Lil_Jenni's Adventures, Past and Present...

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I have an AI generated image for the same reason and every time I have to say “this is close except for the bustline” because the AI would not create b cup breasts. It just couldn’t do it.

https://imgur.com/a/oHUaKdm

That was a pretty convincing AI image until I noticed the tiles are different sizes.

 

[Mada69]

That was a pretty convincing AI image until I noticed the tiles are different sizes.

That's a good catch! I wasn't even looking at the tiles.

 

[drobert44]

I've been trying not to burden people here with my shit, but this is my thread, so fuck it...

You want to know the worst part of having twin infants? Hint: It's not It being overly busy. Yeah, that's rough, and there are times I don't think I will ever be up to the task, but at least I'm busy.

It's the boredom that comes between bouts of manic activity. With one infant, a caregiver can usually find time for other activities. But I don't feel I can. Part of it's exhaustion, but that's not the real problem. The real problem is that I'm always on edge because I know one of them is going to need something at any minute. So I don't do anything that really engages my mind because I know I'll be interrupted. So, inbetween flurries of activities, I sit around bored and exhausted and watching TV, although not shows I have to think about.

Even posting here is sometimes not possible. I stopped in the middle of this post because one was wet. I checked the other, and she's dry, but I'm guessing it's a matter of time. So here I'll sit, waiting to be called to duty...

We had preemie twin boys, 10 weeks early. Wife was exhausted, breast fed, wandered around like a ghost in a trance. Thank God her mom moved in for a few months..........today they are strong men. Can you join a twin club?

 

[drobert44]

We had preemie twin boys, 10 weeks early. Wife was exhausted, breast fed, wandered around like a ghost in a trance. Thank God her mom moved in for a few months..........today they are strong men. Can you join a twin club?

The first thing I did when home from work was grab one of them, just to even up the odds...........we are divorced, but I still go and do for her, at 80; a damn good mom and granny..

 

[lil_jenni]

I had a very thought provoking session with my therapist on Thursday, and the thinking parts been going on since. It was about me posting here. Specifically why I come here seeking validation/attention in ways away from which I say I want to move. For example, I love it when someone reacts to my posts/experiences/life with the . It's similar to how I used to love to see the shocked look on guys' faces when I offered to blow them at a party or in the library or student union... or the shocked looks I'd get when wearing revealing clothing while shopping...

The exhibition example is better for what I do here, because it is really the same thing. I want people to see me and be shocked, maybe because I'm worried that sexually is the only way part of me can be seen.

I know my Hubby should be all the validation I need, and I wish that were true, but it's not. And the thing that tears me up inside is that he does everything I could have ever hoped for to help me feel better about myself... except really understand that part of me that needs, I don't know, validation as a purely sexual being? That sounds too abstract. It's more raw than that. Fuck.

Anyway, I want to move away from needing that. I do. I really fucking do. And I try. But then I post here about something like getting my taste for cum back, and I get the reactions I need. And then I sit and get down on myself for needing those reactions. Something has to change.

I'm not leaving, probably, at least not any time soon. Fuck if I know what I'm doing, really. I mean, I love this thread. You all read my shit about my kids and what car to buy and stuff, and it's amazing. But sometimes I worry it's just in hope of seeing what outrages thing the silly slut will let slip when she's needs validation. And I hope none of you feel insulted, but it's something I worry about. Fuck.

Maybe I should wait and try to post this when I can be more articulate and explain myself better. But, there may be a value in getting this out, in all it's confused glory, because it's what I'm feeling right now. And yeah, I know it's just another way of doing what I'm worried about doing, but what the fuck. If you all haven't figured it out so far, I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

For all those who think my husband is a lucky guy, do you see now why I don't always see it? He is far more than I deserve and yet is never truly enough for me. What a hell for a man like him to live in. And he fucking knows and yet stands back and gives me space to be here, to fuck other people, to reveal so much shit about myself here. And that's what's really killing me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want him to be enough. I want my family to be enough. Fuck.

