Long Distance Relationships

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Pleez dont beat me...too hard

Jenny as you know I started my own thread that touches on this subject.
Pllleeez dont ANYONE take what I'm about to raise as having a go (real Aussie talk that one!!) at them or LDR's. This is something I asked myself after I had my LDR that turned out to fail in real time.
...
Dont get me wrong, I opened my heart & soul to the person I was in an LDR with, did trust him with every minor & not so minor detail of my life, past & present. Just that I look back now & wonder, was it all an act of desperation?? Perhaps desperation isnt the ideal word, but I'm sure you know , once again, what I'm getting at!

The other thing of course , I was only in my early mid 20's & he in his late 20's so maybe neither of us knew what we wanted in real life at that time????

*~* Spanks *~*

Thanks, Spanktress. Yes, it really is difficult to put these feelings into words, isn't it? I do understand what you're getting at. I think that may be why I am amazed at this happening to me.

As I mentioned earlier, I first entered into this site as a temporary literary distraction from the horrors of the WTC attack. I certainly wasn't looking to become involved with anyone, as I enjoy my singleness and have such a wonderful support of good friends.

I admit I was instantly "hooked" into the excitment of chatting with such a variety of people, and found myself looking forward to logging on each day. However, since Oman and I have more personally "connected", I find myself strangely more dependable (and certainly more happy) in dealing with the still lingering effects of my surroundings. We encourage each other to get through our projects, and I have attained a stronger feeling of self confidence that had instantly disappeared on Sept. 11th.

I also agree that age might make a difference as well (both of us in our 40s), although we do share times when we act just plain giddy with each other.

There is no guarantee of anything, and I think that's where our "gut" feelings come in... trying to separate what you dream you want, and honestly feeling what your "insides" are telling you. Like any other relationship, trusting someone is always difficult and I do think probably more so with LDRs.

And some tylenol does help as well! (I've already got some, shameless!).

 

[Vinny]

Re: Re: Pleez dont beat me...too hard

I agree that this is a way to get thru the Sept 11 tradgedy and place our minds elsewhere. I was in NYC working at ground zero and lost many a relative and friend. I think about it all the time but have to deal with it the best way known how. They always say SEX is a great stress relief. I believe that now.

 

[omahaman2]

blushing

BLUSHING

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Feeling Thankful

I agree that this is a way to get thru the Sept 11 tradgedy and place our minds elsewhere. I was in NYC working at ground zero and lost many a relative and friend. I think about it all the time but have to deal with it the best way known how. They always say SEX is a great stress relief. I believe that now.

So sorry, Vinny, for your loss. Words cannot express how we've all been affected, and my heart goes out to you at this terrible time.

Our lives will never be the same because of the attack.. and reading about (and enjoying) sex at a time like this is indeed a great release from the overwheming feelings of loss most of us share.

Surprisingly, I have found myself feeling more thankful than I have ever been because of this life altering event. I am more thankful for having known the people lost from this world, and very grateful and appreciative for each and every person remaining in my life. And my heart is as open as ever to each new person who has ventured into my life... and I've allowed myself to take each day one at a time with a hopefullness I thought I had lost forever.

So this Thanksgiving I have spent most of my time sharing my heart with the man I love. Thank you, Oman, for being in my life.

 

[Vixen]

I've been blessed to meet some wonderful men from Lit in "real" life (you know who you are, kiss). I echo Jack's advice - a key to LDRs is to vary the communications. Send pictures (no, not THAT kind, although....) but pictures of your real life - where you live, work, your pet, your favorite park or restaurant, the drive-thru latte stand where you stop every morning on the way to work, that kind of thing. No sweat if you don't have a digital camera - get a point & shoot and have the camera store develop it on a disk, then you can email them.

I like to send little gifts, for no particular reason, and not necessarily expensive, just "I saw this and thought of you." Sometimes a favorite book I just read. Cards are great, too. Umm, yes, small plastic bottles of your favorite bubble bath, or lotion, a store sample of your perfume - and if he sends back similar things, it helps you feel a physical connection.

The trick is to be creative and try to share some of the same things you would share with an "in town" lover.

And the biggest thing to remember is that you loved this person online. What you loved is still there, even if you find things you don't love so much in person. Doesn't matter - you've shared something magical and that's what you can choose to keep.

