Post a reason why the person above would appear in the evening breaking news

[kurrginatorX]

This just in: It seems our friend, ol' Deckard--wait, are we really going to give this attention whore more air time? To hell with that. Show a video of waterskiing squirrels or something.

 

[DeckardNYC]

This just in: It seems our friend, ol' Deckard--wait, are we really going to give this attention whore more air time? To hell with that. Show a video of waterskiing squirrels or something.

Hoarder fills house to rafters with collection of dead flies.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

Hoarder fills house to rafters with collection of dead flies.

Photographed giving high fives to low tides

 

[kurrginatorX]

Received "Humanitarian of the Year" award.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

Kurrg joins the 60 Minutes team for an investigative piece on the benefits of breathing heavily

 

[kurrginatorX]

Kurrg joins the 60 Minutes team for an investigative piece on the benefits of breathing heavily

(How do you know I breathe heavily? I mean, it happens only when I see your avatar. Just sayin' …)

She lied to police about an alien sighting. It was really little blue men, and actually, it was the Blue Man Group. yeah, she was drunk. What can I say?

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

(How do you know I breathe heavily? I mean, it happens only when I see your avatar. Just sayin' …)

She lied to police about an alien sighting. It was really little blue men, and actually, it was the Blue Man Group. yeah, she was drunk. What can I say?

He was a prank caller on the presidential line. After the 5th time, they pinpointed his position .

 

[DeckardNYC]

He was a prank caller on the presidential line. After the 5th time, they pinpointed his position .

Won Chopped, the Caramel Creame Episode.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Tom: Once again, ol' Deckard has found his way into our news feed, but it is his wife we are reporting on tonight. It seems she has come up with a new form of birth control. Every night before bed, she gives Deckard a stick of chewing gum.

Trisha: I guess the implication there is that he can't chew gum and do anything else at the same time, Tom.

Tom: Right you are, Trisha. Hey, look at this. (Places stick of gum in his mouth) I'm Deckard. I can't chew gum and give the news at the same time.

Trisha: Ha-ha. Good one, Tom. (Places gum in her mouth) I'm Deckard. I can't chew gum and … and … I've got nothing.

Tom: Which is exactly what Deckard has. Now, here's Mike with Sports.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

He got overzealous mowing the lawn of his neighbors on a regular basis. A human kindness project to do the most kind things in a year.

 

[kurrginatorX]

She skated through Downtown Baltimore completely nude to raise money for needy families. Her ten-minute skate raised over a million dollars.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Through tireless research, she discovered that on the eighth day, God held a weenie roast, now all calendars have to be reset to reflect this.

 

[kurrginatorX]

In a shocking discovery he found that some people have no idea what a weenie roast is, and so embarked on a worldwide educational tour to inform the masses armed with...a roast and dressed as a weenie?

The Vatican spoke out against her and labeled her a heretic, the Mayans called her a false prophet, and Jimmy Swaggart called to tell her that he sinned against her all for her discovery of Rainshineday, which now rests comfortably between Saturday and Sunday.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Bump.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Desperately desiring to break out of his "shell"...performed a striptease in the produce section. I guess the little old ladies there weren't amused.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

Attempted to take over a tiny island in the Caribbean to make her own country.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Trisha: Well, Tom. What do you have for us tonight?

Tom: Tricia, we have TheWhiteBull, the world's first registered satyr. More after this.

 

[Paul_Chance]

"In Breaking News - local man bites bear in battle over pretzel. Game, Fish and Parks will be pressing charges on behalf of the injured bear."

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

"In Breaking News - local man bites bear in battle over pretzel. Game, Fish and Parks will be pressing charges on behalf of the injured bear."

On a whim, was peddling his bike to get home when caught in a flood as it began raining heavy and hard. He was found up in a tree, him and the bike.

 

[Paul_Chance]

On a whim, was peddling his bike to get home when caught in a flood as it began raining heavy and hard. He was found up in a tree, him and the bike.

After a near miss from a tornado she was found in a haystack wearing only her red high heels. In related news Farmer Brown’s wife has been reported missing and was the last seen leaving town in a white convertible with an unknown woman

 

[kurrginatorX]

Paul took a chance, and failed. That's right, good ol' Paul Chance dared to look the Medusa in the eyes and was turned to stone. His last words as reported by witnesses on the scene: "If my balls drop off just crazy glue those suckers back on me."

 

[DeckardNYC]

Local man certified as world's record holder for posters of Jim Morrison!!! It's reported he also appeared on Hoarders...

 

[kurrginatorX]

Tom: In tonight's Human Interest story, local boob Deckard has been collecting one grain of sand a day since 1962. He has accumulated enough to fill this tiny beach and--wait, we have Trisha on the scene now with a special live report. Trisha?

Trisha: Tom, it seems that the reason Deckard has been accumulating this sand is to cover the bodies he had been murdering over the past ten years. Police are taking him away now. Mr. Deckard, is there anything you would like to say to our viewing audience?

Deckard: I would have gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids and that dog of theirs.

Trisha: More as this story unfolds. Back to you, Tom.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Tom: In tonight's Human Interest story, local boob Deckard has been collecting one grain of sand a day since 1962. He has accumulated enough to fill this tiny beach and--wait, we have Trisha on the scene now with a special live report. Trisha?

Trisha: Tom, it seems that the reason Deckard has been accumulating this sand is to cover the bodies he had been murdering over the past ten years. Police are taking him away now. Mr. Deckard, is there anything you would like to say to our viewing audience?

Deckard: I would have gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids and that dog of theirs.

Trisha: More as this story unfolds. Back to you, Tom.

Has announced his candidacy for President on the Rock Hard ticket.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Has announced his candidacy for President on the Rock Hard ticket.

As part of his "voracious Value" campaign, he announced he will be my running mate.