Sub Drop?

[Kathykitten]

Top-drop. That is so me.

With only reading through a few posts I knew exactly that it fit me, except I'm the top. I think it bottoms in some insecurity deep down questioning whether or not she truly loves me, or simply use me when she needs to feel belonging. I know even as I type it that it is ridiculous, we are mad about each other, but the feelings don't always follow my head. It's like a bodily reaction to something that doesn't fit with what I know is reality.

After intense play I can suddenly feel desperately lonely. Does she know how much I need my girl? hm...

 

[kayte]

Top-drop. That is so me.

With only reading through a few posts I knew exactly that it fit me, except I'm the top. I think it bottoms in some insecurity deep down questioning whether or not she truly loves me, or simply use me when she needs to feel belonging. I know even as I type it that it is ridiculous, we are mad about each other, but the feelings don't always follow my head. It's like a bodily reaction to something that doesn't fit with what I know is reality.

After intense play I can suddenly feel desperately lonely. Does she know how much I need my girl? hm...

Hi Kathykitten ~ Welcome to Lit and to the thread. Yes it does so apply to tops and bottoms. I'm glad you posted. Hope all is going well for you and her.
And yes it is a body's chemical reaction and the response to the cessation of those "wonderful" chemicals that causes the drop.

Do you know that you should be able to select and put up your first avatar? If you have any questions, please ask.

 

[CynMarie]

Sorry, wasn't paying attention. Doh! Nothing to see here.

 

[Brit_Babe]

removed

 

[creepish]

I've only realised recently that I suffer from this and it normally happens about a week after a session. I get incredibly tearful, feel guilty and very often feel like telling Sir that we should go our seperate ways (it doesn't help that we can't always speak to each other), but after a good sleep and plenty of chocolate I usually feel better.

I think for me it's very emotional and makes me really think about life and what I want from it, getting affection from him to then going back to everyday life where I wake up with no cuddles in bed hurts me. It makes me realise that although I loved my single life I now might be ready for a proper relationship where I know and hope there will be a real future with a guy (just a shame it won't be with Sir).

Not sure about Sub Drop, but surely the emotions you are revealing here are describing any relationship based purely on short term physical fulfilment? At the end of the day you'll want, or rather some people will want, something more based on 'love' (I vommed a little bit in my mouth there), but with still the physical side too.

Some people only have, and are happy with, purely the physical side of love; others have, are happy, with just the emotional side. And some lucky bastards get both.

Most people are probably somewhere in between. Sounds like you maybe are looking to change the balance a little bit.

 

[Brit_Babe]

Not sure about Sub Drop, but surely the emotions you are revealing here are describing any relationship based purely on short term physical fulfilment? At the end of the day you'll want, or rather some people will want, something more based on 'love' (I vommed a little bit in my mouth there), but with still the physical side too.

Some people only have, and are happy with, purely the physical side of love; others have, are happy, with just the emotional side. And some lucky bastards get both.

Most people are probably somewhere in between. Sounds like you maybe are looking to change the balance a little bit.

You know what, I think you're spot on there!

(I also want to be one of the lucky bastards who gets both sides)

 

[kayte]

A New Years' Bump!

 

[morefreebound]

I have not experienced sub drop ... and, from the descriptions of it, hope I never do.

What I have found though ... after an intence (for us) period of play, I go really cold. Even if the room is warm .. I find myself feeling cold and shivery.

Is this normal? Do others have this? (Or am I just really odd?)

Oh yes, I have the same type of reaction, sometimes even when it's milder play.

Then again, could be that the bonus room where we typically play is super cold all the time.

 

[lostandfound197]

Top-drop. That is so me.

With only reading through a few posts I knew exactly that it fit me, except I'm the top. I think it bottoms in some insecurity deep down questioning whether or not she truly loves me, or simply use me when she needs to feel belonging. I know even as I type it that it is ridiculous, we are mad about each other, but the feelings don't always follow my head. It's like a bodily reaction to something that doesn't fit with what I know is reality.

After intense play I can suddenly feel desperately lonely. Does she know how much I need my girl? hm...

