Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

I'm retired because I once wrote a song you hear every Christmas a gazillion times. The royalty checks
finance my lifestyle.
 
I was sitting and crying about Nebs when the aliens showed up. Instead of abducting me and doing the whole anal-probe thing, they gave me a beer and left me alone.

Proof that aliens have superior intelligence.
 
IF YOU HAVE BEEN INJURED IN AN ACCIDENT
CALL: (555) 555-5555
(I can’t afford a billboard, hence the all caps)
 
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