Best wishes to all the hopeless romantics out there, from another one,

Vixen

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hopeless Romantic

I've been blessed to meet some wonderful men from Lit in "real" life (you know who you are, kiss). I echo Jack's advice - a key to LDRs is to vary the communications. Send pictures (no, not THAT kind, although....) but pictures of your real life - where you live, work, your pet, your favorite park or restaurant, the drive-thru latte stand where you stop every morning on the way to work, that kind of thing.
...
I like to send little gifts, for no particular reason, and not necessarily expensive, just "I saw this and thought of you." Sometimes a favorite book I just read. Cards are great, too.
...
And the biggest thing to remember is that you loved this person online. What you loved is still there, even if you find things you don't love so much in person. Doesn't matter - you've shared something magical and that's what you can choose to keep.

Best wishes to all the hopeless romantics out there, from another one,

Vixen

Thanks Vixen for your thoughts and those fabulous ideas. I have already found that sharing "little things" helps in this situation a great deal.

To keep remembering how much a person is loved online, and the magic ALREADY shared, is important and should strengthen our feelings by the time we actually meet.

Glad there are so many hopeless romantics still out there!

 

[sweetaspeaches]

I too have been blessed with meeting wonderful man online thru Literotica. Our (relationship) has been on going for about 5months now and it has been truly a erotic and sensual experince.

We are planning to meet for the first time in just a matter of days. I must admit that I am somewhat nervous about traveling so far to meet this totally hot stranger. But, how can I call him a stranger after all the hours that we have spent chatting both online and via phone? I feel that I know this special man both emotionally as well as spiritually. What in the world am I afraid of? Nothing!! Watch out Minnesota because here I come.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

All the best!

I too have been blessed with meeting wonderful man online thru Literotica. Our (relationship) has been on going for about 5months now and it has been truly a erotic and sensual experince.

We are planning to meet for the first time in just a matter of days. I must admit that I am somewhat nervous about traveling so far to meet this totally hot stranger. But, how can I call him a stranger after all the hours that we have spent chatting both online and via phone? I feel that I know this special man both emotionally as well as spiritually. What in the world am I afraid of? Nothing!! Watch out Minnesota because here I come.

Exactly.... I think what you have already shared has connected you two, probaby more so than most other relationships.

All the best with your meeting! Please let us know how it works out. Sigh...

 

[TexanAngel]

i've been in three long distance relationships... the first two didn't work and I'm now living with the third. I was in mass when i met him online and he was in Texas. I moved in with him shortly after that....

 

[JennyOmanHill]

i've been in three long distance relationships... the first two didn't work and I'm now living with the third. I was in mass when i met him online and he was in Texas. I moved in with him shortly after that....

All the best to you too, TexanAngel! Did having those previous experiences teach you something that has helped you with your current situation? And what helped you to make that big move from from Mass to Texas?

 

[TexanAngel]

not to date anyone else from MN and I got to know the third man so well that i trusted him to move in with him.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Better to Try than to live a life of what ifs!

Hey Jenny still have to read through postings but looks great! I tried the long distance thing with an Aussie I met in Lit Chat. He flew out here to New York on June 22. We flew to UK on July 1 and he left me in Paris on Aug. 1. I cannot say that I regret one minute of it. Yes, I was hurt and alone but could not be mad at him. I wished things had turned out differently however we both did things that some dream about. Things were different in real life and 24/7 is a long time to spend. Make sure your expectations are not too high when you meet. People do tend to withdraw and such. When it comes down to it you need to see it in reality to see if it will work. At least I know I can put that chapter behind me and we are both on speaking terms. I do love him and always will hold a special place in my heart for him. We did have six months of foreplay of the mind and it was a ride......................WE also organized and accomplished one hell of a trip!!!!!

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Trying!

... I wished things had turned out differently however we both did things that some dream about. Things were different in real life and 24/7 is a long time to spend. Make sure your expectations are not too high when you meet. People do tend to withdraw and such. When it comes down to it you need to see it in reality to see if it will work. At least I know I can put that chapter behind me and we are both on speaking terms. I do love him and always will hold a special place in my heart for him. We did have six months of foreplay of the mind and it was a ride......................WE also organized and accomplished one hell of a trip!!!!!

Thanks tulip for posting and for sharing your experience. I know you're always suggesting to meet SOON, and I agree that sooner would be the better deal. It's hard to level down any expectations, but we're working hard at that already. We figure the worst that will happen is that we'll each have a friend for life. We're aiming for February (hopefully I'll have a job then too!), and we'll definitely meet you too (after a while!).

