She's way way.... WAY out of my league. How do I handle her?

[Goey]

Well, yeah, "none" is a value so objectively you're right that we all have equal value. But subjectively, "pharmacist" and "skinny with huge black shlong" and every other attribute of a person has a different value, and how likely is it really that everyone's attributes add up to the same total value of a person?

None of these 'attributes' have a value to someone's worth. It actually scares me you think in such a way. Everyone is worth the same because they are a person. So if it helps: everyone is worth 1. And that's it. There is no other numeric value (as that is what you seem to be after).



I'll admit it's rather PC to say 'everyone is equal' but I think that's irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.

I'm not married but have been with Mr. Goey (look how original I am with names) for over 5 years. It was me who asked him for a 'date' and at that time I thought very little of myself (being a girl who never ventured out doors, had very few 'real-life' friends and saw myself as incredibly unattractive). Quite frankly the fact that he not only agreed but actually showed up more than amazed me. Obviously a lot has changed since that time.

And that's why I'm so harsh with you Chris, and why your lack of self worth angers me thus. Because I've been there - and it's a shitty place to be. And the more you sit and say "I'm not good enough" the harder it'll ever be to see yourself as good enough and you risk facing many a year living in your own illusions and failing to be the Chris you really are.

I'm not saying ask her out, I think that idea has long since been shot, bagged and buried by yourself. But I am saying you need to seriously start seeing yourself in a positive light if you ever want to be happy.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You guys are seriously overestimating this pharmacist thing. Trust me, being a pharmacist and pulling in a six-figure income does not make you more attractive.

Hahaha. Yeah. Because so many of these hot girls are with old executives because they think rich executives are super funny. I'm sure Anna Nicole Smith just loved her husbands withered old noodle. I'm not saying all girls are gold diggers. But they (most) seek security. And drive. And genuinely people earning good money have those things. It's just true.

 

[Christopher2012]

Hahaha. Yeah. Because so many of these hot girls are with old executives because they think rich executives are super funny. I'm sure Anna Nicole Smith just loved her husbands withered old noodle. I'm not saying all girls are gold diggers. But they (most) seek security. And drive. And genuinely people earning good money have those things. It's just true.

Woah... you're talking about guys who make millions of dollars a year. $118,000 per year is not a lot. Trust me, you're not going to see me in a Shelby Cobra GT500 anytime soon. (But you will one day haha) But I don't know though, those STI's look pretty sick for only $40K.

Grrr... Back on topic!

Uh... hmm... If I don't get married, I can have the Cobra and the STI.

Okay, forget women. I want to live alone. haha Who wants to pay a shitload of money to get stuck in a relationship that's going to end up sexless and boring? Not me.

So that settles it - I'm saving for a Cobra Mustang.

 

[Christopher2012]

None of these 'attributes' have a value to someone's worth. It actually scares me you think in such a way. Everyone is worth the same because they are a person. So if it helps: everyone is worth 1. And that's it. There is no other numeric value (as that is what you seem to be after).



I'll admit it's rather PC to say 'everyone is equal' but I think that's irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.

I'm not married but have been with Mr. Goey (look how original I am with names) for over 5 years. It was me who asked him for a 'date' and at that time I thought very little of myself (being a girl who never ventured out doors, had very few 'real-life' friends and saw myself as incredibly unattractive). Quite frankly the fact that he not only agreed but actually showed up more than amazed me. Obviously a lot has changed since that time.

And that's why I'm so harsh with you Chris, and why your lack of self worth angers me thus. Because I've been there - and it's a shitty place to be. And the more you sit and say "I'm not good enough" the harder it'll ever be to see yourself as good enough and you risk facing many a year living in your own illusions and failing to be the Chris you really are.

I'm not saying ask her out, I think that idea has long since been shot, bagged and buried by yourself. But I am saying you need to seriously start seeing yourself in a positive light if you ever want to be happy.

