Something to think about today

[Darkknight2010]

DK,

Whatever you do, don't ever stop chasing that dream. I write for relaxation and escape. I enjoy it and it's fun, but it is not a passion of mine (although I often write of passion ).

My mother dropped out of highschool in the 50's to get married and start a family. She did not graduate, but later got her GED. She always considered herself less smart than everyone else. She was a wonderful stay at home mom that raised a wonderful family. After we kids grew up and moved out, she started writing as a hobby that quickly turned into a passion. One day she decided to write a book. She was so insecure about it and was so self defeated. But she stayed with it. She had a lot ofree time once everyone left the house. So she researched and researched and joined writing groups for support and advice.

Five years ago, she got her first book published. Was actually paid and saw he work published and for sale in book stores. It was one of the most proud moments of my life. To see her passion fulfilled. To see how proud she was. Knowing how hard and dedicated she was. She never gave up.

Never give up the dream! Whether it's writing or what ever we have passion for. It's what keeps us alive. Good luck to you!

DC

Last night I grabbed dinner with a friend and we talked about how scary it is to go after The Dream... to try and follow The Path.

It's easy and tempting to just follow the humdrum existence... and it' sunderstandable. Hell, I fell into that trap. AFter being kinda broke for 8 years in school and jjob-hunting, the LAST thing you want to do after you have a job with insurance and money that lets you afford at least SOME comfort is to chuck it all in the HOPES of finding something else...

But like you said, the dream... what does it mean if you just give up on it? It's hard to balance pursing The Dream while still maintaining something stable and lets you avoid living in a car.. at least that's what it seems like.

A lot of stories about success remind me of stories from people who kicked addiction. You bottom-out, and that is the thing that either kills you... or pushes you over the edge and helps you fight and strive and reach for whatever it is you want.

 

[pleasteasme]

DK, Thanks for the bump.

Bear with me for a moment as this might seem a little heavy today.

As many of you know, for the first time in my life, I have had a number of people very close to me die. Almost all of these deaths were sudden and unexpected. And almost all of them were tragic in their own way.

This is not something I have experienced before, so this is new ground for me. It has caused me to think about my own place in life and those around me. How would I react if I found I was dying soon? How would the people near me react to my death? My family, my wife, my children, my friends, my co-workers.

This combined with the commencement letter DK posted above led me to appreciate a few things that were mentioned.

1) Steve Jobs wrote about the importance and value of doing what you love to do. Some of us work. Some of us don’t have to. But he illustrates how important it is do what you love to do. To have passion and give freely of ourselves. How many of us have that today? I am lucky to have a wonderful job that I love. After 20 years, I still hop out of bed and look forward to the drive to work. I enjoy my job, the people I work with and cannot imagine the drudgery of heading a job I hate.

I have a very good friend that will be going back to a job he loves starting Monday. He left this job in pursuit of another that required less time away from his family and a little more pay. But at the end of the day, he had no passion for it. He missed the people and the challenge of his previous job. So Monday he goes back. Back to a job he loves. And he has the support of his family that understands how much this means to him. And how important that can be to their entire family. How wonderful for him to have such a supportive and understanding family.

This is not exclusive to paying jobs. I know many stay at home moms, including my lovely wife. Many of these women left successful careers for something they felt was more important. A job that has more personal satisfaction and long term value to their family. A job they take very seriously. They have passion and they have pride. As well they should. And yet, it is unfortunate that so many of these stay at home moms are criticized for the decisions they made to sacrifice careers and money in the name of staying home and raising kids. It is a job they love. And one that provides them a great deal of satisfaction and self worth. To them, I say “Good for you!”

Not everyone has the luxury of finding a job they love or being able to make the decision to stay at home to raise the kids. But it is important to keep things in perspective. To do the best job you can. To create personal satisfaction in your own little word. Whether at work or at home. Pursue something, anything for which you have passion. If not your job, your hobby. Go to school, take a class in something that interests you. Join a club. Take up a sport. Learn to play an instrument or take an art class. Find something to excite you and make the best of each day.

