out of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.'
God turned to the one man and asked, 'How did you manage to be the only one in this line?'
The man replied, 'My wife told me to stand here.'
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, 'I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter.'
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household!
'You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
'Out of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.'
God turned to the one man and asked, 'How did you manage to be the only one in this line?'
The man replied, 'My wife told me to stand here.'
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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wally2450
Inquisitive
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- Dec 12, 2005
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Mary: My friend Joe called me last night to complain about his home
life.
Jill: Really? What's the problem?
Mary: Oh, it's the usual. His daughter's a teenager. You know how
teens can be!
Jill: Oh, yes, I do!
Mary: He said, "I can't get a break! My daughter's 14 and getting
breasts, and my wife's 48 and getting a moustache!"
life.
Jill: Really? What's the problem?
Mary: Oh, it's the usual. His daughter's a teenager. You know how
teens can be!
Jill: Oh, yes, I do!
Mary: He said, "I can't get a break! My daughter's 14 and getting
breasts, and my wife's 48 and getting a moustache!"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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- Oct 21, 2004
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- 14,521
How To Make Love
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results.
Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results.
Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 21, 2006
- Posts
- 2,017
Very funny! Thanks, smoothdevil!
katt_g
property of Master Matt
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2008
- Posts
- 1,591
cute one....
Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, I was fedup and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,
I quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."
I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, I was fedup and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,
I quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."
I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
Chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
With colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
The pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
Variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
Need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
At which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
Soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
That if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
Belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
Of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
Stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
Are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
Enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
Until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
Over.
So which is it?
If we accept the assertion given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
That, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
Into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
Must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
Frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
Follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
Extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
Divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
Chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
With colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
The pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
Variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
Need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
At which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
Soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
That if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
Belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
Of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
Stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
Are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
Enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
Until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
Over.
So which is it?
If we accept the assertion given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
That, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
Into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
Must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
Frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
Follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
Extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
Divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says," I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says," I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
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