Litiquette

[NotHisLady]

Lust is wanting, the urge to quench my own desire with this one person, often at great length. No matter how I look at it though it is still ME wanting something with or from another person.
Love is wanting to give someone else what they want, finding pleasure in the idea of slaking his desire or filling his want.
If I want to have then it's lust.
If I want to give then it is or is becoming love.

Really great love goes beyond lust (which is of the body) and is of the mind and of the heart as well.
If the passion is tempered with respect and with caring then that might be great love.

These can evolve if two people see each other every day or if they never see each other at all since the root of it all is communication. With it all things are possible, without it none are.

(Or maybe I've stayed up far too late again.)

 

[stickygirl]

And longing and pining, and all sorts of other unhealthy feelings.

Just making a comment, not disagreeing with you, but those feelings at least let us know we're alive. Even the negative feelings of loss and feeling miserable after you've split with someone are better than grey numbness. I'm prob talking out my hat

 

[may_I_please]

Lust is wanting, the urge to quench my own desire with this one person, often at great length. No matter how I look at it though it is still ME wanting something with or from another person.
Love is wanting to give someone else what they want, finding pleasure in the idea of slaking his desire or filling his want.
If I want to have then it's lust.
If I want to give then it is or is becoming love.

Really great love goes beyond lust (which is of the body) and is of the mind and of the heart as well.
If the passion is tempered with respect and with caring then that might be great love.

These can evolve if two people see each other every day or if they never see each other at all since the root of it all is communication. With it all things are possible, without it none are.

(Or maybe I've stayed up far too late again.)

I'm afraid your definition of love is my lust

Your "great love" is my love

 

[sereneone4u]

There isn't anything "just" about a friend. A person you can call your friend is in your heart and always will be.
For myself the way I love my friends is as real as the way I love my lovers, maybe even more so because is seems to be able to weather more.
Every person I love teaches me something about myself. If I've been sorry for the pain of losing someone I love I've never once been sorry for having loved.

Yes.

That is why I don't particularly care for the "just friends" expression.

You expressed it perfectly, thank you.

 

[SweetSam42]

Just making a comment, not disagreeing with you, but those feelings at least let us know we're alive. Even the negative feelings of loss and feeling miserable after you've split with someone are better than grey numbness. I'm prob talking out my hat

You are so, so right, and I should have elaborated: The 'unhealthy' bit is because I'm a married woman who shouldn't be longing or pining for anyone outside my marriage.

I'm afraid your definition of love is my lust

Your "great love" is my love

I think my definition of lust combines NHL's def of love and lust. There's something about that desire to please and pleasure someone that is so exciting in the newness of a relationship, long before love enters the picture for me.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes.

That is why I don't particularly care for the "just friends" expression.

You expressed it perfectly, thank you.

There are very few people with whom I can be completely open and holding back is my norm. I can say that when I do open up with a friend I form a very strong bond - it's like they become a superfriend. It may be the same with love - I hope so.

I see such a lot of hurt when lovers split up and it hurts me when i can see both sides and I wonder why they can't stay friends afterward. How can you let someone in your bed when you're not already very close friends? Maybe I'm just being naive but I couldn't do that.

 

[ChainedUp]

Good morning Litiquette-izans. Why is it that you can meet someone here and be emotionally attached to them. Even never having met face-to-face, there can be an attachment. Is it real, or is it surface level?

 

[wyshes]

Good morning Litiquette-izans. Why is it that you can meet someone here and be emotionally attached to them. Even never having met face-to-face, there can be an attachment. Is it real, or is it surface level?

Oh Gawd why do You have to ask this question now of all times??

 

[stickygirl]

Good morning Litiquette-izans. Why is it that you can meet someone here and be emotionally attached to them. Even never having met face-to-face, there can be an attachment. Is it real, or is it surface level?

Maybe we project an expectation and make up the missing senses that online denies us? What if he smelled REALLY bad?!
But seriously - there are going to be so many blanks but … it's a fair starting point isn't it? At Lit we can deduce far more about a persons character than we could in a night club being distacted by his tight butt

 

[Dreamscape12]

Maybe we project an expectation and make up the missing senses that online denies us? What if he smelled REALLY bad?!
But seriously - there are going to be so many blanks but … it's a fair starting point isn't it? At Lit we can deduce far more about a persons character than we could in a night club being distacted by his tight butt

Think its true that you can find out more about someones personality on Lit that on some random night out. But those blanks are really important too. Think the emotional part is a hard one, because its far to easy for one side to get attached whilst the other person still think its playful banter.

 

[stickygirl]

Think its true that you can find out more about someones personality on Lit that on some random night out. But those blanks are really important too. Think the emotional part is a hard one, because its far to easy for one side to get attached whilst the other person still think its playful banter.

And filling in blanks is part of the fun or it should be … the rich tapestry of Life ho-hum.
You're right but I think people can get the wrong end of the stick in RL as much as Lit for different reasons. Maybe that comes down to the individual though? On Lit you can go back through a persons previous posts as see how genuine they are ( or not ). In RL you have to make judgements based on a couple of meetings and we all know that can end in tears.

 

[Dreamscape12]

And filling in blanks is part of the fun or it should be … the rich tapestry of Life ho-hum.
You're right but I think people can get the wrong end of the stick in RL as much as Lit for different reasons. Maybe that comes down to the individual though? On Lit you can go back through a persons previous posts as see how genuine they are ( or not ). In RL you have to make judgements based on a couple of meetings and we all know that can end in tears.