2) Steve Jobs also spoke of death. He said “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” Or a similar thought. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, how would you live today? How would you go about your job? Your interaction with others? It is an interesting perspective on life. Do we live each day to the fullest? Would we got to bed on our last night with any regrets?

I try hard to keep each day in perspective. Especially those trying days. When I am upset. or when I have something unpleasant to do. How truly important are these events in the long run?

I realize how truly blessed I am. I am fortunate to have a job I love for the last 20 years. One that not only challenges me and excites me, but one that provides a very good living for me and my family. I have a wonderful wife and three fantastic kids. I spend most days happy and excited and wake each morning looking forward to the new day. The hope, the opportunity, the excitement.

Are these things the result of direct intent on my part? Or are they the result of luck and circumstance? I am inclined to believe the latter, but that does not lessen the appreciation I feel for what I have. Regardless of how I came to have it.

So today I want to say thank you. Thank you to my family, my co-workers and my online friends here. Each playing a very important part of my cherished life.

DC

I will second this ~ very well written DC......as usual, you hit the nail on the head!

DK ~ chin up man, you will get there!!!

Without dreams, we live a rather hum drum life, don't we? Good luck to you on your pursuits!!!

 

[cymbline]

"would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free"

 

[dcraz]

Last night I grabbed dinner with a friend and we talked about how scary it is to go after The Dream... to try and follow The Path.

It's easy and tempting to just follow the humdrum existence... and it' sunderstandable. Hell, I fell into that trap. AFter being kinda broke for 8 years in school and jjob-hunting, the LAST thing you want to do after you have a job with insurance and money that lets you afford at least SOME comfort is to chuck it all in the HOPES of finding something else...

But like you said, the dream... what does it mean if you just give up on it? It's hard to balance pursing The Dream while still maintaining something stable and lets you avoid living in a car.. at least that's what it seems like.

A lot of stories about success remind me of stories from people who kicked addiction. You bottom-out, and that is the thing that either kills you... or pushes you over the edge and helps you fight and strive and reach for whatever it is you want.

DK,

I hope I was not misunderstood and did not come across as pompous. Ikno wI am luckier than most to have so much that satisfies me.

We cannot, not should we, abandon our most basic needs in pursuit of 'the dream'. As adults, we must be responsible and take care of our basic necessities. While the job we have might not be our dreamjob, it is important to provide for ourselves and/or our families.

I loathe those that reject the notion of responsibility then complain about the fortunes of others. Sadly, I know too many that refuse to work or take on responsibility to support themselves, or more importantly their children in the name of chasing a dream. Far better to sacrifice and do what must be done.

The point I was trying to make was to not abandon our dreams entirely. Go to night school, take weekend classes. Not just for a better education for better job down the road. You might take classes in something that interests you in search of a passion. Learn to paly an instrument perhaps. Take cooking classes. Learn to paint. Join a new league for a sport you recently discovered.

The important thing is to keep dreaming. To chase those things that make us sing in the shower, put a spring in our step or a smile on our face.

Good luck to you my man, in everything you do!

 

[dcraz]

I will second this ~ very well written DC......as usual, you hit the nail on the head!

DK ~ chin up man, you will get there!!!

Without dreams, we live a rather hum drum life, don't we? Good luck to you on your pursuits!!!

Thank you my dear. As always, you are too kind to me. I caught myself on an especially good day. Apreciating the many gifts in my life and wanting to share them with everyone.

You are so damned cute my sweet. Thank you as always.

 

[dcraz]

"would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free"

As a matter of fact, yes I would! And some days, I feel like I am doing that very thing...

Thanks for stopping by and sharing a wonderful thought.

 

[pleasteasme]

Luther Vandross dies at 54

OK...here is something to ponder a bit.

Luther Vandross dies at 54. The following is a condensed version of the report on MSN News:

Grammy award winner Luther Vandross, whose deep, lush voice on such hits as "Here and Now" and "Any Love" sold more than 25 million albums while providing the romantic backdrop for millions of couples worldwide, died Friday. He was 54.

