Long Distance Relationships

[espressolover]

Ty jenny!

thanks for your caring and concern...yes, everything is very fine!!! We had a great talk last nite...he just missed me very badly,god...sometimes this is sooo hard. The distance between us too much. But, we are taking it day by day. I truly couldn't ever ask for better in a man. He is very loving and wonderful...just i can't wait to at least hold his hand, kiss him, look into his eyes...all the little things people sometimes take for granted in a regular relationship...but, that is all coming soon, as we are making plans to meet asap.
Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement and support.
Best of luck to you and yours, and to all...
espressolover

 

[midas2001]

Hi my friends

Read your thread with interest. Is 200 miles classed as long distance...? I've fallen head over heels in love with my lady (My Star-Girl) and we've been having a relationship for 7 months now.

All your replies show some of the feelings that both elate and frustrate me at the moment. MY lady will only correspond via chat rooms and of course emails... there 'may' be a small possibility sometime in the near future that we will 'Voice' over MSN or Yahoo... but it's not for certain.

So how do you manage... In my case we live in the same country and we could have met up easily long ago... A 3 hour drive and my lady would be in my arms. For one reason or another this is not meant to be (and I'm beginning to get downheartened that it'll ever happen)... so how do you stand it?

I'm beginning to think the only way is to slightly take a backward step and try to turn the relationship into more of a friendship rather that the "Romeo & Juliet" romance that we currently have!

If any of you are interested... my lady and I wrote a combined story of what a possible 3 days together on "Fantasy Island" would be like... where we could enact our desires 'In The Flesh'. IF you search on my nick Midas2001 you'll see where they are... I have given you this so that you can see how we feel about each other.

It's (as some of you have already mentioned) more like we have a celestial bond and are 'linked' somehow through our hearts and souls... and I'd like to know how you all cope?

Just one passing thought before I go... Too much truth can be hurtful. My lady and I each have our own lives and live with our partners... there have been a few times where it has 'slipped out' one way or another that she couldn't make -or- can't make a date, or has to go offline because her partner has come home and needs to make love to her. This can be hurtful to the one left looking at the blank screen... so a 'Little White Lie' is sometimes better - Yes?

Thankyou for listening

Midas2001

 

[Somme]

20,000km

hi jenny...I've had a ldr for almost 12 years...
& it's stronger than ever. We've both got our lives when we're apart... & coming back together is hard sometimes...
If it's good...it'll last.
lots of love
S

 

[JennyOmanHill]

200 or 1200 miles

hi jenny...I've had a ldr for almost 12 years...
& it's stronger than ever. We've both got our lives when we're apart... & coming back together is hard sometimes...
If it's good...it'll last.
lots of love
S

Hi Somme (hugggggss)... it's so great to hear from another tubster! Even though Oman and I are still in an "intial" stage, there are honestly times already that I wish I had a more stable routine in my "outside" world. I've been unemployed, living in nyc, and my job searching is almost at a standstill (pickings are very slim). Heck, Somme, there are so many marriages that don't reach a dozen years! Congrats to you and your LDR.

Welcome and thank you to Midas for sharing your tale. Distance in milage terms seems inconsequential when your heart is concerned (right espressolover?). I'm pretty comfortable with 1200 plus milage in my situation, since it's stilll within "reaching distance", and we are aiming to solidify our plans to do so after the holidays. I'm a bit concerned at your lady's reluctance to get closer at this point, and I can certainly share your downheartedness. Perhaps your step "backwards" might be a good idea. As far as honesty, I know that I would have already been past this chapter of my life if we didn't agree to be totally honest with each other. Yes, the truth sometimes hurts, but I feel it's better to hurt and recognize the reality of the situation.

Glad you're back in touch, espressolover! Yes, good luck to us all... and I'm so thankful for all your suggestions and sharing.

Keep the faith.

