Sub Drop?

[Lofn1216]

Thoughts?

I've been reading through some of the posts and am so glad to learn that I'm not alone in this. I can experience subdrop at times and my partner isn't available physically to help me through. I know what I'm going through and try to tell myself it will pass but it's hard and feels extremely lonely at times. I wonder if anyone who has had this experience in a long distance relationship could share what has helped them through it?

 

[FrozenBlaze]

I used to have intense nightly dreams of hard bondage from people I met online, which is why I am here on this site, learning furiously about all I can. When I woke up I would drop like a fly for days. During the dreams, sometime erotic, then painful, electrocution, with humiliation, obviously without consent, which led to severe depression for months. However much I tried I could never become lucid,.nor did I enjoy it.

Lofn, won't your play partner give you aftercare online?

I could never ask for aftercare because it was not in real time, and I lost contact, they wasn't doing anything. So I had to take drugs(I'm not advising this for you though) maybe seek out a trusted friend. I could only tell people I had nightmares and I was longing for them to hold and snuggle me.

Yeh, get someone to talk to I wish I did.

 

[The_gladiator]

The times I have dropped and believe me it has happened is typically when I feel particularly embarrassed by my needs or did not feel taken care of in an aftercare sense, both of those things can trigger it in me. I will not play with someone who cannot or will not give aftercare, even online, but that's just me.

 

[kayte]

Just a bump to keep this thread closer to the top.

 

[SalvDali]

Bump read this entire thread for probably the 4th time today, this particular post struck home for me so I thought I'd share.

In many ways sub space can be like an out of body expereince. People who practice meditation can often reach a sort of hypnotic state where they can almost be an observer of them self letting go of the physical constains of their body and feel an euphoric feeling. This of course comes with learning how to let go and remain in control since you are the one meditating and doing it.

But it is quite different when you are pushed or expereince sub space from another's hand. Many times there is an intensity inside that built up and then...wham! Complete surrendure and you hold nothing back...you are no more.

Same euphoric feelings occurring, but the difference is that you are not the one in control of this. You were up to that moment before you let go....but after that, the D is pretty much in complete control.

To leave someone in this lost state is cruel in many ways. There have been a few that actually like being left and they have to fight in order to get back to themselves...but most I have expereinced want and need to be brough back...

The problem is many D's do not understand what is happening or what they need to do at this point. Many enjoy it for a peroid of time then they are like ok, you can stop now...lol...sorry doesn't work like that.

The key to understanding this is "focus". Subspace is the absence of focus. It is the state in which nothiness exists and there you find yourself floating within this place. There are not exits or doors and even if there were you are so far gone that you wouldn't bother. There is really only one thing which can get through to you at this point, and that usually is the voice of the one who pushed you over the brink, the one you completely surrendured to.

So how or what should a D do in this situation? Well first of they should be very sensitive and aware that when you are in this place you are menatlly incapable of making rational decisions, that you can hurt yourself if you try to stand up or try to do even the simpliest of tasks....

There are times when I have had to put an arm around my shoulder and partially carry her to the bathroom because she was so far gone she would have fallen and hit her head just trying to walk to the bath room. I have even stood there and made sure she didn't just fall off....though that sounds funny, it actually isn't. I found here singing to herself laying on the bathroom floor one time because I left to go get some water....So one thing a D should expect if their submissive goes into deep sub space, is that they will be just like taking care of a person who is too intoxicated to stand on their own....If you can leave them laying down the better, but if they have to get up, you have to help them.

Another thing that will help is to reaffirm that you have them. Tell them "I got you" your ok. They may just giggle or say strange things like "that's nice" la la lalalalalala....

lol. Again imagine a person who has drunk so much they are wasted and slurring their words...they often say pretty funny things too.

With that said, how can a D help to bring them back out of subspace?

There are a few different ways, and one I would strongly avoid. One way is to sit behind them and let them lean back against you and you can talk to them softly...what I have found that works the best is to say their name over and over, like you are trying to get their attention. Do not be alarmed if they do not respond right away, and do not take it as a sign they are not respecting your dominance and obeying immediately. When they are so deep, they are not themselves and so such expectations at that time is a bit rediculious. The reason why you say their name, though this may sound funny...it is to remind them of who they are. You have to keep in mind that "they are not themselves" in this state. They surrendured completely who they were, their identity, their personhood...everything that they are inside and out is just a swirling mist in their minds at this time.