Vandross died at John F. Kennedy Medical Center in Edison, N.J., said hospital spokesman Rob Cavanaugh. He did not release the cause of death but said in a statement that Vandross "never really recovered from" a stroke two years ago.

Since the stroke in his Manhattan home on April 16, 2003, the R&B crooner stopped making public appearances — but amazingly managed to continue his recording career. In 2004, he captured four Grammys as a sentimental favorite, including best song for the bittersweet "Dance With My Father."

Vandross, who was still in a wheelchair at the time, delivered a videotaped thank you.

Vandross also battled weight problems for years while suffering from diabetes and hypertension.

He was arguably the most celebrated R&B balladeer of his generation. He made women swoon with his silky yet forceful tenor, which he often revved up like a motor engine before reaching his beautiful crescendos.

Vandross was a four-time Grammy winner in the best male R&B performance category, taking home the trophy in 1990 for the single "Here and Now," in 1991 for his album "Power of Love," in 1996 for the track "Your Secret Love" and a last time for "Dance With My Father."

Vandross' two sisters and a brother died before him. The lifelong bachelor never had any children, but doted on his nieces and nephews. The entertainer said his busy lifestyle made marriage difficult; besides, it wasn't what he wanted.

Of course, I am saddend at the news of his death.....too young to go. However, when I read this report this morning, the last paragraph REALLY irritated me......Luther Vandross was a renouned artist, and well quite frankly I am upset that there is such a high priority placed on marriage & children. THAT is the last paragraph of the news release? THAT is the last thing you will read about him? THAT is what will stick in your mind and leave an impression as the last words of such a talented person!?

Sure, I am not (nor ever have been) married or have kids so, it is quite possible I am just acutely sensitive to comments about this subject.....but, why is it when a person CHOOSES to be single and not have children is he/she chastized for it?

Many times people make comments about people like this; unfounded snide remarks; and always questioning. WHY IS THIS????

Isn't it ok to choose to be different? Why do people see this as abnormal? Not everyone dreams of a white picket fence with 2.5 kids, 1 dog, a mortgage, and 2 cars in the garage.....and that is perfectly ok.

I guess I am just tired of "the inquisition" as a friend recently put it. As I get older and well, maybe my "expiration date" is nearing.....my family is on my back about 'settling down', 'having kids', 'don't you want a normal life?'

My answer to them is: I AMMMMMM normal!!!!

I guess my thought for the day is.....how do people *here* percieve men and women like Luther Vandross (minus the famous part). What are your views on people that do not marry/have children? Do you think differently about them? *I'm just curious like that*

Have a great weekend everyone

 

[Calvin]

that....

The world is as delicate & as complicated as a spider’s web.
If you touch one thread you send shudders running through all the other threads. We are not touching the web; we are tearing great holes in it.

Gerald Durrell

 

[Darkknight2010]

DK,

I hope I was not misunderstood and did not come across as pompous. Ikno wI am luckier than most to have so much that satisfies me.

We cannot, not should we, abandon our most basic needs in pursuit of 'the dream'. As adults, we must be responsible and take care of our basic necessities. While the job we have might not be our dreamjob, it is important to provide for ourselves and/or our families.

I loathe those that reject the notion of responsibility then complain about the fortunes of others. Sadly, I know too many that refuse to work or take on responsibility to support themselves, or more importantly their children in the name of chasing a dream. Far better to sacrifice and do what must be done.

The point I was trying to make was to not abandon our dreams entirely. Go to night school, take weekend classes. Not just for a better education for better job down the road. You might take classes in something that interests you in search of a passion. Learn to paly an instrument perhaps. Take cooking classes. Learn to paint. Join a new league for a sport you recently discovered.

The important thing is to keep dreaming. To chase those things that make us sing in the shower, put a spring in our step or a smile on our face.

Good luck to you my man, in everything you do!

Duuuuuuuuuuude,

You most certainly weren't being pompus. Sorry if that was the implication, I as just pontificating in a different direction. This is what happens when I think outloud with no direction.

