Lord Pmann Wants to Discuss Lactation

[Lord Pmann]

Are you?

This is irrelevant to my comment.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Dammit. Lord Pmann did not start this thread, nor does it have the classic Lord Pmann cleverness that OG Lord Pmann threads have.

Lord Pmann doesn't want to discuss lactation.

People are gonna think I am into lactating horses now.

Aren't you?

 

[Apisto42]

This is irrelevant to my comment.

Sounds like an affirmative to me.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I've been accused of fucking so many things around these parts.

Watermelons
Vacuums
People in pony costumes
Actual ponies
A hole in a wall
Pool cleaner (the mechanism, not the person)

No one ever accuses me of fucking a woman. And of that whole list, I've only fucked one of those things.

Shame on you all for picking on poor Pmann.

 

[Cat]

I've been accused of fucking so many things around these parts.

Watermelons
Vacuums
People in pony costumes
Actual ponies
A hole in a wall
Pool cleaner (the mechanism, not the person)

No one ever accuses me of fucking a woman. And of that whole list, I've only fucked one of those things.

Shame on you all for picking on poor Pmann.

But... What did you fuck on that list..

 

[Wand3rlust]

Watermelons 6/4
Vacuums Evens
People in pony costumes 12/2 on
Actual ponies 50/1
A hole in a wall 7/5
Pool cleaner (the mechanism, not the person) 100/1

 

[Lord Pmann]

But... What did you fuck on that list..

I think we all know.

 

[Apisto42]

I think we all know.

Actual ponies it is then.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I think we all know.

But you weren't on the list?...

 

[Lord Pmann]

But you weren't on the list?...

I've done that a time or two.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I've done that a time or two.

View attachment 2588370

Is that horse hair?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Is that horse hair?

Neigh, it is not.

 

[Endless_Night]

I've been accused of fucking so many things around these parts.

Watermelons
Vacuums
People in pony costumes
Actual ponies
A hole in a wall
Pool cleaner (the mechanism, not the person)

No one ever accuses me of fucking a woman. And of that whole list, I've only fucked one of those things.

Wait. I'm confused. Wasn't it two of those things?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Wait. I'm confused. Wasn't it two of those things?

No! I've only done one of them.

 

[Endless_Night]

No! I've only done one of them.

Vacuum or watermelon?

(I'm noticing a tendency towards the inanimate.)

 

[Lord Pmann]

Vacuum or watermelon?

(I'm noticing a tendency towards the inanimate.)

I'm not a sicko. The vacuum.

 

[Wand3rlust]

 

[Endless_Night]

I'm not a sicko. The vacuum.

I mean, is one really better than the other? Have we normalized vacuum sex but fruit sex is still taboo? Fruit sex, particularly pepo (berry) as it develops from the flower ovary seems a more linear choice.

(I need to get out of the house. This being sick thing has me reading too much.)

But . . . didn't you start a watermelon sex thread?

Pretty sure you did. Though, as I never entered, I am unable to say with any surety that you were, in fact a participator.

 

[Photog1rl]

I mean, is one really better than the other? Have we normalized vacuum sex but fruit sex is still taboo? Fruit sex, particularly pepo (berry) as it develops from the flower ovary seems a more linear choice.

(I need to get out of the house. This being sick thing has me reading too much.)

But . . . didn't you start a watermelon sex thread?

Pretty sure you did. Though, as I never entered, I am unable to say with any surety that you were, in fact a participator.

I want to love and alight at this. I also want to be able to use the and that is only in discord.

 

[Endless_Night]

I want to love and alight at this. I also want to be able to use the and that is only in discord.

You have been a victim of autocorrect, but I'm going to assume you meant Like.

I'm glad someone appreciates the intricacies of horticultural sex.

 

[Dribble]

Some of the best stories on Lit are of the "plant" kind. Weird how far the site has fallen...

 

[Lord Pmann]

I mean, is one really better than the other? Have we normalized vacuum sex but fruit sex is still taboo? Fruit sex, particularly pepo (berry) as it develops from the flower ovary seems a more linear choice.

(I need to get out of the house. This being sick thing has me reading too much.)

Yes. One is obviously better than the other.

But . . . didn't you start a watermelon sex thread?

Pretty sure you did. Though, as I never entered, I am unable to say with any surety that you were, in fact a participator.

I did start a thread about watermelon fucking. Had you entered said thread, you would have seen that this thread was simply talking about the optimal way to fornicate with a watermelon. It was a discussion between another Lister and me. In my mind, the simple solution is a hole in a watermelon. No fuss. No mess. Self-contained. Put it right back in the fridge. Okay, not the fridge.

But her solution was to cut the watermelon in half and just go to town that way. This seemed so absolutely messy and prehistoric. Classless, really.

Let the record reflect, I have never defiled any such fruit.

 

[RaineDrops]

I did start a thread about watermelon fucking.

Thank you. I haven’t been able to enjoy a watermelon the same way ever since.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Thank you. I haven’t been able to enjoy a watermelon the same way ever since.

So you are still doing the slice in half method?

 

[RaineDrops]

So you are still doing the slice in half method?

More like the slice-n-spite-eat method.