Orgasm Denial

[pplwatching]

With respect to ruined orgasms, at the right moment they are exquisitely frustrating. After a deliciously long build up you get the point where it doesn't matter how badly you don't want to cum, the need to cum is stronger and all I can think about. Then just as I am ready to give in, she pushes me out of her. When she's on top it's truly breathtaking to watch her slip me out of her.

As intense as it is fighting off the need to cum, that moment when I feel a contraction all I want to do is cum. Not being able to is maddening in the most indescribably delicious way. It's an orgasm, but a frustrating one that just leaves me wanting another one even more.

 

[RacyWilde]

Orgasm denial is a fetish for regular kinksters, but in Femdom it is also a many number of things. It could be for punishment, it could be for reward, it could be for training, it could be for torture and it could be for chastity. It all depends on the D/s dynamic.

There are actually two types of orgasm denial - cock orgasm and assgasm. (And I'd like to note that orgasm doesn't necessarily involve ejaculation, and ejaculation doesn't necessarily equate to orgasm.)

Orgasm denial is most often done in chastity D/s dynamics. It is where the sub wears a cock cage to prevent orgasm via masturbation at least, though it doesn't often work because the body does what it wants to do. Still, it is about submission - obeying a Domme's command. Chastity and denial does certain things to particular subs such as make them more attentive to their Domme. It is also a demonstration of willpower and achievement.

I wouldn't call edging denial because the whole point of edging is to eventually come. Denial is about not being allowed to come. It is usual to edge a sub the whole day and then force his orgasm in the end - this is not really a denial situation. But, denial is when I tease him the whole day and then refuse him orgasm. He has to suffer the night and the next day... and the next... until I allow him to orgasm. It is a great demonstration of power play - it takes great character to submit to this, (but the sub generally knows it is for his own good as it draws us closer together and increases his pleasure ).

Ruined orgasm is essentially ejaculation without the orgasm. His balls will be empty but he will continue to feel mega horny. This is a type of denial and it can be called 'milking'. Ruined orgasms are handy for the denial/chastity process to prevent him from grabbing his balls all the time – balls are usually free of cock cages (and I know some subs who can orgasm just from the squeeze of balls alone.)

At the moment my sub is enduring a double orgasm denial because he broke a rule. He's an anal slut so he is not allowed to train his ass (where he has assgasms) but instead, during his regular ass training time, he must spend the time in his cock cage. (If you know anal sluts, when they get horny they crave ass play. So, not being able to cock come is going to make him super extra horny for ass play.) He needs to endure this for five days before I reassess his attitude to breaking the rule (to see if he is penitent enough and has learnt.) But really, if he can endure this punishment with grace, his reward will out-weigh it. His denial will increase the next orgasms I will allow him. So he needs to trust me, and surrender.

 

[PrettyLilPussy]

With respect to ruined orgasms, at the right moment they are exquisitely frustrating. After a deliciously long build up you get the point where it doesn't matter how badly you don't want to cum, the need to cum is stronger and all I can think about. Then just as I am ready to give in, she pushes me out of her. When she's on top it's truly breathtaking to watch her slip me out of her.

As intense as it is fighting off the need to cum, that moment when I feel a contraction all I want to do is cum. Not being able to is maddening in the most indescribably delicious way. It's an orgasm, but a frustrating one that just leaves me wanting another one even more.

Well i caught that clip before it went bye-bye.
Goodness.... well... i shouldn't have watched that at work but i certainly get it now.

 

[pplwatching]

Well i caught that clip before it went bye-bye.
Goodness.... well... i shouldn't have watched that at work but i certainly get it now.

Hah. Well, I edited it out because it seemed like it was more wank fodder than a discussion piece and there are better examples that I can turn up if anyone asks .

 

[pplwatching]

Racy, I have seen your posts, pictures, and web site and they are fun. I don't know how many women enjoy it the way that you appear to, but you are a gem.

I don't have any experience outside of my own bedroom and what I've seen online. Maybe people just don't write about it, but most of what is online seems to be designed to sell to men who want to be dominated and have their orgasms controlled without giving anything in return. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, but then it's just a hobby for me .

