SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Comshaw
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Sarah The Church Gossip
Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked all afternoon in front of the town's only bar. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. Later that evening George quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.
Comshaw
Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked all afternoon in front of the town's only bar. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. Later that evening George quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.
Comshaw
Comshaw
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An obviously drunk old man staggers into a biker hangout, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around he spies 3 bikers sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest one in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him, takes a swig of beer and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would usually fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans over the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing and they can't understand what's happening.
The drunk leans over the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, grabs the drunk by the arm and starts to drag him toward the door saying, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk.......Go home!"
Comshaw
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest one in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him, takes a swig of beer and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would usually fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans over the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing and they can't understand what's happening.
The drunk leans over the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, grabs the drunk by the arm and starts to drag him toward the door saying, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk.......Go home!"
Comshaw
Comshaw
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A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.
He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's knitting a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said,
"Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Comshaw
He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's knitting a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said,
"Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Comshaw
SunnyDays1
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A woman decides she no longer likes how old and tired she looks...
so she goes to see a cosmetic surgeon. She tells the doctor she’s interested in a facelift.
The cosmetic surgeon gives her the option of a standard surgical face lift, or a new state of the art procedure where the surgeon places a small discrete knob at the back of the woman’s head, and if she feels like her skin is starting to sag or look wrinkly she gives the knob a quarter turn and her skin will tighten back up.
She ponders her options and opts for the new procedure. Things are going well at first. She sees crows feet, or wrinkles, and gives the knob a quarter turn and the results are amazing. But as time goes by the knob no longer seems to be working.
She returns to the cosmetic surgeon and says Dr., I don’t know what’s happening, but the knob no longer seems to be working. Look at these huge bags under my eyes.
The cosmetic surgeon says, “Those aren’t bags under your eyes, those are your breasts.“
And the woman replies, “I guess that explains the goatee.“
so she goes to see a cosmetic surgeon. She tells the doctor she’s interested in a facelift.
The cosmetic surgeon gives her the option of a standard surgical face lift, or a new state of the art procedure where the surgeon places a small discrete knob at the back of the woman’s head, and if she feels like her skin is starting to sag or look wrinkly she gives the knob a quarter turn and her skin will tighten back up.
She ponders her options and opts for the new procedure. Things are going well at first. She sees crows feet, or wrinkles, and gives the knob a quarter turn and the results are amazing. But as time goes by the knob no longer seems to be working.
She returns to the cosmetic surgeon and says Dr., I don’t know what’s happening, but the knob no longer seems to be working. Look at these huge bags under my eyes.
The cosmetic surgeon says, “Those aren’t bags under your eyes, those are your breasts.“
And the woman replies, “I guess that explains the goatee.“
SunnyDays1
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An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up
to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar across from the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “ May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really, really good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up
to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar across from the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “ May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really, really good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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John is making love with his wife
John and his wife are living in an apartment complex and they make love pretty regularly. Every night when they do it the wife moans uncontrollably.
One day, John's old neighbor, Peter approaches him.
"Hey John, uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but every night when you make love to your wife , me and the rest of the neighbors can hear her moan and she's a bit too loud."
"I am sorry Peter. But I'm sure it's not that bad."
"Trust me, it is. It keeps us awake. Could you please do something about it?"
"What do you suggest sir?"
"I don't know, maybe put your hands above her mouth to stop the noise."
"I will give it a try tonight Peter."
The night comes and John starts making love to his wife again, this time however, he puts his hands over her mouth to stop the moaning. 1 hour into the sex and he screams : "How is this Peter, is this better?"
The neighbor hears him and responds "Yes, that's good".
Another hour passes and John asks again : "What about now, how is this? is this good?"
Peter wakes up and answers him again "Yes John, that is alright, keep it going".
After another hour John wants to hear the neighbor opinion and asks "Peter, you sure this is good enough?"
Peter wakes up and scream "Shut up already, the neighbors think you're fucking me".
John and his wife are living in an apartment complex and they make love pretty regularly. Every night when they do it the wife moans uncontrollably.
One day, John's old neighbor, Peter approaches him.
"Hey John, uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but every night when you make love to your wife , me and the rest of the neighbors can hear her moan and she's a bit too loud."
"I am sorry Peter. But I'm sure it's not that bad."
