So, I'm reading this book....

[Lance Hardrock]

No-brainer

Ok..further reading through this book prompts this:

One's sexual desires/expectations and performance has a direct link with one's self esteem.

Agree or not?

And how would you describe your self-esteem?

Again, thanks for playing.

EJ that's a no-brainer in my book. Maybe I'm TOO caught up with sex. Everyone knows I'm a male slut (and damn proud of it). So yes, my self-esteem is very much tied up with sex.

Self-esteem? Definition: That feeling about yourself which is your considered worth. My self-esteem is very high. I'm a very worthwhile person.

<what was the question again? Was that it?>

 

[Lance Hardrock]

dirty words

EJ -- ok, erotic material...for me, its stories, words written on the page that usually get me the hottest. not sure exactly why, maybe its the words on the page that I translate to words in my head, and then I can imagine as I wish. Often when I fantasize, my fantasies change from one second to the next, like sex that is stream of consciousness...but some words, phrases always stay and I hear them over and over again. I also am extremely turned on by sound....pants, moans, HEARing the words being said to me...the whole deal, so I guess that ties into the stories on some level. The "dirtier" the words are the better.
NG

I don't want to hijack this thread, but NG, I'm glad to hear that you love dirty words. As a somewhat half decent author of erotica, I'm always interested in knowing how my use of "dirty" words plays with the ladies. I am not always sure if using those words (I love them btw) makes a good story great or makes a great story a turn off.

So getting some feedback on the use of such words is a big help to my writing.

 

[gr8dad2]

Being the total sexual animal that I am ...my self esteem is totally bond to the matter of supply and demand....when the supply and the demand are both high so will the self esteem... when the demand is high and the supply is low.. well so goes the self esteem and when the deamnd is low and the supply is low.. well I'm really in the shitter then..lol......so EJ want to make me feel better

 

[TantaLiza]

Ok...I'm coming upon this thread a bit late...but here goes...

First of all, my "one" has changed several times over the years and even sometimes weeks...I am a moody person and it dictates my fantasys quite often...I have to say that thinking of a man going down on me is one of my most faves...it was always something I could make even better in my mind because up until a short time ago, I never had a mind blowing orgasm that way... wow...now I know what I've been missing!!

Second...I have always been more turned on by the written word because whenever I watch a porn, I always start picking apart the actor/actresses...this one has razor burn, that one has bumps on their ass...you know what I mean.... On the other hand tho, there was a scene in the movie Original Sin with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie that just about made me flood my recliner....guess it's all in the content.....*eg*

Now for the last one....I'm not sure whether to agree or disagree... in my case, I can't say that my self-esteem level is or has ever been very high. I do know that I am very devoted to making whomever I'm with feel the best that I can make them feel...it comes back to the "do unto others" thing for me...if I get off during our time together then it's just gravy for me!! And I have to admit, I've had some awesome gravy lately....

Hope this sheds some light on your questions...I'll be checking back in to find out what others have posted....thanks for making me think today....

Liza

 

[knightstalker]

The night before I went into the hospital my G/F came and spent the night with me .As we layed in bed she turned to me and said take your clothes off so of course i did and she followed with a slow strip tease for me then she layed on the bed and said I will do anything you want tonight ..I am yours just be gentle and remember when you get to a certain body part I am still a virgin there ...I won't get into details but that is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life ..I am hard thinking about it as I write ..

 

[enjoyingitall]

Re: No-brainer

EJ that's a no-brainer in my book. Maybe I'm TOO caught up with sex. Everyone knows I'm a male slut (and damn proud of it). So yes, my self-esteem is very much tied up with sex.

Self-esteem? Definition: That feeling about yourself which is your considered worth. My self-esteem is very high. I'm a very worthwhile person.

<what was the question again? Was that it?>

Interesting Lance...so you think you would not be the same sexually if you had lower self esteem?

 

[enjoyingitall]

Being the total sexual animal that I am ...my self esteem is totally bond to the matter of supply and demand....when the supply and the demand are both high so will the self esteem... when the demand is high and the supply is low.. well so goes the self esteem and when the deamnd is low and the supply is low.. well I'm really in the shitter then..lol......so EJ want to make me feel better

Trying to find the perfect balance, are ya?

Oh hon, I'd have to stand in line behind so many others to make you feel better..'tis a long line there..

 

[lovemetender]

Ok..further reading through this book prompts this:

One's sexual desires/expectations and performance has a direct link with one's self esteem.

Agree or not?

And how would you describe your self-esteem?

Again, thanks for playing.

I suppose one's self esteem helps in every facet of life....

