Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Taegul]

I've won the city of Stockton's annual wet t-shirt contest four years in a row.

#GOAT

 

[SimonSex]

I’m a teller at the World Bank, but I temp at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston.

 

[JustAnotherFlower]

I don't have a dependence on coffee.

 

[DarkFlameDesires]

I'm only funny on days that end in Y.

 

[PageWriter2]

I never use the word that 4 letter word that starts with F and ends with K.
Oh fuck, I gave it away.

 

[jarigi]

I'm a very together person. Each one of me will vouch for that...

 

[Apisto42]

The voices in my head never argue.

 

[JustAnotherFlower]

I'm a sexy beast with nary a self esteem problem.

 

[Taegul]

I dyed my mohawk green today.

 

[DannieB]

I really enjoy mathing with my coworkers. Because 5 times 12 will equal 86 every time

 

[Nicefella]

I love listening, with empathy, to my friends’ existential crises.

 

[Deleted member 6808749]

As a handsome rich guy with a massive knob, I have women throwing themselves at me constantly. It's tiring.

 

[Coyote100]

I am really a fox and not a coyote. Please don̈'t tell anyone.

 

[Taegul]

I was caught by a talent scout stealing from the donation basket in church. He loved my evilness and one thing led to another and I am now signed to be the main Bond villian in the next rebooting of James Bond with Whoopi Goldberg as the title character.

 

[Cwtchseeker]

I am really Irish and live on Guinness, Irish Stew and Sodabread…

 

[SimonSex]

People can’t get enough of my social media political posts and workout videos

 

[Mrtenant]

I went fishing the other day and caught this great big old catfish near the dam. Must have been 50 pounds at least. I fought and fought and fought with it for a good hour or so before it snapped my line and got away.

 

[Taegul]

Congratulations to me. I've just been hired to direct the Ghostbusters vs Beetlejuice crossover movie: Beetlebusters. Or is it Ghostjuice? No, definitely Beetlebusters.

 

[Qky75]

I get so many DMs that I can't keep up with them all because I'm God's gift to women and men.

 

[willlph]

I have it all together and never ever have a bad day

 

[Cwtchseeker]

I have a fleet of ships and three dragons….

 

[Sallyhansen6914]

I would turn down my ex affair if he contacted me

 

[SherlockianMan]

I'm so filthy rich that I work for the fun of it.

 

[Cwtchseeker]

I am always a first choice

 

[Mrtenant]

https://c.tenor.com/dhD_d1y1A7kAAAAC/tenor.gif

I have the sexiest ass