 

[Darkknight2010]

I guess my thought for the day is.....how do people *here* percieve men and women like Luther Vandross (minus the famous part). What are your views on people that do not marry/have children? Do you think differently about them? *I'm just curious like that*

Have a great weekend everyone

Hey you! Ah, you're becoming a regular. Cool.

We've touched on this before, and a bunch of friends of mine have also talked about it. Bascially we're in a culture that's waaaaaaaaaay obsessed with marriage and kids. yes, i can be fun, blah, blah, blah, blah. But ya know what; NOT HAVING KIDS IS PRETTY DANG FUN TOO. Going to any moive you want, just jumping in the car for a road trip, now orrying if the restaurant has a kids meal, waking up on Saturday morning whenever you felt like it.

Neither life is perfect, but there is a GIANT jack-hammer applied to people to HAVE KIDS HAVE FAMILY HAVE CAR HAVE HOUSE HAVE EVERYTHING YOU'RE UPOOSED TO BY AGE 35 OR YOU ARE SOME MUTANT WHO NEEDS TO BE REPROGRAMMED.

Whatever. It's easy to forget that a cultural change of this magnitude takes a few genrations. Baby-boomers still look at life only in this way, so there's still a loooooong way to go before things change.

Is having a family a bad thing? Hell no. I woulnd't be here. BUT IT'S NOT THE ONLY WAY. And people have to understand and respect that.

 

[Cathleen]

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

-David J. Schwartz

 

[Cathleen]

OK...here is something to ponder a bit.

Luther Vandross dies at 54. The following is a condensed version of the report on MSN News:

Grammy award winner Luther Vandross, whose deep, lush voice on such hits as "Here and Now" and "Any Love" sold more than 25 million albums while providing the romantic backdrop for millions of couples worldwide, died Friday. He was 54.

Vandross died at John F. Kennedy Medical Center in Edison, N.J., said hospital spokesman Rob Cavanaugh. He did not release the cause of death but said in a statement that Vandross "never really recovered from" a stroke two years ago.

Since the stroke in his Manhattan home on April 16, 2003, the R&B crooner stopped making public appearances — but amazingly managed to continue his recording career. In 2004, he captured four Grammys as a sentimental favorite, including best song for the bittersweet "Dance With My Father."

Vandross, who was still in a wheelchair at the time, delivered a videotaped thank you.

Vandross also battled weight problems for years while suffering from diabetes and hypertension.

He was arguably the most celebrated R&B balladeer of his generation. He made women swoon with his silky yet forceful tenor, which he often revved up like a motor engine before reaching his beautiful crescendos.

Vandross was a four-time Grammy winner in the best male R&B performance category, taking home the trophy in 1990 for the single "Here and Now," in 1991 for his album "Power of Love," in 1996 for the track "Your Secret Love" and a last time for "Dance With My Father."

Vandross' two sisters and a brother died before him. The lifelong bachelor never had any children, but doted on his nieces and nephews. The entertainer said his busy lifestyle made marriage difficult; besides, it wasn't what he wanted.

Of course, I am saddend at the news of his death.....too young to go. However, when I read this report this morning, the last paragraph REALLY irritated me......Luther Vandross was a renouned artist, and well quite frankly I am upset that there is such a high priority placed on marriage & children. THAT is the last paragraph of the news release? THAT is the last thing you will read about him? THAT is what will stick in your mind and leave an impression as the last words of such a talented person!?

Sure, I am not (nor ever have been) married or have kids so, it is quite possible I am just acutely sensitive to comments about this subject.....but, why is it when a person CHOOSES to be single and not have children is he/she chastized for it?

Many times people make comments about people like this; unfounded snide remarks; and always questioning. WHY IS THIS????

Isn't it ok to choose to be different? Why do people see this as abnormal? Not everyone dreams of a white picket fence with 2.5 kids, 1 dog, a mortgage, and 2 cars in the garage.....and that is perfectly ok.

