Litiquette IV

[Mrtenant]

Yesterday's topic was a bit of a thud. That'll happen, that's what my momma told me. No guarantees on today's.....

What has happened to the phrase "you're welcome"? It used to be the common repose to "thank-you" no whenever I hear it used I look around to see if there's a unicorn near by. So tell me oh linguists of the world, what happened? Why has it fallen out of favor. And what do you say when some tells you "thank-you"?

I say it, but then I attend to my manners as best as I can. Do you say it with meaning? Or is it just a reflexive part of good form?

'You're welcome' as opposed to 'You are welcome, happy to provide.' along with a gracious smile.

Courtesy and good manners offer respect for your fellow human being and also demonstrate that you as a human being are aware and at the top of your presentation and worthy of that same respect.

In other words just be a good dude.

 

[Suz_anne]

Also, I found out a "non-profit" organization that "helps the collective good" otherwise known as The American Red Cross, has a president that takes in a six figure salary each year, condition-less on how little or much they collect each year.

I don't see why the President of any organization that has 600+ locations and 30,000+ employees shouldn't earn a six figure salary. That does not seem unreasonable to me. I know project managers, IT developers, underwriters, etc., who make six figures and have far less responsibility on their shoulders than the president of the American Red Cross.

What has happened to the phrase "you're welcome"? It used to be the common repose to "thank-you" no whenever I hear it used I look around to see if there's a unicorn near by. So tell me oh linguists of the world, what happened? Why has it fallen out of favor. And what do you say when some tells you "thank-you"?

I'm a "please" and "thank you" and "you're welcome" kind of girl. I seem to get the same in return from others around these parts. But maybe that's because we're so gosh darn nice here in the midwest.

 

[beachbaby179]

I say "you're welcome" and I've taught my boys to do the same. It grates on my nerves when I thank someone and get a "no problem" or "it's nothing".

 

[Suz_anne]

I say "you're welcome" and I've taught my boys to do the same. It grates on my nerves when I thank someone and get a "no problem" or "it's nothing".

Can I ask why "No problem" or "It's nothing" is grating to you?

For me, as long as there's some sort of acknowledgement after a thank you, I'm okay with that. So I'm just curious as to why it could bother some. I haven't considered other angles.

 

[LWulf]

I don't see why the President of any organization that has 600+ locations and 30,000+ employees shouldn't earn a six figure salary. That does not seem unreasonable to me. I know project managers, IT developers, underwriters, etc., who make six figures and have far less responsibility on their shoulders than the president of the American Red Cross.

I guess we just disagree on that concept. To me, the president of any "for profit" organization is generally accepted that he profits, and handsomely.

Opposed to that, an organization that asks people to donate their time and money freely to help those in need, while keeping 80 to 90% of the donated money for themselves to pay the president of said organization over half a million dollars, doesn't qualify as a so called "non-profit."

And please don't get me started on the blood they collect for free which they charge the hospitals a premium amount for, or the Grants they've got, for instance; developing artificial skin for burn victims (the technology for which, IF it worked, they would of course SELL).

and they don't have to pay taxes on the money they collect, and pay themselves! He pays himself over half a million, non-taxable!

Can I ask why "No problem" or "It's nothing" is grating to you?

It's a confusion to me as well. There is a growing movement or something that people think when you say "no problem" that you are saying, "normally this is a problem, but I'll do it" or some such.

The logic used completely baffles me. It's like somehow they think you're being sarcastic or some such. With no sass or facial gestures included, what makes people think that, besides paranoia, is beyond me.

and more people are thinking it every day!

??? I have no clue.

 

[John_Q_Public]

and they don't have to pay taxes on the money they collect, and pay themselves! He pays himself over half a million, non-taxable!

I'm sorry, but this is incorrect. People who work for nonprofit organizations do not do so income tax free.

 

[Suz_anne]

I guess we just disagree on that concept. To me, the president of any "for profit" organization is generally accepted that he profits, and handsomely.

Opposed to that, an organization that asks people to donate their time and money freely to help those in need, while keeping 80 to 90% of the donated money for themselves to pay the president of said organization over half a million dollars, doesn't qualify as a so called "non-profit."

And please don't get me started on the blood they collect for free which they charge the hospitals a premium amount for, or the Grants they've got, for instance; developing artificial skin for burn victims (the technology for which, IF it worked, they would of course SELL).

and they don't have to pay taxes on the money they collect, and pay themselves! He pays himself over half a million, non-taxable!

