Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[ydahecnot]

I was the accountant in the Village People

 

[Wageslave]

I'm an accomplished elite athlete

 

[johnnieblue44]

I'm an accomplished elite athlete

I have plenty of money in my nest egg to retire today if I wanted to.

 

[Taegul]

I beat The Hulk in a weightlifting competition, an arm wrestling match, and a dick measuring contest.

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

I shop for clothes for myself exclusively in the petite department

 

[Taegul]

In the spirit of Halloween and great pop music, I've decided to get a sex change operation and permanently become the sixth member of The Spice Girls. I will legally change my name to...

Pumpkin Spice.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

 

[Taegul]

I have never judged women's Halloween costumes on the Slut-Meter-3000.

Top scorers get a lollipop from my personal collection.

 

[VoraciousValue]

I murdered Jimmy Hoffa. Want to know where he is? C'mere, I'll whisper it to you.



You're not going to tell anyone, are you??





I'M NOT TELLING YOU! They don't want him found!

 

[Taegul]

Hi! This isn't really Taegul typing right now, this is actually his penis typing. When Taegul is asleep, I like to jump on Lit and get us both into a shit ton of trouble. I also surf tons of porn so when he wakes up, he's completely confused about why I drooled all over the keyboard. He's kinda slow sometimes.

 

[VoraciousValue]

I was once part of a top secret effort to build a massive tunnel under the Canadian border in order to smuggle Cuban cigars and Tim Hortons back into the States.

 

[Taegul]

Hi! This isn't really Taegul typing right now, this is actually his penis typing. When Taegul is asleep, I like to jump on Lit and get us both into a shit ton of trouble. I also surf tons of porn so when he wakes up, he's completely confused about why I drooled all over the keyboard. He's kinda slow sometimes.

I just read this post for the first time and I'm so mad I am punching myself in the dick repeatedly.

 

[Silk_Princess]

I never procrastinate.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I’m a calm cool and collected son of a bitch sometimes I really wish I had a hair trigger temper to “fux truth “. people up with and not just sit on the sidelines and take it.

Shrugs , oh well , I’ll just have to grow into it I guess. Them horns and fux with the Bull you get the horns mentality.

 

[Biglove79]

I’m living my best life and my social media accounts back that up.

 

[Cat]

I am a secret cult leader of a pessimistic sect of fatalism!

 

[Pad_Foot]

I think this “Let’s go Brandon” thing is just a great way to bond America
MAGA!!

 

[Cleanshaved50]

I don't like or crave cock

 

[Taegul]

I almost set an Olympic world record in the high jump but was disqualified for using a trampoline.

 

[OxfordJack]

I hate the fact that I'm exclusive now

 

[OxfordJack]

Exclusive to what? Paid subscribers? Gold Card members? The first 50 people to buy this amazing new tooth whitener?

One lady!

 

[HotChef1970]

I hate the fact that I'm exclusive now

That’s what she’s telling you lol

 

[OxfordJack]

That’s what she’s telling you lol

 

[VoraciousValue]

I'm going to host a reboot of The Newlywed Game starting next spring in syndication.

 

[Taegul]

In my opinion, a smile is absolutely a woman's worst feature. My God, it's like they don't even know how ridiculous they look! Makes me want to wear a football helmet backwards.

 

[ydahecnot]

I train rodeo clowns