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Laughter is Contagious

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Old...recycled...:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You

must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents

a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled

out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair

of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......
 
The viagra prescription


A man goes to the doctor and asks for a prescription for
Viagra.

Doctor looks the man over and says, "Viagra can be very
dangerous, and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail."

So the next week the man shows up with his wife. The doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments, and she follows him back to the examining room.

The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around a few times, instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and he goes back out to meet his patient.

"Sir," the doctor says, "There is nothing wrong with you.
I couldn't get an erection either."
.
.
 
24 Hours To Live

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, Morris goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as Morris gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please ... just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, Dear;" and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses.
"Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could ..."
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, enough is enough! I have to get up in the morning
... you don't."
 
A man hires a hitman to kill his wife.
The hitman says to him, "I will shoot her just below her left tit"
The man replies, "I want you to kill her, not kneecap her!"
 
kayte said:
24 Hours To Live

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, Morris goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as Morris gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please ... just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, Dear;" and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses.
"Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could ..."
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, enough is enough! I have to get up in the morning
... you don't."
Click to expand...

Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
 
maybe

maybe doesnt work typing this joke but

heard about the magic tractor , turned in to a field
 
Blonde Password​

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento​

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital..
 
done_got_old said:
Blonde Password​

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento​

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital..
Click to expand...

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
 
done_got_old said:
Blonde Password​

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento​

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital..
Click to expand...

{{{{{DGO}}}}}}}} That is great! :D:D:D
 
1. Happiest Day

It was the happiest day of my life.
I arrived at the church, my husband waiting at the altar.
I walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled ... and closed the lid!

2. Mess

A new female Army recruit reported for duty at a small post and was told that, although her quarters were in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
Weeks later she learned that meant she was supposed to eat her meals with them.
 
kayte said:
1. Happiest Day

It was the happiest day of my life.
I arrived at the church, my husband waiting at the altar.
I walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled ... and closed the lid!

2. Mess

A new female Army recruit reported for duty at a small post and was told that, although her quarters were in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
Weeks later she learned that meant she was supposed to eat her meals with them.
Click to expand...

roflmfbo
 
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