I guess I am just tired of "the inquisition" as a friend recently put it. As I get older and well, maybe my "expiration date" is nearing.....my family is on my back about 'settling down', 'having kids', 'don't you want a normal life?'

My answer to them is: I AMMMMMM normal!!!!

I guess my thought for the day is.....how do people *here* percieve men and women like Luther Vandross (minus the famous part). What are your views on people that do not marry/have children? Do you think differently about them? *I'm just curious like that*

Have a great weekend everyone

Tease, I didn't take the words to be chastizing at all, merely that he hadn't married and had on children. It seems his words stated that he didn't marry because of his work - which is valid if the matter had to be defended. I don't think our choices need to be validated what so ever. There are many reasons someone is single and/or had no children. Maybe I was tired but I didn't see the comment as anything but news.

 

[dcraz]

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

-David J. Schwartz

As always, a wonderful, thought provoking quote from you Cate.

And so very true. As busy and involved as I am in so many things, you might never know that I am a closet procrastonator (sp?). But it's true. I know how counter productive it can be and yet, I fall into that trap too often still.

To the point above, procrastonating, putting off addressing our fears, only makes them worse. This I have learned too. To face them is to challenge them. To change the circumstances around those fears.

Lovely to see you this morning cate

 

[dcraz]

Hey you! Ah, you're becoming a regular. Cool.

We've touched on this before, and a bunch of friends of mine have also talked about it. Bascially we're in a culture that's waaaaaaaaaay obsessed with marriage and kids. yes, i can be fun, blah, blah, blah, blah. But ya know what; NOT HAVING KIDS IS PRETTY DANG FUN TOO. Going to any moive you want, just jumping in the car for a road trip, now orrying if the restaurant has a kids meal, waking up on Saturday morning whenever you felt like it.

Neither life is perfect, but there is a GIANT jack-hammer applied to people to HAVE KIDS HAVE FAMILY HAVE CAR HAVE HOUSE HAVE EVERYTHING YOU'RE UPOOSED TO BY AGE 35 OR YOU ARE SOME MUTANT WHO NEEDS TO BE REPROGRAMMED.

Whatever. It's easy to forget that a cultural change of this magnitude takes a few genrations. Baby-boomers still look at life only in this way, so there's still a loooooong way to go before things change.

Is having a family a bad thing? Hell no. I woulnd't be here. BUT IT'S NOT THE ONLY WAY. And people have to understand and respect that.

DK is right. PTM becomming a regular is a VERY good thing.

I think Iunderstand exactly what she was trying to say with this article. Did you really thing I would NOT have an opinion? LOL!

Give me a second to organize my thoughts and I will offer my own 2 cents here.

DC

 

[JagFarlane]

Just tossing in my own two cents n all but considering the weekend...I'd thought I'd throw in a few things.

A) Those whom are willing to die for our freedom, instead of enjoying BBQ's and family, are thousands of miles away in a foreign country, trying to help a people feel thier own version of Independance Day.

B) Never forget what the 4th is really about...America starting as a One Nation, Under God, INDIVISIBLE. Do something patriotic, maybe read a little US History and learn this great country even more.

C) Call up and thank ever veteran in your family...they fought for freedom...they put thier lives on the line...gave up thier own freedom in order to fight for it.

D) Thank someone in uniform [military, police, firefighter, EMS, SAR] for the work they've done, for volunteering thier lives for often underpaid multiple hours of work.

 

[dcraz]

Just tossing in my own two cents n all but considering the weekend...I'd thought I'd throw in a few things.

A) Those whom are willing to die for our freedom, instead of enjoying BBQ's and family, are thousands of miles away in a foreign country, trying to help a people feel thier own version of Independance Day.

B) Never forget what the 4th is really about...America starting as a One Nation, Under God, INDIVISIBLE. Do something patriotic, maybe read a little US History and learn this great country even more.

C) Call up and thank ever veteran in your family...they fought for freedom...they put thier lives on the line...gave up thier own freedom in order to fight for it.

D) Thank someone in uniform [military, police, firefighter, EMS, SAR] for the work they've done, for volunteering thier lives for often underpaid multiple hours of work.