Interesting

 

[kayte]

Time for another bump

 

[ladyJ154]

I've only gone into sub drop a few times, most of the time it just takes some snuggles and kisses under a nice warm blanket for a few minutes and then I'm ok. There was one instance where I didn't get any aftercare and it was not something I ever want to experience again.

My opinion is that there should always be aftercare, regardless of the kink or lack of kink in the sex.

 

[ebunny15]

I've heard the term, but thought that what I was experiencing was different because it's when the weekend is over. Actually, figured it was me being clingy or depressed. Tried my best to keep it to mysef up to this point because of that thought, although he's bound to find this post sometime... I'm lucky to get to the end of his driveway before the plunge in endorphins hits, then spend the hour+ drive home trying not to get into an accident from crying so hard. Thanks for the post; it will help knowing I'm not simply being a hormonal girly girl.

 

[kayte]

I've only gone into sub drop a few times, most of the time it just takes some snuggles and kisses under a nice warm blanket for a few minutes and then I'm ok. There was one instance where I didn't get any aftercare and it was not something I ever want to experience again.

My opinion is that there should always be aftercare, regardless of the kink or lack of kink in the sex.

I've heard the term, but thought that what I was experiencing was different because it's when the weekend is over. Actually, figured it was me being clingy or depressed. Tried my best to keep it to mysef up to this point because of that thought, although he's bound to find this post sometime... I'm lucky to get to the end of his driveway before the plunge in endorphins hits, then spend the hour+ drive home trying not to get inito an accident from crying so hard. Thanks for the post; it will help knowing I'm not simply being a hormonal girly girl.

Hi LadyJ and ebunny ~ I'm happy you checked this thread out. Please pass the information on. And enjoy the journey.

 

[kayte]

Bumping

Have a Happy Hump Day!

 

[SalvDali]

Bumping Cause this is what I was looking for today and found it here...

 

[HomewardBound41]

I needed this! I was literally coming to post when I saw this. Here's what happened anyway just in case it helps someone else, or someone else can help me. I'm off to read this thread.
Okay so I spent five weeks on vacation in my home state and found myself in this wild and surreal situation. It sounds so bizarre to me when I finally type it out (now that I can finally bring myself to verbalize everything), but through some odd circumstances here about a year ago, a mutual friend of ours ended up introducing (I'll call him Haven) and I. We chatted intermittently here and there over the computer, but nothing of major signifigance regarding much of anything and nothing sexual ever. Then one day (while on vacation)our mutual friend brought him back to her house. I honestly have no idea what happened. One minute I was doing laundry, the next I met him, within moments of that we were flirting and he was touching me pretty suggestively and I was letting him. Shortly after that, we found ourselves doing private things hard and fast in a private spot (Let me further clarify that this was the first time in NINE years I have been sexually intimate with another human being other than myself). It was intuitive on his part I'm guessing, to know exactly where and how to touch me. He wasn't completely gentle either - he pulled my hair and bit my neck right in that spot that makes me nearly drop to my knees. Something shifted. We had agreed that no hearts would get entangled, and they definitely didn't but there was a distinct moment where the balance changed. Someone was in charge, and it wasn't me. I found myself in this head space where I was absolutely wanting to do what he wanted me to do, and he made my body respond in a way I don't recall it ever having done before. It wasn't just the way he touched me, but the way he used his voice and what he said as well. He naturally took the dominant role in our bedroom activities. Outside the bedroom was a different matter. We all just hung out as friends, but there was still an undercurrent there between he and I. Little touches, nibbles, suggestive words, etc. A few times over a few weeks with him, plenty of time with my friends whom I love and adore, and then it was gone all at once. My daughter and I came home to a home with someone in it whom I love dearly but seriously grates on my nerves, a tree catastrophe, re-nesting ourselves, etc. and although I have been busy I have felt desperately lonely, depressed, angry, frustrated, and generally pretty much like crap. I tried rationalizing it all out, but discovered that logically there's really no good reason I should feel like THIS. I started analyzing, then second guessing every single one of my urges that fell outside the realm of "vanilla". Was I wrong for feeling these things? Was I crazy? Was this some sort of demented withdrawal I was dealing with? I'm not naturally a needy, clingy, overly emotional individual, so when these ramped up "psycho - PMS" feelings came along, I didn't know how to process any of it. I reached out to poor Haven (but I didn't and couldn't tell him what was going through my head because it sounded nuts to even me) as best I could without trying to come across as some needy, weirdo because I know he has at least SOME experience with this stuff. Then I went into shut down mode and the insomnia and the dreams came. Like really sexually vivid dreams. I would wake up out of one of those sweaty, thirsty, half there and half not, and feeling terribly empty and unfulfilled, completely unable to get back to sleep. In the morning I'd stumble out of bed, still thinking about the night before, suck down half a pot of jet fuel, go through all of my "daily motions" and while I was sitting there interacting with my kid, feeding the pets, cooking, laundry, with a smile on my face - inside I was confused, trembling, and grieving for something I couldn't put a name to. I know just enough about the world of BDSM to know a little bit of the terminology, so I went hunting for answers. FINALLY I think I hit on something that make sense. Apparently I am not crazy, I am not suddenly developing a condition that needs medication, and I am not wrong for my wants, needs, or desires. "Sub drop"? I found very little information, but what I did find ties in to a large degree. I just didn't know it could me me feel like curling up into a ball and hibernating from life. Anyone else ever deal with this?

