done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 13, 2003
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- 269,162
I don't know how I missed this. Perhaps I'll tell this one in......no, that won't work.
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
I don't know how I missed this. Perhaps I'll tell this one in......no, that won't work.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Royal Stables
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by broke wind so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen. "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the archbishop and - after a moment - added, "As a matter of fact, until you spoke up, I thought it was the horse."
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by broke wind so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen. "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the archbishop and - after a moment - added, "As a matter of fact, until you spoke up, I thought it was the horse."
brummiesteve
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 30, 2008
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- 8,425
It's funny
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
FIVE HORSES
A man asked an American Indian what his wife's name was.
He replied, "She called Five Horse".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean,
wait for it .................
wait for it .................
Nag ...... nag ...... nag ..... nag .....nag
A man asked an American Indian what his wife's name was.
He replied, "She called Five Horse".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean,
wait for it .................
wait for it .................
Nag ...... nag ...... nag ..... nag .....nag
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
No Christmas in Washington DC this year.
feel free to insert any city name as it will fit right in in
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.
A search for a Virgin continues.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
feel free to insert any city name as it will fit right in in
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.
A search for a Virgin continues.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
The World's Shortest Books:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
20 HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
B y Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J.. Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
20 HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
B y Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J.. Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi
call_me_Melody
V-Chip Enabled
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- Aug 6, 2009
- Posts
- 8,862
What's a mummy's favorite type of music....
Rap get it? wrap?
(insert groan here)
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts....
(insert more groans here)
Someone please rescue me from pre-teen humor....
Rap get it? wrap?
(insert groan here)
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts....
(insert more groans here)
Someone please rescue me from pre-teen humor....
PolyLvr
Literotica Guru
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- Jun 18, 2009
- Posts
- 1,849
That's the best kind, when said preteens are giggling endlessly telling you jokes.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
A Las Vegas magician amazed the crowd, so much so that a man in the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"
The magician responded with a laugh, "If I told you, sir, I'd have to kill you."
The man yelled back, "Okay, then, tell my wife!"
The magician responded with a laugh, "If I told you, sir, I'd have to kill you."
The man yelled back, "Okay, then, tell my wife!"
jeff_is_smiling
Mentally Controlling
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2002
- Posts
- 115,012
A drunk looks out the window of the bar and see's a nicely dressed man staning at the curb across the street at the driveway entrance to a hotel. A few moments later, a gorgeous red head walks past. The man across the street says something to her, and the woman stops, faces him and slaps his face with all her might.
The man then says something else and the woman covers her face with her hands and seems to be apologizing. Then the two walk arm and arm into the hotel. About an hour later, the woman emerges and leaves, then the man comes out. he returns to the curb and waits.
Suddenly a stunning brunette walks by. The drunk see's the same scene play out: The man says something, the woman slaps his face, then after a few more words, they leave arm-in-arm to the hotel. An hour later, she leaves, then the man comes out to the curb again.
Shortly afterwards, same thing happens a thrid time - this time with an incredible blonde woman. The drunk keeps drinking while watching all this, then decides to have a word with the man and find out his secret.
The drunk asks the man what his secret is. The man eyes the drunk and says, "Well, since it doesn't look like you will be much competition for me - I'll tell you. All I do is whisper to the woman as she walks by, 'tickle your ass with a feather?' She slaps me hard, then I tell her she misunderstood me. That what I had actually said was, 'particularly nice weather.' The women all get embarrassed and agree to let me buy them a drink in the hotel. After I get them inside, I take them to my room and we have great sex. Then they leave. it is just that easy!"
The drunk thanks him, then goes back to the bar to drink some more courage before trying it himself. Once the man leaves, the drunk goes to the same spot and waits for his chance.
A particularly attractive woman arrives and walks by. The drunk seizes his chance boldly.
"Stick a feather in your ass? Fucking cold out here, ain't it..."
The man then says something else and the woman covers her face with her hands and seems to be apologizing. Then the two walk arm and arm into the hotel. About an hour later, the woman emerges and leaves, then the man comes out. he returns to the curb and waits.