Jag,

Thanks for the wonderful thought today. Something we should all remember.

I was thinking the exact same things this morning, but did not think to post it. Well done!

DC

 

[JagFarlane]

Jag,

Thanks for the wonderful thought today. Something we should all remember.

I was thinking the exact same things this morning, but did not think to post it. Well done!

DC

Thanks...though I'll admit...slightly biased...am currently in the Navy myself...though...I have a ton of respect for a lot of those guys out there putting it all on the line, while I get to chill in the states for at least another 3 months

 

[69forever]

Gosh I haven't been here in ages. Guess the day to day crisises and wallowing in self-pity for awhile took it's toll on my philosophical side. It takes getting outside of yourself in order to see clearly. ~sighs~ At any rate, I'm back and healed inside enough to ponder and reach a hand out to someone else.

Seems to me that self-pity and resentments go hand in glove, the most debilitating, destructive character flaw there is. From it comes hate, jealousy, fear and the whole host of "deadly sins". (I beleive and pratice the priciples of re-incarnation/Karma. Not "religion".)

Love becomes twisted and something ugly while holding onto resentments. It grows like a cancer inside, until even a sunlit day seems dark and grey. That's not saying we haven't been hurt, cheated, betrayed and used to invoke these feelings. Lord knows I have. I also know going back two years when I came here that those resentments had me in a downward spiral so steep it almost killed me.

I helped others close to me overcome that pit, but held my own resentments close yet. They came back and helped me to overcome them myself. To teach me the teacher, unconditional love. Through that my soul was transformed and the resentments melted away as snow on a warm spring day.

Now I reach my hand, my heart and my soul out, shining a light down that deep dark well, coaxing someone else back to the light. Pass it on.....

 

[dcraz]

Thanks...though I'll admit...slightly biased...am currently in the Navy myself...though...I have a ton of respect for a lot of those guys out there putting it all on the line, while I get to chill in the states for at least another 3 months

God bless you for your sacrifice and service Jag. I never served, yet somehow have always had a great sense of patriotism and respect for those that have and do today. My work involves the military. the services and those within the services. I have seen the effects of the horrors of war and the celebration of peace and freedom.

Good luck to you and your compatriots.

And thank you again for all that you do.

 

[JagFarlane]

God bless you for your sacrifice and service Jag. I never served, yet somehow have always had a great sense of patriotism and respect for those that have and do today. My work involves the military. the services and those within the services. I have seen the effects of the horrors of war and the celebration of peace and freedom.

Good luck to you and your compatriots.

And thank you again for all that you do.

Well honestly all I do right now is study for ummm 70-85hrs a week on how to run a nuclear reactor...lol next year though...will be out in the fleet

 

[dcraz]

Gosh I haven't been here in ages. Guess the day to day crisises and wallowing in self-pity for awhile took it's toll on my philosophical side. It takes getting outside of yourself in order to see clearly. ~sighs~ At any rate, I'm back and healed inside enough to ponder and reach a hand out to someone else.

Seems to me that self-pity and resentments go hand in glove, the most debilitating, destructive character flaw there is. From it comes hate, jealousy, fear and the whole host of "deadly sins". (I beleive and pratice the priciples of re-incarnation/Karma. Not "religion".)

Love becomes twisted and something ugly while holding onto resentments. It grows like a cancer inside, until even a sunlit day seems dark and grey. That's not saying we haven't been hurt, cheated, betrayed and used to invoke these feelings. Lord knows I have. I also know going back two years when I came here that those resentments had me in a downward spiral so steep it almost killed me.

I helped others close to me overcome that pit, but held my own resentments close yet. They came back and helped me to overcome them myself. To teach me the teacher, unconditional love. Through that my soul was transformed and the resentments melted away as snow on a warm spring day.

Now I reach my hand, my heart and my soul out, shining a light down that deep dark well, coaxing someone else back to the light. Pass it on.....