Anyway, I guess it's like anything else. People can take or leave whatever they want from it. All that I can say is that using it as a "tool" sounds like it would be a lot of fun. I can't imagine my wife ever doing it, but I guess I can dream. But then, I guess if the person on the receiving end is loving it then it's not much of a tool .

 

[RacyWilde]

@pplwatching

Yeah, there are not many of us - we are a rare species.

Yes, I find it's mainly men who are the drivers of chastity, at least. I find they encourage their partners into it so, it works, but they don't really get that Domme spice, as their partners aren't usually dominant. You can actually see some real lifestyle Dommes in action on Xhamster. Check out a lifestyle Domme called Miss A.

A lot of the times the subs don't realise they love it until the experience is over...lol. During it, it can be quite painful on all dimensions. But really for men, I think they just delight to knowing that someone is invested in them no matter the denial or forced orgasm...lol.

 

[pplwatching]

But really for men, I think they just delight to knowing that someone is invested in them no matter the denial or forced orgasm...lol.

Well, as a married person I do enjoy the investment that my wife makes in me whether we're enjoying a movie, a meal that she made, or working through the problems we had sexually for a couple of years. I try to do the same so that she knows that while I always want her sexually, there is a bigger picture. When my wife "denies" my orgasm it is part of the bigger picture of trying to be loving partners to each other and making our marriage a fun and rewarding place to be.

Relationships are impossible to reduce to just the dimension of sex, and of course having sex doesn't require a relationship. One of the lines that I like on your web site is that you don't play if there's not some kind of connection. While not the same as a relationship, it does imply wanting to give something to the other person as well as taking what you want/need. If this genre of porn were any indication, people would come away thinking that it's all about what the guy on the bottom wants without any regard at all for what the woman wants. But, I guess that's the nature of buying a product. You want what you're paying for, and money is what you're investing to get it.

If my wife shares a kink with me some day, I hope to return the favor by embracing it. It's part of accepting her for who she is. In the mean time I will gently encourage her to continue to make me dizzy with lust and desperate with need . The trick is not letting it overwhelm who she is. It's no fun for me if she's feeling like "oh, that again."

 

[RacyWilde]

"If my wife shares a kink with me some day, I hope to return the favor by embracing it. It's part of accepting her for who she is. In the mean time I will gently encourage her to continue to make me dizzy with lust and desperate with need . The trick is not letting it overwhelm who she is. It's no fun for me if she's feeling like "oh, that again."

I'm always amazed at how many men have to pussyfoot around their wives and gently nudge them to be more sexual, to be kinky, to try new things. I see the next generation of men don't want to get married because they've seen from this generation what the sacrifice of sex and intimacy for love does to a man's happiness. And then on the other side, I see all the women complaining how no men want to settle down....lol. No, a relationship isn't about sex, but sex is important for a relationship. It's an eye opener.

I really think that one of the skills women should learn in life is how to be sexual without needing to be sexually aroused. I'm a very sexual person, but as a Domme, I get emotionally and intellectually aroused during my play sessions. And it is just as satisfying. Intellectual orgasm, baby!!

 

[pplwatching]

Well ... why people are choosing not to get married is another discussion with many possible answers for another day. My wife and I mentor engaged couples, and are very clear that marriage is (among very many other things) a sexual commitment that they need to learn to talk about and navigate because when things get out of balance it's not easy. But that's with the benefit of hindsight.

I'm always amazed at how many men have to pussyfoot around their wives and gently nudge them to be more sexual, to be kinky, to try new things.

I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but I'll clarify what I meant by "if she ever shares ...". I asked my wife early on if she had any fantasies. She said that she didn't, and didn't ask me about mine. It was awkward and the subject was dropped. Conventional wisdom says everyone does, so I grudgingly accepted the answer but figured she just didn't want to share. A few years later I bought a deck of "lover's cards" with suggested topics on them to open up bedroom communication. The first question was "share a fantasy you've never told anyone else." She got very quiet and shared that she felt defective for not having any fantasies or being creative in bed. She just didn't think that way.

