My Transgender Awakening

[PhoebeGB]

Gigi, I have enjoyed reading your thread here. Each of our paths has it's own twists, turns and bumps in the road, but sharing helps to show that we're all headed in the same direction.

Phoebe

 

[Gi_Venus]

Gigi, I have enjoyed reading your thread here. Each of our paths has it's own twists, turns and bumps in the road, but sharing helps to show that we're all headed in the same direction.

Phoebe

thank you so much Phoebe. *hugs* Your words are very much the conclusions that I am coming too, that we all hold many more common elements with each other than we realize.
Gianna

 

[Gi_Venus]

It is very odd where I find myself. I do not like attention drawn to myself normally. My girl thrives on it, to her we have purpose, we are the bright colors on the canvass of an exquisite painting. We are to preen and be a lovely part of the show. Yes, wear the mini skirt, be glamorous and make fashion. No quiet transitions here lol. Me I tip toe around...each new experiment a bold move for me in my timid state of mind.
It is okay to been seen, to draw the eye. Hey! look at me! See that curve?, see those warm inviting eyes? Such a lovely smile. Come hither, let me dance for you.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Severe depression, anxiety fed. I need my girlfriends company, we are too far apart. Last week my anxiety totally impaired me, luckily I was by myself. I see people being curious wherever I go. My evolution includes getting more competent with my self presentation, that of attire and the application of makeup. I am not as concerned with passing more of just being myself. which is a girl. There is no doubt to me. Now convincing my family of that is a little more difficult but the boobs help

 

[PhoebeGB]

We all show acts of everday courage as we reach for the prize, until one day it just becomes effortless. Believe in yourself, you'll be surprised at how many people already see you as you wish them to

 

[Gi_Venus]

We all show acts of everday courage as we reach for the prize, until one day it just becomes effortless. Believe in yourself, you'll be surprised at how many people already see you as you wish them to

*hugs* thank you PhoebeGB

 

[Gi_Venus]

It is interesting how people define me, for those who knew me before,
they see the old me under all the secondary female characteristics.
Meaning a lack of acceptance. Things as simple as a piece of jewelry
mean a difference in interpretation. I bought some big hoop earrings,
at first I did not like them but I was uncertain why. After studying
my reflection in the mirror I realized that it was a mental perception
that was at work here. When viewed in the context of a woman the
earrings were perfect, but when perceiving myself as a male... it was
weird and funky. Of course we know which way I go so the hoops stay.
This duality of perception is maddening. What is strange is why even
shift to male? It is habit. I am still ridding myself of him
Apparently this is not uncommon, many transsexuals have this sense of duality.
This was strongly apparent in one that I met that was post op more
than 25 years, she referred to her male alter ego and her female alter
ego, meaning after all this time she had not integrated her female
personality completely.
A successful transition leaves no male alter ego...there is none, it
is a facade according to my therapist. A well developed personality
has "a" core self. In Transsexuals the core self is not there... it
must be evolved from strengths and talents within the individual, not
by determination of exterior validation. The body does not matter. It
is about the mind. (laughing....try selling that to a transsexual.....
I hate my maleness! out! out damn spot!)
In all fairness we all sometimes divide ourselves up in the "good"
self and a "bad" self. Does it matter that we relabel it as male or
female?

 

[PhoebeGB]

It can take a while to get true recognition from people you knew before, mainly because they knew you before and have a history with you. If it took a struggle to come to terms with your own feminity, imagine what it's like for people who don't have your perspective for a moment. It can come to them in a 'moment of clarity' or not at all if they want to cling to their memories. The worst thing you can do is to try and 'argue' somebody into seeing you as feminine as this will only make them confrontational about the issue.

 

[Gi_Venus]

It can take a while to get true recognition from people you knew before, mainly because they knew you before and have a history with you. If it took a struggle to come to terms with your own feminity, imagine what it's like for people who don't have your perspective for a moment. It can come to them in a 'moment of clarity' or not at all if they want to cling to their memories. The worst thing you can do is to try and 'argue' somebody into seeing you as feminine as this will only make them confrontational about the issue.

Yes, lol I went to a hardware store to buy something, the clerk was a man I used to go birdwatching with, he is so freaked out about me, he refuses to talk to me anymore. I asked him. "Been birdwatching lately?" He said "What!?"
I just smiled and dropped it. He did not want to engage in small talk with me.
Strange because we used to get along very well. We completed the sell and parted ways.

 

[Gi_Venus]

My seven year old referred to me as a her today.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Yes, lol I went to a hardware store to buy something, the clerk was a man I used to go birdwatching with, he is so freaked out about me, he refuses to talk to me anymore. I asked him. "Been birdwatching lately?" He said "What!?"
I just smiled and dropped it. He did not want to engage in small talk with me.
Strange because we used to get along very well. We completed the sell and parted ways.

'Tis sad. Reminds me of what happened at the store where I work the other day. This transwoman showed up and while I made no fuss about it whatsoever, the cashier near me reacted with the words, "She has bigger boobs than me." Not sure if she said "he" or "she", but I try to type things in such doubtful cases in a more positive light.