Sorry. Had to get this out. It's a mess. I'm a mess.

 

[13Fantasies]

I had a very thought provoking session with my therapist on Thursday, and the thinking parts been going on since. It was about me posting here. Specifically why I come here seeking validation/attention in ways away from which I say I want to move. For example, I love it when someone reacts to my posts/experiences/life with the . It's similar to how I used to love to see the shocked look on guys' faces when I offered to blow them at a party or in the library or student union... or the shocked looks I'd get when wearing revealing clothing while shopping...

The exhibition example is better for what I do here, because it is really the same thing. I want people to see me and be shocked, maybe because I'm worried that sexually is the only way part of me can be seen.

I know my Hubby should be all the validation I need, and I wish that were true, but it's not. And the thing that tears me up inside is that he does everything I could have ever hoped for to help me feel better about myself... except really understand that part of me that needs, I don't know, validation as a purely sexual being? That sounds too abstract. It's more raw than that. Fuck.

Anyway, I want to move away from needing that. I do. I really fucking do. And I try. But then I post here about something like getting my taste for cum back, and I get the reactions I need. And then I sit and get down on myself for needing those reactions. Something has to change.

I'm not leaving, probably, at least not any time soon. Fuck if I know what I'm doing, really. I mean, I love this thread. You all read my shit about my kids and what car to buy and stuff, and it's amazing. But sometimes I worry it's just in hope of seeing what outrages thing the silly slut will let slip when she's needs validation. And I hope none of you feel insulted, but it's something I worry about. Fuck.

Maybe I should wait and try to post this when I can be more articulate and explain myself better. But, there may be a value in getting this out, in all it's confused glory, because it's what I'm feeling right now. And yeah, I know it's just another way of doing what I'm worried about doing, but what the fuck. If you all haven't figured it out so far, I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

For all those who think my husband is a lucky guy, do you see now why I don't always see it? He is far more than I deserve and yet is never truly enough for me. What a hell for a man like him to live in. And he fucking knows and yet stands back and gives me space to be here, to fuck other people, to reveal so much shit about myself here. And that's what's really killing me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want him to be enough. I want my family to be enough. Fuck.

Sorry. Had to get this out. It's a mess. I'm a mess.

Sometimes a break can give perspective. We'd all miss you, but it can help. I know it's helped me multiple times.

And while I enjoy your stories and envy your husband, I enjoy hearing you talk about your life that isn't sexual too.

Whatever you decide, please know you've made friends here. We wsnt what's best for you. -Hugs-

 

[Centauri1]

I had a very thought provoking session with my therapist on Thursday, and the thinking parts been going on since. It was about me posting here. Specifically why I come here seeking validation/attention in ways away from which I say I want to move. For example, I love it when someone reacts to my posts/experiences/life with the . It's similar to how I used to love to see the shocked look on guys' faces when I offered to blow them at a party or in the library or student union... or the shocked looks I'd get when wearing revealing clothing while shopping...

The exhibition example is better for what I do here, because it is really the same thing. I want people to see me and be shocked, maybe because I'm worried that sexually is the only way part of me can be seen.

I know my Hubby should be all the validation I need, and I wish that were true, but it's not. And the thing that tears me up inside is that he does everything I could have ever hoped for to help me feel better about myself... except really understand that part of me that needs, I don't know, validation as a purely sexual being? That sounds too abstract. It's more raw than that. Fuck.

Anyway, I want to move away from needing that. I do. I really fucking do. And I try. But then I post here about something like getting my taste for cum back, and I get the reactions I need. And then I sit and get down on myself for needing those reactions. Something has to change.

I'm not leaving, probably, at least not any time soon. Fuck if I know what I'm doing, really. I mean, I love this thread. You all read my shit about my kids and what car to buy and stuff, and it's amazing. But sometimes I worry it's just in hope of seeing what outrages thing the silly slut will let slip when she's needs validation. And I hope none of you feel insulted, but it's something I worry about. Fuck.