"Trust me, it is. It keeps us awake. Could you please do something about it?"
"What do you suggest sir?"
"I don't know, maybe put your hands above her mouth to stop the noise."
"I will give it a try tonight Peter."
The night comes and John starts making love to his wife again, this time however, he puts his hands over her mouth to stop the moaning. 1 hour into the sex and he screams : "How is this Peter, is this better?"
The neighbor hears him and responds "Yes, that's good".
Another hour passes and John asks again : "What about now, how is this? is this good?"
Peter wakes up and answers him again "Yes John, that is alright, keep it going".
After another hour John wants to hear the neighbor opinion and asks "Peter, you sure this is good enough?"
Peter wakes up and scream "Shut up already, the neighbors think you're fucking me".
SunnyDays1
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A kitten and a baby rooster are born/hatched on the same day on a farm...
They become the best of friends. The spend everyday romping and playing. From sun up until sun down, they are inseparable.
One day, after about 6 months, the farmer dies and the kitten and rooster, not wanting to be separated, head out on their own. They walk for miles, growing hungrier and hungrier. Then as they come to a medium sized river, they see piles and mounds of the best kitten and rooster food that they have ever seen lying just on the other side.
The rooster says, "I have to have some of that!" He takes a step back, runs as fast as he can, jumps, flaps his wings as hard as he can and .... Wham! right in the middle of the pile of food.
The kitten looks and says, "Well if he can do it." The kitten takes a step back, runs a fast as he can, jumps, extends his feet and....splash! right in the middle of the river.
The moral of the story?
For every happy cock, there is a wet pussy.
They become the best of friends. The spend everyday romping and playing. From sun up until sun down, they are inseparable.
One day, after about 6 months, the farmer dies and the kitten and rooster, not wanting to be separated, head out on their own. They walk for miles, growing hungrier and hungrier. Then as they come to a medium sized river, they see piles and mounds of the best kitten and rooster food that they have ever seen lying just on the other side.
The rooster says, "I have to have some of that!" He takes a step back, runs as fast as he can, jumps, flaps his wings as hard as he can and .... Wham! right in the middle of the pile of food.
The kitten looks and says, "Well if he can do it." The kitten takes a step back, runs a fast as he can, jumps, extends his feet and....splash! right in the middle of the river.
The moral of the story?
For every happy cock, there is a wet pussy.
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Tax time
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"
"I'm a lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Lets try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "Ok, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is."
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"
"I'm a lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Lets try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "Ok, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is."
SunnyDays1
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One day little Billy's teacher told him to ask his parents what the government is.
"Dad, can you tell me about the government."
"Well, think of it like this, I'm the president, your mom is congress, the maid is the working force, you are the people and....... your little brother is the future."
"I don't get it."
Dad sent Billy to sleep telling him that he'll know in the morning.
In the middle of the night Billy woke up from the sound of his little brother crying because he pooped his diaper, so naturally he went to his parent's room to wake them up, he didn't know if they were awake or not so he looked through the keyhole, his mother was asleep but his dad wasn't there.
So he went to the maid's room and saw his dad doin' the ol' nasty with the maid.
The next day little billy went to school.
The teacher asks, "So Billy, what's the government?"
"I'm not sure but, The President screwed the working force, the congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people and the future is full of shit!"
"Dad, can you tell me about the government."
"Well, think of it like this, I'm the president, your mom is congress, the maid is the working force, you are the people and....... your little brother is the future."
"I don't get it."
Dad sent Billy to sleep telling him that he'll know in the morning.
In the middle of the night Billy woke up from the sound of his little brother crying because he pooped his diaper, so naturally he went to his parent's room to wake them up, he didn't know if they were awake or not so he looked through the keyhole, his mother was asleep but his dad wasn't there.
So he went to the maid's room and saw his dad doin' the ol' nasty with the maid.
The next day little billy went to school.
The teacher asks, "So Billy, what's the government?"
"I'm not sure but, The President screwed the working force, the congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people and the future is full of shit!"
SunnyDays1
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The last rites
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and intones in a solemn voice: "B - 4, I - 19, N - 38, G - 54,. . . “
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and intones in a solemn voice: "B - 4, I - 19, N - 38, G - 54,. . . “
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Last edited:
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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missing person report
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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