I think your numbers of keeping 80-90% of donations is inaccurate, but I also think it is difficult to figure out exactly where the money is going for most charities. But according Give.org, the American Red Cross is doing a decent job as far as charities go.

And it is a bit personal for me because my parents are both very involved and have been deployed on numerous disaster events around the country. In fact, my mom is currently in West Virginia on deployment due to the flooding there. I have volunteered, as well, and have found every experience to be one where the Red Cross really is there to help. But I do agree that with any entity of that size, you'll encounter a lot of unnecessary bureaucracy.

I guess my whole point is that I would hate to see people get turned off on donating to the Red Cross when they do so many good things for people who need help.

 

[LWulf]

I think your numbers of keeping 80-90% of donations is inaccurate, but I also think it is difficult to figure out exactly where the money is going for most charities. But according Give.org, the American Red Cross is doing a decent job as far as charities go.

And it is a bit personal for me because my parents are both very involved and have been deployed on numerous disaster events around the country. In fact, my mom is currently in West Virginia on deployment due to the flooding there. I have volunteered, as well, and have found every experience to be one where the Red Cross really is there to help. But I do agree that with any entity of that size, you'll encounter a lot of unnecessary bureaucracy.

I guess my whole point is that I would hate to see people get turned off on donating to the Red Cross when they do so many good things for people who need help.

I'm not going to get into a pissing contest with you over posting corroborating info from various .orgs

.orgs are not pure, and are capable of errors or misleading, biased information as much as any other website. You don't even know who funds it, it could be funded by The American Red Cross for all you know. However, I could bring up a couple of .orgs that show that questions a lot of things the American Red Cross does. However, the ARC doesn't technically answer to anybody, not the Better Business Bureau, not even The American Senate which started the ARC.

If that website you listed is a part of the better business bureau, then all their good standing means is, they are acting in accordance to their charter. "Provide assistance when required." Nobody ever said how MUCH money is required to fulfill that statement.

The reason that is, is because nobody can say how much The ARC actually rakes in. Remember, they answer to no one. There has been an investigation recently, after Haiti and it was estimated that the ARC used 25% of donated money collected for Haiti.

Why is that? It's simple. When a disaster occurs, The ARC estimates how much money they will be able to get donated. They cut that figure in half and spend that much before they even start collections.

Now, if they collect more than they estimated, they put the surplus in their coffers in the eventuality that the next disaster collections won't make the estimated amount.

This is simply good (for profit) business. If you spend, more than you take in, you won't be around for long.

Now, regardless to how much money they take in during their campaigns to collect donations, if they far exceed their estimations, they do not adjust their assistance for the current disaster. No. Matter. What.

In point of fact, they actually grossly underestimated how much assistance they could collect during Hurricane Katrina and were ordered by the American Senate to put more financial assistance for that relief effort.

In Haiti, they collected enough money to rebuild 100's of houses. They rebuilt SIX. The American Senate took them to task and asked for their financial statements to verify money collected against how much they spent. They didn't comply to the full satisfaction of the senate.

Now, here's the kicker. The ARC DOES have to answer to the American Senate in one instance. When The ARC doesn't collect enough money in donations against how much they spend. Which means any time they don't make enough, then the American tax payer pays, indirectly.
However, then they only have to show how much money is spent, and how much money they collected. They don't have to account for how much money they pay their president, or any other fiscal business.

As to 80-90%, I can only tell you that I remember hearing reports on how much money they collected during Hurricane Andrew, which I was affected by. According to reports, according to word of mouth from neighbors, and many other sources that can't be verified, because the only ones who can is The American Red Cross, They collected an estimated 40-60 million dollars. Maybe more. They spent approximately 1 million in food and shelter for the people affected. They spent approximately 5-6 million dollars to get local businesses back on line. They gave NO HELP ADDITIONALLY. No houses were rebuilt or repaired on their nickle. I lost my house. The only thing they said was "go to your insurance company."

You do the math, what is ~$7 million out of $40-60 million. It isn't 10-20%?

Any grants they get from the American Tax payers does not get put into the coffers to assist disasters. That would be mismanagement of money and fraudulent use of a US Grant. So all that money does is line the pockets of the people who work and get paid by them.

That people donate their time and very generously assist people who are in one disaster or another I don't contest. However, that has NOTHING to do with them taking in more money than they know what to do with, and over-paying a president of that organization, all while under the banner of a "non-profit charity."

They also spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each year lobbying to maintain their "non-taxable" status. Not their own money. Money they collect from people's donations for disaster relief.

 

[numeniusa]

There's similar debate in my country about the way charities operate with regard to big CEO salaries - feels wrong to me too, mainly because I don't really believe that one person's 'leadership' can single-handedly boost the public's giving to the charity by enough to justify that sort of remuneration.