 

[omahaman2]

jenny,my love

hi all. just wanted to leave another post to reaffirm my belief that LDRs can work.its a relationship between two people and although distant,its still a relationship,and like all relationships some are strong and last and then there are some that dont. In my case,i feel our relationship is very strong,based on honesty,trust and love.There is no problem for me to affirm with jenny my love and my hope for our future..our relationship is like any other cuouple except our dates are very spaced out from each other,in fact we havent even had our first.However,since our first meeting on line our heartshave become linkedforever,our lives forever intertwined.in some ways,I think LDRs are better than other relationships,as mentioned before the simple things in life become so more important in LDRs.I never would have believed I would have dreams of seeing my hand in the hand of another ,our fingers intertwined,our faces overcomed with smiles.things that others take for granted but shouldnt.thanks all for listening to my ramblings and thanks jenny for completing my life. glad to hear everything turned out for you express ,glad hes ok ,i dont know what i do without jenny in my life.i do know however that you dont think hes ok as i said but alot more like jenny is to mes and im glad hes back with you although distant. take care everyone omanLOVES jenny

 

[espressolover]

Ty, omahaman

Hi...
Thanks for your caring...you and jenny have all my best wishes and thoughts..,I'm so happy for you both.
Yes, he is back and well, thank God. I can't imagine life without him either...we are stronger than ever.
And also, i whole-heartedly agree that the little things other couples have together i.e., kissing, holding hands, smiling at each other so far we only do in our dreams. But, it's sweeter that way. Makes you appreciate the little things and not take one another for granted...which is the downfall of other relationships.
This has been and continues to be a real learning experience for me. It's teaching me what real love can be...what we can aspire to be with each other.
Takes it to a whole other level!
Take care of each other...and thank you both for all your caring...

espressolover

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Wow!

Glad to be sharing our experiences, especially when some of us are so new to all this.

Oman, my love, your words have actually left me speechless! Thank you for posting them for all to share. You have given so much to me already, and I long to have your hands in mine. Considering our past relationships, finding each other now in our lives has renewed such hope and promise for me that I never expected to have again in this lifetime. I love you.

 

[Bitch_Goddess]

Here's some care package ideas.....

Here is a thread I started awhile back on the gen. board for care package ideas. A lot of them are suited to the military, but many can be used for anyone. I hope you get some good ideas from it. You have a lot more freedom in the things you canm send that I do. These ideas are nice for anyone in an LDR, as we all know how nice it is to get a little something unexpected from our significant other.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=53751

 

[PeterBilt]

Sorry, this post was inappropriate. Part of not taking time to read the whole thread, I guess, before responding to an early post, and trying too hard to be funny. Congratulations to all of you who are making it work, and thank you for your openness. Peter

 

[PowerOfOne]

RE: Long distance relationship

I met a man online via my work resources. We became close friends via the internet and then we became more. The relationship was everything that I needed at the time and he said it was for him also.

I wanted to meet him face to face after many months of internet communication, telephone calls, and letters. It seems that every time I planned to visit him, something came up to prevent it. I went to California (I live in MN), two or three times, on business, and with hopes to meet him but the plans always fell through for one reason or another.

At that point I was convinced he was married, or lying about what he looked like or who he really was and I ended the relationship. A few months later, someone that worked with him came to the office that I work at and I was able to ask about this man. Everything he said had been true.

He had some deep past issues regarding a marriage and I suppose I never realized just how deep the issues were. He was so afraid of being hurt by me and in the end, that is exactly what I did. I let a wonderful man, one of a kind, slip through my fingers because of suspicions. I always thought that he and I communicated so well but we really had not been. He was not letting me know his needs and his fears and I was really not letting him know mine.

I hurt this man badly. I left scars and I do hope that he can recover. I hurt him so badly that any reconciliation is impossible. It is irrepairable because I stopped believing him. I will never have this chance again nor will I take this chance again. I hope that he can get over the pain and torment that I caused him. I hope that it does not sour him on future relationships, but I fear that it has done that amount of damage.