You're right, it is pretty shitty. I don't know. Maybe I'll just get a gym membership and get built. Doubt that will actually go down since I've tried it three times already, but eh... Maybe being at a different stage in life will change my motivation. Being in grad school doesn't promote health. haha

 

[Lord Pmann]

Woah... you're talking about guys who make millions of dollars a year. $118,000 per year is not a lot. Trust me, you're not going to see me in a Shelby Cobra GT500 anytime soon. (But you will one day haha) But I don't know though, those STI's look pretty sick for only $40K.

Grrr... Back on topic!

Uh... hmm... If I don't get married, I can have the Cobra and the STI.

Okay, forget women. I want to live alone. haha Who wants to pay a shitload of money to get stuck in a relationship that's going to end up sexless and boring? Not me.

So that settles it - I'm saving for a Cobra Mustang.

I was using hyperbole to make a point. There is something very attractive to women about a guy who has a career. I'm sure that some of the girls will back me up.

You can get STIs if you are married or not. But you're never going to get a sexually transmitted infection if you don't get out there and meet girls!!!!

A Mustang? And you're in Georgia? Why don't you just go ahead and order it with the cinderblocks underneath it and the engine on a cherry picker in your yard? Aim higher mate.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You're right, it is pretty shitty. I don't know. Maybe I'll just get a gym membership and get built. Doubt that will actually go down since I've tried it three times already, but eh... Maybe being at a different stage in life will change my motivation. Being in grad school doesn't promote health. haha

Just get married and you'll shed those unwanted pounds immediately!

 

[Christopher2012]

I was using hyperbole to make a point. There is something very attractive to women about a guy who has a career. I'm sure that some of the girls will back me up.

You can get STIs if you are married or not. But you're never going to get a sexually transmitted infection if you don't get out there and meet girls!!!!

A Mustang? And you're in Georgia? Why don't you just go ahead and order it with the cinderblocks underneath it and the engine on a cherry picker in your yard? Aim higher mate.

Haha I didn't mean "sexually transmitted infection."

I meant the Subaru WRX STI

 

[Treasured]

I have read this thread this thread for a few days now. I understand how you feel Christopher. Trust me I do. But I also know that sometimes we have those same thoughts. That we aren't good enough for a nice guy.

Matt Damien said in the movie 'We Bought A Zoo' "It only takes 20 seconds of insane courage. Literally 20 seconds of courage and maybe a little embarrassing bravery, and I promise something good will always come out of it."

Try it Christopher, it really does work something good will happen. This much I do know.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Haha I didn't mean "sexually transmitted infection."

I meant the Subaru WRX STI

I do hope you knew I was joking.

 

[Christopher2012]

I do hope you knew I was joking.

I kinda thought so. haha

But hey, Mustangs are nice cars. The Cobra's run 60K which is actually out of the range I can afford.

What would you suggest buying? And don't say the Skyline GT-R. That's a big no.

 

[culloden]

Woah... you're talking about guys who make millions of dollars a year. $118,000 per year is not a lot. Trust me, you're not going to see me in a Shelby Cobra GT500 anytime soon. (But you will one day haha) But I don't know though, those STI's look pretty sick for only $40K.

Bullshit. Most people don't make that money after an entire career. No, you aren't Bill Gates. But you're doing way better than the average bear. Give yourself some credit. Money isn't everything. But trust me, as someone who came up through the hawsepipe, it can be a big stress reducer.

Robbie Burns said, "Oh what a gift the Power'd gie us, to see ourselves as others see us." In your case, I think that knowledge would be particularly helpful. Really, see a therapist. You're wasting your potential.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I kinda thought so. haha

But hey, Mustangs are nice cars. The Cobra's run 60K which is actually out of the range I can afford.

What would you suggest buying? And don't say the Skyline GT-R. That's a big no.

I suggest you don't buy anything for 5 years. Pay off your loans. And then when you've done that, pay cash for a car. Don't get a car loan.

 

[Christopher2012]

I have read this thread this thread for a few days now. I understand how you feel Christopher. Trust me I do. But I also know that sometimes we have those same thoughts. That we aren't good enough for a nice guy.

