Laughter is Contagious

[Tawny_Temptress]

http://i435.photobucket.com/albums/qq73/Jaded1pics/valenine11.jpg

 

[kayte]

http://i435.photobucket.com/albums/qq73/Jaded1pics/valenine11.jpg

{{{{{{{Tawny}}}}}}

That is great. I do have a question. Which head?

 

[Sheena_Sinzli]

http://i435.photobucket.com/albums/qq73/Jaded1pics/valenine11.jpg

Lol! Tough Love

 

[Sheena_Sinzli]

http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/jgg/faceless.20100201.148.jpg

 

[kayte]

http://www.jollygoodjokes.com/jgg/faceless.20100201.148.jpg

Good afternoon Sheena ~ It is so much a matter of perspective. I'm LMAO!

 

[kayte]

1. Grocery Shopping

My wife sent me to the grocery store for organic vegetables, but not wanting to drive to our usual store, I just stopped at the corner market.
They didn't seem to carry organic produce, so I found the manager.
"These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
He looked at me and replied, "Nope. You're gonna have to do that yourself!"

2. At The Doctors

The blonde patient was adamant.
"Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans..."
"Whoa. Just a minute," interrupted the doctor. "What makes you think you need all these?"
"Well," said the blonde, "my boss said, if I want to keep my job, I've got to get reorganized!"

3. Public Service Alert

WARNING: If you receive an e-mail from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu -- ignore it. It's just spam.

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it

 

[kayte]

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it

Good evening {{{{Hottie}}}}} That is great.

 

[kayte]

Good afternoon all.

A. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

B. Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

C. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

D. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

E. You only need two tools in life -- WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

F. Some people are like slinkies -- not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Say Partner

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

and here's a funny clip i found on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCr-l9naPmE

 

[done_got_old]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

and here's a funny clip i found on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCr-l9naPmE

unexpected end

 

[kayte]

Australian Investment Advice

In 2001, if you had bought $1,000 of One-Tel stock, it would now be worth about $9 to you as an unsecured creditor if you are lucky.

In 2002, if you had bought HIH stock, you would have about $6.50 left of the original $1,000 investment.

In 2003, if you had gone overseas and bought ENRON, you would have less than $5 left.

But, If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer in early 2009 - one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned the aluminum cans in for the recycling price, you would have $24!

Based on the above, the best investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

 

[kayte]

Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing." on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/lays.jpg

 

[kayte]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/lays.jpg

ROTFLMAO!!!!

 

[done_got_old]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

I can't remember, but didn't lays use the slogan that you can't eat just one?

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/PO.jpg

 

[smoothdevil]

Religions of the World
---------------------------

TAOISM............................ Shit happens
HINDUISM.........................This shit happened before
ISLAM............................... If shit happens, take a hostage
BUDDHISM........................ When shit happens is it really shit
7th DAY ADVENTIST.......... Shit happens on Saturday
PROTESTANTISM............... Shit won't happen if I work harder
CATHOLICISM................... If shit happens, I deserve it
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS ........ Knock, Knock, "Shit happens"
JUDAISM........................... Why does shit always happen to me
HARE KRISHNA.................. Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong
ATHEISM........................... No shit
TV EVANGELISM................ Send more shit
RASTAFARIANISM.............. Let's smoke this shit

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bunny?

A rabbit with a foot wide ass hole....

 

[sexy_hottie_2003]

Things on the love landscape sure have changed over the years...

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max



MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!

 

[kayte]

I can't remember, but didn't lays use the slogan that you can't eat just one?

I think you are right! Have a fantastic day hon.

 

[kayte]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/PO.jpg

Giggles! That is so funny. Out of the mouth of babes......

 

[kayte]

Religions of the World
---------------------------

TAOISM............................ Shit happens
HINDUISM.........................This shit happened before
ISLAM............................... If shit happens, take a hostage
BUDDHISM........................ When shit happens is it really shit
7th DAY ADVENTIST.......... Shit happens on Saturday
PROTESTANTISM............... Shit won't happen if I work harder
CATHOLICISM................... If shit happens, I deserve it
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS ........ Knock, Knock, "Shit happens"
JUDAISM........................... Why does shit always happen to me
HARE KRISHNA.................. Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong
ATHEISM........................... No shit
TV EVANGELISM................ Send more shit
RASTAFARIANISM.............. Let's smoke this shit

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Good morning {{{{{Smooth}}}}}} I think that sums it up so very well!

 

[kayte]

Things on the love landscape sure have changed over the years...

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max



MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!

Good morning {{{{{Hottie}}}}}} LMAO!

 

[andrewgoogle]

Tattoos

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"

She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"