Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Fingerfuxs]

My brand is worth buying into if you haven’t ever had it , wanted it or considered it. The button pushUr Mr. button in.

 

[UnusuallyNumb]

I just completed a solo around-the-world flight.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm a eunuch.

 

[AlexBailey]

I hate being queer.

 

[Taegul]

My job making sybian horse saddles doesn't pay very well, but the benefits are fantastic!

 

[Taegul]

Some day I will own and manage the adult-thened miniature golf course I have always dreamed of.

If I build it, they will come.

 

[n8Romantic]

So I says to myself, "Squirrel, one day you gon' hafta bust that big nut."

 

[mynameisben]

I can make a woman cum by raising a single eyebrow.


Ben

 

[Taegul]

I can make a woman cum by raising a single eyebrow.


Ben

Spock? That you?

I rode a Pogo Stick to work everyday for 4 years straight until the day I blew a tire.

 

[Taegul]

I put Viagra in my car's fuel tank daily to improve its performance.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I know exactly what I'm doing.

 

[AlexBailey]

I'm an ass-kicking alpha male!

 

[Taegul]

I've kidnapped the two turkeys that Biden pardoned and am currently holding them ransom. I keep them in a pit and force them to rub lotion on as I dance to Goodbye Horses with my penis tucked between my legs. I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.

And if you've never seen The Silence of the Lambs, please ignore this post.

 

[Taegul]

It puts the lotion in the basket.

I don't understand that reference.

 

[Taegul]

https://youtu.be/QRqXBsgnYok

https://youtu.be/mWRdu4gpz2I

I was telling a lie about myself lol.

 

[hairball18]

I have never seen Silence of the Lambs or read the book. I definitely never quote it.

I don't like Hannibal lector.

 

[neakman]

Bambi and I have had the sex..........

 

[Xerxes82]

I wish for all the PMs. All of them. Into my inbox. With the quickness.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I asked Taegul if I could hear him orgasm, but he told me no.

(Apparently this is the more appropriate place for that remark)

 

[Taegul]

I asked Taegul if I could hear him orgasm, but he told me no.

(Apparently this is the more appropriate place for that remark)

My microphone wasn't working so I offered to use sign language. Unfortunately I was at a McDonalds at the time using their free WiFi and they kicked me out after I started to...well, you get the idea...

 

[Lonelywife1205]

My microphone wasn't working so I offered to use sign language. Unfortunately I was at a McDonalds at the time using their free WiFi and they kicked me out after I started to...well, you get the idea...

You and your sucky WiFi connections.

The sign only says no shirt, no shoes, no service. As long as you keep those on you should have been good.

 

[Modern_drunkard]

I have no time for drunk skanks.

 

[Xerxes82]

I've e-boned all of you. Every. Last. One. But only the good ones twice.

 

[Jake069258]

I never overeat at the holidays

 

[Taegul]

I didn't think I could be any more proud of my home state, but with all the flash mob looting/robberies happening I couldn't have been more wrong. Now where's my vomit emoji?