That was eye opening. After many years of marriage I finally figured out that she didn't mean that she wasn't open to new ideas or trying new things. It just meant that she needed me to lead the way and work out the script with her. I misread that for a very long time, which is on me. A funny example is when I first told her I wanted her to snowball me after a BJ. I stressed about asking for that for a long time. Her reaction when I sheepishly asked was a purely analytical, "you're pretty bitter sometimes, I don't think you're going to like it." After the next BJ she unceremoniously spit a mouthful of cum in my mouth while I was catching my breath, which I choked on. She didn't judge. She just needed me to give a little more direction. Since then I eat my cum pretty often, which is ironic now that she's warming up to being a cock tease who won't let me cum . Anyway, it's a learning process for both of us, and we're discovering how it fits into our lovemaking. So far, so good (and I'm thrilled when she tells me I'm not going to get to cum).

I really think that one of the skills women should learn in life is how to be sexual without needing to be sexually aroused. I'm a very sexual person, but as a Domme, I get emotionally and intellectually aroused during my play sessions. And it is just as satisfying. Intellectual orgasm, baby!!

I've seen similar thoughts floated on various threads, but (at least for us) it was never that simple. Over time kids, uterine fibroids, a knee injury, endometriosis, anemia, deaths in the family, and life in general combined with communication problems (which I take my share of the blame for) completely wiped out our sex life for a while. I'm not going to go into detail again here (I have in another thread) but it took us a while to figure out how to make "sex for one" work without guilt for either of us.

When sex finally got off of life support I really just wanted her to enjoy sex together again. My pent up fantasies went on the back burner so we could just enjoy what we were managing to have. I'm okay with the fact that my wife enjoys a routine. Gradually hinting and introducing new ideas gives us the opportunity to build up to dipping our toes in the water together. It gives her a chance to figure out her role without feeling overwhelmed.

So that's my rambly experience anyway. Sorry for going so far off topic, but it's all connected I suppose. Allow me to add that in addition to being kind, loving, loyal, and giving my wife is a brilliant woman. She has an advanced degree and constantly amazed me by how well she picks up and applies concepts. She's just very analytical and needs a little help getting into creative space and kinky ideas .

 

[twister947]

Tease and denial works best for me within a cuckolding context....yeah, I'm pretty jammed up. Oh, well...

 

[RacyWilde]

@pplwatching

I'll have to disagree with you there that marriage is "a sexual commitment". Nope. It might be a chastity commitment (as in no sex with others), but no where in any marriage vows I've heard does it say you have to have sex. Sometimes religious vows talk about children, but that's sex for pro-creation, not for relationship. I'm sure couples don't even promise each other in private that they will have sex with each other throughout their marriage from the start. It's an expectation that they will or a 'misconceptual given'...lol. Alan Watts "Love and Marriage" makes a great case about this.

No, I wasn't directing at you, it was just general observation. But your experience does clarify my point about pussyfooting - you took several years and a game to open communication to get to the bottom of her feelings about fantasies. (I get to the bottom of fantasies with my partners the first hour we meet. ) I couldn't imagine not being open with a partner, especially a husband. And I wouldn't want to be with a partner who couldn't be open with me. People need to be responsible for their own sexuality and learning, instead I read so many stories about how husbands have to 'understand' and 'take time' and 'initiate' and 'guide' their wives into opening up and exploring. It doesn't give me a very good impression. And I'm so glad I'm not like that – I would hate it if a partner felt he had to do that to me to get the sex and intimacy he needs as a human being.

Though, I'm glad you are making process but it is hard for me to fathom why people wouldn't be open at the beginning of a relationship, and throughout, especially for marriage. Life getting in the way is an excuse that just doesn't cut it for me.

Well, I'm an INTP female, so, logic rules over the heart. And... the description of what you love about your wife makes me understand that just because someone is smart and accomplished in life it doesn't mean they have the ability to know/express their desires. For me, I need someone who is sexually intelligent. It doesn't matter how book braining they are, if they have no clue about their own body or desires, if they aren't invested in their own sexuality, it would certainly be a mis-match.

