Jorunn
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2023
- Posts
- 126
Kiitos, Omenainen. I would like to have spent more time on the dialogue in my story, but deadlines are deadlines. I do appreciate you pointing it out, and it is something I will watch for and address in my future stories. Håkon's weight at one year old would have to be over 3.5kg, but I'm guessing the race organizers probably had too many complaints if using a higher weight. There are no burly racers attempting to ski 54 km.There was a lot to love in this story. I really enjoyed the fjords and winter kayaking and the mythology you wowed in. And the “om, om, om”and you even had a Finnish character!
You had such good messages in there. I loved a lot of things Freya said. Okay you know what, I’ll just quote them.
And
And
I was a little puzzled by Ellie gaslighting Leah in the end though? It didn’t feel like a very “yay sisterhood” thing that she made Leah have to prove herself, when she didn’t actually need the convincing?
(Also how is the weight 3,5kg if Håkon was a year old, year-olds weigh approximately 10kg, 3,5kg is a newborn… but that’s very much in the weeds, just something I thought while reading it.)
If you want tips to improve then I’d say focus on the dialogue.
Anyway, thank you for posting this in my event. It was very different from anything else and I’m delighted to have it included. And that you write these stories in the first place! Go North!
…I have to say, now I’m more than a little grumpy that you guys have all this mythology, and we have swamp football. Finland is like the slow younger brother of the cool Nordic countries.
The gaslighting was intentional on my part. If you heard such a story, even from a friend, you would think they had too much Koskenkorva (yum!) or were making it up.
And I have admired many of your other stories, such as your pheromone one, because you place your characters in such interesting situations rather than 'I went into a bar and saw a hot chick so we had sex.'
I visited a friend in Lahti in September 2022 and we did some wild camping. I was impressed by your forests and the people I met. I never got past "tourist-level" Suomi, though, but "Puhu hitaammin" and Swedish got me by. I'm heading for the Netherlands this spring and I am trying to learn Dutch. It may challenge Suomi as an alien language! My friend there says that even the dialects change as you move around the same country and people can't understand each other!