Suddenly a stunning brunette walks by. The drunk see's the same scene play out: The man says something, the woman slaps his face, then after a few more words, they leave arm-in-arm to the hotel. An hour later, she leaves, then the man comes out to the curb again.
Shortly afterwards, same thing happens a thrid time - this time with an incredible blonde woman. The drunk keeps drinking while watching all this, then decides to have a word with the man and find out his secret.
The drunk asks the man what his secret is. The man eyes the drunk and says, "Well, since it doesn't look like you will be much competition for me - I'll tell you. All I do is whisper to the woman as she walks by, 'tickle your ass with a feather?' She slaps me hard, then I tell her she misunderstood me. That what I had actually said was, 'particularly nice weather.' The women all get embarrassed and agree to let me buy them a drink in the hotel. After I get them inside, I take them to my room and we have great sex. Then they leave. it is just that easy!"
The drunk thanks him, then goes back to the bar to drink some more courage before trying it himself. Once the man leaves, the drunk goes to the same spot and waits for his chance.
A particularly attractive woman arrives and walks by. The drunk seizes his chance boldly.
"Stick a feather in your ass? Fucking cold out here, ain't it..."
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school
So they went to the nearest church.. But, only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?"
Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized!"
When they got outside, one of them asked, "'What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?
They all joined in asking, 'Yeah! What do you think that means?'
"I think it means we're Pisskopailians!"
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school
So they went to the nearest church.. But, only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?"
Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized!"
When they got outside, one of them asked, "'What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?
They all joined in asking, 'Yeah! What do you think that means?'
"I think it means we're Pisskopailians!"
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 13, 2003
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- 269,162
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
ROTFLMAO! So true too about ESL.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Her Sexual Problem
A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life.
The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once," the woman replied.
"Well, how did he look?" coaxed the psychiatrist.
"Very angry," she answered.
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. Tell me, how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was outside, looking through the window at us."
A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life.
The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once," the woman replied.
"Well, how did he look?" coaxed the psychiatrist.
"Very angry," she answered.
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. Tell me, how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was outside, looking through the window at us."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Gotta Laugh ....
to keep from crying:
The economy is
so bad that I got a
pre-declined credit card in the mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds
and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now
playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your
check marked "InsufficientFunds," you call them and ask if they
meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox
stocks are trading higher than GM.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4
ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills
fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was
caught sneaking into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his
stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the
light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off
judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25
Congressmen.
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into
this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh
Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
to keep from crying:
The economy is
so bad that I got a
pre-declined credit card in the mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds
and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now
playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your
check marked "InsufficientFunds," you call them and ask if they
meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox
stocks are trading higher than GM.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4
ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills
fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was
caught sneaking into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his
stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the
light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off
judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25
Congressmen.
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into
this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Oh
Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
LOL LOL LOL
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
G R E A T ..................
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule as to when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and set up a distillery. After the first few liters of coconut whiskey they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule as to when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and set up a distillery. After the first few liters of coconut whiskey they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Missionary
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief stoically replied, "My bike."
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief stoically replied, "My bike."
why are panties plural and bra singular? (and by the way, now thong is singular as well)
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
New Scam Against Men Only
Ladies – warn your husbands!
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your supplies into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 10th, 13th, 16th & 22nd, three times this morning and very likely again tomorrow.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out . Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.
Be careful out there.
Ladies – warn your husbands!
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your supplies into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 10th, 13th, 16th & 22nd, three times this morning and very likely again tomorrow.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out . Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot.
Be careful out there.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Preparing The Will
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office.
"You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" the elderly woman asked.
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
"I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.
"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on," said the woman." I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
"Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you!" the lawyer exclaimed. "I need to know what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married and the fact is I've never slept with a man. So before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me just once."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went in. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out, so she blew the car horn.
Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the county bury her."
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office.
"You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" the elderly woman asked.
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
"I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.
"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on," said the woman." I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
"Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you!" the lawyer exclaimed. "I need to know what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married and the fact is I've never slept with a man. So before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me just once."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went in. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out, so she blew the car horn.
Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the county bury her."
done_got_old
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Kayte, that was great!
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