Still rather reeling at this, though:

...the blood they collect for free which they charge the hospitals a premium amount for...

And on the most recent actual question:

What has happened to the phrase "you're welcome"? It used to be the common repose to "thank-you" no whenever I hear it used I look around to see if there's a unicorn near by. So tell me oh linguists of the world, what happened? Why has it fallen out of favor. And what do you say when some tells you "thank-you"?

I fear that 'please' is falling to the unicorns also. 'Please' and 'thank you' (and 'you're welcome' ) are sort of ingrained responses in my culture, but I don't think that sort of automatic courtesy is a bad thing.

 

[jiimmmy]

That's the reason I never give blood. The blood is actually me. If they want it, they can pay me for it or forget it. They are just gonna sell it and if I need it back, make me pay. Seems so wrong to just give away your DNA - the only thing you actually do take with you when you die.

 

[beachbaby179]

Can I ask why "No problem" or "It's nothing" is grating to you?

For me, as long as there's some sort of acknowledgement after a thank you, I'm okay with that. So I'm just curious as to why it could bother some. I haven't considered other angles.

You're right, of course. At least they're acknowledging you. For some reason, though, I feel like when someone says it's nothing, they're minimizing it. Almost like it wasn't worth appreciating to begin with.

Then again, I over analyze sometimes...

 

[numeniusa]

That's the reason I never give blood. The blood is actually me. If they want it, they can pay me for it or forget it. They are just gonna sell it and if I need it back, make me pay. Seems so wrong to just give away your DNA - the only thing you actually do take with you when you die.

It's not the giving it for free I was surprised by, it's the subsequent selling, I had no idea that happened. I'm very happy to donate it here, but I do know it's going directly to a hospital (without charge) for use (without charge) however they see fit. Which is different to what LWulf described, and, apparently, your experience.

 

[beachbaby179]

I give blood regularly, when I'm healthy enough. I have the type they use in hospital emergency rooms. I'm known as the "universal donor type" because my blood can go into anyone without harming them. I would hope that if I am ever in a situation to need blood myself, that there was some on hand because enough people donated to help me.

I also run the blood drives at work. It costs a tremendous amount of money to collect, process, test and ship blood to the hospital. That's what the hospital is paying for. And my blood "grows back" in 6 weeks. So it's not a hardship for me.

 

[ChainedUp]

Group hug everyone, tell the person next to you that you love them.

Sometimes we answer a question maybe not by a direct reply but through our posts. Observations lead to decisions of likability. And while life isn't a popularity contest, we all want to be liked.

So the question is, if you acted in a certain way that everyone one in your circle disagreed with, would you take a moment to reflect and then change your behavior. Or would you say "that's me" and not modify your behavior?

What triggers when you decide to change vs when you don't?

 

[numeniusa]

I give blood regularly, when I'm healthy enough. I have the type they use in hospital emergency rooms. I'm known as the "universal donor type" because my blood can go into anyone without harming them. I would hope that if I am ever in a situation to need blood myself, that there was some on hand because enough people donated to help me.

I also run the blood drives at work. It costs a tremendous amount of money to collect, process, test and ship blood to the hospital. That's what the hospital is paying for. And my blood "grows back" in 6 weeks. So it's not a hardship for me.

How frequently are people allowed to donate over there? Here it's once every 13 weeks for women.

 

[beachbaby179]

After two months you can donate again. I don't do it that often. Four times a year for me .

 

[LWulf]

I'm sorry, but this is incorrect. People who work for nonprofit organizations do not do so income tax free.

Mea culpa, I used hyperbole in my excitement, but you're saying that the IRS regularly doesn't give tax breaks to people who do charitable work?

That's the reason I never give blood...

It's not the giving it for free I was surprised by, it's the subsequent selling, I had no idea that happened. I'm very happy to donate it here, but I do know it's going directly to a hospital (without charge) for use (without charge) however they see fit. Which is different to what LWulf described, and, apparently, your experience.

I used to donate blood to the red cross until I found out they charge the hospitals, who in turn charge the patients even more. They are a business too. There are some organizations that WILL pay you for blood donated contrary to what the red cross refutes.

In college in Pennsylvania (circa 2006), we had pamphlets posted asking people for blood that they were willing to pay for during a blood shortage, because college kids are always looking for extra money. One guy I knew donated blood there and got paid for it. (I'm not saying that was the red cross)

Also, there are some organizations who, when you donate blood will make an "account" (much like a bank) of how much you donate. If you ever need blood, then they will give you freely, as much blood as you've donated. I know my grandfather used to donate regularly and he was part of such an organization. I'm not sure if that was the red cross, and if that was, if it was an old standard they no longer maintain.