A long distance relationship is very hard to maintain. Many misunderstandings happen that would not in a face to face relationship because you are missing important elements...body language, looking into someone's eyes, holding them close and being able to share your life events as they happen.

I will not discourage anyone from pursuing a long distant relationship. For all of the pain and anxiety it caused me I would not take back one second of it. I only wish I had of been stronger or wiser or been able to say, "I need you now". I did not say it and he did not say what he was feeling, possibly to shield me, and it ended badly.

So take what you can from what I have told you and go from there. Know in advance that long distant relationships are some of the toughest kind of relationships to have. If you think you can work through the "missing elements" and you have patience and understanding then you may be able to find a love that has no bounds.

I wish each of you that is undertaking this kind of relationship the very best of luck. Enjoy each moment that you can share and hopefully you will be wiser than I was and it will have a happy ending instead of something you have to live with, painfully, for the rest of your life like I do. And all of it could have been prevented if I had asked more questions or been more open...I don't know how the prevention could have taken place but I do know I was not fair to this man. I hurt him needlessly. Sometimes I just do not like myself.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Re: RE: Long distance relationship

I met a man online via my work resources. We became close friends via the internet and then we became more. The relationship was everything that I needed at the time and he said it was for him also.

I wanted to meet him face to face after many months of internet communication, telephone calls, and letters. It seems that every time I planned to visit him, something came up to prevent it.

I met a gal, and the story goes similar to yours. She said her mom was sick at the onset of our relationship. Her mom died when we were supposed to meet for the first time and she canceled. I'll never know if she was lying about that.

We did meet eventually, a kind of group get together. I found out she lied about how she looked and how old she was. I never knew what was the truth or what was a lie. I had regarded what she told me as what I told her. Truth.

I had suspisions, but no basis for doubt. Until we met. I should have been suspicious because I was more revealing about myself and where I was comming from and how to get in touch.

Sometimes it works, and a lot of times it hurts. But I believe in taking that chance. Sometimes it finds you, but sometimes you don't notice it unless you look.

Clear as mud?

 

[PowerOfOne]

Re: Re: RE: Long distance relationship

I met a gal, and the story goes similar to yours. She said her mom was sick at the onset of our relationship. Her mom died when we were supposed to meet for the first time and she canceled. I'll never know if she was lying about that.

We did meet eventually, a kind of group get together. I found out she lied about how she looked and how old she was. I never knew what was the truth or what was a lie. I had regarded what she told me as what I told her. Truth.

I had suspisions, but no basis for doubt. Until we met. I should have been suspicious because I was more revealing about myself and where I was comming from and how to get in touch.

Sometimes it works, and a lot of times it hurts. But I believe in taking that chance. Sometimes it finds you, but sometimes you don't notice it unless you look.

Clear as mud?

ShamelessFlirt, the difference for me was that he WAS telling the truth. It was a lot of unfortunate conincidences as well as his fears and issues. I hurt him badly and needlessly. I do hope that no one else makes the same mistake as I did.

I am sorry that your "LDR" was a disappointment. Mine would not have been if I had just given him a chance.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Re: Re: Re: RE: Long distance relationship

ShamelessFlirt, the difference for me was that he WAS telling the truth. It was a lot of unfortunate conincidences as well as his fears and issues. I hurt him badly and needlessly. I do hope that no one else makes the same mistake as I did.

I am sorry that your "LDR" was a disappointment. Mine would not have been if I had just given him a chance.

That was my point. He may not have been. You couldn't know. It could have turned out same as mine. Don't beat yourself up for protecting yourself. If he was all that you made him out to be, you would still be able to try and patch things, admit to him you made a mistake. It could still turn out that you were mislead. Matybe the guy that went to NY was his pal (I'm a guy I think sneaky).

He opened up and risked getting hurt willingly. It was his decision. We all make that decision when we choose to bare ourselves to another. Don't blame it all on his fears and issues. Trust me. You may feel guilty, but if you didn't take a chance you wouldn't know.