Yeah, maybe a little off topic but this is a conversation, right? It happens...lol.

 

[pplwatching]

I'll have to disagree with you there that marriage is "a sexual commitment". Nope. It might be a chastity commitment (as in no sex with others), but no where in any marriage vows I've heard does it say you have to have sex.

Racy,

In my experience, marriage is not found in or defined by the vows that we speak or the paper that we sign. Those are just outward symbols representing a much deeper and more complex relationship under the surface. There is a legal definition of marriage, but a marriage is a living entity all its own that is defined by the people in it. Most people will tell you that they didn't take a vow of chastity. Their expectations matter to how their marriages are defined regardless of the words that they have spoken. That's just my take on it having "people watched" many marriages and participated in marriage support groups, but I think it's also the general idea of marriage in most religions (based on my limited understanding) although religion certainly adds its own dimension.

It seems that in most cases both spouses only want to have sex with their spouse. That's an implicit definition of fidelity that is often spoken in their vows. Another implicit definition that is not spoken is that we'll have sex. Whether or not expectations in a marriage (sexual or otherwise) are reasonable or achievable can be debated, and not every couple expects or wants sex. In any event, that desire (and corresponding expectation) makes those marriages a sexual commitment.

Sexual problems can be one sided. There are plenty medical issues affecting sex, but also "just doesn't want sex with me any more" problems. Ideally we would all be able to communicate effectively all of the time, but in my experience it was never that easy. Emotions contribute to communication breakdowns. My wife and I are still getting better at it almost 24 years in.

Getting back to fantasies and kink, there is a difference between floating and idea to see if there's a spark of interest and not floating an idea out of fear of being shot down or (worse) judgement. Yes, it took me a while to figure out that my wife doesn't judge me for any of the kink I'm interested in, but I would much rather have our fun evolve out of mutual interest than just put it out there and expect her to figure out how she fits into it or tell her the motions she has to go through.

 

[eroticspank]

I'll take a swing at this ...

Orgasm denial (in my experience as the receiver) is a very intense way to savor an intense sexual connection to my wife, and an addictive kind of arousal. Sex is amazingly intimate and arousal makes my thoughts hyper focused on my wife, her pleasure, and the sublime joy of being so intimately connected to her. Throughout our marriage along with the heart racing bliss and the thrill of the afterglow when I have had an orgasm during sex, I have often lamented the sudden loss of sexual tension along with the sudden lack of focus on each other. We would spoon and enjoy the glow, but it was noticeably different than the moments leading up to orgasm.

I'm sure like anything else there are people who get off on denying orgasm, and people who enjoy being on the receiving end of that, but in general (in my opinion) this kink seems to be about the receiver, how intense it is to be so close and so desperate, and how it makes us feel about the person we love.


Edited again to add that left to my own devices I don't have the willpower to stop when I get close to cumming. My wife getting involved and pushing me further than I can go by myself is wonderful.

I have been gone a while and some great posts have turned up. Thank you @pplwatching for your wonderful response. Your post (edited here) is very informative. I can see how your take on orgasm denial would be a turn on.

The way you describe it reminds me of an evening of dinner and dance, all the while my wife is wearing a very HOT outfit. She is touching me, teasing me, and even talking to me---ie getting into my head space--the whole time to keep me very horny. At the end of the evening when we return home, intense lovemaking follows with the eventual earth shattering release for us both.

When it gets to the point of me getting close to orgasm, I like the idea of trying to hold it, pulling out, focusing on her with until the point in which she is completely satisfied. Seeing her enjoying our lovemaking helps push me to the limits you describe above.

I mentioned my main turn on regarding Orgasm Denial earlier in this thread, but your comments (and Racy's) made me think of this aspect. I like the idea of the "I get to orgasm first" attitude. To me it is about the woman becoming a sexual animal, unashamedly I might add, and taking control such that the focus is her orgasm and her pleasure until she has gulped down the bottle of pleasure like someone who has not had a drop in years. Some women can not do this. They think of their partner too much without truly letting themselves go into that mode.

