She's way way.... WAY out of my league. How do I handle her?

[Que]

Thanks, but unfortunately Mary is gone. We only spent 3 weeks working together. Now, she is free to all the amazing men out there who are better than me.

But I swear to God, if I see her future boyfriend/husband and he's ugly and a loser, I'll drop a deuce in my pants.

I have been afraid to check back... no offense dude, but I knew this was not going to work.

If you think you're going to fail your absolutely right 100 percent of the time.


I'm a firm believer in probability and statistics and I guarantee you if you have a chance to see her again she will be with someone who on paper is not even close to your equal. Women would rather be with someone who confidently asserts his worth....(even if he is clearly delusional, exaggerating, or lying about assets etc.)

All cliches are born in truth....nice guys finish last.

This doesn't mean you have to be an asshole...but it helps.

Now before all the ladies here pipe up how its nice to see a sweet guy etc, etc....ask them...did their husbands strike them as an ass when they first met?

In the alternative....if he's a 'sweet' guy..are they triolling for a bad boy like the cover of a bodice ripper romance novel?

I, like you I suspect, thought..."I want a girl who will notice and appreciate my efforts...i don't want to engage in cheap "tactics" to win her over."

Problem is mating rituals are hard-wired in mammals...you think humans are exempt?


Forget everything that modern society has socialized you to be.

 

[satindesire]

I have been afraid to check back... no offense dude, but I knew this was not going to work.

If you think you're going to fail your absolutely right 100 percent of the time.


I'm a firm believer in probability and statistics and I guarantee you if you have a chance to see her again she will be with someone who on paper is not even close to your equal. Women would rather be with someone who confidently asserts his worth....(even if he is clearly delusional, exaggerating, or lying about assets etc.)

All cliches are born in truth....nice guys finish last.

This doesn't mean you have to be an asshole...but it helps.

Now before all the ladies here pipe up how its nice to see a sweet guy etc, etc....ask them...did their husbands strike them as an ass when they first met?

In the alternative....if he's a 'sweet' guy..are they triolling for a bad boy like the cover of a bodice ripper romance novel?

I, like you I suspect, thought..."I want a girl who will notice and appreciate my efforts...i don't want to engage in cheap "tactics" to win her over."

Problem is mating rituals are hard-wired in mammals...you think humans are exempt?


Forget everything that modern society has socialized you to be.

In my case, no. My husband was one of the only men that has ever treated me like a human being instead of either Prey to be hunted, a Trophy girlfriend, or acted hateful to me because some men are misogynists towards attractive women to "punish" them for past hurts.

What attracted him to me most was his deep respect for my person, his good manners and confidence, and the fact that he treated everyone around him with kindness and empathy.

So no, nice guys don't finish last. The problem is that "nice guys" have a tendency to fall for bitches who don't appreciate nice guys. And they don't see the "nice girl" in the corner in glasses and Chuck Taylors that's playing Pokemon on her Gameboy color, because they're blinded by a 22 inch waist and breasts the size of casaba melons.

Trust me, there are just as many "nice girls" wishing that their love-interest was paying attention to them as "nice guys".

 

[Christopher2012]

Okay guys, you aren't the only ones who are pressuring me to do this. I have a friend who has been on my ass about it. So I gave him my phone, told him to text her whatever he wanted and I never wanted to hear about it again. I'll post the text on here when I get home. I'm on my phone now. But it very clearly is asking her out, I promise.

I'm waiting on her response now. So you guys will finally get the answer. And more importantly, so will I.

 

[IrishEyes80]

Yeah!

Your friend rocks!!!

 

[njlauren]

If you have a friend like that, you aren't the loser you make yourself out to be, when someone has your back, that means you have something worth defending (from the viewpoint of your friend). As everyone else is telling you, she showed interest for a reason, and it is likely she thinks your are a plum, not a bum.....

 

[Christopher2012]

She rejected me.

She told me that she was very flattered. She said that she was going out of town for a week (really? and?) and that she was talking to somebody else (though nobody ever mentioned this before). The weird thing was that she still invited me to hang out at somebody's birthday party, which was a huge slap in the face. I politely declined.

You see, I wish I never asked her. I wish I could have gone on with my life thinking that there may have been a chance. There really wasn't and I knew that. She's better than me, she can GET better than me, and she will always be better than me. But still, I still can't believe this happened. I can't believe I got rejected from her.