 

[Spanktress]

Umm Errrgh Ahhhh

My LDR & I shared a many a thing online & over the phone. We participated in cyber-sex as its called, I told him of the little things, like my son having got a splinter & not knowing how to get it out without hurting him.. I told him of my favourite food, drink, songs & vice versa, places to hang out & my best friends & why they were just that. It just wasnt the same in real time. His breaking my trust may have been the down fall in our relationship in real time & it may not have..
I trusted him when he said there was no one else in his life. I mean honestly, if there were someone else, could he have really spent the time he did with me online & talking on the phone if he had of been???
He trusted me when I told him of going to the pub with my friends & not remembering how I got home but knew it was alone & also of the times I had met someone from offline, in real time, only for a coffee & a chat.
Real time is the only way to find out if you are meant to be or not meant to be.
My advice, if you do meet someone online who you would like to be friends with or do feel a mutual deeper connection with...meet as soon as you can & spend sometime together.

*~* Spanks *~*

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Umm Errrgh Ahhhh

Real time is the only way to find out if you are meant to be or not meant to be.
My advice, if you do meet someone online who you would like to be friends with or do feel a mutual deeper connection with...meet as soon as you can & spend sometime together.

*~* Spanks *~*

Gosh, Spanktress, your words are truly hitting home for me (especially with sharing the little things), and I can also relate to relating pub experiences.

I agree that the online (cyber or not) connection has been wonderful, but meeting face to face in real time will provide the true answer. I realize each case is different, and my gut feelings still offer me hope that Oman and I will be able to establish a promising relationship.

Looking forward to hanging with you in the tub soon. Thanks for sharing.

 

[omahaman2]

thanks,spanks

thanks,spanktress for your post,your insight and your advice.Im counting the days until we can meet,jenny and me,and get lost in each others arms.in the real world.i know im a hopeless romantic but living life as one is great.i think through her posts and her time in chat,you can all tell how wonderful this lovely woman is,this woman i want to hold,to stare into her eyes,to tell what my heart holds. hopefully,my heart desires everything to be as beautiful as i imagine in our sharing now and if problems arise we can resolve them but if things dont work out even though i know they will this lady will always own most of my heart. thanks all for continuing to post on my gorgeous ladys thread and being so very special.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Hearts Desire

"Hearts desire"


Beginning of my life
the second time around
my hearts desire fulfilled
by the love we have found.

Everything I am
embodied in her
Completely overwhelmed
by the emotions she's stirred

Heart outpouring
spirit soaring
cast aside all doubt

The end of my searching
I've stumbled on what it's all about.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Love the Way You Write!

Shameless love the way you write.

Ok what about close distance relationship on line. How do you know if somebody was really sincere. I do not cyber that much in Lit Chat anymore and some men just do not grasp the concept. I tell them that I fall easy. Some people just do not understand how one can fall in love. When I first started here I thought it would never happen to me, but it did. Rushing to the computer hoping to have received an email or to chat on MSN everyday. Or to find that love in Lit Chat and escape for hours with each other exchanging ideas, hope, fears, and fantasies. It can happen I am a believer. It hurts like the real thing when it is over and can make you smile from ear to ear as your eyes twinkle when you are in the midst of it.

Trust me three times that is enough of a track record to know that it can happen. The one that kills me is the one that lives 35 minutes from me who is single also. I need to see if he is all that he has expressed to me. To be with him in person to get him into my system or out of my system. Is it something that we create within our minds hoping that all he or she says is what we want. Again interpretation of oneself as the words pour out in front of us. My aussie I traveled with said that to me in Rome. That he built me up within his mind and that given the chance we had lived by each other we probably would not have even been friends. However his eyes told me differently. My insecurities and him withdrawing in did not help the matters. Even two weeks ago on this forumn we chatted and he brought up the words that I know caused this seperation. He closed off not wanting to hurt me and most of all not wanting to fall for me. Didn't he realize that I would of moved to Oz if things went well.

The NYC guy has always held a strong hold of my heart. I should of jumped at the opportunity when we first started to chat. I was vunerable and protected my heart. As time went on he started to date a woman that made her move on him after she found out about me. Talk about feeling slighted. I had to back away. It has been an obsessiveness at times with him and my intellect keeps telling me is he real. Of course he is as we all are sitting behind the computer. However is he real to what I built him up within my mind. Is all that he has shared with me reality or something that he has created to impress people. I will not know that for sure unless I meet him. The what if's? There was a time I felt and even to this day I feel he was my kindred, my soul mate. He had expressed this to me also many times in the past. However not recently. The distance he has created to maintain a promise to his significant other has caused a gap between us. I feel discarded. If he would tell me that he lost interest perhaps I could move on. I do not know what is the answer. I feel very strongly to him and it is a ping pong ball with me of emotions. Not healthy for me. His words also dangle me back and forth. I have expressed this to Shameless which I am glad we are friends. Not many understand this depth of love unless you have been there.

