One-liners. Okay--two, tops.

[shereads]

I was at the shop today and bought a pack of batteries... but they weren't included.

Steven Wright? Or am I wrong?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

 

[shereads]

Bush wants to put a man on the moon by 2010. And a man on Condoleeza Rice by 2020.

~ D. Letterman

 

[shereads]

I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.


There's a pizza place that only sells slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing triangles.


I put spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.


If you bought a house on a one-way, dead-end road, you could never leave.


I bought some powdered water. I don't know what to add.


It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.


One day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.


I tried fishing with a dotted line. I caught every other fish.


Why do irons have a setting for Permanent Press?


Can you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?

 

[Guest]

Giving politicians rides on the space shuttle is a good idea.

Wait a minute. It's a round trip? Nevermind.

 

[BlackShanglan]

How is a sorority girl like a Scrabble board?

Triple letter score.

 

[Guest]

How does a Brit count sheep?

One, two, three, Tea at four Matilda?, five, six, seven...

Trying to flush out Lou. I know she's lurking here somewhere.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

-Why is there no toilet paper in KFC?

-Because it's finger lickin' good.

 

[gauchecritic]

First AHer: Someone trolled my story.

Second AHer: GET A LIFE.

 

[Honey123]

-Why is there no toilet paper in KFC?

-Because it's finger lickin' good.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

[SeaCat]

Why does Miss Piggy love Kermit?
He has a six foot tongue.

Did you hear about the Chicken trying to have sex with the Cow?
It was a Cock and Bull story.

Cat

 

[thebullet]

Why did the elephant and the fly get married?

Had to.

__________________________________________________________

 

[Boratus]

What's long, green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger

----


What's wrinkled and smells like ginger?



Fred Astaire's face....

I would have answered: Mary-Anne's face.

Hey, as far as we knew the guys weren't getting any!

 

[Boratus]

i guess it just implies somethin thats not cool!

there are millions of jokes out there, why post that one..?

Maybe this is more to your liking:

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist prick!

 

[Boratus]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9!

--

Remember there are 3 types of people: those who can count and those who can't.

--

People ask me if I'm apathetic or just ignorant. Well I don't know and I don't care!

--

What's a 4 letter word for intercourse ending in k?

Talk.

 

[Weird Harold]

I would have answered: Mary-Anne's face.

Hey, as far as we knew the guys weren't getting any!

Mary-anne did't have any wrinkles.

Mrs Howell, AKA "Lovey," now...

 

[Boratus]

Mary-anne did't have any wrinkles.

Mrs Howell, AKA "Lovey," now...

I was thinking about how they'd look today.

 

[cantdog]

Gilligan and most of the others are like dead, dude.

Don't think about how they look today. Dayum.

 

[joeys-game]

Maybe this is more to your liking:

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist prick!

WTF........

 

[Boratus]

WTF........

Hey, I laughed my ass off when I heard that one.

 

[joeys-game]

Hey, I laughed my ass off when I heard that one.

Not to sure wtf your issue with me is about but if i offended you in any way, i appologize.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Don't put both feet in your mouth at the same time.

Then you won't have a foot to stand on!

 

[oggbashan]

How many elephants can you get into a car?

Four. Two in the front and two in the back.











How many monkeys can you get into a car?

None. The car is full of elephants.



How do elephants hide in a restaurant?

Upside down in the soup.


Waiter, waiter! There's an elephant in my soup.

Please don't shout, sir, or everyone will want one.


Og

 

[thebullet]

What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?

Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup

 

[elfin_odalisque]

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It's a sin to stick it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

 

[Dar~]

What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?

Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup

Mmm Mmm Good.