You walked away feeling like it was your fault. What's stopping you from trying to fix things? Where is it written that there are no second chances? You KNOW a guy would come crawling back. You've seen it. Is it fear of him rejecting you and blaming you for the break in the first place?? That would be more a statement of his charactor than anybodies guilt.

I can't know the specifics of your situation. But what I do know is that if I loved someone and they looked at me and said I was wrong, that would be enough.

I've said "knowing how you would feel if you "crushed" my feelings, do you think I would share my pain"? Maybe he's just as hurt as you are. But you'll only be guessing unless you come out and ask.

 

[PowerOfOne]

To ShamelessFlirt...

Shameless, I know for a FACT that he WAS telling the truth and the reason it cannot be repaired is that I hurt him so deeply and became so cold to him that he does not want to talk to me again. I tried many times to make it up to him, to ask for another chance, but he had been hurt so deeply before and what he feared I would do, I did, so there is no turning back.

But thank you for the insight! I really do appreciate it. I will look forward now and not behind me. I have learned from my mistake and I will not repeat it. Thank you, ShamelessFlirt and I do hope that you and yours have a really great Thanksgiving!

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: To ShamelessFlirt...

Shameless, I know for a FACT that he WAS telling the truth and the reason it cannot be repaired is that I hurt him so deeply and became so cold to him that he does not want to talk to me again. I tried many times to make it up to him, to ask for another chance, but he had been hurt so deeply before and what he feared I would do, I did, so there is no turning back.

But thank you for the insight! I really do appreciate it. I will look forward now and not behind me. I have learned from my mistake and I will not repeat it. Thank you, ShamelessFlirt and I do hope that you and yours have a really great Thanksgiving!

Thank you Power of One for sharing your heartbreaking tale. One of the reasons I began this thread was hopefully to learn from the mistakes of others as well as from their successes. I am so sorry for what happened, but I very much appreciate you acknowledging this painful episode.

I agree with ShamelessFlirt about not beating yourself up about this. Hopefully your sharing this on the post will assist in healing the bruise, even just a little.

I reviewed your thread on care packages, BGoddess, and it has opened up a lot of interesting and fun ideas. Thanks again.

 

[PowerOfOne]

Thank you, Jenny! I have moved on but the pain that I caused still lingers. I wish you all the best!!!

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Comments from Spanktress

The following was posted elsewhere, and with Spank's permission, repeated here:

1 & Only LDR Online Became very short Real time One !!

I did have a long distance relationship ,with someone who I met online. Neither of us was expecting the way our feelings towards each other developed.Within 1 mth we were chatting online 4hrs a day (2hrs am/2hrs pm!!) , telephone calls every 2nd day, emails, snail mail, the works!! We discussed our dreams, desires, fears, life ambitions & of course numerous photos. He lived in the UK & after 5mths he finally booked a ticket to Australia. Before his arriving we discussed things such as our long term future, what we would need to do to get his visa extended (get married!!) things like that.
Unfortunately after 3 days of his being here, I'd asked him to pack his bags & to make other arrangements while waiting for his visa to expire
There were a few things why our real time relationship wasnt successful. For me, there was no chemisty, physical attraction. I might be a hopeless romantic or something but when I thought about meeting him off the plane, I'd daydream we would run into each others arms.We did hug & exchanged kisses on the cheek, but that was the extent of physical contact the whole time he was here!!
The other thing, on his 2nd nite here, he asked me about something & how I would feel if he were to do it (not something I want to share). The next morning he admitted he had done it, even tho I'd told him it would hurt me & show me that he didnt trust me

I dont intend to ever get into another long distance relationship!!

*~* Spanks *~*

 

[Duo]

Im a success

Im one of a few who has made it through a LDR. And now married and living here.