I'd describe myself as having a very even self esteem level...never too high nor too low

in most studies & theories I've read on self esteem have said most promiscious folks indeed actually suffer from a very low self esteem...

 

[enjoyingitall]

Hiya Liza..so glad you came by..thanks for sharing your thoughts on these with us.

I'm curious...when you know that you have really done it for your lover, does your self esteem rise?

Hope to see you back here soon.

 

[enjoyingitall]

The night before I went into the hospital my G/F came and spent the night with me .As we layed in bed she turned to me and said take your clothes off so of course i did and she followed with a slow strip tease for me then she layed on the bed and said I will do anything you want tonight ..I am yours just be gentle and remember when you get to a certain body part I am still a virgin there ...I won't get into details but that is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life ..I am hard thinking about it as I write ..

Hiya KS..glad to see you back. Hope you're doing well after your hospital stay.

Isn't it great when something that we actually do can be called to mind to really get us revved up? I know I enjoy that.

 

[enjoyingitall]

I suppose one's self esteem helps in every facet of life....

I'd describe myself as having a very even self esteem level...never too high nor too low

in most studies & theories I've read on self esteem have said most promiscious folks indeed actually suffer from a very low self esteem...

I'm with you on this one..My self esteem never varies much. I'm pretty even keel and I don't rely on outside factors to determine how I feel about myself. I am me..and I'm happy with me..and that is reflected in how I view my sexuality.

And yes, I think you're right about what studies show along those lines.

 

[tonitits]

I suppose one's self esteem helps in every facet of life....

I'd describe myself as having a very even self esteem level...never too high nor too low

in most studies & theories I've read on self esteem have said most promiscious folks indeed actually suffer from a very low self esteem...

Well that could explain things...I always suffered from low self-esteem...so maybe that would explain why i like to have sex so much and want to please the man I am with, for validation? at this point in my life I am ok as far as my self esteem, i don't think I suffer from low self esteem as much, but definitely not high self esteem, ...but it is bed that I get the most compliments and feel good about myself and my abilities.

 

[enjoyingitall]

Hiya toni..we've been missing you on this thread..I've been putting out some questions for a few days from a book..just to get us thinking a little.

I think many women and men feel like you mentioned...they seek validation of themselves from others..I also think, as we age, we let go of those ideas to some degree.

I've never really felt that need for validation, but I'm sure we all want to please our partners and in turn that gives us pleasure and makes us feel good about ourselves. That's not a negative by any means.

Learning that we control our own self esteem is a lesson worth the effort to learn I think.

 

[Lance Hardrock]

Oh I think so

Interesting Lance...so you think you would not be the same sexually if you had lower self esteem?

Yep, I'd definitely not come on to ladies (some of whom I don't even know) if I had low self esteem. You have to think well of yourself if you want them to think highly of you. I mean that's what I think. High self esteem lets you take the chance of getting rejected. I think if my self esteem were low, I'd never take the chance.

 

[enjoyingitall]

Re: Oh I think so

Yep, I'd definitely not come on to ladies (some of whom I don't even know) if I had low self esteem. You have to think well of yourself if you want them to think highly of you. I mean that's what I think. High self esteem lets you take the chance of getting rejected. I think if my self esteem were low, I'd never take the chance.

But would being regected lower your self esteem?

 

[lilrosie lips]

Ok..further reading through this book prompts this:

One's sexual desires/expectations and performance has a direct link with one's self esteem.

Agree or not?

And how would you describe your self-esteem?

Again, thanks for playing.

Oh I agree that my self esteem is very directly related to my performance and desire and vice a versa. In fact it can be a circular progression when I feel good about myself, I feel sexier, I am more agressive, I want it more, I seek it out and when I get it I enjoy it more and I know I am also a more involved lover too... and then that in turn makes me feel good about myself and it starts all over again.

Now if I am down on myself then it works in the exact opposit direction....which thankfully for me is a not very frequent occurance.

My self esteem in most things is pretty good, I hope not overly inflated or under estimated. I know I am smart, interesting, basically a nice/caring person. I believe I am relatively attractive and I have no more whim whams about my body than most women. Sexually my self esteem is very high, because I don't have casual sex, so when I do have sex I am with someone I care for and want to please and be pleased by... I hope this makes sense... LOL... Have a good day all!

 

[Lance Hardrock]

I'm on such a high

But would being regected lower your self esteem?

Well, since coming to LIT, I've been on such a high. I have had some rejections (not out and out, "Get lost, Scum" but some have decided not to avail themselves of my charms). But it doesn't bother me. I try to figure out what I did or what I could have done differently and quite often it is nothing at all. People are here for different reasons and that has nothing to do with how I feel or my self-esteem.