... I have the type they use in hospital emergency rooms. I'm known as the "universal donor type" because my blood can go into anyone without harming them ... And my blood "grows back" in 6 weeks. So it's not a hardship for me.

How frequently are people allowed to donate over there? Here it's once every 13 weeks for women.

I am a universal donor too, but my blood is Maybe standards have changed, but I believe you CAN donate every six weeks. They don't recommend it, but if you pushed, you could go more often than two months.

It also depends if you are donating red blood cells or blood plasma. I forget how often but if you are donating blood plasma, you can donate more often.

Group hug everyone, tell the person next to you that you love them.

I'd rather burp up a lung.

I don't feel a need to "express love" because I'm discussing a heated topic, to prove that I don't hold personal malice towards anybody.

...while life isn't a popularity contest, we all want to be liked.

...So the question is, if you acted in a certain way that everyone one in your circle disagreed with, would you take a moment to reflect and then change your behavior. Or would you say "that's me" and not modify your behavior?

What triggers when you decide to change vs when you don't?

Nope, I don't give in to peer pressure to make myself more agreeable to a group.

If I am factually incorrect, then I take that into account, but I don't usually make baseless statements. You aren't asking about facts but group opinions.

and no, I don't want to be liked. I don't care if I am or not.

 

[Mrtenant]

I give blood regularly, when I'm healthy enough. I have the type they use in hospital emergency rooms. I'm known as the "universal donor type" because my blood can go into anyone without harming them. I would hope that if I am ever in a situation to need blood myself, that there was some on hand because enough people donated to help me.

I also run the blood drives at work. It costs a tremendous amount of money to collect, process, test and ship blood to the hospital. That's what the hospital is paying for. And my blood "grows back" in 6 weeks. So it's not a hardship for me.

You are like me then? O neg?


Tough thing about our blood type is that if I need it, I can only take O neg. So far, never have needed it, hopefully, never will.

 

[Mrtenant]

Group hug everyone, tell the person next to you that you love them.

Sometimes we answer a question maybe not by a direct reply but through our posts. Observations lead to decisions of likability. And while life isn't a popularity contest, we all want to be liked.

So the question is, if you acted in a certain way that everyone one in your circle disagreed with, would you take a moment to reflect and then change your behavior. Or would you say "that's me" and not modify your behavior?

What triggers when you decide to change vs when you don't?

I would hope that they would do me the courtesy of asking me why rather than passing judgement.

My experience, much as people might think otherwise, I don't read minds, and if there is a disagreement, that will become apparent in my conversation. I'm sure its the same for nearly everyone else (Professor X excepting).

Before you pass judgement, ask. Get a clear understanding. Things aren't always what they seem.

Rare occassion when I change a behavior, not opposed to it. Someone better do a damn good job of convincing if its on their agenda.

 

[Suz_anne]

Group hug everyone, tell the person next to you that you love them.

Sometimes we answer a question maybe not by a direct reply but through our posts. Observations lead to decisions of likability. And while life isn't a popularity contest, we all want to be liked.

So the question is, if you acted in a certain way that everyone one in your circle disagreed with, would you take a moment to reflect and then change your behavior. Or would you say "that's me" and not modify your behavior?

What triggers when you decide to change vs when you don't?

There's a saying… something like if you think everyone around you is an asshole, chances are you are the asshole.

I try to remember that and reflect accordingly. Except when I'm driving. In that case, everyone around me really are assholes.

 

[BradBigBrain]

There's a saying… something like if you think everyone around you is an asshole, chances are you are the asshole.

I try to remember that and reflect accordingly. Except when I'm driving. In that case, everyone around me really are assholes.

http://i.imgur.com/l1dIzNM.jpg

 

[Suz_anne]

Yes, there you go. Thanks, B3.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Yes, there you go. Thanks, B3.

YW, S_A

 

[Paul_Chance]

I am tight with my circle of friends. I love them and trust them. If they all agreed I was doing something wrong, I'd listen to them and change my behavior accordingly.

(To everyone who gives blood, as a guy whose life was saved by it, my personal thanks from the very bottom of my heart!)

 

[Mrtenant]

Todays world? Sometimes ya gotta be an asshole. There are some people you will have to deal with, that's all they can listen to. Its a skill, like any other. A thinking person, will know when to turn it on, and off. Love you guys, assholes included.