By calling or saying their name over and over gently and firmly, it helps them to remember who they are....and begins them on the way back up...reclaiming themselves and who they are.

Many times they will resist coming back out, because coming back out means that they have to regain focus. They have to take back some control and responsibility of their personhood. When they resist, you can and sometimes have to be firmer. You have to use more of a frimer voice and maybe even hold their head and tell them to look into your eyes...

I recommend the soft approach as it is always more enjoyable for you both, when you have to be stern, it is not an enjoyable journey to the surface as this cause them to be more forced to take back responsibility and control. Submissives who go into sub space often learn that when their D calls them, it is best to answer and comply more than to resist. The end result is much smoother and more enjoyable.

I also will have juice near by and as they emerge have her sip some juice. Continue to tell her how good she did and just talk "to" her. I give easy questions to help stimulate the logical areas of her brain. This again helps to elevate "awareness and focus".

Here are some things I would strongly avoid:

- Trying to shock someone out of subspace. Not a good idea at all. Infact DON'T DO IT! You can really fuck someone up doing this.

- Now is not the time for criticism of any kind or humiliation. You have direct access to their personhood, they are utterly exposed and defenseless, doing either of these at this time is a sure fire way to destroy their self esteme. And you can be sure that when they finally do come out of subspace, they will be scarred as well as a huge chunk of the unspoken trust between you two will be gone or on shaky ground. Don't be surprised if they do not surrendure to you again to this degree ever, as it's likely not going to happen.

- Don't ignore the situation. You at this point and time are responsible as their D. If you just leave them in this state, they will eventually find a way to crawl back out. For some it takes days even a week. They are not themselves, they cannot focus, they cannot think, they will feel distracted, they will slip back and forth between states. Unless you can afford to have them lay around daydreaming and such, never getting anything done. Don't blame them because you left them in this state. Help them to regain focus and awareness. They may expereince some residue type effects, but they will be less severe and will not last as long.

(EDIT ADD) - Also ignoring the situation as the D will teach the submissive that they cannot count on or turst their D to help them. It is likely that the submissive will resist surrendure in the future and will always hold back that part of themselves. In fact many women are terrified at letting go so completely, either because this is someothing new and they have never let themselves go this far before, or more likely is that they have learned to hold back a part of themselves as a learned behavior from previous people who acted in ways that hurt them when they felt so exposed or ignored them when they really needed them most.



After I help her to regain focus, she can have a number of reactions. Sometimes she will withdraw into herself and be kinda of sad. This is happens when the wieght of the world is laid back upon her shoulders after being is such a place where no responsibility exists. This is normal. Also, her body is spent. It has just been on an endorphin high, and now her body is crashing down. This is a normal reaction to this, so don't expect her to be bouncing off the walls all happy, that can happen, but it is rare.

I recommend letting her rest and also eat some good nutrious food. Plenty of water or juice. To help with her physical needs, with her emotional and mental needs, I would continue to reaffirm how much she means to you. How much you enjoy the person she is....(this isn't hard to do, just tell the truth). What this helps with though is it helps her to continue to take back who she is, and feel good about doing so because she knows that who she is is someone you enjoy. It makes it easier and even something that will make her happy, in learning that she can lay herself down and take herself back up when you require it of her and still know that wheather in subspace or out, you value the person she is.

In the end, subspace can be great, but it also can be pain to deal with if you don't like it. By understanding what is transpiring within the person who is in subspace, you are better equipt to recognize it when it happens as a D and how to respond to it. At least in my expereince the key is about helping them to regain "focus and awareness." A D can do a lot to lessen or even prevent many of the after effects of subspace if they understand this and are willing to help them come back out.

I am sure that everyone has different expereinces and needs. Like i said some people like to be left like that and be forced to deal with it on their own. Some D do not like dealing with subspace at all and will take measures to prevent one from letting themselves go there. In fact, "keeping them on the edge" has nothing to do with orgasms as much as it does keeping them on the edge of subspace, but pulling them back every time they begin to slip.

There are some things a submissive can do on their own if they find themselves experiencing after effects of subspace.