I have no idea why I gave my friend the phone. I knew what the result would be. My friend told me that it was still a great success, but is it? I mean, I've been rejected by every woman who I've shown interest in. How is that success? This is the biggest and most painful experience knowing that I actually was not good enough for this girl that I really liked.

Well, we all got our answer. This was probably the worst possible outcome, and I feel like complete shit. Sure, my life could be worse. Sure, I'm just bitching and whining. But I think what feels the worst is that I was right all along.

 

[njlauren]

why? Your friend is right, it was a success in that you actually got up the nerve (well through him) to ask Mary out. I also will add you are reading a lot more into her reaction then you think, if she said she was flattered it means she still likes you....but it sounds like she might have found someone else she is interested in at this point which frankly could have happened when you didn't show interest in her fast enough, you delayed and she might have someone else potentially on the hook. You made your move and it didn't work..for now. Who knows, in a couple of weeks she may call you up and something happens, you never know, dating is a weird thing.

If I was with you, in your friend's position, I would be giving you a metaphorical swift kick in the ass and be pushing you to keep trying. What you are doing right now is wallowing in self pity, telling yourself you knew it all the time, etc, and that might make yourself feel better, that it is all pre ordained and so forth, but that is just self indulgent pap. If this gal ends up being a total dead end (though at that age girls like guys generally do a lot of dating with different people) then at least you tried...in the meantime, cultivate her as a friend, keep that as a possibility and move on. Life is too short to sit and wallow in self pity, and it won't make you any more attractive to a potential girlfriend either.

 

[teachinem]

.....

 

[Lord Pmann]

You see, I wish I never asked her. I wish I could have gone on with my life thinking that there may have been a chance. There really wasn't and I knew that. She's better than me, she can GET better than me, and she will always be better than me. But still, I still can't believe this happened. I can't believe I got rejected from her.

Technically YOU didn't ask her out.

 

[RobertBarre]

Technically YOU didn't ask her out.

I had to read that twice. I think pmann is offering you an out and giving you a chance to blame your collaborator for any unsatisfactory results. That's making me laugh.

I think turning the texting duties over to your own personal Cyrano was an inspired escape from the paralyzing cage you had put yourself in. You really pulled a rabbit out of your hat with that one. I think most of us just wanted you to engage, and now you've done that. I really think that's the better part of victory in this case. You should take a moment to enjoy your triumph over yourself. It's like any self-improvement project: incremental steps in the right direction are incredibly effective (and our resistance to change is shockingly stiff).

I think your interpretation of the results is unhelpfully negative, but that's another day's project. Baby steps, baby steps. Well done, Christopher.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Actually, Pmann was sick of his whining so he was being antagonistic. he just needs to suck it up. He tried. He struck out. He may have struck out because he waited too long. And he claims this was the worst possible outcome. But a couple weeks ago the worst possible outcome was if she said yes.

Well, we all got our answer. This was probably the worst possible outcome, and I feel like complete shit. Sure, my life could be worse. Sure, I'm just bitching and whining. But I think what feels the worst is that I was right all along.

Could you do me a favour and please fill this out and send it to me?


http://i.eatliver.com/2007/2026.jpg

 

[culloden]

What, specifically, did your buddy text? Did he say something like, "Let's hang out on Friday?" If so, I wouldn't say for sure you were dead in the water. It could very well be she's busy then. I'd suggest texting back saying something like, "No big deal. How about another time?"

And she's talking to someone else? So what? It's not like she's engaged to them.

Keep trying, if not with this girl, then with others. Rejection is part of dating. All it says is that the person doing the rejecting thinks you don't fit their preconceived notion of a good date. Any other meaning you assign to it is simply you projecting your own insecurities.

 

[Christopher2012]

What, specifically, did your buddy text? Did he say something like, "Let's hang out on Friday?" If so, I wouldn't say for sure you were dead in the water. It could very well be she's busy then. I'd suggest texting back saying something like, "No big deal. How about another time?"

And she's talking to someone else? So what? It's not like she's engaged to them.

Keep trying, if not with this girl, then with others. Rejection is part of dating. All it says is that the person doing the rejecting thinks you don't fit their preconceived notion of a good date. Any other meaning you assign to it is simply you projecting your own insecurities.

You know, I never even thought to sit down and read the text he sent her. I just let him send it. I did give him some very specific rules, though.

