Litiquette

[stickygirl]

As a guy, I am constantly amazed by the slut-shaming that women direct at each other. Men will participate of course, but over the years, my observation is that most of it is initiated by women at other women - and it always reminds me of the joking definition of a slut - "someone who enjoys/has more sex then you do"

I think maybe you notice women slut-shaming more than you notice men doing it's because it 'normal' for a man to speak that way. Maybe we could do a survey? Women do it because they are competing for attention in a world defined by men's standards: they are seeking approval from men who judge women by their attractiveness/sexuality, so we don't exactly do ourselves any favours in doing it. What we're saying to men is "I agree that your method of judging women is correct and I will judge that way too".
I try not to do it but when I see a drunk girl at a club or someone hanging out with a rough crowd it's difficult A. not to be worried for them B. Call them a name out of exasperation

Sticky

They'll never get past the squirrel guard

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_cIx0xpjXZ68/S68H5g0DtCI/AAAAAAAAERk/eqdNSj8RSyQ/s1600/army_squirrel.jpg

Holy crap: is someone after his nuts?

 

[ChainedUp]

Holy crap: is someone after his nuts?

Protect the nuts at all costs!

 

[Thandi]

In any online community where sex is the subject you'll run into a wide array of behaviors. If there is such a thing as a proper etiquette for online communities, I would think it would include a wide tolerance for the incredible variety of human sexuality. But, of course, years of experience have taught me otherwise. We never escape our humanity - both the good parts and the bad parts.

Now, here are a few random thoughts:

Asking for what you want works often enough in life and online. You'll see the people who ask "Send me a hot PM" on every interactive site that I have ever seen. Why? It works. It may only work on 1 in 100 people - but sites have thousands of lurkers for every poster. Some people come to sites strictly for the cyber-sex, men and women. (Notice that the people doing this type of post never participate in the does it works discussions. They don't really care, because they know it does.)

As a guy, I am constantly amazed by the slut-shaming that women direct at each other. Men will participate of course, but over the years, my observation is that most of it is initiated by women at other women - and it always reminds me of the joking definition of a slut - "someone who enjoys/has more sex then you do"

I personally like the more descriptive posts in the variety of threads. Tell me details. I love writing and reading erotica (in general, I love the written word). If you're saying you had sex - give us some tasty detail, if you're describing your underwear, go graphic. Isn't the dance of language the motif of an erotica site? (My assumption probably.)

On Keeping A Thread Alive: Threads live or die based on a bare handful of posters throwing out content that people like to read (and subsequently comment on). Life or death of most threads is simply a matter of posting.

I have found this thread entertaining. So, I thought I would share some thoughts. Semi-random and otherwise.

Very good points Paul!

 

[ViciousTease]

Ok I have a question since there seems to be a nice mixture of men and women in here. Why does it seem to be more acceptable for women to be needy little sleaze buckets, then the men?
You know the men... begging for a slutty girl to PM him so they can go off in cyber heaven cause he just needs to use you for his release.. (and yes we roll our eyes)
Then there is the women who say the sluttiest thing possible just for the attention and shock value.
Why do women roll their eyes at desperation, and men attack that same desperation with a raging hard on begging to be used?

I'd like to think women typically have some class about being a slutty bitch, cause face it, we all have it in us.
But seeing many women posting on here, that theory flew out the window.

Not trying to generalize either sex, cause there are plenty super amazing guys and gals on here.

Hmmm, I can't help but feel like I fall into the class-less slutty bitch category. I'm ok with that.

I think we, the CSB's, tend to be outrageous online because we can't be in real life. And it's fun. And harmless. I wouldn't over think it or let it affect your opinion of women in general. Like you said, we all have a little slutty bitch in us. Some of us just use this type of website as a place to let the slut out to play. It's much safer than letting her run loose in a bar.

I don't roll my eyes at the men's sex requests. I don't respond to them either. I just figure they are asking for what they want, and I have no doubt they get plenty of private responses. For some, cyber sex is a fetish. It's not my personal kink, but I don't judge. It's all about finding your own pleasure triggers.

Excellent post, btw. I think it's safe to say you are one of the "super amazing gals" on here.

 

[sweetsauce]

Hmmm, I can't help but feel like I fall into the class-less slutty bitch category. I'm ok with that.

I think we, the CSB's, tend to be outrageous online because we can't be in real life. And it's fun. And harmless. I wouldn't over think it or let it affect your opinion of women in general. Like you said, we all have a little slutty bitch in us. Some of us just use this type of website as a place to let the slut out to play. It's much safer than letting her run loose in a bar.

I don't roll my eyes at the men's sex requests. I don't respond to them either. I just figure they are asking for what they want, and I have no doubt they get plenty of private responses. For some, cyber sex is a fetish. It's not my personal kink, but I don't judge. It's all about finding your own pleasure triggers.

