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Older Male Seeking Female Friends Who Can Tolerate "Dad Jokes"

Johnnie Walker red got her in the bed
Johnnie Walker black got her in the sack
Could a joke by Pop get her out of that top
 
Did you all hear the news about the guy caught going from Honda Dealer to Honda Dealer and pooping in the cars?

When they caught him he told the cops that he was just doing his Civic doody!
 
Three friends die together in a boating accident. St Peter meets them at the pearly gates and consults his list.

"George; you were a conscientious member of your community, strove to obey the law and were always faithful to your wife. Here are the keys to a Rolls Royce to use up here."

"Ron; you were sometimes selfish but generally helpful, law-abiding and only cheated a couple of times. You can have a classic Jaguar for hopping from cloud to cloud."

Then he turned to the last of the little group.

"Johnny; you've always been a rogue, only looking out for yourself. You nicked from shops, had a string of girlfriends and even had them in multiple at times. You get a second hand BMW iX. Now you've each got a house which you'll find in the village near the forest, off you go and remember that He is still watching."

"There's obviously no such place as hell," remarked George, "God just gives you a shit motor instead."

The friends got in their cars and drove off to look for their new homes.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Three days later, Ron is out cruising in the XJ6 when he sees the iX wrapped round a tree and Johnny stood next to it laughing his head off.

"What have you done, Johnny?" asked Ron. "God's going to be fucking furious that you've written his BMW off. You'll be lucky to get a crappy Toyota Yaris next."

"I'm sorry but I just couldn't help it. I saw a vicar on a bicycle."
 
Was that name chosen by the same PR agency that suggested the Nissan Micra Wave and Vauxhall Mokka-E? Yes, they really exist.
 
A man and his son were driving past the graveyard and the boy asked his father, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Not that I know of," answered his father. "What made you ask that?"
His son replied, "Well, I saw a gravestone that read
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
 
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