Matt Damien said in the movie 'We Bought A Zoo' "It only takes 20 seconds of insane courage. Literally 20 seconds of courage and maybe a little embarrassing bravery, and I promise something good will always come out of it."

Try it Christopher, it really does work something good will happen. This much I do know.

You know, my boss said the same thing about that movie. I need to watch it.

Unfortunately, though, days and days of torture precludes that 20 seconds of insane courage. haha

 

[wheelchairman85]

Ask her out! if she says yes then go on the date and go from their if she says no then at least you tried.

 

[Christopher2012]

I suggest you don't buy anything for 5 years. Pay off your loans. And then when you've done that, pay cash for a car. Don't get a car loan.

Nah man, I know. I found out that it may not be that long before I could pay off my loans. I was talking to the supervisor and he said that if I worked extra shifts during my days off that I could pull in up to over $200,000. Again, that's assuming I take the position. I have another interview coming up. Like I said, I won't get paid as much but I'll be able to keep my sanity with a nice work environment. And I get to live at home...

Did I mention that I live with my parents still?

 

[Christopher2012]

Bullshit. Most people don't make that money after an entire career. No, you aren't Bill Gates. But you're doing way better than the average bear. Give yourself some credit. Money isn't everything. But trust me, as someone who came up through the hawsepipe, it can be a big stress reducer.

Robbie Burns said, "Oh what a gift the Power'd gie us, to see ourselves as others see us." In your case, I think that knowledge would be particularly helpful. Really, see a therapist. You're wasting your potential.

Dude, I'm not seeing a therapist. That's like telling me to see a personal trainer so I'll actually want to go to the gym and work out.

 

[Goldeniangel]

You really do need a therapist. It's not just for the crazy people, it's for people who need help working things out. Like a crippling fear of dating. And the strange assumption that you will be better advice from total strangers who know nothing about you or your situation and are mostly just paying attention because it's like watching a bad soap.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect girl. As soon as you get that through your head you'll be better off with life, period. No matter what girl you date you will argue, there will be things about her that drive you nuts, she will fart, poo, do weird beauty things and occasionally drive you insane. There's no point in being scared of any girl, because that will be true for every single one. Also, no girl will ever be able to live up to a "perfect" pedestal.

2. A girl that's worthwhile will not expect you to be the perfect guy.

3. Therapy. Seriously, please. I've gone on and off throughout the years when going through big transitions in my life and it really, really helps. Even if it's just about putting things in perspective, which you definitely need help with.

GL.

 

[IrishEyes80]

Ok...I haven't been able to read every post on this thread but I think I got the jist of what's going on. I think you need to start small and make some friends. Since you have all the free time in the world to sit at home and do nothing but hang out on Lit. Go out and find an activity that you're interested in and find some guys to hang out with. You need to start establishing relationships that don't come with all the pressure of dating.

Clearly you're into cars, find an auto show around your area to go to. Buy a really cool car that interests you and enter it in some shows. Who knows some girls really love cars you might just meet someone that way.

Or if you're really bold maybe you can go to one of these events coming up in your area.

http://eventful.com/savannah/events/categories/singles_social


Oh and a Mustang...really?!?!...a Ford?!?!......you should at least strive for a Chevrolet!!!


LOL sorry just had to kid ya!!

I hope things work out for you, it just takes a little work.

 

[culloden]

Dude, I'm not seeing a therapist. That's like telling me to see a personal trainer so I'll actually want to go to the gym and work out.

That's what I'm talking about. You're funny. You're bright. You have a likely future. But you deflect all that to avoid facing your fear. Or you're a troll. But you have a lot of posts for that, so I think you're just afraid of change.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Nah man, I know. I found out that it may not be that long before I could pay off my loans. I was talking to the supervisor and he said that if I worked extra shifts during my days off that I could pull in up to over $200,000. Again, that's assuming I take the position. I have another interview coming up. Like I said, I won't get paid as much but I'll be able to keep my sanity with a nice work environment. And I get to live at home...

Did I mention that I live with my parents still?

