Loving Wives

[metropolinational]

Do people get bored with monogamy or do they just stop communicating.

As a very happily married husband, I will say this: marriage is a lot of work. I think what people mean when they say that they just grew apart is that they let entropy take over. It takes energy to maintain order. Communication is one aspect of that, but there are dozens, and all of them require work. To me, the common thread is whether you put the work in or not.

 

[Imstillfun]

As a very happily married husband, I will say this: marriage is a lot of work. I think what people mean when they say that they just grew apart is that they let entropy take over. It takes energy to maintain order. Communication is one aspect of that, but there are dozens, and all of them require work. To me, the common thread is whether you put the work in or not.

I hear that often. I find my current marriage no work at all. 25 years together and in some ways it feels like we’ve always been together, some like were newlyweds. I think the ‘work’ is communicating. What other work do you do?

 

[Lifestyle66]

Research in this area is very poor, and most of is tremendously dogmatic (read: untrustworthy). I would disagree with the above statement. By volume, most of the porn these days is produced by independent contractors, most of whom are women, or come in the form of the massive romantasy genre, which is almost entirely female focused. Porn production studios are still around, of course, but they are relics of the past.

Here is one of the very few good papers I have ever read on the subject of the effect of porn on marriage:
https://www.enough.org/objects/Till_Porn_Do_Us_Part_A_Longitudinal_Exam_fnv.pdf

And an interesting tidbit from it:

I agree that "research" in this area is very poor. And you're referring to a poorly researched article on the subject of porn.

Which comes first: watching porn, followed by divorce? Or the dissatisfaction within the marriage and thoughts of divorce, followed by watching porn for relief? Is porn the cause of the divorce? Or is it a temporary relief valve, prolonging a disgruntled feeling of the marriage?

Are those who don't watch porn more satisfied in their marriage? Or do they merely have a lower libido and don't care about sex? Do any of the researchers ever think of doing blood tests for hormone levels on all of their subjects before their expert analysis as to the cause & effect?

 

[Lifestyle66]

I hear that often. I find my current marriage no work at all. 25 years together and in some ways it feels like we’ve always been together, some like were newlyweds. I think the ‘work’ is communicating. What other work do you do?

To me and my wife, marriage is about compatibility. My wife and I think so much alike, we don't have any problems communicating, and there's no work to the marriage.

 

[metropolinational]

And you're referring to a poorly researched article on the subject of porn.

sure. but if you consider the article I linked to poor, then we simply know nothing at all on this subject. this is better than 95% of what is out there.

 

[metropolinational]

What other work do you do?

so much! here are some things that are not strictly about communicating:

1. make time for each other. have habits in common, intersecting routines, etc.
2. take time away from each other.
3. have friends in common
4. have separate friends
5. have regular sex even if you are tired
6. make sure to at least once a month have sex that is all about the other person
7. make an effort to do nice things for each other, even if small
8. prioritize, together, something that is greater than yourselves
9. prioritize, together, planting trees in whose shade you will never sit
10. practice generosity and charity at home first

I feel like you can communicate a lot and fail at any one of the above. of course, communication makes all of the above easier.

 

[Britva415]

it doesn't matter how accurately I hit that definition

It totally matters. Hitting that definition actively harms your success in that category, because it isn't what most of its readers want or even expect to enjoy in it.

I guess the question is, do you publish that stuff there anyway or do you try to figure out where you can publish it so it "performs" better?

I assume that that material is what you want to write, and you aren't trying to write some other type of material that the real-life LW audience will appreciate.

 

[metropolinational]

figure out where you can publish it so it "performs" better

and how you define performance. if the goal is views, its unlikely you will beat LW. if the goal is comments engagement, LW might be the best place, even if you end up with a 2.3 score. I think most people who write in LW don't care about the score. It's not a meaningful metric in that category.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Yeah, it drives me nuts. I came here as a reader years ago for stroke material, if I may be so crass, and I happen to like the hotwife/swinger/stag&vixen sort of plot, occasionally maybe a little light cuckoldry, but for every one story like that, LW has at least 5 stories that are revenge porn rather than the other kind.

This is... not true. Even back at the height of BTB-mania, it wasn't true, and today it definitely isn't. Hell, it's not even true if you rope in all stories that are primarily marital dramas. Typically, there's an average of one marital drama story per day, which may or may not be a BTB, whereas there are usually at least ten stories of various other types.

Here are the stories from today, for example:

Small
Can the woman who bullied him save his life?
Marital drama/Family betrayal burn

25 Year Nude Beach Anniversary Ch. 01
A classmate shows up at nude beach and fantasies become real.
First time sharing/hotwife

03 - Happily Married
Leaving a phase is not easy.
Not sure; may be a slow burn cuckold story or one where the writer thought Loving Wives was literal

Max and Mary Pt. 02
Mary becomes Marie as she realises that she made a mistake.
Some sort of revenge story where the wife is taking revenge for cheating, I think. Just skimmed this one.

