possible group sex-advice needed

[Malaria]

Hi everyone, been away for awhile but I'm back cos I need some help.

I've known my best friend since we were 5. We've never fallen out and we do have a very close relantionship. She's bi and I'm currently (i know i know) bi-curious. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years and I've been with mine for 3 years. There's always been a great deal of flirting between the four of us and we're as a group, pretty close.

I spent the weekend with just my friend and the subject of a foursome came up. I realised that I really like the idea and have actually thought about it before. She wants it, her boyfriend wants it, I want it. My boyfriend has concerns.

We have talked it through, all four of us. 3 of us think our relationships will be stronger and that there won't be any uncomfortableness between us. My boyfriends gotten jealous and worried.


Can I talk him round or have the three of us gotten it very wrong?

Ideas and suggestions VERY welcome.

 

[ms9499]

Are your Bf's bi as well?

 

[Malaria]

no but in theory both are comfortable with the idea of having the other present

 

[ms9499]

would either of them be willing to touch the other guy?

 

[Malaria]

probably but it's not an aim of any member i think

 

[ms9499]

hmmm, so why do you think your bf is against it? do you think he thinks you'll enjoy the girl too much and not want him or is her bf hung better than your bf?

 

[DrHappy]

How about just watching each other? No touching.

 

[Malaria]

yeah ms, that sort of thing. he's worried we'll ruin our friendships or our relationships

 

[ms9499]

I kind of agree with Dr. Maybe one thing to do would be to watch each other have sex and take it farther after that. seee if he gets into it.

 

[DrHappy]

...I've known my best friend since we were 5. ... She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years and I've been with mine for 3 years.

I don't want to sound like a prude, but I'd hate to ruin that many years of friendships and relationships over one night of thrills. Your boyfriend feels what he feels. You might argue that he "shouldn't" feel a certain way, but he has a right to his feelings.

In addition to the "watching" suggestion in an earlier post, you might include filming each other, if that's something that sounds exciting.
Making your own erotic video is own thing, but having another couple watch you and film you might be another way to share excitement and intimacy among two couples. Also, would your boyfriend be less bothered if you were not sexual with the other guy?

 

[helix27]

I don't want to sound like a prude, but I'd hate to ruin that many years of friendships and relationships over one night of thrills. Your boyfriend feels what he feels. You might argue that he "shouldn't" feel a certain way, but he has a right to his feelings.

In addition to the "watching" suggestion in an earlier post, you might include filming each other, if that's something that sounds exciting.
Making your own erotic video is own thing, but having another couple watch you and film you might be another way to share excitement and intimacy among two couples. Also, would your boyfriend be less bothered if you were not sexual with the other guy?

I think the idea of videos would be a good ice breaker. The idea of the other couple watching and film you might be a great start. Could you tell us more of what you expect from this foursome? Do you want to have sex (oral or intercourse or both) with the other guy? Do you want your bf to have sex with the other girl? You said you were bi-curious, so I assume you want to have sex with her? Just a little idea of what your expecting from it and what your asking of your bf. Also have you talked to your bf about what would happen in this foursome?

 

[yoshimitsu]

I haven't done this so I can't give much advice but I have thought about it quite a bit.
Along the lines of what others have said the only thing I know is I would be likely to start slow. It seems silly for everyone to tear off their clothes and start bangin the other persons SO.
Find out what if anything your boyfriend would be ok with. Maybe start out doin a little nude hot tubbing or just hanging around the house together naked.
From there just see how things progress and just keep the communication open to make sure every one stays comfortable and has fun.

I believe that something like an agreement or pact can have a huge effect on relationships.
If I were to do something like this with people I cared about I would be very likely to sit every one down and just say that I would be open to seeing where the relationship/s can go but the most important thing is maintaining a good relationship. I would make it clear that that was the most important thing to me and try and get a mutual agreement that the sucess of the relationship is number one top priority. At least from there you have created somewhat of a team spirit and gotten everyone thinking of the group as a whole instead of just personal interests as well as opening up communication in a positive light.

Just some of my thoughts from theoretical contemplation though

 

[Malaria]

the willing 3 of us are certain that this wouldn't mess up our friendships.

at first we would go slow and not go as far as intercourse with each others partners. Last night the friends boyfriend offered to set up his webcam so i could watch them in bed and i know he likes to watch and be watched so the video idea is a very good one. I'll mull it over for a while.

ta so far everyone

 

[fearnow1952]

Go slow make sure everyone knows what the other person is doing. Talk

 

[M's girl]

My boyfriends gotten jealous and worried.