Some people just aren't used to the idea. I'm not surprised, as she comes from a very conservative culture. It's sad, but it's not surprising. Reminds me of how much I take enlightenment and acceptance for granted when I'm on Lit, and then I run into the everyday world, where people are still flawed and scared.

 

[Gi_Venus]

'Tis sad. Reminds me of what happened at the store where I work the other day. This transwoman showed up and while I made no fuss about it whatsoever, the cashier near me reacted with the words, "She has bigger boobs than me." Not sure if she said "he" or "she", but I try to type things in such doubtful cases in a more positive light.

Some people just aren't used to the idea. I'm not surprised, as she comes from a very conservative culture. It's sad, but it's not surprising. Reminds me of how much I take enlightenment and acceptance for granted when I'm on Lit, and then I run into the everyday world, where people are still flawed and scared.

It is why we must be impeccable in how we treat others, the future of an open mind set is in how we present ourselves. If we are a viable Helpful nurturing force in society eventually we will be viewed as part of society. Lol this requires a constructive reaction when exposed to belligerent behavior not a kiss off. Other ways are in community projects. I know there are whole social groups out there that encompass the gay, gender queer and transsexual communities. Some of them are very active in social projects to better their immediate environment there fore rendering them useful to the local governments. It is by demonstration that we promote change.

 

[Nimbikarana]

It is why we must be impeccable in how we treat others, the future of an open mind set is in how we present ourselves. If we are a viable Helpful nurturing force in society eventually we will be viewed as part of society. Lol this requires a constructive reaction when exposed to belligerent behavior not a kiss off. Other ways are in community projects. I know there are whole social groups out there that encompass the gay, gender queer and transsexual communities. Some of them are very active in social projects to better their immediate environment there fore rendering them useful to the local governments. It is by demonstration that we promote change.

As Tyler Durden says in Fight Club, our great war is a spiritual war.

In the western world, we the younger generation are outnumbered by the Boomers, usually by about 3 to 1.

In a democracy, this means we have very little [not none] political and economic influence.

They continue to hold the levers of power and not let us take our place.

When they were young, they were so numerous that they could simply seize whatever they wanted politically, economically, and socially, as they did in the Sixties, causing drastic changes.

That option is not open to us, for we are too few. We must use the tools of persuasion. The aging Boomers appreciate respect and humility.

The Tao Te Ching teaches that only through humbly respecting others can we achieve the things we need to do for ourselves.

We are now called to spiritual war, against everything that degrades the human spirit!

Specifically in no particular order:

prejudice,
excessive regulations,
drug dependency including prescription psychotropic drugs,
mass unemployment,
hereditary poverty,
child abuse,
pollution / unsustainable practices.

 

[Gi_Venus]

As Tyler Durden says in Fight Club, our great war is a spiritual war.

In the western world, we the younger generation are outnumbered by the Boomers, usually by about 3 to 1.

In a democracy, this means we have very little [not none] political and economic influence.

They continue to hold the levers of power and not let us take our place.

When they were young, they were so numerous that they could simply seize whatever they wanted politically, economically, and socially, as they did in the Sixties, causing drastic changes.

That option is not open to us, for we are too few. We must use the tools of persuasion. The aging Boomers appreciate respect and humility.

The Tao Te Ching teaches that only through humbly respecting others can we achieve the things we need to do for ourselves.

We are now called to spiritual war, against everything that degrades the human spirit!

Specifically in no particular order:

prejudice,
excessive regulations,
drug dependency including prescription psychotropic drugs,
mass unemployment,
hereditary poverty,
child abuse,
pollution / unsustainable practices.

I think we could make a much longer list Rana *hugs* The real battle is within, we can only live by example. Enlightenment is not something that can be forced.

 

[Gi_Venus]

It is so strange, I keep telling myself that I will be open on this thread, yet is it hard to talk about personal thoughts. My Gender dysphoria seems to grow stronger with time. Wishing i had the time and money to go have my operation, the thing between my legs is repulsive to me, I really hate it. The visualization of a vagina down there is soothing to me. *sigh* We transsexuals do seem to carry it to extreme. My last PFLAG meeting I observed that me and another transsexual were the ones that were wearing more jewelry and more makeup than any of the women(there were many women there). My ex friend over in Ft Myers would wear nothing but dresses, never ever wearing pants. I do not know any women that wear dresses all the time.

One of the things that people do not realize is that after having SRS one has to use a dilator 3 to 4 times a day for months afterwards. The bodys natural tendency is to close everything up. Hanging out with some Post op friends brings all this to fore. Lol fortunately the conversation was nothing to me having had a friend who was always having to dilate. Whoopee things to look forward to.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I am a woman who was never allowed to be a girl
My puberty induced by hormones and antiandrogens, I was not allowed the emotional growth most women have. Now with my age I get to be an old broad. Sorrow for a stolen life, even now my family will not allow me to have my own. My dependency leaves me in their judgment. Lol I have seen well adjusted Transsexuals, some have become my friends. Oh how I wish I was like them, with no care and the comfort of just being themselves. All I want is to live my life as a female.

