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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

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"Daddy, what are all those cars' horns honking for?"

"It's for a wedding son."

"I thought the horn was supposed to be only used as a warning."

"Exactly son."
 
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you see to it?'

'Well,' he said, 'I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing.'
 
Mrs Jones has finished her laundry and now she is outside hanging it up to dry.

She looks up and sees a flock of terns flying nearby. She goes in the kitchen for a coffee and when she comes back out she sees that the terns have flown over and crapped on her laundry. Upset with what has just happened, she takes the laundry down, goes back in the house and washes it again. She comes back out sometime later and hangs the clothes up on the line a second time.

She goes back in the house for a bit. Going back outside she sees that the terns have come back and crapped all over her laundry again. Determined not to have this happen a third time, Mrs. Jones grabs a handful of stones and throws them at the terns killing all but one.

She rewashes the laundry one last time and hangs it up on the line convinced that she won’t have anymore problems with the birds. As soon as she finishes hanging up the last piece of laundry the one remaining tern flies over and shits all over her.

The moral of the story is leave no tern unstoned.
 
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A man who has been brought up elsewhere, returns to his ancestral village.

He had heard tales that the average IQ of the people of his village was pretty low, and so he wanted to find out for himself.

Near the outskirts of the village, he saw a man atop a branch of a tree imitating a racecar.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"Don't disturb me, I'm in a race!"

The man shakes his head in dismay and walks on.

On another tree, he spots another man, doing the same.

" Are you also in race?"

" Shut up, you are going to make me lose my lead!"


Disheartened, he begins to believe the sayings about his village, maybe they are stupid.

After some time, he sees a man reading a novel under a tree, he quickly approaches him
" Thank God , I found you! I was beginning to think everyone is stupid here!"

" Now why would you think that?"

" Well , you know, I saw these 2 people back there that were racing and they were sit----"

"Aarrgh! I knew those 2 would start without me!!!"
 
A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final.

Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?
 
The Kings Servant was walking towards the castle, when he saw a man lying on the side of the path.

The servant asked if the man was ok, and he replies:

"Oh, hi, I'm Will. Nice to meet you! Would you like to buy me?"

"What, you mean like a servant?" says the King's servant.

"No, just to have me around"

The servant was lonely, as he had to work day and night for the king, which he hated. He wanted to maybe have a friend for once. But he had no money.

"Sorry man, but I'm very poor."

He replies: "You know what, you can have me for free"

The servant thanks him and tells him to follow him to the castle, where his King resides.

At entering, the King Bellows at the servant to give him a foot rub.

"No! I wont do it!" Says the servant

Will gasps at what he said.

"Im ordering you to!" yelled the king.

"I dont have to do whatever you tell me to now, because I have a free Will!"
 
I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit even though I knew I was not speeding.

Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once again, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.

I tried a fourth and a fifth time with the same results and was now laughing uncontrollably as the camera flashed as a rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seatbelt.

You know, you just cant fix stupid!!!!
 
How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner!"
 
A lion and a lioness and resting in a shade of a tree. All of a sudden a rabbit comes, slaps the lion in the face and runs off.

The lion just chuckles.

The Lioness is pissed: "Why did you let him slap you? Are you not the king of the animals? This is a major disrespect. Go kill that little shit!"

The lion replies calmly: "Dear, the rabbit is small and stupid - he doesn't know what he is doing...".

In a couple of hours the rabbit comes again, slaps the lion in the face and runs off full speed.

The lioness is really pissed and runs after the rabbit hissing murderously.

After a few minutes of chase the rabbit goes into a pipe. The lioness tries to go after him, but gets half stuck in the pipe.

The rabbit gets out of the other end of the pipe, goes behind the stuck lioness, humps her real good and runs away.

After some time the lioness manages to get out of the pipe and comes back to the lion, pissed and embarrassed.

"He led you to the pipe didn't he?" says the lion.
 
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