 

[SalvDali]

Thanks for sharing. I had read a little on aftercare and sub drop, but since it is something that I have never seen before I wasn't exactly sure how to prepare for something that may or may not happen..

Low and behold the other night after a session with my wife.. as soon as I untied her she began to cry... All I could do was hold her.. It reminded me of the way she could get sometimes when she was pregnant which made even more sense when i read about the endorphin rush that you are coming down from afterwards.

At this point she is just brushing it off but I want to be ready to deal with a worse case scenario just in case. I have been with my wife for almost 20 years and never seen her like this. I was glad I had read up on it some here and immediately knew what it was but it was still shocking to actually see for the first time.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=304024 <--- link to the stickied discussions on this topic.

 

[SalvDali]

More info I found : http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/03/sub-drops-emotional-side/

 

[LucyBee01]

Sub drop hits people in different ways. Well done for finding out about it and doing some homework on it!

For me, usually after an intense scene with Master I just need lots of hugs and reassurance and warmth immediately afterwards.

There have been a few times I have had heavy impact play in public and the feeling was a bit different. The closest similar feeling to it is when I have been swimming a lot. I needed a warm blanket, liquid, a chocolate bar and a long long hug. The next day I felt a bit more tired than normal.

The top I played with the day before was still checking in with me that I was ok though. I understand that some people drop one or two, or several days later, so he was being very thoughtful.

 

[HomewardBound41]

Thank you SalvDali for posting the extra links and LucyBee for your sharing your insights. It's making more sense to me now that I've been able to read further into it. This was something entirely new to me, as I've never been in that head space before, nor had I ever had to deal with the after effects. I truly don't think that the gentleman who this happened with had any idea he had that effect on me. He's new into all of this as well.

 

[Gwanji16]

Sub drop hits people in different ways. Well done for finding out about it and doing some homework on it!

For me, usually after an intense scene with Master I just need lots of hugs and reassurance and warmth immediately afterwards.

There have been a few times I have had heavy impact play in public and the feeling was a bit different. The closest similar feeling to it is when I have been swimming a lot. I needed a warm blanket, liquid, a chocolate bar and a long long hug. The next day I felt a bit more tired than normal.

The top I played with the day before was still checking in with me that I was ok though. I understand that some people drop one or two, or several days later, so he was being very thoughtful.

Perfectly said. Absolutely kind.

 

[Newbie3311]

Wow, to learn there is a word for the feeling I have experienced but been afraid of discussing for fear of being judged stupid....

Thank you all for your open postings!