For some guys, there is a big turn on to be treated as a piece of meat and used by the woman until she is completely satisfied. It is at this point that the orgasm denial scenario can take place in it's different variations. In a ironic role reversal, some women just tell the guy she is tired and going to bed. The humiliation of that
moment is a turn on to some. Or it may be a ruined orgasm scenario, again the humiliation of that moment and the confirmation of her control over the sub is a turn on.

For me it is all about her control of the buildup, and eventual orgasm or release of the sub. I call it release because it involves a physical and emotion release that is very intense and leaves me drained. It is at this time that the spooning, aftercare, and holding has me very devoted and loving of my partner. There is a natural/normal desire for affection from her and to her and I find myself deeper in love and in sub space. We are not talking about just your typical ejaculation orgasm. It is about the Domme taking it to another level, getting the sub to truly let go. The point of orgasm can be very intimate and personal, especially if it is intense. So for me, no orgasm can be easier, because there is no emotional or physical release and I am not completely drained.

Bottom line: It is all about what is in our heads. Our biggest sexual organ is the brain.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

I really think that one of the skills women should learn in life is how to be sexual without needing to be sexually aroused. I'm a very sexual person, but as a Domme, I get emotionally and intellectually aroused during my play sessions. And it is just as satisfying. Intellectual orgasm, baby!!

Well said once again @RacyWilde! I too like your posts and website. I do think that you are a rare breed and there are very few women around that think like you. These days there are many more out there who have that mindset, but still we men find ourselves dealing with the typical woman. Part of that involves getting to know your woman, her sensitivities and personality as well as dealing with our own limitations. So I understand many of pplwatching's words and ideas. It is a process of talking and sharing desires, fantasies.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Isn't it about control? Getting the right people together with the right feelings about this and the physical becomes rather more intellectual than normal, simply in that it involves some discussion and exchange perhaps more verbally than usual? It is if course lined to dom / sub behaviour, isn't it?

Yes it is very much about control, D/s role play, and head space. They are all big factors I feel. And it is really hard to describe what someone is thinking and how that can get them so turned on by all of this.....though some of the recent posts have done a great job at doing just that.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

With respect to ruined orgasms, at the right moment they are exquisitely frustrating. After a deliciously long build up you get the point where it doesn't matter how badly you don't want to cum, the need to cum is stronger and all I can think about. Then just as I am ready to give in, she pushes me out of her. When she's on top it's truly breathtaking to watch her slip me out of her.

As intense as it is fighting off the need to cum, that moment when I feel a contraction all I want to do is cum. Not being able to is maddening in the most indescribably delicious way. It's an orgasm, but a frustrating one that just leaves me wanting another one even more.

Ruined orgasm is essentially ejaculation without the orgasm. His balls will be empty but he will continue to feel mega horny. This is a type of denial and it can be called 'milking'. Ruined orgasms are handy for the denial/chastity process to prevent him from grabbing his balls all the time – balls are usually free of cock cages (and I know some subs who can orgasm just from the squeeze of balls alone.)

It is a bit different for me when it comes to ruined orgasms. I ejaculate and don't have a full orgasm as mentioned...BUT it does provide some "slight" relief. My balls let out some sperm so they are not as full and my dick decreases in size from fully erect to may 7/8 erect. You can barely tell the difference, but I can. Yes I am still horny but even that dropped down a bit. In some cases when I had a ruined orgasm my cock went down like I had a regular orgasm but without the pleasure of a full orgasm. In this case it is easier to ignore my predicament because my dick is soft and that provides some relief.

ES

 

[jamestabbycat]

Ok... im asking...

Explain the "ruined orgasm" to me??

They are nice... no! Not nice, they are a little frustrating

 

[chris2c4u]

They are nice... no! Not nice, they are a little frustrating

But nice

Especially when someone wants to see the video

 

[bone251]

Ok... im asking...

Explain the "ruined orgasm" to me??

