Tallulah's OMD

[awired50]

Your question was what does he get out of this. To me this implies that he would be getting 'less' out of this than myself, that his own sexual enjoyment and exploration is not his own goal, as mine is for me.

Therefore, I don't understand your question. He isn't being cucked. He isn't using my own escapades to get off. I don't know how to explain what he will get out of this - I thought it would be obvious, given all the information I've already shared.

Thanks for your explanation. I did not intend to offend you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[Coyote100]

I am ready to be needed all you want.

 

[Tallulah82]

Thanks for your explanation. I did not intend to offend you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

You didn't offend me, you confused me. And thank you, I hope so too.

I am ready to be needed all you want.

Thank you for your generous offer. I'll let you know if all my established friends reject me and I'm left needing.

 

[Tallulah82]

Please note the thread name change.

Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

 

[PotNoodle79]

Please note the thread name change.

Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

Sometimes, you’re difficult to like.

 

[Dudeqwe]

Please note the thread name change.
Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

Sorry, first thought on OMD was this

 

[PotNoodle79]

Shudders

 

[BongoGal]

Soz babe.

I misread this as “5 ounce babe”.

 

[Justabaldguy70]

Fuckkng fuck

 

[MissRadiant]

I hope I can be here.....more of a supportive friend.

While I am married, and did have an open marriage for some time. You know how to reach me privately to answer any questions or concerns.

 

[OldDirtyAltGuy]

I wish you well.

 

[Tallulah82]

Update:

I've put writing this off for a little while because I needed to know how to word it most fairly. We knew there'd be some awkward moments and some initial problems in taking this path, and that patience and communication would be essential.

I'll not be writing exact details of things that have happened for two reasons: firstly, it'll take me bloody hours, and secondly, it may end up being so convoluted because nothing is or was linear. Suffice to say that I have had to do some real reflection on myself and on whether this could actually work, and whether it would need to be shut down before it truly began.

In the smallest nutshell - my husband made some very poor decisions driven by his penis, and ended up breaking a couple of the rules we'd agreed to in the written and signed contract.

I knew he was immersing himself in the excitement of it all but he allowed this excitement to rule. Three separate, but overlapping, rules were broken. One was that of deception (an avoidance of truth, not outright lying), one was him indulging in sexual online activity in the daytime when the whole family was under the roof, and those combined meant he broke the rule of respecting me and the agreement.

We have talked at length about what happened. We have adjusted and re-signed a new contract in light of what happened.

I can't pretend that I wasn't angry at one point. I have given him allowances for the kid-in-a-candy-store mentality, but there is a line to be drawn and I'm not going to be understanding indefinitely.

He did ask (very remorsefully) if I wanted to stop this now and that he would do that. I replied - and perhaps harshly - that I didn't want to stop this, I wanted him to step up.

I still believe that this could be much fun if he can stop feeding his own ego.

I'm sure that I'll have many comments saying "I told you so", but no, you haven't. Not yet. This is still early days and a period of adjustment must be allowed, especially when he's not had the online life that I've had for many years now. I still have trust in him that he can manage this wants and needs better than he's done so far.

This said, I've made it clear that whilst I don't know where the line is when I'll decide that enough if enough, but that there is a line out there, somewhere. And if it hits hard and suddenly, then there can be no doubt that it's not because I haven't been patient enough.

The new adapted contract is signed, and we've spent time allocating all available weekends next year. The mechanics of it are in working order, and he's been doing much better in his efforts to prove that this isn't a lost cause. He just needs to engage his big head more than his little head.

So, it's onwards and upwards!

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I’m just seeing this thread and have my own experiences to add: but you’re right that communication is 100% required on every part.

This _CAN_ work. But it needs effort. Hubby and I started talking about swinging in Jan 2020, and moved to ENM last year after we didn’t feel comfortable with any of the kink or swing communities we found. Openly both played on here for a year before we moved to potentially meeting people IRL. The rule was having a free pass for each hitting of certain health goals. Hubby tried to meet twice with someone he knew through here and was stood up both times (I have commented in past on my oh so rational “Im not sure how I’ll respond to this” to “how dare this bitch not want to fuck my husband”) and after that it was “we are allowed to try to pick up people in bars, far enough outside of our town”. That has worked but I don’t know that it woild have without the year of understood playing on here.

He has settled in to one regular partner he met in a bar and I have just opened a OkCupid account indicating only women interested in non-monogamy. Not sure that will continue.

It’s all small steps and very cautious and intense recertification sex after every out of marriage meeting.

I hope this helps some.

 

[Tallulah82]

I’m just seeing this thread and have my own experiences to add: but you’re right that communication is 100% required on every part.