This was the text he sent her:

"Hey Mary. Its Chris. Hope every things good with you. I've been hesitating to ask, but I wanted to ask if you if you might want to go out sometime. If not, it's cool. I'll talk to you later."

Now that I see it, I think I'm more pissed that I didn't even look over it to make sure it was grammatically sound.

And for God's sake, please do not tear apart the text and tell me how stupid it sounds and how it could have been better. I don't care. It's done. The beauty of it is that I never have to see her again.

 

[Christopher2012]

I had to read that twice. I think pmann is offering you an out and giving you a chance to blame your collaborator for any unsatisfactory results. That's making me laugh.

I think turning the texting duties over to your own personal Cyrano was an inspired escape from the paralyzing cage you had put yourself in. You really pulled a rabbit out of your hat with that one. I think most of us just wanted you to engage, and now you've done that. I really think that's the better part of victory in this case. You should take a moment to enjoy your triumph over yourself. It's like any self-improvement project: incremental steps in the right direction are incredibly effective (and our resistance to change is shockingly stiff).

I think your interpretation of the results is unhelpfully negative, but that's another day's project. Baby steps, baby steps. Well done, Christopher.

I don't think this is "pulling a rabbit out of my hat."

Pulling a rabbit out of my hat was 3 months ago when I asked out one of the hottest girls I've ever met. And that was to her face. The difference with her is that she had nothing else going for her other than good looks and a bunch of guys willing to give her anything she wanted.

I didn't feel as bad then when she said no. Like I said before, I was actually happy.

 

[culloden]

You know, I never even thought to sit down and read the text he sent her. I just let him send it. I did give him some very specific rules, though.

This was the text he sent her:

"Hey Mary. Its Chris. Hope every things good with you. I've been hesitating to ask, but I wanted to ask if you if you might want to go out sometime. If not, it's cool. I'll talk to you later."

Now that I see it, I think I'm more pissed that I didn't even look over it to make sure it was grammatically sound.

And for God's sake, please do not tear apart the text and tell me how stupid it sounds and how it could have been better. I don't care. It's done. The beauty of it is that I never have to see her again.

Christopher, I'm not going to tear it apart. I think you're right that it's time to move on. C'est la guerre.

 

[Que]

she rejected it because it was too tentative.

Now I must say the I think your friend captured your author's voice but I'm not ripping on either of you for doing that.

first of all her letting you know that she's talking to someone else is actually a good sign I know that sounds weird but it is whenever a girl tells you she has a boyfriend that's a great sign especially if you didnt ask that.

she's leaving her self room and keeping her options open.... talking to someone doesn't mean engaged.

 

[satindesire]

Could you do me a favour and please fill this out and send it to me?

Dude, that's fucking offensive. Misogynistic and Homophobic, and completely disgusting. You're better than that shit. Cut it out.

 

[Christopher2012]

I understand that this thread is getting old. I gotta let it die, I know. But check this out!

Okay first of all, I have spoken to Mary's "ambassador" today. Apparently, Mary told her about me asking her out. Mary said she felt really bad and would have gone out with me if she wasn't talking to the other guy. Mary's ambassador told me that she'd keep me updated. This girl seems to believe that there still is a small chance if things go right.

But I have even better news! Honestly, I don't even think you guys will believe this. Hell, I don't even believe it.

I met another girl tonight. She's gorgeous, smart, and she's another intern from a different school. She's from a different part of the state, but she's here and needed some hours from our store. So we're giving her some for now.

I swear to God that I met this girl and had no fear of her. No shit, the whole night, I was making her laugh so hard that she was turning red and could not breathe. I felt like I had unleashed. After about 4 hours, we were talking about how I was leaving and getting a job with another company. She said "Well I'll never get to see you again." I was like "Well, what's your number? We'll have to go out if you're in town." No lie, she took my phone from me and put her phone number in it.

After work, I went out with another pharmacist and told him the story. He didn't believe me. While we were sitting at this bar, she texted me. My mouth dropped. I was so shocked.

So, in the end... really, tonight wasn't that big of a deal to any normal guy. Sure, she may just expecting to be friends. But it's SUPER awesome that this just came together ONE day after I got shot down from Mary. Think about it, it took me 3 whole weeks to get Mary's number. It took me 4 hours to get this girl's number. Texting Mary was a nightmare. On the other hand, this girl texted me.

Man... My life is seriously like a roller coaster... I'm on Cloud 9 right now. And tomorrow, I'll probably be miserable again for some weird reason.