Maybe I should wait and try to post this when I can be more articulate and explain myself better. But, there may be a value in getting this out, in all it's confused glory, because it's what I'm feeling right now. And yeah, I know it's just another way of doing what I'm worried about doing, but what the fuck. If you all haven't figured it out so far, I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

For all those who think my husband is a lucky guy, do you see now why I don't always see it? He is far more than I deserve and yet is never truly enough for me. What a hell for a man like him to live in. And he fucking knows and yet stands back and gives me space to be here, to fuck other people, to reveal so much shit about myself here. And that's what's really killing me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want him to be enough. I want my family to be enough. Fuck.

Sorry. Had to get this out. It's a mess. I'm a mess.

Where is the hug emoji when you need it as a reaction.

Take a needed break, as the poster above said, we are your friends, every story, tidbit you share we enjoy. we enjoy being here for when you need us. And yes we even envy your hubby. Your an amazing friend. We are your online family. We want what's best for you.

 

[lil_jenni]

Thanks guys, both for here and for the PMs. I'm not in a PM mood, so I'm just going to post here if/when I post, at least for the time being. Who knows, however? Tomorrow might bring something new. It seems I'm all over the place these days. But right now I'm thinking a short break might do me good, at the very least some distance even if I am posting, if that makes sense.

I did get past a strong desire for a drink last night, but it was close. Too close. Then Hubby and the Kiddo did something incredibly nice for me this morning, and it sent me into the darkness that prompted my earlier post, and that desire sprang up again. I've promised my dad that I'm going to try an AA meeting this week. He's been wanting me to go for some time. I haven't had a drink in years, and I've been doing it on my own, more or less. Hubby's super supportive, and my dad's always there if I need to talk through it. And I've incorporated a little of AA stuff, at Dad's advice, but not the program itself. But maybe, just maybe, I need it now. I'm going to give it a go.

 

[Centauri1]

Been there with Aa, find a group that calls to you. I had a flakey group the first 2 I tried.

 

[13Fantasies]

You do what you need.

We always appreciate the candor and the openness, but you don't even have to tell us. We'll wait patiently for your return. If you come back, great. If not,we all wish you well.

-Hugs-

Take care of you, hun.

 

[Fufumberuk]

Thanks guys, both for here and for the PMs. I'm not in a PM mood, so I'm just going to post here if/when I post, at least for the time being. Who knows, however? Tomorrow might bring something new. It seems I'm all over the place these days. But right now I'm thinking a short break might do me good, at the very least some distance even if I am posting, if that makes sense.

I did get past a strong desire for a drink last night, but it was close. Too close. Then Hubby and the Kiddo did something incredibly nice for me this morning, and it sent me into the darkness that prompted my earlier post, and that desire sprang up again. I've promised my dad that I'm going to try an AA meeting this week. He's been wanting me to go for some time. I haven't had a drink in years, and I've been doing it on my own, more or less. Hubby's super supportive, and my dad's always there if I need to talk through it. And I've incorporated a little of AA stuff, at Dad's advice, but not the program itself. But maybe, just maybe, I need it now. I'm going to give it a go.

I've been struggling with SLA for many years. I have lost two long term relationships, been financially affected and lost me friends along the way. Shame, guilt and regret are powerful emotions, but then so is, excitement, elation and lust. It's a battle and you are not alone.

You aren't a mess. We are all messed up in some way or another. Keep going forward x x

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to share thoughts

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

My 2 cents, which is probably more than it's worth ...

I had a very thought provoking session with my therapist on Thursday, and the thinking parts been going on since. It was about me posting here. Specifically why I come here seeking validation/attention in ways away from which I say I want to move. For example, I love it when someone reacts to my posts/experiences/life with the . It's similar to how I used to love to see the shocked look on guys' faces when I offered to blow them at a party or in the library or student union... or the shocked looks I'd get when wearing revealing clothing while shopping...