My self esteem is largely based in my confidence in myself. I'm a damn good writer or erotica. Many ladies want to read it and they tell me just how good it is. That builds more self-esteem. Like Rosie said, it is circular and builds on itself. Sure it hits a bump every now and then, but that shouldn't throw anyone's self esteem. Self-esteem comes from within.

And Rosie, I love that term, "Whim whams about my body." I never heard that. Thank you. I definitely don't have any whim whams about my overweight, too white, hairy, aging, limping body (at least I'm not bald. LOL).

 

[lilrosie lips]

Re: I'm on such a high

Well, since coming to LIT, I've been on such a high. I have had some rejections (not out and out, "Get lost, Scum" but some have decided not to avail themselves of my charms). But it doesn't bother me. I try to figure out what I did or what I could have done differently and quite often it is nothing at all. People are here for different reasons and that has nothing to do with how I feel or my self-esteem.

My self esteem is largely based in my confidence in myself. I'm a damn good writer or erotica. Many ladies want to read it and they tell me just how good it is. That builds more self-esteem. Like Rosie said, it is circular and builds on itself. Sure it hits a bump every now and then, but that shouldn't throw anyone's self esteem. Self-esteem comes from within.

And Rosie, I love that term, "Whim whams about my body." I never heard that. Thank you. I definitely don't have any whim whams about my overweight, too white, hairy, aging, limping body (at least I'm not bald. LOL).

lol Lance... no one is going to pay MONEY to see me nekkid... but then again ... I never had a lover who was dissapointed... so it all works out well in the end don't you think?

 

[Lance Hardrock]

Yes I do

lol Lance... no one is going to pay MONEY to see me nekkid... but then again ... I never had a lover who was dissapointed... so it all works out well in the end don't you think?

well, in my case, they pay me money to stay dressed.

Just kidding. Yes it does work out and if only the beautiful people had sex, then there would be NO people around after awhile.

 

[enjoyingitall]

Hey Rosie..good to see you back here..

Loved what you wrote.

Wouldn't you agree that when you exude confidence others take notice of that and respond in kind?

 

[enjoyingitall]

Lance..I certainly agree. self esteem comes from within..I suppose rejection can make one question things about themselves, but it would never lower how I feel about me.
I've always recognized that there are different things that attract different people..If I'm not someone's cup of tea..that's ok with me..

 

[lilrosie lips]

Hey Rosie..good to see you back here..

Loved what you wrote.

Wouldn't you agree that when you exude confidence others take notice of that and respond in kind?

I think so... its almost like a self-fullfiling prophesy (sp?).... the more you seem self confident the more you are people assume you are and you build on that...Which is maybe a lesson most people can learn from... to act confident is half the battle... (it took me a long while to figure that one out!)

Although if you take it too far it becomes perceived as egoistism and maybe arrogance.....or even be used for nefarious purposes... Isn't this just what grifters do? It's why they call grifter's "confidence men/women"?

opps I am rambling again....

 

[enjoyingitall]

I think so... its almost like a self-fullfiling prophesy (sp?).... the more you seem self confident the more you are people assume you are and you build on that...Which is maybe a lesson most people can learn from... to act confident is half the battle... (it took me a long while to figure that one out!)

Although if you take it too far it becomes perceived as egoistism and maybe arrogance.....or even be used for nefarious purposes... Isn't this just what grifters do? It's why they call grifter's "confidence men/women"?

opps I am rambling again....

No, you weren't rambling at all there..It made perfect sense to me.

I agree..When I'm feeling good about myself, I tend to just be a little more outgoing than at other times perhaps. That, in turn, makes me seem more confident than I might really be.

There is a line that is often crossed between confidence and arrogance. I see confidence as something one projects in a manner which says, "this is me, no more no less, and I'm comfortable with me." Whereas I see arrogance as projecting the image of "This is me, and I'm sure everyone is going to love me."

I enjoy the company of confident people, not so much that of arraogant ones.

 

[Lance Hardrock]

A great question today

EJ, I think you posted a great question today. I certainly have done some thinking (and now my head hurts).

We must all find that line between confidence and arrogance.

 

[enjoyingitall]

Re: A great question today

EJ, I think you posted a great question today. I certainly have done some thinking (and now my head hurts).

We must all find that line between confidence and arrogance.

Thank you, hon. I've enjoyed reading the responses and doing some thinking about it too.

I'm liking this thread more and more..think I'll try and keep it active for a while.