Laughter is Contagious

[kayte]

Nominated as the best short joke of the year

A Three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a
bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."

 

[kayte]

Subject: Cajun Prenuptial Agreement



"Prenuptial Agreement - Cajun Style"

Boudreaux done got old and his childen dun put
him in the old folks home near Beau Bridge ,
Louisiana where he dun met a lovely lady dat
were from Texas . Now Boudreaux being a fine
upstanding Catholic, he didn't want to do nutin
dat were aganst his religion, no. So he dun
propose marriage. Now both Boudreaux and
Mable were in their 80s.

Mable went and told everyone at the Senior
Citizens home the good news. Renee, Mable's
best friend told her that since she was very
wealthy and the person she was about to wed
was, well to say the least not worth much and
she should insist on a Prenuptial Agreement.

Mable was sitting on the porch swing with
Boudreaux and she told him she would marry
him providing he would sign a prenuptial agreement.

Boudreaux dun told Mable I'll sign agreement,
you bet, 'cause I luv you so much.'

Mable got out her pen and paper and started:

She said: I want to keep my house down in
Texas with all the oil wells.

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my shak
on the bayou.

She said: I want to keep my Cadillac, BMW and
Lexus.

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my
pick 'em up truck.

She said: I want to keep my yacht that is moored
near my summer home in Padre Island , Texas .

He said: That's fine with me. I'll keep my pirogue
on the bayou.

She said: I want to keep all my jewelry.

He said: That's fine with me.

She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.

He said: Put me down for Fridays

ROTFLMAO!

 

[kayte]

Luigi's Train Ride


After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, 'Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?'

Luigi said, 'Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down.'

'Whata you mean, Luigi?' asked Giovanni.

'Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food. She brough ta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us andasay, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino! Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in dis a car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokin a disa car.
Mus ta go to a smokina car.' 'We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at a top of his a voice 'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

'Nexta time, I'ma justa gonna taka da bus!'

Groans and LOL!!!

 

[smoothdevil]

An Irishman & Wife are at the bank

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says,

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.'

 

[kayte]

Tech Support

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. So you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write "click" and I wrote "click".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the "OK" button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow!" How can you see my screen from there?"

 

[kayte]

An Irishman & Wife are at the bank

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says,

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.'

ROTFLMAO!
Now is that taking advantage of a situation?

 

[done_got_old]

An Irishman & Wife are at the bank

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says,

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.'

Who says old folks aren't quick thinkers?

 

[done_got_old]

*New Diet*


Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful - we never even felt hungry!

But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again.

There, in fine print, was: "Serves 6."

 

[omahaman2]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

 

[done_got_old]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

ROFLMAO
I'm telling the brat that you posted her story as a joke!

 

[curl4ever]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

A five-star groaner and a blonde joke at the same time. That deserves some special award.

 

[done_got_old]

A five-star groaner and a blonde joke at the same time. That deserves some special award.

The brat will give it to him.

 

[kayte]

Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful - we never even felt hungry!

But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again.

There, in fine print, was: "Serves 6."

{{{{{{DGO}}}}}} Groans! That is great!

 

[kayte]

Congratulations!

Overheard in the next cubicle: "Ted got promoted, so I'm collecting money to buy him a cake."
"What? Now he'll be grossly overcompensated compared with the rest of us. Buying him a cake only exasperates the unfairness!"
There was a pause.
"Did you know he has high cholesterol?"
"Here's my dollar!"





Have any friends who need cakes?

 

[kayte]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Thanks {{{{{Oman}}}} Nice to see you sweetie.

 

[smoothdevil]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

grooaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn .... lol lol

 

[sasebrats]

A strawberry blonde was weed eating her yard and accidentally sliced off part of her cat's tail, which had been hiding in the tall grass. She rushed her cat along with the severed tail part over to her nearest WalMart store.

WalMart??!! WHY WALMART??!!

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO....

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world.

DAMMIT OMAN! You PROMISED you wouldn't say anything.

ROFLMAO
I'm telling the brat that you posted her story as a joke!

Thanks DGO for havin' my back.

 

[kayte]

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.
The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"RUB MY NIPPLES!"
"RUB MY NIPPLES!"
"RUB MY NIPPLES!"
The befuddled clerk, in front of a growing crowd of customers, ran away to get the store manager.
The manager comes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.
Once again the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,
"RUB MY NIPPLES!'
"RUB MY NIPPLES!"
"RUB MY NIPPLES!"
and, in doing so, draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES RUBBED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and the woman's money was quickly refunded.

 

[kayte]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.



1. A Bible.

2. A silver dollar.


3. A bottle of whisky.
4. And a Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's g oing to be a skirt-chasing womanizer'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

< /FONT>Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.

'He's gonna run for Congress.'

 

[college_boy87]

A man has just arrived at a hotel and wants to take a shower. So he gets undressed and turns on the water when he realizes there's no soap, so he wraps a towel around himself and goes down to the front desk and they give him two bars of soap. As he's waiting for the elevator he accidentally drops his towel, but before he can pick it up three nuns walk over to wait for the elevator. The man has no idea what to do, so he just freezes. One of the nuns says, "This is an interesting statue, really lifelike!" The second nun says, "yeah! I dont know why they gave it this though" and she grabs his cock. The man is so surprised that he drops a bar of soap. The first nun says "Oh, it's a soap dispenser" and she grabs his cock, so the man drops the other bar of soap to keep them from realizing hes alive. The third nun grabs him, and starts rubbing her hands together. the first nun asks, "why are you doing that" and she replies, "I got liquid soap."

 

[kayte]

3rd Race at The Honeymoon is Over Downs.

 

[smoothdevil]

3rd Race at The Honeymoon is Over Downs.

ROTFLMAO ..........................

 

[done_got_old]

3rd Race at The Honeymoon is Over Downs.

OMG, that's too funny!

 

[groovenut31]

Two lawyers are leaving the office. " I cant wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door Im gonna rip my wifes' panties right off."

"I know the feeling." The other says.

"No, Im serious," says the 1st.."They're killing me!"

 

[done_got_old]

Two lawyers are leaving the office. " I cant wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door Im gonna rip my wifes' panties right off."

"I know the feeling." The other says.

"No, Im serious," says the 1st.."They're killing me!"

ROFLMAO