This _CAN_ work. But it needs effort. Hubby and I started talking about swinging in Jan 2020, and moved to ENM last year after we didn’t feel comfortable with any of the kink or swing communities we found. Openly both played on here for a year before we moved to potentially meeting people IRL. The rule was having a free pass for each hitting of certain health goals. Hubby tried to meet twice with someone he knew through here and was stood up both times (I have commented in past on my oh so rational “Im not sure how I’ll respond to this” to “how dare this bitch not want to fuck my husband”) and after that it was “we are allowed to try to pick up people in bars, far enough outside of our town”. That has worked but I don’t know that it woild have without the year of understood playing on here.

He has settled in to one regular partner he met in a bar and I have just opened a OkCupid account indicating only women interested in non-monogamy. Not sure that will continue.

It’s all small steps and very cautious and intense recertification sex after every out of marriage meeting.

I hope this helps some.

Thank you, Jenny. This does help, a lot.

I know there are valid concerns to be had, but I genuinely do think this could work. I don't want to do any knee-jerk reaction to anything.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Thank you, Jenny. This does help, a lot.

I know there are valid concerns to be had, but I genuinely do think this could work. I don't want to do any knee-jerk reaction to anything.

Im happy to help (or talk more via DM if uoi want). I know I got a lot of help and support from friends on here as we first navigated.

I can’t stress how much I think the year of chat play individually or as a couple (especially as a couple) on Lit helped when we made the move to IRL. Both of us had burned through the sexual euphoria of playing outside the marriage in a place with lower (not no, but lower) repercussions. I think you’re making the right move forgiving this first lapse if he _hasn’t_ done any on line play before. The charge of someone other than your spouse wanting you is huge.

 

[m_and_em_stories]

The idea of an OM is appealing in some ways, but it always comes down to I don't really like the idea of being apart for our play. I want her to be a part of my pleasure and vice versa.

It's I guess its a variant of monogamy. I'm open to other partners just as long as we do it together, so probably the opposite of what most people wanting an open marriage want.

I do hope you two find your right balance and he can keep to the rules.

 

[AllAmericanMale]

Please note the thread name change.

Noted

 

[Apisto42]

The idea of an OM is appealing in some ways, but it always comes down to I don't really like the idea of being apart for our play. I want her to be a part of my pleasure and vice versa.

It's I guess its a variant of monogamy. I'm open to other partners just as long as we do it together, so probably the opposite of what most people wanting an open marriage want.

I do hope you two find your right balance and he can keep to the rules.

Yes, this makes much more sense to me. No knock on anyone doing it the other way (dating others separately, kind of the point of this thread I suppose).

 

[Tallulah82]

Update:

I can't say things have been easy or straightforward however progress has been made. We've still found some miscommunication to be the worst enemy in this and we're trying harder not to make assumptions.

The strongest example of this is when my husband made coffee plans with someone. He's already had coffee with this person under the 'let's meet and see if we click' terms. They met, they clicked, all is good. But then he's making more coffee plans.
I said I wasn't comfortable with this as it feels like there's potential for it to slide into territory that we didn't agree: in my head, a short coffee date after work could become a longer coffee date, into a meal date, into hours.

One of our foundation points is that this doesn't impact our home lives. As I said in the very beginning, we have demanding, complicated lives and so it is the heavily organised weekend plans that make it possible for one of us to escape and have fun.

So, we had a long discussion about it and because I'd been fine with his original coffee date, he'd assumed I was ok with them meeting semi-regularly. I said that's what the absent weekends are for, while he argued that the weekends are for the actual sex.

Now, this is where I had to do some real reflection on myself. He accused me that if I had a friend close by, I'd be wanting to meet for coffee too. I honestly don't know if this is true. What I *DO* know is true, is that I have concerns that this 1 hour coffee date slowly turns into longer dates that makes him absent from the home.

In the end, we agreed that the coffee dates can happen (no more than once a month) and that they never evolve. He has his weekends to have meals and drinks and more. He has his first one with this woman planned for December.

Since then, I've had quite an eye opening moment about myself.

After talking with a Lit friend, he pointed out that apart from the very beginning of this, I've not talked to him about my excitement for my own adventures. He expressed his relief that I am sounding eager for my own things. This really surprised me. And then it didn't.

I realise now that I've spent the best part of the past two months supporting my husband in all of this. I know I mentioned at the start that I wasn't in any rush, however, I know now that some of my irritations have been borne from feeling like he's the important one here. He's really in the swing of it, and I've barely said or done anything despite my wanting to.

SO!! I have begun to make plans. I took a deep breath and I have booked my first weekend away in January to meet a dear Lit friend whom I've known for several years. We've talked a lot about it and whilst there's no expectations or demands, and we know each other so well, I'm nervous.

I still need to learn how to navigate these waters and one of my greatest fears is that I unintentionally upset anyone with my eager selfishness. Awkwardness still prevails because those few whom I have expressed a clear desire to meet mean a lot to me and I don't want to ruin the friendships we have, and so many more conversations are to be had so that everyone remains confident and happy.

But for now, at least, I am focused on myself in this and allowing myself to show my own excitement.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

We've talked a lot about it and whilst there's no expectations or demands, and we know each other so well, I'm nervous.

