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A politician visited Sex Workers Anonymous in order to get more information about how these women in his community were doing. He meets three poor prostitutes and speaks to them that their lifestyle is hurting them and that depending on how often they were engaged in the business, he would provide them with safe and affordable housing.

The first prostitute says that she hasn’t had a client in two months, and being impressed, he gives her the keys to her own two bedroom apartment.

The second prostitute says she hasnt seen a client in one month, and so he gives her the keys to a studio apartment.

The third prostitute says she still sees clients, and so he gives her the keys to his room.
 
Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
 
3 Men with stutters go to see a speech therapist to help them with their stutters and after a few months of therapy that isn't going very well one day the therapist thinks of a solution...

...the therapist then turns around to them and says "right, if you can tell me where you were born, without stuttering...I'll give each of you a blowjob, right here, right now!

she then steps up to the first man and asks him, "where were you born?"

the first man says "B B B B B B B Birmingham"

the therapist shakes her head and then walks up to the second man

she asks "and where do you come from?"

The second man, says, "M M M M M Manchester"

she shakes her head again and then walks up to the third man

and without stuttering, he clearly says "London"

The therapist, impressed with the third man, fulfills her end of the bargain and tells him to drop his pants...

after she finishes, she looks up at the man, and he looks down at her and says "D D D D D Derry"
 
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Kenyan, was the clear winner.

The challenge was this:

Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!."

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.
 
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib.

Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms
around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered in his ear.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!"
 
The 107-year-old man was asked by a television crew what was the secret of his longevity.

"It's because I gave up sex," he said.

"When did you give up sex?" asked the reporter.

"Just about fifteen years ago."

"I see," said the reporter. "And why did you give up sex?"

"I had to. I like older women and there weren't any more left!"
 
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An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!".

The husband says "Ill take the soup"
 
A man walks in to a bar....

And sees an ugly old guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.

“How to spot a millionaire, am I right? ” he winks and smiles at the bartender.

“No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire”

“Okay - so he must be extremely charming?”

“Larry is actually a man of very few words”

“Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??”

“I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows..”
 
With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.
 
A father notices his son has a lot of new toys lately

he asks the boy how come he can afford them.

son: "Because of my hiking."

dad: "Hiking?, how do you get money by hiking?"

son: "There's this man that comes to visit mum a couple of times a week, while you're at work, he always gives me $10 and tells me to take a hike."
 
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