1st make sure you eat and drink some good things. Eat fruit and drink juice and water.

2nd you can sit down and write things about yourself that you like. "I like who I am because I am a kind person"/ "I like chocolate" I like being responsible for who I am" "I like being helpful and useful to my D"...etc... This will help you to get your insides on the same page with your world. Help you get centered. Regain focus and your commitment and responsibilities.

and for some....I repeate..."for some" requesting a little pain also helps. For some, this can have the opposite effect, so you have to know how you deal and process pain. Many like or enjoy pain when sexually arounsed, but pain void of sexual arousal has an entirely different effect. If you are such a person, 3 - 5 good stinging swats does wonders to make one become aware...Don't use this as a means to bring someone out of subspace, only in dealing with residual effects like the next day.

Exercise regularly. You body will recover faster.


Well, there you go. Take what makes sense to you and leave the rest.

~RJ

 

[kayte]

Bump to the Top

Important thread for us subs.

 

[SimplySilver]

Thoughts?

I've been reading through some of the posts and am so glad to learn that I'm not alone in this. I can experience subdrop at times and my partner isn't available physically to help me through. I know what I'm going through and try to tell myself it will pass but it's hard and feels extremely lonely at times. I wonder if anyone who has had this experience in a long distance relationship could share what has helped them through it?

In order to take care of oneself when you have played intensely, you can put together a "kit" of your own self care just incase your partner isn't available in person. Even with good aftercare, it can sometimes creep up the day after because the body is recovering and stabilizing the mood chemicals.

For example of a selfcare kit, I have a microplush blanket that I like to wrap up in for a time and then I take a long hot shower, drink a glass of hot tea, and brush my hair. These things help stabilize the emotions and relax me. The warmth also helps ease some of the depressed feeling that can occur. Sometimes I'll color a picture or just scribble out some thoughts in a journal to help put me back in my "right" head.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I have not experienced sub drop ... and, from the descriptions of it, hope I never do.

What I have found though ... after an intence (for us) period of play, I go really cold. Even if the room is warm .. I find myself feeling cold and shivery.

Is this normal? Do others have this? (Or am I just really odd?)

Everyone experiences sub drop differently. It doesn’t have to be intense play session. I know one that she gets sub drop from flogging.
Every sub should get after care. They each have their own needs of aftercare. Might be a simple snuggle. Others might take long time to come down. They might need more care.
It’s the dominant that is responsible for the sub before during and after play. Before you let them know. Here’s what we are doing. Do you have any issues with it? Remember. It’s a negotiation. Know your partner well.
As a dominant you better damn well know how to care for the sub. Both physically and mentally. You don’t play with them then walk away when play session is over.
Keep checking on the sub. Sometimes they need time to process things. Especially if doing something new. Keep checking back. Like call or if in person. Talk to them few days after play. Ask… what are your thoughts and feelings about what we did.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Everyone experiences sub drop differently. It doesn’t have to be intense play session. I know one that she gets sub drop from flogging.
Every sub should get after care. They each have their own needs of aftercare. Might be a simple snuggle. Others might take long time to come down. They might need more care.
It’s the dominant that is responsible for the sub before during and after play. Before you let them know. Here’s what we are doing. Do you have any issues with it? Remember. It’s a negotiation. Know your partner well.
As a dominant you better damn well know how to care for the sub. Both physically and mentally. You don’t play with them then walk away when play session is over.
Keep checking on the sub. Sometimes they need time to process things. Especially if doing something new. Keep checking back. Like call or if in person. Talk to them few days after play. Ask… what are your thoughts and feelings about what we did.

Personally, I think BDSM is for grown ups.
I mean if someone is very inexperienced, the more experienced partner can be a great help in catching signs that something needs attention and have suggestions about handling those needs.
And if someone is incapacitated, the partner(s) need to make up for that, of course.
Otherwise I think self awareness and taking responsibility for handling the needs that come up from things that you have given informed consent to, is a good practice.
That may well mean asking for it in advance from the dominant or someone else, but expecting someone else to know what you need and when etc, is not fair to yourself or your partner, in my opinion and can end in a mess.

 

[Tallcajun]

Wow, this goes back way before I joined Lit. Some great posts.