I remember when I started this, I had plans to transition in secret, but a friend outed me to my family. Those that are full of fear almost all have this fantasy of slipping into a new life without having to deal with the world. This world of fear is one where people try to live part time as what they feel they are. Slipping out to flush into fullness of themselves when away from their repressive enivironment. A sadness to have to grasp those spare moments.
I had a hostile sister who had a fit every time I expressed myself in a female way. She claims to love me and knows what is best for me. *shudder* I live mostly full time now. My gender expressions still careful for my environment because of my family. The changes, make me undeniable, lol I get mamed when I am butched up. *sigh* I just want to me plain and simple in a world without fear. A friend of mine was raped recently she thought he was friendly and nice. Her gg friend told her. "Welcome to the world of women"

 

[Gi_Venus]

"Transition should be an Olympic sport ... similair to the balance beam. We girls balance fantasy with reality and social prejudice with personal justice." My transsexual sister L's quote. She is beautiful in her words, we go back and forth in our prose and poetry to each other. I adore her so.

 

[cricketbug]

Hi Venus!

I "know" ya from Revvy's thread and I just wanted to say this has been an amazing thread to get to know you a bit better! And...I can tell that you are finally so comfortable with your self that you can share your story!

 

[Gi_Venus]

Hi Venus!

I "know" ya from Revvy's thread and I just wanted to say this has been an amazing thread to get to know you a bit better! And...I can tell that you are finally so comfortable with your self that you can share your story!

Hello cricketbug, Thank you so much You are kind. Lol part of the intent is to let people be educated about what "this transsexual" is like and maybe there by educate them about transsexuals in general. In all of this I find there are common elements with transsexuality but like any other group we are diverse. I learn about myself on these threads, for I have evolved and changed through the years.

 

[cricketbug]

Hello cricketbug, Thank you so much You are kind. Lol part of the intent is to let people be educated about what "this transsexual" is like and maybe there by educate them about transsexuals in general. In all of this I find there are common elements with transsexuality but like any other group we are diverse. I learn about myself on these threads, for I have evolved and changed through the years.

I'm sure you have learned about yourself many times, as we all have!

On a side note, the Hubby was teasing me the other day because, out of all our friends, I'm the most "educated" about transgender-ism and other forms of sexuality. (I'm a teacher, so naturally, I like to read/research!...just call me "nerd!") He actually said, "You've got all sorts of unique friends, that's why you know these things!"

 

[Gi_Venus]

I'm sure you have learned about yourself many times, as we all have!

On a side note, the Hubby was teasing me the other day because, out of all our friends, I'm the most "educated" about transgender-ism and other forms of sexuality. (I'm a teacher, so naturally, I like to read/research!...just call me "nerd!") He actually said, "You've got all sorts of unique friends, that's why you know these things!"

This link is very informative. lol in case you have missed it.
http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/what_is_gender.htm

I find my mind has been opened up by reading and interacting in this place. I am particularly fond of it as this is the first place where I was open about my transsexualism and it is here that I was embraced. Lol I wandered here as a male years ago because of oppressive loneliness.(my little one's mother and I broke up) lol I have been here ever since. If you want to be in a place where transsexual interact and socialize I can give you the link if you PM me. *grin* it is not a pretty sight sometimes. You would think that they would have more compassion but not really. Lol however there are some lovely people as well. It is there I have met some early girls, first generation Transsexuals. One was post op 35 years. You will find them in all walks of life.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I thought I would throw this out there for you. a comparison of me, a current picture of me, ,early transition and before transition. I have lost over a hundred pounds since then. And I think I look much much better. My land lady knew me before and when she saw me the other day she exclaimed Why Gi! You are beautiful! This really made my day because this is a person who always speaks her mind. lol
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/GiannaVenus/Snapshot_20081027_11-2.jpghttp://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/GiannaVenus/DSCN6042resized.pnghttp://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/GiannaVenus/Mein2004-1.jpgAs you can see I am not a very pretty sight. I thought about whether I should post this or not but one thing comes to mind is how long I waited because of how I looked, To show that changes can happen is to offer hope to someone who is suffering from a similar condition and situation. I am not a beautiful woman, but I am not ugly either, regardless even if I had to be an ugly woman I would have it no other way. Because I was unhappy being what is pictured above.

 

[cricketbug]

Gi - you look GREAT! Seriously...I think you look wonderful.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Gi - you look GREAT! Seriously...I think you look wonderful.

Thank you cricketbug *giggle* you are referring to my newer photo I would assume. Thank you for your kind words. I have another older photo that is early transition I should post that too. *cringe* before I knew how to apply makeup

 

[cricketbug]

Thank you cricketbug *giggle* you are referring to my newer photo I would assume. Thank you for your kind words. I have another older photo that is early transition I should post that too. *cringe* before I knew how to apply makeup

You're welcome!

And no "cringe" needed about the makeup. I'm a biological woman and just really learned about 5 years ago how to put on makeup the "right" way!