Clueless Cuckold Pt. 04
My wife and I make adjustments in our marriage.
I mean, it's right there in the title.

Dinner Can Wait
She prepares for him. He completely loses control.
Monogamous couple in the wrong category

My Monday Diary
My daily diary of my life as a wife in a head of household.
Creepy tradwife bondage thing in the wrong category

Unsnagged Ch. 01: Hello Kitty
Girl hides while teasing in an adult bookstore.
First chapter of something that definitely isn't a marital drama; not sure what, just skimmed.

Cheating Wife
Caught my wife Cheating and I loved it.
Voyeur husband and cheating wife

Her Guilt
My wife's guilty confession.
Both cheated, sets up for a threesome with the other woman

My Wife's Parties
My wife had lots of parties. Would I be at the last one?
The rare semi-willing cuck into (mild) marital drama.

A Change of Perspective Ch. 03
Reconnecting, alone.
Post-sharing aftercare, I think.

Sharing is Caring
Preparing my wife's lover (M/M contact).
Willing bi cuck stuff

Detained in NYC Pt 32
an artist is caught in the dragnet
No idea. It's midorigreengrasses, which is almost their own genre.

So, yeah. Fourteen stories, two of which end up in some sort of divorce, only one of which is a real "burn" (the other reads like a normal 50/50 with alimony divorce). And that's, like I said, a pretty typical day for Loving Wives. Hell, maybe even less-than-typical, in that there would normally be only one story with any kind of real drama/conflict in it per day, whereas this time there were two, even if one was basically coded as a semi-unwilling cuckold story that ends in divorce anyways.

I think it may seem otherwise because, well, of those fourteen stories? Only one has an H, and I'm pretty sure you can guess which.

 

[Lifestyle66]

sure. but if you consider the article I linked to poor, then we simply know nothing at all on this subject. this is better than 95% of what is out there.

Poor research is not better than no research. It's a biased opinion, masquerading as science to be used in manipulating other people's opinions.

 

[metropolinational]

Poor research is not better than no research. It's a biased opinion, masquerading as science to be used in manipulating other people's opinions.

Sometimes poor research is all that is possible. Half my career has been about doing research in areas where gold standard methods are simply not possible.

To use the super-trite example, no double blind RCT has ever been run on the efficacy of parachutes when jumping off planes.

 

[metropolinational]

I think it may seem otherwise because, well, of those fourteen stories? Only one has an H, and I'm pretty sure you can guess which.

This. If you care about scores, then the rumors about LW are true. But if you, like most LW authors, simply ignore the scores, then LW is actually an incredibly diverse category.

 

[Imstillfun]

I think readers do look at scores. But I think they will read anything 4* and above.

 

[metropolinational]

I think readers do look at scores. But I think they will read anything 4* and above.

That doesn't work in LW. If they do that, depending on their kink, they may find zero stories of interest. If they are looking for hardcore cuckolding, for example, as a lot of readers are, they won't find it unless they search for scores in the 2 to 3 range.

 

[Ianus4]

I think readers do look at scores. But I think they will read anything 4* and above.

In LW, the scores reflect the genre, not the quality. For example, marital dramas range from 3.0 to 4.5. Within this range, scores between 3.0 and 3.5 represent controversial or unusual reconciliations (mixed with better ENM stories), 3.5–4.0 covers "satisfying" reconciliations and weaker BTBs, while 4.0–4.5 covers very good reconciliations and the majority of BTBs, as well as stories where cheating didn’t actually happen.
The irony of it all is that in this mixed bag called LW, you can quickly navigate the genres among the day’s releases at a glance.

 

[Britva415]

I admit, my stories are targeted to be pure jack off material. I sometimes get criticized that I don’t explore the consequences of peoples actions. In my mind they all had fun and everything is happy ending.

I feel like people who react that way are probably people who struggle with the consequences of jacking off. They'd probably be better off just shaving their palms and saying their Hail Marys instead of taking it out on you

 

[Imstillfun]

In LW, the scores reflect the genre, not the quality. For example, marital dramas range from 3.0 to 4.5. Within this range, scores between 3.0 and 3.5 represent controversial or unusual reconciliations (mixed with better ENM stories), 3.5–4.0 covers "satisfying" reconciliations and weaker BTBs, while 4.0–4.5 covers very good reconciliations and the majority of BTBs, as well as stories where cheating didn’t actually happen.
The irony of it all is that in this mixed bag called LW, you can quickly navigate the genres among the day’s releases at a glance.

Mine aren’t dramas. I guess they don’t fit the mold.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Mine aren’t dramas. I guess they don’t fit the mold.

Well-written examples of the other type can often jump up half a star to a star, sometimes more. It really is a crazy place.

 

[Imstillfun]

Well-written examples of the other type can often jump up half a star to a star, sometimes more. It really is a crazy place.

You know me. Pure stroke stories.

 

[NoTalentHack]

You know me. Pure stroke stories.

Pure stroke stories can still be well written, and yours are.