Haha maybe I'm far too innocent/lazy (or rubbish at using a forum...) To go back through people's posts. Think you're right though about it being on the individual. I guess the fact that this is an online forum though can attract some folks who aren't as good at reading certain signs.

 

[NotHisLady]

Good morning Litiquette-izans. Why is it that you can meet someone here and be emotionally attached to them. Even never having met face-to-face, there can be an attachment. Is it real, or is it surface level?

I don't think meeting someone here (or anywhere online really) guarantees an emotional attachment. I do think that when two people meet here there is more of a sense of equality so there are power dynamics that get taken out of play. Also two people who begin with an online correspondence are starting out from an intellectual standpoint--granted there may be lust and that may end up being the driving force but they begin with words so unlike so often in real life the brain can't just take the day off and let the body go play.
From my own experience I have a tendency to let my insecurities get in the way of meeting new people. In this sort of environment I can let that go, be the person I really am without focusing on the negative parts of myself.
Oddly enough it's helped me learn to be more like that in my skin as well as on the screen.
Choosing to 'show' myself to another person online isn't a thing I do lightly or often. Once it was a terrible mistake. Since then I've learned from that experience. Now I have two people who are dear to me because I made that leap.
As for filling in blanks. I will say that both of my friends were exactly as I expected them to be. There was no mental projection of mine that had to be adjusted for reality. Time has a way of taking care of that if you let it.

 

[sereneone4u]

I don't think meeting someone here (or anywhere online really) guarantees an emotional attachment. I do think that when two people meet here there is more of a sense of equality so there are power dynamics that get taken out of play. Also two people who begin with an online correspondence are starting out from an intellectual standpoint--granted there may be lust and that may end up being the driving force but they begin with words so unlike so often in real life the brain can't just take the day off and let the body go play.
From my own experience I have a tendency to let my insecurities get in the way of meeting new people. In this sort of environment I can let that go, be the person I really am without focusing on the negative parts of myself.
Oddly enough it's helped me learn to be more like that in my skin as well as on the screen.
Choosing to 'show' myself to another person online isn't a thing I do lightly or often. Once it was a terrible mistake. Since then I've learned from that experience. Now I have two people who are dear to me because I made that leap.
As for filling in blanks. I will say that both of my friends were exactly as I expected them to be. There was no mental projection of mine that had to be adjusted for reality. Time has a way of taking care of that if you let it.

Yet again. NHL says it so well.

 

[ChainedUp]

I'll lighten the mood around here with the next topic:

What makes someone one of your favorite posters. Not someone you are playing or involved with, and no naming names, but we all have a favorite posters; what makes them so good.

 

[NotHisLady]

I'll lighten the mood around here with the next topic:

What makes someone one of your favorite posters. Not someone you are playing or involved with, and no naming names, but we all have a favorite posters; what makes them so good.

There are people who always make me laugh, others who always seem to stir the pot and cause something interesting to happen.
One or two are just really smart and invariably have an interesting take on whatever is being discussed.
Those are the ones I always read when I see that they've posted.

 

[Paul_Chance]

There are a couple of things that can draw me to reading a particular poster, toward them becoming one of the people whom I favor.

First, I am really draw to the ability to express complete thoughts in an intelligent and literate form. Second, if those thoughts reflect some degree of introspection and reflection, some evidence of the ability to express the inner life coherently. Third, if they conduct themselves well - treat other people well, evidence a sense of humor, avoid the meaningless conflicts - then I will make it a point to read them.

They don't have to reach for the gold ring in every post, but they have to show the ability to reach for it more often then not. They can even fail - I am as drawn to the people who are trying as I am to the ones who are successful. Finally, conflict itself is okay - conflict and human beings go hand in hand - just try to make it a meaningful conflict. Since I am prone to tilting at windmills myself, I enjoy people who are will to express themselves and stand up for themselves.

Oh, and I forgot. I know we're supposed to say "a sense of humor", but I am going to have to go with big breasts.*

*Bonus points if you get the movie reference.

 

[SweetSam42]

I have to say, I usually enjoy your ^^ posts, Paul.

Can't say that I chase anyone's posts around here, but I do enjoy people who can articulate things in a way that makes me rethink my stance on something. And punctuation and humor always go a long way with me.

(Oh, and Paul, So I Married An Ax Murderer?)

 

[Thandi]

So why.... when an intelligent, witty, sexy, funny as hell Litster starts a really interesting thread, that has tons of contributors....gets no Lit Babes clawing down his door...what gives?
Too much thought and not enough shmexy?

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I'll lighten the mood around here with the next topic:

What makes someone one of your favorite posters. Not someone you are playing or involved with, and no naming names, but we all have a favorite posters; what makes them so good.

They do not take themselves seriously, they show a sense of humor, when they are nasty, it is thoughtfully nasty...and they are drama-free....

 

[Ellafun]

I don't like anyone on Lit. I'm just here for the food porn.

 

[Thandi]

They do not take themselves seriously, they show a sense of humor, when they are nasty, it is thoughtfully nasty...and they are drama-free....

There's people drama free here???

 

[Thandi]

I don't like anyone on Lit. I'm just here for the food porn.

Oh come on Ella....you like some of us.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

There's people drama free here???

Yes...I surround myself with that person every time I post....

 

[Ellafun]

Oh come on Ella....you like some of us.

Hush, woman! I'm being snarky instead of sweet and endearing for a change. Bringing out my inna beyotch, as it were.