That's a HUGE red flag! I don't understand how you can't see that.

Can I talk him round or have the three of us gotten it very wrong?

I think you've been around (here) long enough to know it doesn't work like that. You can't talk people into something they don't want to do. Leave the subject alone. Only thing that COULD happen is that he gets used to the idea in time (think months or years even!). At this moment he is jealous and worried. So don't do it, unless you want to jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend! That's it. Period.

 

[sellthecookie]

how bout just a foursome with a couple who are totally strangers?

that way, no awkward moments to deal with the morning after.. you just up and leave.

 

[missgizmo]

Maybe discuss what exactly it is what makes him uncomfortable about the idea, is it you having sex with her boyfriend that bothers him, yet he might be ok with you experimenting with her??

Why not ask him this and if there are things he is worried about then repect that fully from the start and dont get caught up in the moment and do something that you have said you wouldnt do in the first place or this would come back to bite you.

Hope it works out xx

 

[helix27]

That's a HUGE red flag! I don't understand how you can't see that.

I think you've been around (here) long enough to know it doesn't work like that. You can't talk people into something they don't want to do. Leave the subject alone. Only thing that COULD happen is that he gets used to the idea in time (think months or years even!). At this moment he is jealous and worried. So don't do it, unless you want to jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend! That's it. Period.

The wise have spoken. I would prolly listen to her. As far as the three of you just "saying that it wont hurt your relationship... it doesn't always work like that. Sometimes even though you don't mean for it. Things can have a profoundly different effect then you "planed" on them having. Life is weird like that.

 

[Malaria]

i always listen to her. I didn't mean bully him into it just talk sensibly about it. As it happens he thought i wanted to swap partners not have a big pile on with everyone with everyone else. he's thought about it, and has weeks more til it's even possible. He's actually much more turned on by the idea now. As we were talking about it his other brain agrees.

I'm not pushing the subject. he keeps on asking me. he's curious.

No decisions made yet.

 

[M's girl]

Okay Malaria, but you do know that a fantasy is a completely different thing, don't you? I have the wildest fantasies about other people joining in with M and me. We talk about it, we joke about it (how I call the local firedepartment and eight men come running to my - ahum - rescue ) but I am absolutely disgusted by the idea I would really have to have sex with them or others while I'm with M.

I know it would ruin our relationship. We are not jealous when it comes to the fantasies, because we know that's what they are, and nothing more. But I know I would be in RL. M thinks he could handle it but to be honest: there are a zillion signs in other parts of our relationship that tells me he could not. I think that men tend to think they can handle stuff like this better and sooner because overall their fantasies about things like this are more frequent and they see themselves as emotionally un-attached more often when it comes to sex. They are the ones that fall hardest when they do.

 

[sapos]

The closest I've come to this is a threesome, the guy we did it with was a close friend and we still are but what we learned is that you have to have predetermined rules and boundaries. You also have to be willing to stop and leave with no consequences (this may be imposable but just having the option goes a long way). The other thing you have to consider is what if it goes well and you want to keep doing it but one of you doesn't what then?
things to think about.

 

[Eilan]

the willing 3 of us are certain that this wouldn't mess up our friendships.

Until you've made this fantasy a reality, you can't be certain.

From someone who's been there and done that.

 

[Malaria]

thank you all again.

sapos, we've all talked about the things you mentioned now and have come to several agreements. The boyf is wavering and I'm not pushing him either way at the moment. he'll make up his own mind. without him it won't happen

 

[M's girl]

.... The boyf is wavering and I'm not pushing him either way at the moment. he'll make up his own mind. without him it won't happen

Very wise. I was wondering. I mean, I could sort of understand and was wondering if the three of you want it, how much you would be tempted to do something without him.

 

[Malaria]

ahem update time. I left the subject alone completely and the BF spoke to me about it, between the four of us we came up with a scenario that everyone is happy with and a set of rules and hand gestures to indicate how we are with things. a sort of thumbs up thumbs down sort of thing. Then on saturday night we decided to have a preliminary 'getting comfortabe' night where we all got naked and just fooled around a bit. We've all spoken since then and everyone is happy for the whole thing to go ahead. The BF actually really enjoyed it and just what happened on saturday has made me more confident in myself.

Once we started going about this thing as sensible people we found that it all just fell into place. And if anyone gets uncomfortable at anytime, we'll just stop, no repurcussions.

Thanks all of you for your excellent advice! I couldn't have done this without you! xxx