Congratulations to you 69 for pulling youself out of that fateful spiral. I have been fortuante enought to not suffer from the self pity you describe, but have known several very close to me that have. It is a most difficult thing to recover from. There is always self doubt around the corner to pull you back in when you are weak or frightened.

A wonderful attiitude you have to share with others, to help them overcome their fears and self doubt.

Thank you for sharing and good luck to you my friend in your continued recovery.

 

[Denae]

OK...here is something to ponder a bit.

Vandross' two sisters and a brother died before him. The lifelong bachelor never had any children, but doted on his nieces and nephews. The entertainer said his busy lifestyle made marriage difficult; besides, it wasn't what he wanted.[/I]

Of course, I am saddend at the news of his death.....too young to go. However, when I read this report this morning, the last paragraph REALLY irritated me......Luther Vandross was a renouned artist, and well quite frankly I am upset that there is such a high priority placed on marriage & children. THAT is the last paragraph of the news release? THAT is the last thing you will read about him? THAT is what will stick in your mind and leave an impression as the last words of such a talented person!?

Sure, I am not (nor ever have been) married or have kids so, it is quite possible I am just acutely sensitive to comments about this subject.....but, why is it when a person CHOOSES to be single and not have children is he/she chastized for it?

Many times people make comments about people like this; unfounded snide remarks; and always questioning. WHY IS THIS????

Isn't it ok to choose to be different? Why do people see this as abnormal? Not everyone dreams of a white picket fence with 2.5 kids, 1 dog, a mortgage, and 2 cars in the garage.....and that is perfectly ok.

I guess I am just tired of "the inquisition" as a friend recently put it. As I get older and well, maybe my "expiration date" is nearing.....my family is on my back about 'settling down', 'having kids', 'don't you want a normal life?'

My answer to them is: I AMMMMMM normal!!!!

I guess my thought for the day is.....how do people *here* percieve men and women like Luther Vandross (minus the famous part). What are your views on people that do not marry/have children? Do you think differently about them? *I'm just curious like that*

Have a great weekend everyone

I'm agreeing with Tease on this one folks.

If Luther were married and had kids the information would have been provided in the obit, so the fact they included he was a bachelor doesn't bother me.

Personally, I think Luther Vandroos was gay but was not out. I could care less if someone is gay or straight.

Where I agree with PTM on this is that singles over a certain age with no children are often thought of as non-entities. It cracks me up when a new acquaintance asks if I'm married (no), do you have children (no). At this point they cannot think of another single question to ask me so they jump on to their status to those two questions. My bad, I guess I should have asked those questions in turn.

My grandmother is so old-fashioned; she thinks a woman should live at home with her parents until she marries. When I was 33 (had been out on my own since 18) I asked my grandmother if she still thought that way. And she said yes, that I should still live at home until I find the right man. I asked what happens when I don't find him. She said "that's all right. You just stay with your mother."

Thank goodness my mother doesn't subscribe to that theory. My mom has never badgered me about marriage and children. She said that she knew that I'd always be the last to settle down to marriage. Whatever that means

 

[pleasteasme]

I'm agreeing with Tease on this one folks.

If Luther were married and had kids the information would have been provided in the obit, so the fact they included he was a bachelor doesn't bother me.

Personally, I think Luther Vandroos was gay but was not out. I could care less if someone is gay or straight.

Where I agree with PTM on this is that singles over a certain age with no children are often thought of as non-entities. It cracks me up when a new acquaintance asks if I'm married (no), do you have children (no). At this point they cannot think of another single question to ask me so they jump on to their status to those two questions. My bad, I guess I should have asked those questions in turn.

My grandmother is so old-fashioned; she thinks a woman should live at home with her parents until she marries. When I was 33 (had been out on my own since 18) I asked my grandmother if she still thought that way. And she said yes, that I should still live at home until I find the right man. I asked what happens when I don't find him. She said "that's all right. You just stay with your mother."

Thank goodness my mother doesn't subscribe to that theory. My mom has never badgered me about marriage and children. She said that she knew that I'd always be the last to settle down to marriage. Whatever that means

Thanks Denae,

You put it much more articulately than I. And I can't believe.....how people react to the answers of those two questions! You are so RIGHT!!!! They immediately jump to their status....even if we don't ask, lol!!!