The exhibition example is better for what I do here, because it is really the same thing. I want people to see me and be shocked, maybe because I'm worried that sexually is the only way part of me can be seen.

I know my Hubby should be all the validation I need, and I wish that were true, but it's not. And the thing that tears me up inside is that he does everything I could have ever hoped for to help me feel better about myself... except really understand that part of me that needs, I don't know, validation as a purely sexual being? That sounds too abstract. It's more raw than that. Fuck.

This makes sense, and not something I would say warrants any guilt. Your self worth should, in an ideal world, come from yourself and no one else. Not your parents, not your kids, and not your spouse. If you get endorphins from receiving attention, that's fine, so long as it doesn't add or detract from what you perceive as your worth.

I thought I was unique in wanting to be perceived as a sexual being and desired as such, but it's my experience that we all want that in some form or degree. You want to feel like a sexpert among newbs, that's okay if your relationship is in harmony with that and vice versa.

Anyway, I want to move away from needing that. I do. I really fucking do. And I try. But then I post here about something like getting my taste for cum back, and I get the reactions I need. And then I sit and get down on myself for needing those reactions. Something has to change.

It's okay to feel good for positive attention and praise. If your hubs is cool with things and you enjoy showing off, acting up, or sharing shocking deeds, what harm are you causing? Who are you hurting in all this? I don't think it's anyone.

I'm not leaving, probably, at least not any time soon. Fuck if I know what I'm doing, really. I mean, I love this thread. You all read my shit about my kids and what car to buy and stuff, and it's amazing. But sometimes I worry it's just in hope of seeing what outrages thing the silly slut will let slip when she's needs validation. And I hope none of you feel insulted, but it's something I worry about. Fuck.

We're enjoying sharing in your story of life. Most of us care about the big and small, we shouldn't feel offended. And again, who cares if we're just clinging on to hear something outrageous? It's fun for all and no one is hurt, right?

Maybe I should wait and try to post this when I can be more articulate and explain myself better. But, there may be a value in getting this out, in all it's confused glory, because it's what I'm feeling right now. And yeah, I know it's just another way of doing what I'm worried about doing, but what the fuck. If you all haven't figured it out so far, I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

Welcome to the club. We aren't organized enough to meet regularly.

For all those who think my husband is a lucky guy, do you see now why I don't always see it? He is far more than I deserve and yet is never truly enough for me.

Your husband will never be enough. That's okay! We can't be fulfilled by another person, we're all way too fucked up to be the missing piece of any other human. He is lucky, and you're lucky, and we're all lucky. Let him be good to you and for you, be honest with him and he you, and do the best y'all can. That's all there really is.

What a hell for a man like him to live in. And he fucking knows and yet stands back and gives me space to be here, to fuck other people, to reveal so much shit about myself here. And that's what's really killing me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want him to be enough. I want my family to be enough. Fuck.

Sorry. Had to get this out. It's a mess. I'm a mess.

I can't overstate this, you are enough as you. He, nor us, nor your family, etc. complete you. You complete you. Do the best you can with those you're entrusted and take it all one day at a time. You shouldn't be feeling guilty over all this unless you have an internal ethical or moral dilemma. If you aren't violating your personal or familial ethical code, you're doing fine.

Thanks guys, both for here and for the PMs. I'm not in a PM mood, so I'm just going to post here if/when I post, at least for the time being. Who knows, however? Tomorrow might bring something new. It seems I'm all over the place these days. But right now I'm thinking a short break might do me good, at the very least some distance even if I am posting, if that makes sense.

Best wishes in whatever you feel is best for you!

I did get past a strong desire for a drink last night, but it was close. Too close.

If sobriety is important to you, don't give in to that temptation and let go of the guilt you are carrying. That burden will become overwhelming, trust me!

Then Hubby and the Kiddo did something incredibly nice for me this morning, and it sent me into the darkness that prompted my earlier post, and that desire sprang up again.

Seriously, no guilt. You're not doing anything worthy of shame or guilt if it's honest and open.

