SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
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Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."
This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."
This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"
SunnyDays1
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A young man goes on a date with a very short girl.
Despite her stature she is pretty sweet and beautiful. The date is going well and after a long walk he decided to walk her home.
As they are walking they start holding hands, kissing and finally they start making out against a wall in a dark alley. The man is getting horny so he sees a hook up on the wall. He hangs the girl from the hook and goes to town on her.
After they are both satisfied he takes the girl down and walks up to her door saying goodnight. Her father opens the door, looks at him and says "Thanks young man, everyone else forgot her on the hook."
Despite her stature she is pretty sweet and beautiful. The date is going well and after a long walk he decided to walk her home.
As they are walking they start holding hands, kissing and finally they start making out against a wall in a dark alley. The man is getting horny so he sees a hook up on the wall. He hangs the girl from the hook and goes to town on her.
After they are both satisfied he takes the girl down and walks up to her door saying goodnight. Her father opens the door, looks at him and says "Thanks young man, everyone else forgot her on the hook."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Three Scotsmen are relaxing in a motorboat out on Loch Ness.
Suddenly, they hear a strange rumbling. They look into the water and see a shadowy object moving quickly below them. Just as one of the men begins to speak, the boat is thrown twenty feet above the waterline and capsizes.
"It's the Loch Ness Monster!" they scream. Panicking, the men frantically swim toward shore — and then they hear another rumbling beneath them. They can feel the reverberations of the powerful growl travel through their bodies. The monster is close.
They're paddling for their lives when the creature's massive head rises with a splash from the lake, facing the other direction. The Loch Ness Monster turns to take a look at its prey and stops abruptly, a flash of recognition in its eyes. Then, it speaks.
"Dave!"
Suddenly, they hear a strange rumbling. They look into the water and see a shadowy object moving quickly below them. Just as one of the men begins to speak, the boat is thrown twenty feet above the waterline and capsizes.
"It's the Loch Ness Monster!" they scream. Panicking, the men frantically swim toward shore — and then they hear another rumbling beneath them. They can feel the reverberations of the powerful growl travel through their bodies. The monster is close.
They're paddling for their lives when the creature's massive head rises with a splash from the lake, facing the other direction. The Loch Ness Monster turns to take a look at its prey and stops abruptly, a flash of recognition in its eyes. Then, it speaks.
"Dave!"
SunnyDays1
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A passerby walks past a sewer manhole and sees an old man inside, waist deep, going through the sewage...
He asks... “ What are you doing down there??.?”
Old man replies:” Looking for my denture... I accidentally dropped it into the toilet and flushed it down the drain....”
Passer: “Surely you don’t expect to find it?!”
Old man:” Of course I do, already found three, but none of them are mine...”
He asks... “ What are you doing down there??.?”
Old man replies:” Looking for my denture... I accidentally dropped it into the toilet and flushed it down the drain....”
Passer: “Surely you don’t expect to find it?!”
Old man:” Of course I do, already found three, but none of them are mine...”
SunnyDays1
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28 ways......
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A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"
"Go away" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" She proceeds to close the door.
Quick as a flash the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open."Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum does not remove all traces of manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said "well let me get you a fork, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"
"Go away" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" She proceeds to close the door.
Quick as a flash the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open."Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum does not remove all traces of manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said "well let me get you a fork, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
SunnyDays1
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Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”
“No way!”
“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the guy that shat in your trombone is here!”
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”
“No way!”
“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the guy that shat in your trombone is here!”
SunnyDays1
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A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A family is driving through the prairies in their mini van when they look over and see a chicken in a field running along beside them.
They are stunned, can’t believe this chicken is keeping pace with 50 km/h! So they speed up to 60.
The chicken speeds up and is again keeping pace with their mini van. The kids are amazed and the parents are confused. So they speed up to 80.
Again the chicken keeps up! They are in disbelief so they decide to pull into the farmer's driveway to tell him about this!
The family pull into the driveway and see the farmer working on his tractor. The father shouts, “Sir!! Do you realize you have a chicken that can run 80 km/h!!”
The farmer replies, “Yuuup. Sure do. My wife and kid and always fight over the chicken legs for dinner so I figured out a way to genetically modify a breed of birds to have 3 legs.”
“Wow that’s amazing!” Says the father, “how do they taste?”
The farmer replies. “Hell if I know, I can’t catch that sonno bitch!”
They are stunned, can’t believe this chicken is keeping pace with 50 km/h! So they speed up to 60.
The chicken speeds up and is again keeping pace with their mini van. The kids are amazed and the parents are confused. So they speed up to 80.
Again the chicken keeps up! They are in disbelief so they decide to pull into the farmer's driveway to tell him about this!
The family pull into the driveway and see the farmer working on his tractor. The father shouts, “Sir!! Do you realize you have a chicken that can run 80 km/h!!”
The farmer replies, “Yuuup. Sure do. My wife and kid and always fight over the chicken legs for dinner so I figured out a way to genetically modify a breed of birds to have 3 legs.”
“Wow that’s amazing!” Says the father, “how do they taste?”
The farmer replies. “Hell if I know, I can’t catch that sonno bitch!”
SunnyDays1
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A single guy was living with his elderly father and running the family business. He realized he was going to inherit a fortune once his ailing father died and decided he needed a wife to share his life...
One day at the bank, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and made his move.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy." he said to her. "But in a few years, my father will die and I'll inherit 10 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.
A month later, she became his stepmother.
One day at the bank, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and made his move.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy." he said to her. "But in a few years, my father will die and I'll inherit 10 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.
A month later, she became his stepmother.
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars.
Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?"
"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy.
"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!"
"A rifle? What fer?"
"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?"
"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy.
"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!"
"A rifle? What fer?"
"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
SunnyDays1
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