Limits - Hard, Soft, None

[Bramblethorn]

I also find it interesting that Doms have not really replied here, with limits, outside of Nez.

Whoops, yeah, I waffled about stuff and then didn't answer the original question. Like I mentioned above, I don't tend to define limits until it becomes relevant, but there are some things I can think of that would be hard limits for me. All reasons my own, no judgement on anybody else who doesn't have these limits (except for the nonconsent one):

Scat. (Urine: more of a soft limit, it doesn't appeal to me but maybe if a partner was really really into it. Blood: sure, as long as infection control issues are handled appropriately.)

Serious body modification (diet control etc.)

Actual nonconsent. Noting in particular that this isn't just about one's partner; it also includes stuff like inflicting your exhibitionist fetish on some poor bystander who didn't ask for that.

Pets and minors (both as sub-cases of nonconsent, plus that whole "prefer not to go to jail" thing.)

Smoking. Can't stand the smell, nor the associations; as a kid I had to make a good-bye phone call to a favourite teacher who was dying of lung disease.

Guns. Ugh. (But knives are OK. Different baggage.)

24/7 "ownership" kinda stuff. It can be sexy as a fantasy, but I would feel really uncomfortable with the idea that another human being was that dependent on me. I don't want to be anybody's god.

Most breath-play. More risk than I'd like to take with somebody else's life, even with their permission.

Most recreational drug use. (I'm pretty straight-edge, and for the most part I prefer not to be around others while they're using; might make an exception for mild pot/alcohol/etc. if I was very comfortable with that person, but there are safety issues to consider there.)

People with reprehensible politics.

 

[Farawyn]

With you on the politics.
And the smoking.

 

[Angedesoleil]

I'm of mixed mind on the politics. I don't think I'd use the word politics perse but I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone who is severely racist or bigoted because my submission is emotion based. I could never be emotionally attached to such a person.
This is actually exactly what killed my first D/s relationship, which was truly sad. We got on so well, but I couldn't respect him after that

 

[SalvDali]

Off the top of my head :

Breath control
Choking
Fisting
Cutting/using knives
Golden showers
Mouth bits/ gags
Verbal humiliation
Bruises

We only discussed limits once really in the beginning. We were both pretty much on the same page. We have ventured into a few things we had said no to in the beginning usually it just happens with no planning when a moment presents itself and we take it from there. Safe words come in handy here.

 

[shewantsmore]

We all have limits of some kind or another. I must admit i like try most things at least once

 

[Farawyn]

Fisting!!!
Yes. My list is growing.

 

[cookiecat]

Fisting!!!
Yes. My list is growing.

As a limit or a YES PLEASE!!!??

 

[Farawyn]

As a limit or a YES PLEASE!!!??

Hard. Limit.

 

[shewantsmore]

Its extreme but fisting is not that horrible

 

[Farawyn]

Its extreme but fisting is not that horrible

You worry about your list, I’ll worry about mine!!!

 

[Mustang Sally]

All right, so I'm not sure I have much business being here on this board let alone in this thread. But let me explain. I am in a relationship of sorts with a man who calls himself a dom and a sadist. Since I have previously been pretty vanilla, we have taken the approach of discussing things I would like to/am willing to try, rather than the things I am not, and let's just say it has been an incredibly slow introduction.

I'm wondering if cookie or seela or anyone else would explain the doormat thing to me? It seems to be difficult to Google. I'm assuming there's more to it than the obvious interpretation.

 

[Dreamliner]

From my perspective there has to be shared acknowledgement on hard limits. Softer limits may provide opportunity to explore. However, in my view there needs to be an intellectual and physical connection. This is not a game where you walk away, play with a persons emotions.

Take care of them, provide them with the opportunity to be safe and comfortable, to let them let go, knowing they will enjoy the experience.

It is ultimately a shared experience.

 

[ausfet]

With you on the politics.
And the smoking.

I understand the politics, but I find men smoking sexy as hell. Love the smell of it, and oh my God if they're a rum drinker... yum. I used to smoke (over a decade ago), though, so perhaps that is why I associate good things with the smell?

I fall into the gentle femdom sphere so there is less room for overstepping boundaries, and a simple 'stop please' isn’t out of place within play. The more rules orientated, 'hard core' BDSM isn’t something I have ever experienced.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

I misread that as "trepanation" for a moment. Definitely a hard limit for me.

Mmmm, never knew subdural hematomas could be sooo sexy...

Did I say that out loud?

 

[Farawyn]

Mmmm, never knew subdural hematomas could be sooo sexy...

Did I say that out loud?

NNnnnnnoooOOOOooooo!!!

 

[whenagain]

Limits— when I’m topping, no actual non-consent.
Breath play makes me nervous, and I have a hard time taking things seriously when I get called “daddy.”

When I’m sub— not sure?

 

[Primalex]

I also find it interesting that Doms have not really replied here, with limits, outside of Nez.

From a dominant side I already don't understand if the discussion is about things I wouldn't do to myself for someone else or things I wouldn't do to someone else even if she wanted it.

 

[KimGordon67]

Ha - I just remembered another one/s - calling anyone 'Sir', 'Master', or 'Daddy'.

 

[Farawyn]

From a dominant side I already don't understand if the discussion is about things I wouldn't do to myself for someone else or things I wouldn't do to someone else even if she wanted it.

OP is not just asking about sub limits. Doms can have limits as well. For themselves as what he/she may do to someone else.

 

[Farawyn]

Ooohhhh. So THAT'S how it's sexy. Gotcha.

Safe words would be irrelevant if the word "no" weren't so titillating.

Ha!!!
And I don’t need an extra hole.

 

[Farawyn]

No need to be so sweepingly dismissive of extra holes, other body piercings can be pretty hot.

Nother limit; I am not licking a freshly pierced anything, nor new tattoos. Again with the blood drinking, but magnitudes more dangerous. (And yes, once upon a time that one actually did come up)

I was talking more the lines of the skull bore.
Or, a side pocket.

 

[Primalex]

Doms can have limits as well. For themselves as what he/she may do to someone else.

Isn't this what I wrote?

 

[elli1point1]

I have so many limits, I'm starting to think I'm not kinky at all.

 

[Farawyn]

Isn't this what I wrote?

Not very clearly.

 

[elli1point1]

a river has many limits.

They change over time.

very few rivers could be accused of being straight.

I'm actually rather straight.