I am probably complicating his life with my pursuit to meet unless he is trying to cover up some dark secret of false white lies. I do not care. I want to know. I need to know. Only by meeting him will I truly know if he is all that he has told me.

So Jenny and all other romantics out there in love within this forumn do not let time pass you by. Do not let fear hold you back from meeting. Meet as soon as you can before other elements come into play and you live with that tearing of emotions of what if's. It will tear both of you apart if both are sincere and definitely one of you will be trapped in limbo. I know I need to let go of him in order to open up my life to "real" love. Hoever what he dangled before me "his spirit" binds me to him. I cannot fully let go until I know in reality who he really is. The bad, good, and inddifference I am open to find out and love him for all of it. I wish you all luck in your pursuits and I really want to hear of happy endings from this forumn. PEACE

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Such beautiful words!

Thank you, Shameless, for sharing your "Heart's Desire". For being such a "flirt", you really hit the heart with those words. I have certainly "stumbled" into this new chapter of my life.

Tulip... you were the first tubster to warn me about the addiction of chat.. and now I'm even hooked on the boards (notice how far I've come after losing my virginity!)

Time indeed cannot be wasted, and the second I can, I'll be heading to Oman! In the meantime, we're working on his arriving in NYC, hopefully early 2002. As I earlier said, I have never expected anything like this to happen to me in a forum of this sort, but I'm sure glad it has.

I had a similar experience of being "left in Las Vegas"; this with someone I live on the same block with! It appears that some people would rather withdraw from feeling "too much" about someone than giving a close relationship another try. (Ironically, this guy is cheering for me right now!)

All the best tulip in meeting up with your NYC guy. I'm with you that any form of "closure" is better than living with the "ifs". Thanks for sharing.

Oman... I love you. Thank you for all that you do for me. As you know, I've been working on some left-over "luggage" but I am trying my best to believe I'm worthy of your affections and adoration. Thank you, as always, for your heartfelt thoughts.

 

[Guest]

LD or close-by, trust is what you need

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Trust

Loss of trust, of honesty, of respect, of everything that matters.
...
I wish all of you online lovers, whether near to one another or very far away, open eyes, good judgement and a love that is meaningful and real. Live up to the promises you make. And should you lover leave you inexplicably, don't worry about the why. Be thankful that you don't know.

"Live up to the promises you make". Very powerful words; and something that trust, honesty, and respect supports.

Thank you, Lioness, for you good wishes and your sharing.

"Never Ask Why."

 

[sweetaspeaches]

Shameless Flirt~
Your words are absolutely beautiful. I wish I could have said them myself to a VERY special friend of mine. Thank you, my brother for such beautiful words.

Many sweet smiles and blessings to you.....Peaches

Hearts desire"


Beginning of my life
the second time around
my hearts desire fulfilled
by the love we have found.

Everything I am
embodied in her
Completely overwhelmed
by the emotions she's stirred

Heart outpouring
spirit soaring
cast aside all doubt

The end of my searching
I've stumbled on what it's all about

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Well, it's Sunday night and the holiday weekend is over. Spent a lot of time with my LDR throughout, but it still is hard for me to say goodnight to him.

Hoping I can be able to put my feelings into words half as well as Shameless and the other poets on this site.

Also wanted to post something so this thread gets back on the first page!

 

[Spanktress]

Huggssss

As much as I may have brought negativeness to this thread Jenny.. I send positive thoughts to your & omans way.
As you know, we here in Aust dont have Thanksgiving, but its celebrations like that I wish I had someone to share with. It sounds like you at least had someone to share it with in spirit.
Can I ask you something....?
When the days come & I'm hopeful for you that they do ..you will share with us all (where it all began ) pics of the two of you celebrating your 1st Anniversary, 5th, 10th, 25th, 50th ....



*~* Spanks *~* & more huggsssss

 

[tulip2lipservice]

NOT TO SCARE EITHER OF YOU!

Heck when and if that day comes I better be invited to the wedding. Enjoy the ride and make it happen. Peace!