I seriously relate to this. I’m not an awkward person and can generally talk to anyone when I’m in the mood to be social, but the first meeting in person stresses me out SO MUCH. Even if we agree there are no expectations, I can’t help but think there are still are some even if unconscious…that we look how the other expects, that the talk will flow freely, that we have the same chemistry in person, that we’ll have the same level of interest in how much time to spend together. I don’t want anything to negatively impact a friendship I value.

And that’s all before anything sexual! What if everything above goes well and I’m still not feeling comfortable crossing any lines? This is the one that keeps me up at night. I don’t want to upset or disappoint anyone and I don’t want to be uncomfortable myself.

After all that, I’ve never had a bad experience meeting on online person whether platonic or more. I just stress the fuck out about it and drive myself crazy

 

[Tallulah82]

I seriously relate to this. I’m not an awkward person and can generally talk to anyone when I’m in the mood to be social, but the first meeting in person stresses me out SO MUCH. Even if we agree there are no expectations, I can’t help but think there are still are some even if unconscious…that we look how the other expects, that the talk will flow freely, that we have the same chemistry in person, that we’ll have the same level of interest in how much time to spend together. I don’t want anything to negatively impact a friendship I value.

And that’s all before anything sexual! What if everything above goes well and I’m still not feeling comfortable crossing any lines? This is the one that keeps me up so night. I don’t want to upset or disappoint anyone and I don’t want to be uncomfortable myself.

After all that, I’ve never had a bad experience meeting on online person whether platonic or more. I just stress the fuck out about it and drive myself crazy

It's this, yes!

We've planned some daytime things to hang out first in public, and find our feet in person. And I know he'll be cross with me if I do anything that I'm not 100% sure about, so I'm reminding myself that he'd rather be disappointed than angry with me.

 

[tallladiesman]

It's this, yes!

We've planned some daytime things to hang out first in public, and find our feet in person. And I know he'll be cross with me if I do anything that I'm not 100% sure about, so I'm reminding myself that he'd rather be disappointed than angry with me.

I would place a rather large wager that the lucky fella won't be in any way disappointed
You will both have fun getting to know each other and isn't that the point of the whole exercise

 

[deft]

But for now, at least, I am focused on myself in this and allowing myself to show my own excitement.

This is all the sexy.

 

[Pad_Foot]

A week or so then an update?
No pressure!
But we are all pulling for you !!

 

[hotoldrguy]

Update:

I can't say things have been easy or straightforward however progress has been made. We've still found some miscommunication to be the worst enemy in this and we're trying harder not to make assumptions.

The strongest example of this is when my husband made coffee plans with someone. He's already had coffee with this person under the 'let's meet and see if we click' terms. They met, they clicked, all is good. But then he's making more coffee plans.
I said I wasn't comfortable with this as it feels like there's potential for it to slide into territory that we didn't agree: in my head, a short coffee date after work could become a longer coffee date, into a meal date, into hours.

One of our foundation points is that this doesn't impact our home lives. As I said in the very beginning, we have demanding, complicated lives and so it is the heavily organised weekend plans that make it possible for one of us to escape and have fun.

So, we had a long discussion about it and because I'd been fine with his original coffee date, he'd assumed I was ok with them meeting semi-regularly. I said that's what the absent weekends are for, while he argued that the weekends are for the actual sex.

Now, this is where I had to do some real reflection on myself. He accused me that if I had a friend close by, I'd be wanting to meet for coffee too. I honestly don't know if this is true. What I *DO* know is true, is that I have concerns that this 1 hour coffee date slowly turns into longer dates that makes him absent from the home.

In the end, we agreed that the coffee dates can happen (no more than once a month) and that they never evolve. He has his weekends to have meals and drinks and more. He has his first one with this woman planned for December.

Since then, I've had quite an eye opening moment about myself.

After talking with a Lit friend, he pointed out that apart from the very beginning of this, I've not talked to him about my excitement for my own adventures. He expressed his relief that I am sounding eager for my own things. This really surprised me. And then it didn't.

I realise now that I've spent the best part of the past two months supporting my husband in all of this. I know I mentioned at the start that I wasn't in any rush, however, I know now that some of my irritations have been borne from feeling like he's the important one here. He's really in the swing of it, and I've barely said or done anything despite my wanting to.

SO!! I have begun to make plans. I took a deep breath and I have booked my first weekend away in January to meet a dear Lit friend whom I've known for several years. We've talked a lot about it and whilst there's no expectations or demands, and we know each other so well, I'm nervous.

I still need to learn how to navigate these waters and one of my greatest fears is that I unintentionally upset anyone with my eager selfishness. Awkwardness still prevails because those few whom I have expressed a clear desire to meet mean a lot to me and I don't want to ruin the friendships we have, and so many more conversations are to be had so that everyone remains confident and happy.

But for now, at least, I am focused on myself in this and allowing myself to show my own excitement.

I am glad you finally decided to take care of yourself for once.