Excellent post, btw. I think it's safe to say you are one of the "super amazing gals" on here.

well said VT

different strokes for different folks... this is a place to have fun however you personally enjoy it If someone isn't doing what you think they should, who are any of us to judge? If it's not for you then go do your thing and have your type of fun you deserve it!

 

[stickygirl]

well said VT

different strokes for different folks... this is a place to have fun however you personally enjoy it If someone isn't doing what you think they should, who are any of us to judge? If it's not for you then go do your thing and have your type of fun you deserve it!

Do people judge here? Hmm.. maybe they do - there are certainly plenty rabid dogs here that need some intensive therapy ( on the GB ). The fab thing about Lit is to discover that you're not alone in having a kink but the trick is find that person in RL. I do know a couple who met through Lit and, so far as I know, are dancing off over the horizon
There was one person here who had me on an emotional and sexual leash. I even wrote a story about them. I've never felt it before or since but... *chews knuckles* they don't post anymore
Story of my fucking life

 

[sweetsauce]

(((Sticky))) big hugs to you

 

[stickygirl]

(((Sticky))) big hugs to you

Aww hello - soz, we're just doing supper or I'd have replied sooner

<<<hugs>>> rightbacatcha

 

[ForeverDreaming]

Hmmm, I can't help but feel like I fall into the class-less slutty bitch category. I'm ok with that.

I think we, the CSB's, tend to be outrageous online because we can't be in real life. And it's fun. And harmless. I wouldn't over think it or let it affect your opinion of women in general. Like you said, we all have a little slutty bitch in us. Some of us just use this type of website as a place to let the slut out to play. It's much safer than letting her run loose in a bar.

I don't roll my eyes at the men's sex requests. I don't respond to them either. I just figure they are asking for what they want, and I have no doubt they get plenty of private responses. For some, cyber sex is a fetish. It's not my personal kink, but I don't judge. It's all about finding your own pleasure triggers.

Excellent post, btw. I think it's safe to say you are one of the "super amazing gals" on here.

Well thank you

I agree on many of the points you raised.

 

[ChainedUp]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

 

[fishyfingers]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

I haven't been bitten yet, but I think there are a few repellant sources out there.

 

[SweetSam42]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

I am MUCH more guarded now, for sure. But beyond that, I try to be more assertive and not fall into the trap of doing/saying things I don't want to do or mean, just because I think they'll make the other person happy or because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Always gets me in a spot I don't want to be in.

But, even after several misadventures of my very own, I still have a hard time grasping that real emotions can become such a part of anyone's interactions here. I'm not sure why, but I still hold a certain disbelief that real connections can happen virtually. Silly, I know. Naive, definitely.

 

[Mindfondler]

Interesting thread!

It's an intimidating task for me to attempt to catch up on everything that's been said so far, so apologies if I accidentally re-visit territory that's been covered before.

Edit: The latest posting from ChainedUp (see above) arrived after I started typing this post, so sorry for the discontinuity that I've caused here.

Edit #2: Now I realise that I was responding to an earlier page of this thread (from a few days ago) rather than today's page. Sorry!

I'll bite on this question, though:

This morning's topic: does your Lit personality match your real life personality?

I think it does. I don't have the time, energy or acting talent to maintain a different online persona. I tend to write what I'm thinking just as if I were saying it out loud. I do review my text for clarity before I post it, though, and this process of tweaking it may remove a bit of character and spontaneity. My ad lib audio clips (see below) are probably the most accurate representation of my real life persona.

What would the conversation between an RL friend and a Lit friend go when they talk about you?

I have one RL friend with whom I've had the same sorts of conversations as I've had on the Lit forums. I think she would recognise me from my postings! I don't think she is on here, though.
.

 

[wyshes]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

I don't let it effect me have a wall built up.'..years of practice. Learned that in real life and it carres over to here. Yes i have someone i care about but more as a friend that is fun more than anything else.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I haven't gotten particularly attached to anyone on Lit, though I have made a few friends here. I can draw on experience in other forums and say I've learned that online relationships are pretty much exactly like my offline relationships, minus the squabbling over toothpaste lids and toilet seats.

I had one that turned into a possessive stalker scenario. (Had that happen in real life too.)

I had one that turned out to be an elaborate charade. (Had that happen in real life too.)

I have one that began as online, crossed into IRL, and has been a pretty astounding adventure all in all.

Some years ago, before I ever came to Lit, I made the conscious decision that my online life and IRL were best if I kept them one and the same. I'm open about my online life with my IRL friends and vice versa. Better karma.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

oh...Chained..Not Sure there's enough space here.