If you live with your parents then that's perfect. Pay them off quicker. I don't see why you could not pay them off in 3 years. You're in college. Nothing wrong with Being at home.

 

[Christopher2012]

You really do need a therapist. It's not just for the crazy people, it's for people who need help working things out. Like a crippling fear of dating. And the strange assumption that you will be better advice from total strangers who know nothing about you or your situation and are mostly just paying attention because it's like watching a bad soap.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect girl. As soon as you get that through your head you'll be better off with life, period. No matter what girl you date you will argue, there will be things about her that drive you nuts, she will fart, poo, do weird beauty things and occasionally drive you insane. There's no point in being scared of any girl, because that will be true for every single one. Also, no girl will ever be able to live up to a "perfect" pedestal.

2. A girl that's worthwhile will not expect you to be the perfect guy.

3. Therapy. Seriously, please. I've gone on and off throughout the years when going through big transitions in my life and it really, really helps. Even if it's just about putting things in perspective, which you definitely need help with.

GL.

Haha... I could never live with you. Man, you are sooooooo mean!

Arrgh... I hate being in this situation. I'm not seeing a therapist. Not happening. But damn girl... you're tough. I'd be scared of you.

Ok...I haven't been able to read every post on this thread but I think I got the jist of what's going on. I think you need to start small and make some friends. Since you have all the free time in the world to sit at home and do nothing but hang out on Lit. Go out and find an activity that you're interested in and find some guys to hang out with. You need to start establishing relationships that don't come with all the pressure of dating.

Clearly you're into cars, find an auto show around your area to go to. Buy a really cool car that interests you and enter it in some shows. Who knows some girls really love cars you might just meet someone that way.

Or if you're really bold maybe you can go to one of these events coming up in your area.

http://eventful.com/savannah/events/categories/singles_social


Oh and a Mustang...really?!?!...a Ford?!?!......you should at least strive for a Chevrolet!!!


LOL sorry just had to kid ya!!

I hope things work out for you, it just takes a little work.

I agree - simply having a conversation is difficult. Making friends isn't easy in today's world. Usually, when I go to events, I end up doing it alone anyway. So there's really no point.

As far as the car is concerned, that's a big investment. I'd love to have one of those nice cars, but I think I'll pass. Once a car is past it's prime, the fun value just isn't there anymore. I never get impressed with a sports car that's 3+ years old unless it's a classic or a super car. So, I think I'll buy a fully loaded Honda Accord and invest in a house. I mean, I'm not a house person. I don't get excited about houses, and I don't want a family... but it is a much better idea to buy a super nice house than it is to buy a super nice car.

 

[IrishEyes80]

One of my best friends was in the same situation that you're in. Our group of friends was able to give him enough support to put himself out there. He was married about 3 weeks ago. Friends would help you so much! To bad you live so far away from my area in GA we are totally down to make new friends, although we are all older than you.

You seem to think this is a helpless situation but really it's not. You just have to start somewhere.

Good Luck!

 

[Christopher2012]

One of my best friends was in the same situation that you're in. Our group of friends was able to give him enough support to put himself out there. He was married about 3 weeks ago. Friends would help you so much! To bad you live so far away from my area in GA we are totally down to make new friends, although we are all older than you.

You seem to think this is a helpless situation but really it's not. You just have to start somewhere.

Good Luck!

Yeah I had a strong support group at the very end of high school. That's when I met my first semi-girlfriend. At this point, the future is so dark. I've never been in a position in life in which I didn't know where I was going.

Where are you from?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Yeah I had a strong support group at the very end of high school. That's when I met my first semi-girlfriend. At this point, the future is so dark. I've never been in a position in life in which I didn't know where I was going.

Where are you from?

Support group?!?! What are we?!?! I mean, I can't imagine a kinder more supportive group of people. Maybe the Mormons.

 

[Christopher2012]

Support group?!?! What are we?!?! I mean, I can't imagine a kinder more supportive group of people. Maybe the Mormons.

I meant IRL, not on the internet.