Fun for her.
You have kept him horny for 10 days with an hour of edging every night. You really love how well he is caring for you and licking your pussy. But he has so much cum built up that he edges too quick to have fun. So you let a little dribble out. Then tease him so more and let a little more dribble out. You never got him so there was a spasm of orgasm with the dribble, you just took off the pressure. Now he is still horny and you can tease him for another couple weeks.
Because it is all about her.

 

[BiiCuz]

as a sub sissy the denial is expected since it is not for my pleasue

 

[eroticspank]

as a sub sissy the denial is expected since it is not for my pleasue

Sometimes making the sub cum is pleasurable for the Domme. Especially when it is on her terms or when she decides. The pleasure the sub feels is overshadowed by the fact the orgasm came at an inopportune time, he was not ready for it, he had no control over it, etc. So it is not always a given that orgasm equals pleasure for the sub. And as mentioned earlier there are different types of orgasms as well, like assgasms, prostate orgasms, some which do not involve ejaculation.

I know a Domme who sometimes makes her "sub sissy" ejaculate hands free from pegging when the sub is specifically told NOT to, it leads to a lot of humiliation and punishment. It is not pleasurable for the sub, but a big turn on for the Domme to get the sissy to lose control like that. This is just one example.

Denial can be used as a tool for humiliation.

ES

 

[chris2c4u]

Sometimes making the sub cum is pleasurable for the Domme. Especially when it is on her terms or when she decides. The pleasure the sub feels is overshadowed by the fact the orgasm came at an inopportune time, he was not ready for it, he had no control over it, etc. So it is not always a given that orgasm equals pleasure for the sub. And as mentioned earlier there are different types of orgasms as well, like assgasms, prostate orgasms, some which do not involve ejaculation.

I know a Domme who sometimes makes her "sub sissy" ejaculate hands free from pegging when the sub is specifically told NOT to, it leads to a lot of humiliation and punishment. It is not pleasurable for the sub, but a big turn on for the Domme to get the sissy to lose control like that. This is just one example.

Denial can be used as a tool for humiliation.



ES

Good points, humiliation and control, surely central to orgasm denial.

 

[__little_one]

I don't know a woman who wears chastity belts. I agree with bone, that they all look very uncomfortable, especially for cleaning after toilet. Have seen pics of pierced pussies. May be this could be an alternative.

yup, the hygiene aspect put me off long term use of belts- you lucky boys! I can't think of anything nicer than being locked up all safe and sound apart from playtime, with a very palpable reminder of what I'm missing.

 

[__little_one]

I find this topic fascinating, as someone who rarely he an orgasm I think it must be wonderful to actually know that you are being denied. I just don't expect an orgasm so can't really be denied

That's what I'd have thought but... I have to take tablets which dull the urge, but when I suddenly wasn't allowed to touch/be touched or cum I went craaazy horny and affectionate. Maybe it's just my 'forbidden fruit' personality though.

 

[eroticspank]

For me the turn on is not orgasm denial but orgasm control.

She controls when I cum and it is usually after she has cum several times. Part of her control of me does include edging and prolonged teasing. But she also delights in making me cum, seeing my reaction, listening to my moans, and watching my spurts. Sometimes she makes me cum very fast, sometimes slow, sometimes in unique ways I never expect. But it is always under her control. I am denied control over my own orgasms.

ES

I find this topic fascinating, as someone who rarely he an orgasm I think it must be wonderful to actually know that you are being denied. I just don't expect an orgasm so can't really be denied

@KittiGoddess that is a good point. You could take it a step further and say if you have never had an orgasm, especially a good one, orgasm denial means nothing to you. I suppose you could fantasize what it would be like and when you get close to what you think is it, it could be frustrating.

However, as I mentioned above, for me it is more about orgasm control and that is part of denial. I see the Dom/Domme eventually bringing about orgasm for the sub, but only when the Dom/Domme decides. Denial and Edging usually leads to an intense orgasm. That is important because that keeps the sub mentally chained to the Dom/Domme. This results in no need for any chastity devices. Sure, like wearing a collar, they are very symbolic and functional; but if no matter how much you masturbate you can't recreate that same intense feeling you end of going back to that Dom/Domme anyway. You crave the rush of being controlled, played with, and directed.

ES