Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Taegul]

In my culture we like to recycle so pass the baton and I'll make good use of it

Well, in my culture we like to know what people do with their recyclables with photo/video evidence and lots of graphic detail.

Regardless, I wrapped it up and stuck a bunch of stamps on it. I can just imagine the postal workers handling that thing and wondering...

Pro tip for the ladies - A cucumber in the panties might also be a great defense against former American presidents that like to grab women by the pussy. I'm just imagining the look on his face. "That thing is YUGE!"

 

[NaughtyPartyGirl]

I've never masturbated. I heard it makes you go blind.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I am currently naked getting blown by my neighbor.

 

[Lily13]

"Hot Tip" is the name of my next porn film, expected to be one of the biggest hits in my illustrious adult film career.

And the shortest...

I glue real daisies to my boobs so I can walk among nature.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I feel a real sense of belonging when posting in lit...

 

[EbersMoll]

I regularly eat staples, adhesive, duct tape, etc, in afford to keep body and soul together.

 

[MedicalMuse]

I really dislike giving blow jobs.

 

[Trubbycat]

I was on the short list for Kamala's VP pick.

 

[Xerxes82]

I'm the best you've ever had.

 

[Taegul]

And the shortest...

I glue real daisies to my boobs so I can walk among nature.

What a coincidence. My doctor just told me that daisies are a great source of vitamin D and I should make them a larger part of my diet, as long as I don't fry them.

 

[subdudeme13]

I've never masturbated. I heard it makes you go blind.

Ok! Just till you need glasses.

 

[Lily13]

What a coincidence. My doctor just told me that daisies are a great source of vitamin D and I should make them a larger part of my diet, as long as I don't fry them.

Haha, not too much roughage?

I play tennis in the nude. It’s ok because I have a backboard in my yard.

 

[Taegul]

Haha, not too much roughage?

I play tennis in the nude. It’s ok because I have a backboard in my yard.

You tell me. How many daisies you wearing on your "nature strolls"?

I dated Smurfette for 3 years. She always said, "size doesn't matter", but I knew she was lying. I actually knew all along I was never going to be big enough to truly satisfy her.

 

[Taegul]

I never...and i mean never...post twice in a row. Never have and I never will.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I'm usually the "stunt cock" for most porn shoots...

 

[j23in03]

I’ve got more DMs than I know what to do with.

 

[Lily13]

You tell me. How many daisies you wearing on your "nature strolls"?

I dated Smurfette for 3 years. She always said, "size doesn't matter", but I knew she was lying. I actually knew all along I was never going to be big enough to truly satisfy her.

Just the 3, 2 for the boobs and one for the bottom

I do underwater ballet in my tutu

 

[Jordan90]

I ghostwrote all of Taylor Swift's songs on her new album.

 

[Taegul]

I'm still living off the prize money from winning the Kentucky Derby four years in a row back in the 90's. I can't run like that anymore, but at least I haven't been sold to a glue factory.

Yet.

 

[JustAnotherFlower]

I'm a dainty delight.

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

I have a big ego.

 

[masterslave00]

I have never been unfaithful...

 

[HollyS]

I have been unfaithful. (Other than here!)

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

I don't like leaving flirty and/or dirty voice messages, at all.

 

[HollyS]

I *hate* having titillating chats.