 

[ForestFaerieGirl]

Sub drop

After reading your posts, (thank you for sharing) I can relate. At first, because I am relatively new at this, my symptoms were both emotional and physical. They would vary with the time of my month too, also with duration, frequency, and intensity of play. This experience is so unlike my every day life that when I can't have Masters time, life gets noticeably hard again. I had no idea what this was, fortunately for me, I have an insightful Master, who developed a crash kit, personalized for his pet. It includes a few day collars to wear when this happens and am away from him, he has also given me a variety of articles of clothing to wear at all times so that his pet is reminded of her ownership. Things like panties, dance wear, & anklets... even when sleeping. My Master also has given his pet assignments to pull her through time when drop hits. Homework can be anything from reading and responding to an article, doing something to please him from afar, or care audits to see if his pet is eating, sleeping, excercising, otherwise being good. If not- well- his tough but fair approach is something to be respected. As with most things, time seems to help. I no longer feel confused, dissconnected, and embarrassed by my feelings experienced in 'drop'. This pet believes that was the worst part in complicating sub-drop.

 

[cascadiabound]

FROM THE BDSM LIBRARY

Okay, now I know I'm a masochist. I just waded through the Mother Thread to find the original info we posted on sub-drop.

Here it is (from pages in the mid-60's); don't say I never did anything for you:

Originally Posted by cellis
Well, it is me again... wondering if some of the submissives here could talk about this sub-drop thing.... I had, of course, read about it, but had never experienced it until just the last few days... and Himself is out of town, so I can't discuss it with Him, although I did send Him a long email about how I felt... I was just caught unaware... didn't even think about it happening... and not almost 2 days later.... and I have not even been able to write about until today....

I would appreciate some feedback on this.... Thanks...

Originally Posted by cellis
I don't know if I can really, cymbidia... it was like I was soaring after being with Himself and having what I guess you would call a scene... all that day and most of then next and then suddenly it was like the bottom fell out of me... emotionally and physically.... I just crashed.... first of all I don't sleep very much... at the most about 5 hours a night... and I slept for 10 hours.... and then there were these intense feelings of neediness and I am not a needy person... I really don't know how else to describe it... being kind of new to this kind of thing.... I don't if this makes sense to you at all.... it was not really a depression... I think I know the difference....

Posted by carrie-on
cellis, I have experienced the low that you talked about,but thought it was just me. I had never heard of subdrop until I read it in your post and then went to the link you provided. Now I know for sure that I am not crazy. (Wellllll...too crazy anyway).

Posted by cellis
carrie-on.... thank goodness!!... I was really beginning to think there was something wrong with me... and I don't that it was because of not being cared for afterwards... Himself is very good about making certain that I am okay and spending lots of time with me afterward.... and I did feel good... great, in fact afterwards, which is really normal for me.... there is a rush that I get afterwards and I am almost giddy.... but never have I experienced the crash until this weekend....

Posted by RisiaSkye
cellis & carrie-on--you aren't alone. In my first long-term BDSM relationship (in which I was sub), I went through some of those highs and lows. For me, at least, a good deal of it was because it was new, and I was still learning to know and accept myself without the kinds of judgement I expected would (and sometimes did) come from others.

A few days after my first real "immersion" into sub-space, I was ovewhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness, loss, and inexpressible despair. I have rarely felt as suicidally depressed as I did in those hours, and I've never entirely figured out why. It's a risky thing, opening yourself so fully to another person, no matter how much you love and trust them. So, be careful of yourself. And, above all--be honest with your Dom/me. Even if they're far away, keep the lines of communication open. You need each other right now, as much or more than at any other time.

There's nothing I've found that makes that bottom-falling-out-of-the-world feeling any easier except time, faith in yourself, and the mutual devotion of a strong and trusting bond with your O/other. But, at the least, know that you aren't alone. You are among friends, who have no desire to judge you, and who will (if we can) support you through this, until you can make peace with your new (for cellis) path.

For what it's worth, know that your feelings are shared by others, and that there's nothing "wrong" with you that's causing this reaction. It's an enormously emotional and spiritual journey, this way of living and loving--and some of the waystations are dark. The light returns in the end.

And, finally, an info link:
http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Drop

(the link is mine - the one in the library is broken and the page I found has pretty good info for both bottom and top drop)


On a personal note: I have definitely experienced drop, but it does not usually last more than 20-40 minutes and even without great aftercare I can usually get myself together. Great aftercare makes all the difference though - hydration, cuddling, sweetness, reassurance goes a long way for me.
cb

 

[barefootgirl69]

Thank you for getting this on the first page again. After experiencing this recently, I wanted to read through it again extensively.