SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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A couple are walking through a graveyard and see a man crying at a graveside.
As they get closer they stop talking to show respect, and overhear him crying: "Why did you have to die? My life was so perfect. I'd wake up every day happy and looking forward to life. Now everything is black, and I wake up every day wondering how much longer I can go on."
He notices the couple and apologises.
"Not at all" they say, "We're the ones who are sorry. Who was it who died?"
"My wife's first husband." he sobs.
As they get closer they stop talking to show respect, and overhear him crying: "Why did you have to die? My life was so perfect. I'd wake up every day happy and looking forward to life. Now everything is black, and I wake up every day wondering how much longer I can go on."
He notices the couple and apologises.
"Not at all" they say, "We're the ones who are sorry. Who was it who died?"
"My wife's first husband." he sobs.
SunnyDays1
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You don’t see too many people hang-gliding deep down in Kentucky, but Ol’ John Hickory decided to save up and get a hang glider. He took his new toy to the highest mountain and readied to take flight. After a taking a few deep breaths, John took off running and when he reached the edge he sailed off into the wind.
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw were sitting on their porch swing, talking about the good ol’ days. That’s when maw spotted the biggest bird she had ever seen!
Maw pointed to the sky and said, “Look at the size of that bird, Paw!”
As he stood to his feet, Paw said, “Git me my gun, Maw.”
After briefly running into the house, Maw brought Paw his pump action shotgun.
He took careful aim before taking his shot, then BLAM!
The monster bird continued to sail silently over the tree tops.
With a look of concern, Maw said, “I think ya missed him, Paw.”
“Yeah,” replied Paw, “but at least he let go of Ol’ John!”
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw were sitting on their porch swing, talking about the good ol’ days. That’s when maw spotted the biggest bird she had ever seen!
Maw pointed to the sky and said, “Look at the size of that bird, Paw!”
As he stood to his feet, Paw said, “Git me my gun, Maw.”
After briefly running into the house, Maw brought Paw his pump action shotgun.
He took careful aim before taking his shot, then BLAM!
The monster bird continued to sail silently over the tree tops.
With a look of concern, Maw said, “I think ya missed him, Paw.”
“Yeah,” replied Paw, “but at least he let go of Ol’ John!”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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What’s the most dangerous part of a car?
The nut that holds the steering wheel.
The nut that holds the steering wheel.
SunnyDays1
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Redneck Christmas stockings
https://i1.wp.com/Laughshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Redneck-Christmas-Stockings.jpg?fit=480%2C337&ssl=1
https://i1.wp.com/Laughshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Redneck-Christmas-Stockings.jpg?fit=480%2C337&ssl=1
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A woman pregnant with twins went into labor suddenly, and fell unconscious during the delivery. The hospital contacted the father and he arrived quickly, just in time to witness the birth of his children.
His wife had not woken up yet, when the hospital staff asked the father what to name his new son and daughter. They had tried for months to decide on the perfect names, but couldn’t reach an agreement, so he did the best he could.
When the mother regained consciousness, the father let her know what had happened, and that he had named their twins. “What did you name our son?” She asked him.
“Mason.”
“Oh,” she replied, “Not really what I had in mind, but it’s a good name. What did you name our daughter?”
“Madaughter”
His wife had not woken up yet, when the hospital staff asked the father what to name his new son and daughter. They had tried for months to decide on the perfect names, but couldn’t reach an agreement, so he did the best he could.
When the mother regained consciousness, the father let her know what had happened, and that he had named their twins. “What did you name our son?” She asked him.
“Mason.”
“Oh,” she replied, “Not really what I had in mind, but it’s a good name. What did you name our daughter?”
“Madaughter”
SunnyDays1
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A rich man bought a failing factory, and decided he was going to turn it around himself.
The first day the new owner grabs the factory foreman, and tells him he’s going to get some real progress out of these lazy workers. They walk out onto the factory floor and see a young man lounging up against a post. The new owner decides to make an example of him.
