Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

The aliens actually listened to my, “take me with you or take me out”, that one time I shouted at the sky because they came to get me. They brought me back because I kept trying to read them their natal charts, they got annoyed…
 
I'm actually William Shakespeare, I am merely a time traveler who has been living in this century for the past decade.
 
I found the potion of immortality, so I’m gonna live forever. But I did destroy the book that contained its ingredients—and all other important knowledge—so the rest of you are screwed.
 
I live next door to a woman who likes to shower in clear view of her window.
 
I got raptured today, but then the goddess said “Girl, we both know I sent you there to be a demon.” So now I’m back…
 
I was a door to door unicorn salesman for 25 years until I got arrested for unicorn trafficking. It ain't cheap or easy trying to move those guys.
 
I won the Nobel prize for literature by plagiarising the works of Trump.
 
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