I've promised my dad that I'm going to try an AA meeting this week. He's been wanting me to go for some time. I haven't had a drink in years, and I've been doing it on my own, more or less. Hubby's super supportive, and my dad's always there if I need to talk through it. And I've incorporated a little of AA stuff, at Dad's advice, but not the program itself. But maybe, just maybe, I need it now. I'm going to give it a go.

Again, all the best wishes for you. We may be a bunch of anonymous perverts, but we're mostly perverts with hearts. Do what you need, but don't bury yourself in guilt, it compounds like a snowball in the worst of ways. If you need a support group, get involved. If you want/need us in some fashion, don't hesitate to reach out.

I don't know why I care or am invested in your story, but I am, so please reach out if you need anything.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

It sounds like you have some really good support around you, which is as much to your credit as it is theirs. For what it’s worth, it’s your authenticity that has me interested and rooting for you to do well, not anything you say that I’m particularly shocked about. You are clearly smart, thoughtful and honest, be kind to yourself and continue your strive for balance. Although at any given moment it might not seem like it, you’ve clearly come a long way in your mental health, your overall harmony and you’ve built a good life for yourself. Yay you!

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

My preteen has decided she wants to put on a concert from the bathroom, and it's SO. BAD.

I just want to scream STFU! But I'm Dad, so I shouldn't.

Just thought you'd relate. Hope you're well.

 

[dkak001]

My preteen has decided she wants to put on a concert from the bathroom, and it's SO. BAD.

We used to always sit and smile to ourselves when our kids sang in the shower. I don't think they ever knew we could hear them.
Just a funny parent thing to observe...

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

We used to always sit and smile to ourselves when our kids sang in the shower. I don't think they ever knew we could hear them.
Just a funny parent thing to observe...

I get "serenaded" every night. Loudly. Once in a while can be charming, multiple times a night (several kids), regardless of ability gets extremely frustrating.

 

[dkak001]

I get "serenaded" every night. Loudly. Once in a while can be charming, multiple times a night (several kids), regardless of ability gets extremely frustrating.

Just part of the deal, I guess. LOL
Of course, saying something could be detrimental, so...

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Just part of the deal, I guess. LOL
Of course, saying something could be detrimental, so...

Yup, I'm not going to be the one to tell my kid she sounds like dying cats. But for those that say "you'll miss it!" No. No I wont.

 

[dkak001]

Yup, I'm not going to be the one to tell my kid she sounds like dying cats. But for those that say "you'll miss it!" No. No I wont.

Someone said that to me about toddlers once. No, I don't miss that either!

 

[lil_jenni]

Hi guys. Just checking in. We're all doing great here.

Halloween was a blast. I was queen bee and the twins were little baby bees. My son was a beekeeper -- his idea. We had lots of compliments.

Hubby stayed home and gave out candy.

There was no sexy costume for after trick-or-treating fun with Hubby this year. I was asleep by 9:30. Walking around wore me out...

 

[Centauri1]

Hi guys. Just checking in. We're all doing great here.

Halloween was a blast. I was queen bee and the twins were little baby bees. My son was a beekeeper -- his idea. We had lots of compliments.

Hubby stayed home and gave out candy.

There was no sexy costume for after trick-or-treating fun with Hubby this year. I was asleep by 9:30. Walking around wore me out...

Glad the Queen Bee got out and had some fun!!

 

[TomTeacher19]

Cute family costume ideas. Glad you are doing well

 

[Azuldrgon]

*sending positive vibes*

 

[dkak001]

Glad to hear you are doing well!

 

[13Fantasies]

Hi guys. Just checking in. We're all doing great here.

Halloween was a blast. I was queen bee and the twins were little baby bees. My son was a beekeeper -- his idea. We had lots of compliments.

Hubby stayed home and gave out candy.

There was no sexy costume for after trick-or-treating fun with Hubby this year. I was asleep by 9:30. Walking around wore me out...

That's so cool! And your oldest is super creative.