“You there, what’s your name?” the new owner bellows.
“George, sir,” the young man replies.
“How much do you make a week, George?”
“About 500, sir.”
The new owner pulls out his wallet and grabs a handful of bills. “Well here’s two weeks pay. Get the hell out of here, you’re fired.”
The young man takes the money and walks out of the factory, as all the workers just stare.
“Well,” the new boss says to the foreman, “looks like we’ve got a job opening. What kind of work did that young man do?”
The foreman looks at the new boss for a minute and says “well, sir, he works for the deli across the street — he was waiting for our lunch orders. So I think he makes sandwiches.”
The first day the new owner grabs the factory foreman, and tells him he’s going to get some real progress out of these lazy workers. They walk out onto the factory floor and see a young man lounging up against a post. The new owner decides to make an example of him.
“You there, what’s your name?” the new owner bellows.
“George, sir,” the young man replies.
“How much do you make a week, George?”
“About 500, sir.”
The new owner pulls out his wallet and grabs a handful of bills. “Well here’s two weeks pay. Get the hell out of here, you’re fired.”
The young man takes the money and walks out of the factory, as all the workers just stare.
“Well,” the new boss says to the foreman, “looks like we’ve got a job opening. What kind of work did that young man do?”
The foreman looks at the new boss for a minute and says “well, sir, he works for the deli across the street — he was waiting for our lunch orders. So I think he makes sandwiches.”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A jewelry store owner and his two employees go on lunch break together
At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.
The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."
The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded with beautiful single women."
The genie snaps his fingers and the employee disappears.
Excited, the second employee says "I wish I was the richest man in the world, living in the most lavish mansion in all of Beverly Hills."
With a snap of the genie's fingers, the second employee disappears in a puff of smoke.
The owner watches this, finishes the last of his coffee, and says "I wish those two to be back on the sales floor within thirty minutes."
At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.
The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."
The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded with beautiful single women."
The genie snaps his fingers and the employee disappears.
Excited, the second employee says "I wish I was the richest man in the world, living in the most lavish mansion in all of Beverly Hills."
With a snap of the genie's fingers, the second employee disappears in a puff of smoke.
The owner watches this, finishes the last of his coffee, and says "I wish those two to be back on the sales floor within thirty minutes."
JamesBoner
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
SunnyDays1
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There were 4 henchmen: Winter, Summer, Spring, and Autumn.
The boss stood before them.
"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.
"Then there's you, Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they're working for.
"As for you, Spring," he chuckled, "this operation is gonna bring in a lotta *green.* Make sure that it keeps growing."
He turned for the door as Autumn stood up.
"Boss!" he sputtered. "What about me?"
The boss turned back, shaking his head.
"Sorry, son. You're just the Fall guy."
The boss stood before them.
"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.
"Then there's you, Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they're working for.
"As for you, Spring," he chuckled, "this operation is gonna bring in a lotta *green.* Make sure that it keeps growing."
He turned for the door as Autumn stood up.
"Boss!" he sputtered. "What about me?"
The boss turned back, shaking his head.
"Sorry, son. You're just the Fall guy."
SunnyDays1
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A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.
However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:
'‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’'
'‘Then I shall fly on,’' answered the student with a smile.
The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.
At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:
'‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?'’
'‘The gold.’'
'‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money.’'
'‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,'’ says the student.
The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes 'ass' on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:
'‘Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!’'
However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:
'‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’'
'‘Then I shall fly on,’' answered the student with a smile.
The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.
At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:
'‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?'’
'‘The gold.’'
'‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money.’'
'‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,'’ says the student.
The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes 'ass' on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:
'‘Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!’'
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Just Stay
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here.
When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman's Name?
The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered, Mr. William Grey.............
The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here.
When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman's Name?
The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered, Mr. William Grey.............
The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.
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