I 1st met my wife on a forum board way back in March last year. Where i was a moderator, she had been watching me for awhile on the baord. And was intuiged how caring and helpful i was to help mmebers out. But which aslo got me in trouble on another baord. With which she told the other mods who bailed me out.

She and i stareted out by emailing then progressed to phone calls and psoting via the baord. Come June we were engaged then in July she flew out met my parents and 56 hours later iwas on the way to my new home and next day was married.

Now 17 months later i have my Greencard and have never regretted marrying or mioving 10,00 miles away to a new country and away from my family.

Aslo she is 17 years older than i am, and so straight which is only thing i regret about our marriage. That is why i have not posted here for ages. Hurts so much to see how open and draing some are on here.


Peter

 

[PowerOfOne]

Congrats Duo(Peter)!!

Congratulations, Duo(Peter), you are one of the few that have a happy ending. I hope each day for you both is like the very first day that you met each other!! Your patience and persistence paid off! I am VERY happy for you both!

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Congrats Duo(Peter)!!

Congratulations, Duo(Peter), you are one of the few that have a happy ending. I hope each day for you both is like the very first day that you met each other!! Your patience and persistence paid off! I am VERY happy for you both!

My sentiments exactly, Power of One! Thanks for posting and all my best wishes for the two of you, Duo!

 

[Spanktress]

Pleez dont beat me...too hard

Jenny as you know I started my own thread that touches on this subject.
Pllleeez dont ANYONE take what I'm about to raise as having a go (real Aussie talk that one!!) at them or LDR's. This is something I asked myself after I had my LDR that turned out to fail in real time.
I entered my LDR 4 yrs after being divorced & with numerous failed short term relationships & one broken engagement. I wonder if I opened myself up to this type of relationship as it was 'what was on offer'. Another way to put it, it fulfilled me in ways that wasnt being fulfilled in real time , the everyday, the here & now. I wasnt in love with the person, but more the fact that he was paying me attention, cared about me, showed me affection with his words , etc. I was lonely needed someone to talk to & to talk to me. Needed to feel loved & wanted.
I know I'm here & there with what I am saying, but I'm sure you see what I am getting at!
It just seemed easy in a way to be in a LDR. At the time I was a single mum my kids being 4 & 5 at the time, social life non-existent.
Dont get me wrong, I opened my heart & soul to the person I was in an LDR with, did trust him with every minor & not so minor detail of my life, past & present. Just that I look back now & wonder, was it all an act of desperation?? Perhaps desperation isnt the ideal word, but I'm sure you know , once again, what I'm getting at!

The other thing of course , I was only in my early mid 20's & he in his late 20's so maybe neither of us knew what we wanted in real life at that time????

*~* Spanks *~*

 

[lovetoread]

I just have one question about LDR's.

Trust. How can you be sure you are the only one in the relationship?

I have a hard time trusting in R/L, so that would be a huge stretch for me.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

I just have one question about LDR's.

Trust. How can you be sure you are the only one in the relationship?

I have a hard time trusting in R/L, so that would be a huge stretch for me.

A huge stretch for anyone, real life or otherwise. I've seen people "test" their partners and wreck the relationship and I've seen people sit blindly by and get cheated on and think nothing was going on. Of course, I saw the latter in the mirror ...lol

In my humble opinion, I guess the bottom line is you never can be sure. But you get a sense of the persons charactor over time. If you've been honest with each other, I think you'll just know.

Too many times, for me it's been "I want to believe" but I was too blind to see. In the end, they felt guilty taking advantage of "a nice guy" they just fessed up.

So, to me it's an individual thing. There's always the possability that you're not the only one, but that's what makes it special that he chose you. If there were guarantee's it wouldn't be worth squat to have.

My head hurts ...lol

 

[lovetoread]

My head hurts ...lol

Such deep thoughts so early...thanks. Want me to send some tylenol?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Tylenol

Such deep thoughts so early...thanks. Want me to send some tylenol?

Hand delivered??

lol