Older Male Seeking Female Friends Who Can Tolerate "Dad Jokes"

[Indigo_lr]

Why should you never eat a ghost?

Because they taste like sheet!

 

[Shygentleman2]

My mother used to say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Lovely woman. Terrible surgeon.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

A stewardess in a very short miniskirt is pushing her trolley down the aisle of an early 1970s transatlantic jet. Stopping by a handsome Englishman she leant forward and asked, "Would you like some of my TWA coffee?"

Looking her slim figure up and down, he huskily replied, "No, my dear, but I'd love to have your TWA tea."

 

[Dudeqwe]

What do people get when they speak Spanish and slide down a hill?

Gracias. I’m here all week, try the veal.

 

[Shygentleman2]

I just watched a video of a drill.

It's a bit boring.

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

I Was Thinking About Going Into Business And Opening My Own Distillery…

…but my financial advisor thinks that’s a whiskey investment.

 

[Shygentleman2]

I cried at the thought of the fruit not being able to get married.

They cant*e*loupe

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

What did the cannibal choose as his last meal?

Five Guys

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?

Gum

 

[Shygentleman2]

What do you call an acid with an attitude?


A-mean-oh-acid

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Girl is preparing for a Friday date, Father asks who and where.

"I'm going with Pete to eat."

"OK dear, have a good time."

Next night, same again.

"I'm going with Lance to dance."

"OK dear, have a good time."

Sunday:

"I'm going with Chuck..."

"No you're bloody not, you're stopping right here!" Father interrupts.

 

[hugh_jarce69]

Just been knocked off my bike by the council salt lorry.

“Slow down, you clown”, I shouted through gritted teeth

 

[Shygentleman2]

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die?

They dilate.

 

[Merryecircles]

Just found this one:

Maybe this is the beer talking: but I'm an alcoholic drink made from yeast-fermented malt, flavoured with hops.

 

[Shygentleman2]

There was a time Chuck Norris hit a horse with uppercut.

That's how giraffes got created.

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Boyfriend: “ want a quickie?”
Girlfriend: “ as opposed to what?”

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

 

[BeautifulShadows18]

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction

 

[Shygentleman2]

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"


The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

 

[Graybear1826]

We’re not married yet, just engaged, but she still laughs at all my dad jokes. Even after dating for so long, she never seems to get tired of them. I really love her — I guess this just turned into a little appreciation post for her.

Lucky man!

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Killer whale swims over to the local loan shark dragging a very ill looking cephalopod.

"What's this?" asks the shark.

"It's the sick squid I owe you."

 

[Theatreslut]

I am a happily married retired biology professor. I am not looking for hook-ups or to cheat on my wife. She is aware that I am here. I am looking for female friends for interesting conversations, with a "side order" of discussing "kinky sexuality". I love laughing and helping other people laugh.

If you’re still looking, feel free to pm me.

Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

 

[Merryegoround]

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

 

[Shygentleman2]

If you’re still looking, feel free to pm me.

Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

Someone appreciates us!!!