 

[ForeverDreaming]

I have never fallen in love on here, but one of my best friends is from here. I've learned from other interactive sites, that it's best to keep my distance. I know my weaknesses and I know that I get attached easily, and I'm a jealous person. So this is the worst place possible to get attached to someone, Jealousy would be working overtime lol Jealousy is not an emotion I am allowed on here.

 

[NotHisLady]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

For the most part I listen long and carefully to what people say to me. I guess my BS filter has been tuned much higher than it was before I ever saw this particular Playground.
Oddly enough that has carried over into 'real' life as well and has made me a smarter person even while it has made me a somewhat less starry-eyed one.
Compliments are most likely flattery but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Flirting isn't a means to an end, sometimes it is the destination. Having realized that I can happily flirt a bit here and there without feeling like something more is expected (or expecting something more!)

(Greetings to Mindfondler--don't worry about being caught up. I don't think there's any rule about linear thought here!!)

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

It's more or less a BS Flag That gets sent up almost every time I receive a PM. I question everything now. I'm very guarded. My experience has been, once a real set of feelings develop, things go south. I believe it has to do with this being the Internet, and the vast majority here never intend for things to develop further. If it works for you.. Fine. I, however, still struggle with the point of spending "intimate" time with another, time getting to know each other and their kinks when you don't want an end date of some sort. I can get nameless, faceless, safe sex from a really good audio.

It's a different way of interacting, I suppose. So, my short answer would be. . I'm more guarded...less trusting..

 

[ForeverDreaming]

I have one that began as online, crossed into IRL, and has been a pretty astounding adventure all in all.

Some years ago, before I ever came to Lit, I made the conscious decision that my online life and IRL were best if I kept them one and the same. I'm open about my online life with my IRL friends and vice versa. Better karma.

I have to agree with this. Those who are my friends online, are my friends in real life. They know about me and my life, and I talk about them with my family, just as if they are really around me.

 

[stickygirl]

Good morning Litiquette-izans ,

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

For the most part I listen long and carefully to what people say to me. I guess my BS filter has been tuned much higher than it was before I ever saw this particular Playground.
Oddly enough that has carried over into 'real' life as well and has made me a smarter person even while it has made me a somewhat less starry-eyed one.

I'd go with this ^^ NHL, plus I can deal with RL trolls better now.

I can't say I give space for anything more than friendship to develop here so to that extent I'm guarded. Some people diss online relationships but I don't think they are any less real, but if it happens to be an intelligent and witty Labrador I'm chatting to so be it, so long they don't step beyond the bounds or become clingy / creepy… or ask for dog-chews in the mail.

I did become attached to someone here and though he warned me he might just disappear ( and has ) it's not something I lose sleep over - I just miss him.

 

[Mindfondler]

(Greetings to Mindfondler--don't worry about being caught up. I don't think there's any rule about linear thought here!!)

Thanks! I'm finding it embarrassingly ironic that my first significant instance on this forum of pressing the "submit" button without sufficient prior thought occurred on the thread entitled "Litiquette".

Now, to answer the correct question for today:

There's an old saying, "once bitten, twice shy" which I think everyone who's ever had an emotional attachment to someone here fully understands. How does your previous experiences with Lit love shape you now?

I haven't really had any bad experiences on the Lit forum. Perhaps it helps that I'm a middle-aged married guy, and therefore unlikely to be the target of nefarious behaviour.

I've been in contact with quite a few Litsters outside threads and (fingers crossed!) I haven't fallen out with or been burned by any of them, even though there's a natural tendency for some to drift away. I would count some of these Litsters as authentic friends, and a few as genuinely close friends, with whom I've gradually felt confident enough to open up fully and engage in emotional interchange. It's not quite "Lit love", but many of my experiences have been very lovely nonetheless.
.

 

[makinmepurr]

Hmmm, I can't help but feel like I fall into the class-less slutty bitch category. I'm ok with that.

I think we, the CSB's, tend to be outrageous online because we can't be in real life. And it's fun. And harmless. I wouldn't over think it or let it affect your opinion of women in general. Like you said, we all have a little slutty bitch in us. Some of us just use this type of website as a place to let the slut out to play. It's much safer than letting her run loose in a bar.

I don't roll my eyes at the men's sex requests. I don't respond to them either. I just figure they are asking for what they want, and I have no doubt they get plenty of private responses. For some, cyber sex is a fetish. It's not my personal kink, but I don't judge. It's all about finding your own pleasure triggers.

Excellent post, btw. I think it's safe to say you are one of the "super amazing gals" on here.

Oh, you said it perfectly VT. I let my outrageous side out here because I can't irl, and i wouldn't even if i could. I' m not a slut *chuckles* but I play one on lit.

 

[Thandi]

And what pray tell, is the OP's answer to this morning's query?

 

[ChainedUp]

I thought my role was discussion facilitator, the handbook said nothing about actually answering them.