 

[serpentwrap]

As I had said, these things have a way of sorting out. Easier sais than done, I know, but no point agonising over it. And if you do agonise, that too is part of the process. All the best mate... You just mark my words, Christopher - Less than 4.5 years!

 

[ohjanesays]

I met another girl tonight. She's gorgeous, smart, and she's another intern from a different school. She's from a different part of the state, but she's here and needed some hours from our store. So we're giving her some for now.

I swear to God that I met this girl and had no fear of her. No shit, the whole night, I was making her laugh so hard that she was turning red and could not breathe. I felt like I had unleashed. After about 4 hours, we were talking about how I was leaving and getting a job with another company. She said "Well I'll never get to see you again." I was like "Well, what's your number? We'll have to go out if you're in town." No lie, she took my phone from me and put her phone number in it.

Didn't EVERYTHING I said to you come true? Including your friend taking your phone and texting Mary? And that you would find another "perfect" Mary? Just call me Miss Cleo. Though I won't take all the credit. I believe most people in this thread probably saw your future too, just wanted you to realize it.

Just don't pussy out on this new girl. She texted you. She took the initiative. You better flirt the hell back with her and don't make up reasons not to. No excuses about her being far away. The boyfriend and I were separated by 200 miles while we were friends and he still managed to drive up and see me.

And I swear to god, I will kill you if you start another thread about this new girl complaining about the same things as you did with Mary.

 

[Christopher2012]

Didn't EVERYTHING I said to you come true? Including your friend taking your phone and texting Mary? And that you would find another "perfect" Mary? Just call me Miss Cleo. Though I won't take all the credit. I believe most people in this thread probably saw your future too, just wanted you to realize it.

Just don't pussy out on this new girl. She texted you. She took the initiative. You better flirt the hell back with her and don't make up reasons not to. No excuses about her being far away. The boyfriend and I were separated by 200 miles while we were friends and he still managed to drive up and see me.

And I swear to god, I will kill you if you start another thread about this new girl complaining about the same things as you did with Mary.

Yeah, I guess you did predict that! Though it hasn't actually come true yet. All I have gotten was a phone number. I haven't even gotten a date. Man, we're back to this stage again. *sigh*

The good news is that this new girl claims that she has no social life. She said her social life is going home to see her parents on the weekend. I think I feel more comfortable with that. Plus, this new girl has gorgeous hair all the way down her back. I love it.

And she talks a lot. She does most of the talking, which is great. Mary was quiet, really quiet. I feel like the new girl is easier to talk to just because she comes up with 99% of the conversation.

All I do is say stupid shit and she laughs. That's how I like it. And believe me, I'm good at saying stupid shit. haha!

 

[Christopher2012]

As I had said, these things have a way of sorting out. Easier sais than done, I know, but no point agonising over it. And if you do agonise, that too is part of the process. All the best mate... You just mark my words, Christopher - Less than 4.5 years!

Thanks. At this point with the new girl, I'm just happy about how I handled the situation. I'm honestly not even focused on her.

Hopefully it works out. Thanks. We'll see about the 4.5 years. haha

 

[ohjanesays]

The good news is that this new girl claims that she has no social life. She said her social life is going home to see her parents on the weekend. I think I feel more comfortable with that. Plus, this new girl has gorgeous hair all the way down her back. I love it.

And she talks a lot. She does most of the talking, which is great. Mary was quiet, really quiet. I feel like the new girl is easier to talk to just because she comes up with 99% of the conversation.

All I do is say stupid shit and she laughs. That's how I like it. And believe me, I'm good at saying stupid shit. haha!

Good. She seems a little bit more fit for you. If you hang with her after awhile, get a little comfortable, you should tell her she has pretty hair. She'll like that.

 

[Christopher2012]

Good. She seems a little bit more fit for you. If you hang with her after awhile, get a little comfortable, you should tell her she has pretty hair. She'll like that.

Haha Note taken! "Pretty hair."

I just hope she doesn't request for me to ask her a question.

"Chris, ask me a question. Anything."

"Okay bitch, we're through."

 

[ohjanesays]

Haha Note taken! "Pretty hair."

I just hope she doesn't request for me to ask her a question.

"Chris, ask me a question. Anything."

"Okay bitch, we're through."

Did you just accept some advice? I'm floored.

You have no idea...girls will ask you to do many things. You're lucky if all she asks you is that. Just kidding, but not really. Good luck.