It is funny that you mention the 'gay' part....my family has already acused me of that....with absolutely NO reason to Their reaction when I question them about this is, "Well, you never bring any boyfriends around. I was quick *for once* and came back with, "Well, I never bring any girlfriends either!" LOL!!!!

Oh dear....if my parents were old school like that...I would still live at home as well.....boy, that would be tough!!!!

I probably took the article a little too personally and then went off on my own tangent. It is however, something that irritates me severely.....*sigh* I have come to some conclusions about my life: I would so much rather be happy (or sort of happy) without marriage and children, than to be locked into an unhappy marriage and the possibility of bringing inoccent lives into an unhappy world.

No, not all marriages are like that, but the ones I am closely connected to seem to be. I don't want that for myself. I won't 'settle' for that, I won't, I won't, I won't!!!!

Is it too much to want happiness? (I know, nothing is ever perfect but, I think that you can get pretty close to that with the right person)....the challenge: to find him wherever he is hiding or maybe not hiding, lol.......

 

[Denae]

Thanks Denae,

You put it much more articulately than I. And I can't believe.....how people react to the answers of those two questions! You are so RIGHT!!!! They immediately jump to their status....even if we don't ask, lol!!!

It is funny that you mention the 'gay' part....my family has already acused me of that....with absolutely NO reason to Their reaction when I question them about this is, "Well, you never bring any boyfriends around. I was quick *for once* and came back with, "Well, I never bring any girlfriends either!" LOL!!!!

Oh dear....if my parents were old school like that...I would still live at home as well.....boy, that would be tough!!!!

I probably took the article a little too personally and then went off on my own tangent. It is however, something that irritates me severely.....*sigh* I have come to some conclusions about my life: I would so much rather be happy (or sort of happy) without marriage and children, than to be locked into an unhappy marriage and the possibility of bringing inoccent lives into an unhappy world.

No, not all marriages are like that, but the ones I am closely connected to seem to be. I don't want that for myself. I won't 'settle' for that, I won't, I won't, I won't!!!!

Is it too much to want happiness? (I know, nothing is ever perfect but, I think that you can get pretty close to that with the right person)....the challenge: to find him wherever he is hiding or maybe not hiding, lol.......

PTM-I love your quick response to the gay question. I know folks in my family who I haven't spoken to in years think the same thing, but they're not brave enough to ask. They obviously don't know me well at all. If that's all they have time to think about then their life is even less exciting than mine.

When it comes to love and marriage, I always knew that I wouldn't settle. I wanted a man better than my step-dad-someone better than most men I had exposure to. I wanted someone trustworthy, respectful, considerate, someone I could have a healthy disagreement with. I didn't care what he did for work, but he had to have his own income. I also wanted a man who would be an incredible father--something I never had.

My private/personal list is more indepth, but it isn't long, the basics are above. And of course, the intangible "CHEMISTRY."

I don't think there's anything wrong in being single and not willing to settle.

 

[jacuzzigal]

I don't think there's anything wrong in being single and not willing to settle.

I couldn't agree more.

I would say, though - don't be too hard on people because they ask questions like that. Sometimes I think it's just a part of the getting to know you questions in your head. Trying to assess where someone is at in their life when you meet them is fairly common, and, since many people are married it's part of what many people consider "normal."

Ours may be one of the first generations where choosing not to be married and/or have children is becoming perhaps as common as choosing to was before. In some ways we don't have a lot of models for this choice. It's still not quite the norm and not a lot of people know what to do with that. Since most of the generations before us chose to get married and have children they may not have a lot of framework to get that. In some ways those who delay marriage and family or choose not to have them at all are a kind of pioneer for those who come after us.

Want to know the first thing I thought as I read PTM's Vandross obit? What lucky nieces and nephews he had. I am sure they miss him. And it makes me (an unmarried non-mom) want to spoil my niece and nephew just a bit more.